Chez Schwartz Charcuterie Hebraique de Montreal opened in 1928 on boulevard Saint-Laurent. It was in an area smack between Montreal’s English-speaking population to the west, the French-speaking to the east, and the immigrant, ethnic mix that populated the strip in between. While that area transformed over time from an ethnic ghetto into the hip, artsy heart of the city, Schwartz’s remained essentially unchanged and became famous for its “smoked meat,” a fatter, spicier, Canadian version of pastrami. There was always a line out the door for a seat at one of Schwartz’s communal tables because only sixty customers at a time could fit inside. Even so, Huck Moseby had a table completely to himself to enjoy his “extra fat” smoked meat sandwich, French fries, and Cott Black Cherry soda.
It wasn’t because he was wealthy, powerful, or someone so outwardly repulsive or frightening that others steered clear of him. Huck was an average-looking forty-four-year-old man, slightly pudgy and perhaps a little too pale, wearing a ragged Musée de Florentiny T-shirt with a faded picture of Rembrandt’s Old Man Eating Bread by Candlelight on the back. So he fit right in. The place was full of hipsters in fashionably vintage clothes and stylishly torn jeans.
After twelve years employed as a sewer engineer for Hydro-Québec, Huck had acquired a faint, but persistent, l’air du poop that wouldn’t go away, no matter how much he showered nor how many gallons of Old Spice that he put on. It was also why he hadn’t been laid in six years, except for a merciful prostitute who’d had a raging head cold.
It was a sad, pitiful situation that would have destroyed the self-respect of most men. But Huck Moseby wasn’t most men. He took strength from the secret knowledge that he was a criminal genius. A few years ago, he’d committed the biggest robbery in Canadian history, tunneling into the Musée de Florentiny from the sewer to steal their entire collection of masterworks. Problem was there were two other robbers, a man and woman in ski masks, who coincidentally were already in the museum stealing the Rembrandts. The couple wouldn’t let him have a Rembrandt or anything else, sending him back into his hole at gunpoint with only a Musée de Florentiny T-shirt to show for his brilliance and months of toil. The other thieves got the paintings, the glory, and even the credit for tunneling in, though he had no idea how they’d actually entered the museum. The paintings were recovered, but the two thieves were never caught.
It was because of that life-defining event that he wore the T-shirt almost constantly and wouldn’t buy a new one even though they were still sold, in a variety of sizes and colors, at the Musée de Florentiny gift shop. The T-shirt was his armor against the indignities he had to endure each day.
He was taking a bite out of his thick sandwich when an attractive couple in their thirties sat down across from him at the table. He chewed and silently counted off the five seconds it usually took for his scent to travel across a tabletop and for the couple to awkwardly depart. Ten seconds passed, and they were still sitting there, perusing their menus while presumably awash in his odor d’égout.
“I’ve never seen a Jewish deli with a menu in French,” the man said.
“I guess you aren’t as worldly as you think you are,” the woman said.
Huck felt a strange chill. There was something both sexy and familiar about her voice.
“We never got around to visiting this place on our last trip to Montreal,” the man said.
“We were in a bit of a hurry,” the woman said, and abruptly met Huck’s gaze, startling him.
He’d never seen her face, but he was certain that he’d looked into those striking blue eyes before.
“Please tell me you’ve washed that shirt since we gave it to you,” Kate said to Huck.
Huck dropped his sandwich on his plate and felt his heart drop along with it. It was them. The thieves who’d robbed the museum of their Rembrandts and him of his glory.
“It’s you,” Huck said, knowing the words were lame the moment he’d said them. “The two thieves who stole those paintings from me.”
“They weren’t yours,” Kate said, “though they might have been if you’d got the drop on us instead of us getting the drop on you.”
“It just wasn’t your lucky day,” Nick said.
“It wasn’t fair,” Huck said. “You got the Rembrandts. You could have let me take a Matisse or a Renoir. You were leaving them behind anyway.”
“We were on our way out and wanted to make a clean getaway,” Kate said. “We couldn’t take the risk that you’d accidentally activate an alarm or otherwise alert the authorities.”
“But you’re right,” Nick said. “It wasn’t very gracious of us. We’ve been troubled by it ever since.”
“Really?” Huck said.
He was flattered that they’d given him any thought at all. Somehow, it made him seem part of the fraternity of master thieves. But then he reminded himself of how they’d humiliated him and quickly changed his tone and demeanor.
“Troubled?” Huck said. “Is that how you felt rolling in your millions while I slept in this crummy T-shirt?”
Kate’s eyebrows inched up. “You sleep in that shirt?”
“Figuratively speaking. The point is, I thought there was supposed to be honor among thieves, and you two showed none.”
“You’re right,” Nick said. “We disrespected you. That’s why we’re here, to make amends.”
“Are you going to give me a million or two?” Huck asked and picked up his pickle. “If not, you can shove this pickle up your ass and leave.”
“We want to make it up to you by bringing you in on a heist that requires your unique expertise,” Nick said.
The man who’d stolen the Rembrandts from the Musée de Florentiny was coming to Huck Moseby for his expertise. That was even better than a million dollars. It confirmed everything Huck believed about himself and that had sustained him for so long. He really was a criminal genius.
Huck leaned forward and whispered, “What’s the caper?”
Kate leaned toward him and instantly thought better of it. He really did smell bad. “Are you familiar with the Road Runners?”
Of course he was. “They are international diamond thieves, maybe the best in the world.”
“We’re working with them, but we’re going after something more valuable than diamonds,” Kate said. “We’re stealing a biological agent from a high-security research lab in central Paris. We’re tunneling into the lab through the sewers. It’s extremely dangerous and if we’re caught, we’ll be spending our lives in a French prison.”
“That’s why we need Huck Moseby,” Nick said. “You’re a professional sewer engineer, an experienced excavator, a world-class thief, and you can pass as French. You were born for this job.”
Huck was still reeling from being called a world-class thief. He went deaf and numb for a moment. He didn’t listen to what else Nick had said, but after that clear acknowledgment of his talent, he was on board for anything.
“What is it you need me to do?” Huck asked.
“Lead the excavation team and get us inside the lab,” Nick said. “You’re the best sewer man in the game.”
He had a reputation? He was in the game? He was THE BEST? Why hadn’t anyone told him? That knowledge, that recognition, would have made the last few years so much different. Somebody should have sent him a certificate or something.
Huck leaned even closer, almost upending the table. He wanted to be sure he was hearing this right and not having a delusional episode. “Let me get this straight. You want me to go to Paris and lead the Road Runners in a dig through the sewers into a high-security laboratory.”
“That’s right,” Nick said, leaning back. “And we’ll pay you a hundred thousand dollars to do it.”
Huck took a deep swig of his cherry soda, wishing that it was something stronger, even though alcohol gave him tremendous gas.
He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. The people who’d pulled off the biggest robbery in Canadian history wanted to pay him $100,000 to lead the best thieves on earth in a subterranean heist in the most magnificent sewer in the world. It was all he could do not to cry with joy. But that wouldn’t be fitting behavior for a world-class thief. So instead he cleared his throat, sat back, and pondered his soft drink can as if he were actually struggling with the decision.
“Who will I be working for?” Huck asked.
“Me,” Nick said.
“Who are you?”
“I’m Nicolas Fox and this is my associate, Kate. You get us inside and we’ll do the rest.”
Huck’s jaw dropped, and he covered up his shock by reaching for his sandwich as if he’d opened his mouth to prepare for a bite. He took a mouthful of smoked meat and used the chewing time to get a grip. Nicolas Fox was a legend. Huck was going to be among the greats.
“You’ll be calling the shots underground,” Nick said. “You know sewers and excavation and we don’t. You’ll be working with a local expert on the Paris underground. She will be your number two.”
A woman in the sewer. This job was getting better every second. He nodded as he chewed and tried to swallow.
“Your crew will be as many Road Runners as you think are necessary,” Nick said. “These are smash-and-grab guys, not diggers, so you’ll have to show them the ropes. We’ll all be meeting in Paris in seven days for a recon. After that, you’ll give me a list of what you need, we’ll get it, and then we’ll go to work.”
“Assuming you’re interested, of course,” Kate said. “We’d completely understand if you’re not. You could die of old age in a French prison that makes Devil’s Island look like Club Med.”
Huck swallowed, and picked a piece of meat out of his front teeth. He didn’t want to appear too eager in front of Nicolas Fox.
“I’ve got a number of ambitious capers in the cooker here that I can put on hold,” Huck said, “but not for a hundred grand.”
“How much do you want?”
He was the best sewer man in the game and deserved compensation commensurate with his talent, but he didn’t want to let this dream slip through his fingers. “One hundred and twenty-five thousand, all expenses paid, and first-class airfare.”
“You drive a hard bargain,” Nick said.
“I’m a hard man,” Huck said.
He actually was. All this talk of his expertise was better than Viagra, not that he needed it or had any opportunity to put the results to work. But that would change now that he was a master thief. Women would sense his magnificence and flock to him.
Nick glanced at Kate. She gave him a slight nod. Nick smiled and held his hand out to Huck.
“We have a deal,” Nick said and got up. “We’ll be in touch.”
They walked out and Huck was alone again at an empty table, left to wonder if it had all been a figment of his imagination.
“I’m still not comfortable with this,” Kate said as they left Huck in Schwartz’s and walked down boulevard Saint-Laurent to their rented Porsche Cayenne parked a block away.
“Yes, I know. I noticed how hard you were trying to dissuade him.”
“Huck doesn’t realize it, but, when we first met him, we saved him from a life of crime and likely imprisonment. Now we’ve sucked him back into it.”
“Not if we don’t arrest him,” Nick said.
“But we’re paying him to commit a crime.”
“We’re paying everybody in our crew to do that.”
“But they are doing it for the right reasons.”
“We can’t tell Huck that we’re conning the Road Runners to prevent a terrorist attack,” Nick said. “Huck has to believe in what he’s doing to convince the Road Runners that this is real. He’s a key part of creating that authenticity I was talking about.”
“Is that why you told him who you are?”
“The Road Runners know who I am, that means he has to as well. Besides, it also bolsters our position with Dragan and the Road Runners. He can attest that you and I pulled off the biggest heist in Canadian history.”
“We told Gaëlle Rochon about the con.”
“Because we need her to confuse the Road Runners underground so they won’t figure out they aren’t actually digging underneath the institute,” Nick said. “She wouldn’t have helped if she thought we were real thieves, and Huck won’t help us if he knows that we aren’t.”
“He might have for the money and the thrill.”
“Maybe, but it’s too risky. It goes back to the authenticity we’re trying to create. The Road Runners have to believe that Gaëlle knows her way through the underworld, and that it’s as much of a maze as we say it is,” Nick said. “That will come through naturally. It doesn’t require her to act. Huck can’t act. He could barely stop himself from crying when we offered him the job. If Huck knew he wasn’t really digging into a real lab, he’d show it. By us not telling Huck, his enthusiasm and determination will be real.”
“Okay, but what happens if Huck comes back here after this is over, convinced that he’s ‘the best sewer man in the game’ and starts looking for a museum to rob?”
“He’ll be so terrified by the way this heist ultimately turns out that he’ll never want to commit a crime again,” Nick said. “He’ll thank God that he got out alive and with his hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars.”
“I hope you’re right,” Kate said as they reached their car. “Because I don’t want his next heist and his eventual imprisonment on my conscience.”
“Let’s just survive this job first,” Nick said, unlocking the car and walking around to the driver’s side.
“Good point.”
“If I’m wrong about Huck, I promise you that we’ll come up with a way to scare him straight.”
“You also need to talk to Gaëlle and caution her against talking to Huck.”
They got into the car and headed for the airport, where they had a private jet waiting to take them to Los Angeles.