Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sienna jolted awake, some sound pulling her from sleep. The room was full dark and steeped in silence. Then she felt Nikolai’s body jerk next to her, his body covered in a sheen of sweat. He mumbled something incoherent, twisting his head away, a frown puckering his brow.
She shook him gently. “Nikolai…wake up.”
In a blink, he sprang upward. She did, too, pressing a soothing hand to his heated back. “Shhh. It was a nightmare.”
Breathing heavily, he thrust both hands into his hair, then collapsed back onto the pillow. Sienna leaned on one arm, staring down at him. Placing a gentle hand upon his chest, she whispered, “It was just a dream.”
Finally, he turned his gaze on her, his expression unreadable as he studied every line of her face, lifting a hand to brush his knuckles over her cheek.
“It wasn’t a dream, love.” He dropped his hand to her thigh, curling his fingers possessively. “It was a memory.”
She lay on her side facing him, curling her knees up. He kept his hand where it was between them. “Tell me about it.”
He refocused on the ceiling, his breathing returning to normal. “I can’t.”
A single thought shot straight to her, the vicious words of Volkov as he gloated over her. That anyone could love the former lieutenant, a monster in his own day from what I understand, is quite a shock.
She didn’t know how, but whatever disturbed Nikolai now had to do with what Volkov said. It was an intuition, homing in on the source of his pain that spoke to her of Volkov’s accusation and what she knew was true. Nikolai was still haunted by some past sin he kept close to his breast.
“Tell me, Nikolai. What is it that shadows your eyes so often? What are you afraid of?”
Silvery blue eyes shot to hers, flaring bright with his emotions riding high. “I can’t,” he repeated.
Needing to soothe him, to heal him desperately, she combed her fingers into his hair along his temple when a flash of memory pulsed through her. Not her memory, but his.
Absolute euphoria flooded his veins mingled with guilt, dread, and horror. Staring down at a beautiful dark-haired woman, her eyes glassy and lifeless, the vicious bite mark on her neck still trailing blood and pooling on the white sheet beneath her head. Head swimming, intoxicated with the potent mixture of blood and something else. He ran out of the bedroom and through the next chamber where Legionnaires laughed boisterously, some with whores propped on their laps, some feeding, some grunting on top of their women…
Sienna snapped back to the present, knowing full well she had witnessed a vision, a memory. Nikolai’s memory.
“You didn’t mean to kill her, did you?”
He flinched and stared at her, perfectly still. “What did you say?”
“The prostitute. The one you killed while feeding. You didn’t mean to do it.”
He bolted out of bed and peered down at her. “How—how could you possibly know?”
“I just saw it. I think…I think it is because of the hartstone.”
He stared in silence for a full minute, his expression one full of loathing and disgust—for himself. “How can you even bear to look at me?” he asked, self-hatred lining his face as he paced away from her toward the hearth and stirred the coals with the fire-iron.
Sienna slipped out of bed and put on a muslin wrap. She joined him, settling on the sofa and tucking her feet beneath her. Still nude, he stacked two more logs on the fire that he’d brought in last night.
“Aren’t you cold?” she asked.
“No. I’m a bloody vampire, remember?” He stabbed the coals with the fire-iron, anger feeding his jerking movements.
He finally stood, bracing both hands on the mantel, inhaling and exhaling deep breaths. Sienna understood in that swift memory she’d stolen that guilt had racked him for ages for his crime. She also understood that in that moment of recognition of what he’d done, he was confused and horrified and intoxicated with something other than blood. It was a mistake and unintentional.
She roved his perfect body, the sinewy muscles down the side of his torso, his hips, his legs outlined in firelight, his golden hair falling forward. He was so perfectly beautiful that her heart fluttered. For he was hers. Without a thought or a care, she said what was on her mind.
“You are a beautiful man, Nikolai. Inside and out.”
He looked in her direction, the firelight gilding his square jaw, pensive brow, and sensuous lips, proving him more than beautiful. Breathtaking.
“Don’t say that,” he bit out. “There is nothing beautiful about me.”
“You are so wrong,” she said gently.
“How can you possibly say that after seeing what I’ve done?”
She shrugged a shoulder. “I didn’t just see what you did. I felt it. No, more than that even. I read the motivations of those in your memory, the Legionnaires that were there. They’d gotten you drunk on purpose. I believe they even used a hallucinogen to loosen your inhibitions. Then they put you alone in a room with a willing prostitute, and your vampire took over, unable to control the bloodlust.”
He stared at her in profound disbelief.
“It wasn’t your fault, Nikolai.”
“Of course it was. I drank her to death. I murdered her to satisfy my hunger and the beast who lives inside me.” He pounded his fist upon his chest over his heart, his voice a guttural growl. “I don’t”—he squeezed his eyes shut—“I don’t know how I did something like that. I can’t let myself lose control…around you.” He opened his eyes, blue-fire gaze burning back at her. “It would kill me.” The last he said in a broken whisper.
Anyone else would step away from the fuming man in front of her. But she was unafraid. His anger was turned inward on himself, not on her. She knew this as if she’d felt his emotions herself.
She stood before him and curled both her hands gently around his fist, then tugged. He resisted only a second before allowing her to pull his fist to her own chest. She uncurled his tight fingers, then splayed his hand over her own heart. Sienna felt the self-loathing flowing through his veins. A pulse of fire swirled in her chest, beating like the hartstone did upon her awakening in the forest.
“You are no monster, my love. Even if one lives inside you. Let that guilt go.” She pushed the fire from her chest and into his hand, up his arm, through his chest to wrap his heart and fill his body.
Nikolai’s grim expression softened, and his eyes filled with wonder. He crushed her body to his. Hovering his lips over hers, he whispered in a shaking breath, “I have carried that sin on my soul all my life. Willingly.” He brushed his lips against hers in reverence. “Then you come along, steal my heart, and wipe my slate clean in a single second. As if it were nothing at all.” He slid his fingers along her nape, brushing his thumb along her jaw. “Wash it all away with one look, one touch.” His words trembled. “How?” he demanded. “How do you do this?”
She brushed aside the blond lock of hair catching the firelight like a spark of fire. “There is no sin to wash away, Nikolai. The hartstone has shown me the truth. It only speaks the truth. You were not at fault. The soldiers, your elders were. You were a young vampire then. You didn’t know their intentions. They tricked you and used you for sport.”
“I could have stayed home and not gone with them that night. But my ego prodded me on when the senior officers chose me as their nighttime companion to venture into town.”
She cupped his hand between both palms and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. “There was no intent. You made a mistake. And you’ve never made it again. You cannot go back and change that night, so let it go.” She pressed her lips to his again, sliding her tongue in hesitantly. “You will never harm me. I know it as sure as I know you love me. As I love you. Let it go,” she whispered ardently, then glided her tongue deeper, tasting the heady scent of man that was Nikolai. “Let me take it all away.”
Her skin heated at once, tingling with the magic of the hartstone. Nikolai plundered her mouth, taking control with desperate hands and mouth. He skimmed his palms down her waist, over her hips to her thighs, inching up the fabric of her robe till he touched skin, easing his hands under to cup her bare cheeks.
“Up, sweetheart,” he demanded against her mouth before slanting and going deeper.
She linked her arms around his neck and let him take her weight, wrapping her ankles behind him, one on the back of his thigh, the other higher at the small of his back. He carried her next to the fireplace and pressed her back to the wall.
“Nik—” She gasped when he squeezed her flesh hard and thrust his cock inside her with a heavy grunt.
She dropped her head back to the wall. He groaned, scraping his fangs along the tender skin just under her jaw but not biting, then trailed his tongue where his fangs had been, melting Sienna into a wanton, wild creature. This wasn’t a slow burn or a tender coupling. It was raw and fierce, both of them staking their claim.
Sienna scraped her nails down his back, leaving welts in their wake.
Nikolai bit her hard and sucked and grunted with each pounding thrust inside her, squeezing her flesh tighter, sure to leave a mark. He captured her hands, laced his fingers with hers and pressed them against the wall, caging her in with his body, his heat, his force and power.
Releasing his hold on her neck, he locked on to her gaze, his eyes sparking like exploding stars as he embraced her in every possible way, caging her in till all she could see, think, or breathe was, “Nikolai.”
Their breaths mingling, his voice ragged, he ground out, “I can’t get enough, sweetheart. I want it all.”
Arching her back and pressing her breasts against his chest, she relished the rough friction. She felt the fire within, her own magic simmer and burn, mingling with her passion.
“Then take it all,” she said fiercely. “Let the beast go and take what you want.”
His canines sharpened longer than she’d ever seen, but she wasn’t afraid. Nikolai feared his beast would overrun him, but Sienna knew something he didn’t. Despite his own misgivings and faults, he was a man of honor, a vampire with principle. In his right mind, he would have never harmed that woman so many years ago.
He was in his right mind now, his most lucid and focused frame of mind. He pulled out of her and released her hands. She kept them against the wall above her head as he hiked her higher with unbelievable strength till he looped his arms under her legs, her knees notched at his elbows. His hands free, he wrapped her ribcage and skated his mouth up her jaw, growling as he went, slow and steady, licking a trail down her neck to her pulse. He lapped the place at the base that he seemed to adore the most, always giving it so much attention.
“When I fuck you, Sienna, the whole bloody world disappears.” He pushed his cock inside her, easing in with slow precision.
She sighed when he hit her deep and stayed there, grinding deeper. With her legs splayed in this position, she wasn’t sure he could go any farther. She rocked her hips forward and found she was wrong.
He groaned and sank his fangs into the base of her neck, latching on tight and sucking hard. His elixir poured through her veins, lighting up the sparks licking under her skin.
She plunged her fingers into his silky hair, holding him close as he quickened the pace, the nub of her sex grazing along his shaft as he drove into her.
He molded himself into her soft, pliant curves, slamming into her with the powerful force of his muscular body.
“Come for me, sweet Sienna,” he whispered and nicked her earlobe with a sting.
When he sucked on her earlobe, grunting with each aggressive pound, she let one leg loose to catch on his hip. He then slid his hand between their bodies where they were joined and stroked her tight nub, circling fast and hard. She came on a scream, clenching one hand in his hair and the other on his shoulder. He continued on, pushing her higher again so fast before she’d even come down, his fingers working her, demanding more.
“Not again,” she whispered on a short breath, dropping her mouth to his shoulder where she bit him hard, climaxing for a second time. Or perhaps the first had never stopped.
He pumped twice more, then held her fast as he spilled inside, his chest rumbling like dark thunder.
She could do nothing but hold on, letting her cheek fall to his shoulder, her body boneless. She had no idea how but he held her there, unmoving for a long time, while she did little more than pant and try to regain her senses.
He swept hot, open-mouthed kisses along the sensitive column of her throat, gentling her back down to earth.
It was then she understood the intense strength of a vampire in his prime. Especially when he shifted so her legs dropped together and he swept them up again, never allowing her feet to touch the ground, before he walked back to the sofa. He sat and tucked her head in the crook of his neck and began stroking his fingers in a languorous line up and down her spine. He grabbed the pastel quilt she kept on the sofa and covered her up.
She nuzzled even closer and inhaled deeply of his skin, that divine scent that made her knees weak the first time he bit her, filling her with that dizzying concoction of euphoria, intimacy, and desire that only Nikolai had ever given her.
He continued to caress her back and comb his fingers lightly through the long locks of her hair, soothing her into a dreamy state. When he kissed her crown and said, “Sleep, my love,” she finally did.