CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Reese
When I hadn’t heard anything from Kelly by nine pm I started worrying. It was unlike her, I told myself, to say nothing.
What if something happened to her?
I shook my head, impatient. It was none of my business, after all. Who did I think I was, her policeman? She could come and go as she wanted.
All the same, as I made myself dinner and tried desperately to relax and forget about Kelly, I found myself pacing restlessly.
I caught myself on the third circuit of the kitchen and made myself sit down. For crying out…I really must just let this go. It was driving me crazy.
I finished cooking dinner and sat down at my place at the table. As I sat there, calmly peppering my stew—one of the few main courses I cook well—I found myself thinking about the fact that, a short while before, not even a day ago, she’d been here.
I recalled in detail what it felt like to look up and see her smiling at me across the table. How it felt to laugh with her and how it was to kiss her.
“This is ridiculous!”
The hole inside me was aching now and I stood, heading to the refrigerator, to find beer or something to dull the ache. I took it out and looked at it. Put it back.
Somehow, after last night’s excesses, the beer didn’t appeal. Besides, for all my loneliness, I did have friends. And I did have a future. I didn’t need to run away into forgetfulness. Not anymore.
I sat down and finished my dinner. Then, after I’d cleaned up meticulously, packed away dishes, I sat down in the sitting room with my phone in between my hands and stared at it. Lifted it automatically. Called her.
No answer.
I sighed. Maybe she was out for dinner. The possibility of her either chatting to, or actively being with, the Mysterious Boy from earlier was something I actively rejected. I was not going to imagine that. Was not going to think about him and her. He and she doing…the things we had done.
I let out a shudder of a breath and closed my eyes. Then I stood and went through to the bedroom. The bed was fortunately remade, so I didn’t have to look down at it and recall how it was to lie with her on those sheets. How it felt to hold her beside me.
I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes, trying to decide what to do. She wasn’t interested in talking to me, was she? She hadn’t answered my call or my messaging. So was there any point in trying to contact her now?
I don’t do half measures of anything.
I dialed the number and waited.
No answer.
I felt strangely hollow inside. I wasn’t used to this feeling. I set the phone down and went to go take a shower. It was ridiculously early to think about bed, but I was tired. I showered and slipped into bed, hoping that tomorrow everything would become clear.
My dreams were disturbed that night, a jumble of the haunting memories of the war and the strange uncertain worry that something bad had happened to Kelly. And in the mix was Jackson and a baby and a fleeting sense of joy, like the glimpse of a bluebird in khaki-green scrub.
I showered and dressed. Made coffee. Had breakfast. Checked my phone.
There were a few emails, one of which was from a co-op I’d forgotten I’d even contacted. Selling beans to plant. I read the mail with idle interest. Archived it. The thing that took up more of my thoughts was the fact that I had still not heard from Kelly.
I thought about it. She had got a call and suddenly had to leave. My first assumption was that it was a boyfriend. But what if it wasn’t?
“Reese! You stupid man!” I almost hit my head on the cupboard door as I jumped up out of my seat, propelled to action. “It’s her grandfather.”
I couldn’t believe I could have been so stupid. I could still be wrong, of course—it might well be her secret admirer. But what was more likely? That she had a partner who’s never made contact before now, or news concerning her grandfather.
“Only one thing for it,” I told myself aloud as I headed through to my bedroom to get ready. I was going to take a drive past the ranch next door. And maybe take a drive past the hospital too. You have to go into town anyway.
It was a Sunday, which was probably a silly day for a trip to town, since a lot wouldn’t be open. But I was needing some basic supplies and if nothing else I could get them from the gas station on my way back. Coffee. Cereal. Toothpaste.
I finished my mental list as I shrugged on a light jacket and headed into the morning air. Then I was driving down the dusty road to Orangehill farm.
At the place, I drove up the drive. Nobody there.
At least, no car was ahead of me and the curtains were mostly shut. The place had that odd, deserted feel that only an empty house has. I went to the front door and knocked, but no one answered.
Not back yet.
That could only mean that her grandpa was still in the hospital. Keeping hold of the narrow hope that she’d be visiting at this time, I put my foot on the gas and headed into town.
I bought my supplies and then headed round to the hospital. I knew it would be more polite to get hold of Kelly rather than just turn up at what might be an awkward time, but I had a feeling she wouldn’t answer my calls or messages. I didn’t have much choice. I jumped out of the truck and headed to the door.
In the hospital foyer, I stopped abruptly. How was I going to ask to see someone when I didn’t even know them?
“Can I help you?” A pretty redhead behind the reception desk asked. I tried not to think about Kelly.
“Um, I guess. I’m here to visit my neighbor. If he’s still in?” I frowned.
“Okay, sir. And your name is?”
“Uh…Reese Bradford.”
“Okay…and your neighbor is?”
“Mister…” I met a blank. What was Kelly’s Grandpa called? I had no idea. This was going to be tricky. “Um…you know what?”
“No,” she said bluntly. I gave a sheepish laugh.
“My mind just went blank,” I said. I saw her give me a weird look and I knew she thought I was either crazy or here for some bad reason. I didn’t blame her.
“Well, how about you go outside and see if it comes back to you?” She said stiffly. I nodded.
“Good idea.”
I was outside on the front step, trying to think and hoping against hope that the secretary hadn’t decided to call hospital security, when I heard someone come through the door behind me.
Whoever it was drew in a breath.
I turned around.
“Reese!”
“Kelly.”
We looked at each other. She stared and abruptly covered her face, then turned around and went back inside again.
“Kells, what?” I said desperately. I went back in again. By now the secretary definitely thought I was odd. I was following a woman who was crying and doing her best to ignore me; a woman who had just walked out seeming completely calm.
“Reese,” she said, her hands over her face. She sank down into a chair near the reception desk. Luckily for us she was the only person there. She kept her hands where they were and didn’t so much as glance at me. “Go away?”
She sounded pleading more than cross. I sighed.
“Only if you tell me what’s happening.”
She drew in a long, unsteady breath. Then another. And another. Looked at me.
“Reese,” she sighed. “It’s complicated. Grandpa has just had surgery. He’s awake but very weak and achy. I don’t…I can’t know if he’ll make it. And…”
“And what?” I asked.
She glared at me. “And as if that isn’t bad enough!” she said. She sobbed. I felt stupid.
“He’ll get better,” I said awkwardly. She didn’t look at me. When she did, it was an icy glare.
“You know about open heart surgery too, huh?”
“Stop being like that!” I snapped. “You know you’re being stupid, right?” I wanted to shock her out of it. I felt uncomfortable with the tears. Didn’t know how to handle them. I treated her tears the way I treated my own. With rejection and contempt.
She glared at me. Glanced at the secretary. She was fortunately looking at the desk, seemingly oblivious to everything going on between us. Even so, I inclined my head toward the door.
“Shall we?” I asked. She nodded.
Outside in the car park, she rounded on me.
“How dare you come in here and try and make me feel stupid? I’m sad. My grandpa was a big part of my childhood…he was the only constant in a pretty crazy world. And now he’s dying. What do you think I should do? Sing the Hallelujah Chorus?”
I looked at my feet. Said nothing. She was right. I could see that. But it wasn’t my fault I had no experience of dealing with emotions. In my world, you either went numb or you pretended you had.
She sighed. “Reese, it’s not you,” she said sadly. “I’m just…it’s a big thing.”
“I get that,” I said slowly. “But I do wish I could help.”
“I wish someone could help,” she said. “But what can anyone do?”
“Nothing.”
We stood there in silence for a while. I cleared my throat.
“If there is something I can do,” I said awkwardly, “please tell me. I would like to do something.”
Kelly was quiet for a while. I looked at her and realized her shoulders were shaking. She was crying.
“Kelly!” I didn’t think about what to do just then. I did what felt right. I held her in my arms and stood with her until she sniffed, the crying stopped.
She looked up at me and I looked down at her. My lips moved, very tenderly, to hers. We stood like that, arm in arm, on the steps of the hospital while the rain came down softly on the parked cars and the awning, making whispers as it ran down the gutters up above.
I smiled into her eyes and she looked and sniffed.
“Take me home, Reese?”
I nodded. “Let’s go home.”