~16~

Holding umbrellas as we trucked it down the pier, Danny G was to my left and Lil Bruh to my right. Wynter was clutched to my chest as I carried her the whole way. It was less than twelve hours before our departure time, but I wanted to get her settled and this getaway started for her. So, we swung by the apartment for her luggage she had waiting by the door as she said, and then straight to the Teterboro airport where my jet was waiting. Within three and a half hours, we were in Miami where the yacht was docked.

The captain and a couple of his staff greeted me with just a nod once they saw I was carrying an adult, who seemed out of it. I was grateful they didn’t do more, like spark a conversation. Another staff member was smart, too, she showed me to our room. This boat was bigger than the pictures showed it to be. We walked up two levels to the third deck for the—what the woman referred to as the—Owner’s stateroom.

She went around to light the room.

“Gently, please?” I asked as I lay Wynter down on the bed.

“Of course,” she promised with a smile and nod.

I removed her shoes and went for her jeans until I remembered we weren’t alone and stood. The woman who’d told me her name less than three minutes ago, stood at the door.

“Is there anything I can get you, Mr. McKinnon?”

“Not right now. No.”

“Very well.” She gestured toward the nightstand. “Anything you need, pick up the phone and hit the yellow button. The call will come directly to me.” She tapped her hip where I assume a mobile phone was.

I nodded and she left, sliding the door closed. Taking a deep breath, I glanced down to Wynter, who rolled onto her side, covering her face. Not gonna lie: I was scared. I’d never seen her this way. But in my spirit, I felt leaving her alone to deal with her pain wasn’t the thing to do. Plus, I wanted to be underneath her, share the same space. So, I had to think of my next move. I was damp, and a little hot from the commute to the yacht then all the way up here to our room. That led me to the idea of washing.

A bath…

Not knowing the layout, I found my way to the bathroom just past the sitting area, and thank god there was a Jacuzzi. I tapped the faucet to get it going and heard a knock. After a jump, I made my way to the door and saw Lil Bruh and some unfamiliar face there with our luggage. I widened the door and they stepped in.

“Where to, bruh?” Lil Bruh asked, moving past the bed.

I shook my head softly. “By the closet,” I exhaled. “I got it from there.”

“A’ight. Your instruments down in the lounge.” He got the last suitcase outside the door and brought it in. At the door, ready to leave, he looked at Wynter then me. “She good, bruh. These next few days gone be good for her. You gone be good for her, Gee.”

After we both gazed at this woman legally and emotionally attached to me, I didn’t respond. Lil Bruh wasn’t looking for one either. He left out, sliding the door behind him. After staring at her more, questioning so much without words, I decided to go check on the bath. Back in the bathroom, I found salts and oils. I used them both to make it good for her. As I left out to head back to the room, I pulled my shirts over my head and remembered her phone. In the truck, I had turned off the ringer and pocketed it, feeling anyone really needing to check in with her would call me. But then my phone kept blowing up from business and other matters, so I cut the ringer on it, too, thinking she had fallen asleep and didn’t want to disturb her.

In my duffle, I found two chargers. We both had iPhones, so I was able to juice them both. Then I pulled out clean clothes for me and grabbed one of my tanks for her.

“Wynter, baby.” I tapped her, my knee on the mattress as I stood over her motionless body. She didn’t respond, but I knew she was awake. “I’m gonna take off your clothes for a bath.”

She didn’t utter a word. I undressed then started on her. In no time, I was carrying her down the short, narrow way to the bathroom and sat her on the toilet. Then I stepped out to clean up our wet clothes. I tossed them in the corner, figuring I could have them cleaned later. Then I checked my phone and saw a few missed calls and a text from Van and Mya. I typed them the same message: We left for a trip and I’d have her call them as soon as she was up to it. I didn’t wait for a response. Instead, I went back to the bathroom, knowing she had to be done on the toilet by now and I’d help her into the water.

When I got back there, Wynter was already in the tub. I paused, considering what that meant for her mood. She’d pretty much been stuck to me since we peeled off from her grandmo—stepmom’s place. But in the Jacuzzi, she lay with her head back and an arm resting over her face. She still wasn’t ready to talk. I was good with that and slowly slid in the tub with her. It was hot but felt good tapping against my muscles. I sat across from her, regretting the distance right away. But it was probably best. She had propellers over there I was sure she could use to relax her. Needing to touch her, I grabbed her foot for a rub.

Things were beginning to make sense. What she said to me last night when I was so vulnerable to her I felt bare to my bones.

“She’s making me work so fucking hard for something I want so bad. Something I needed all my life.”

“What?” 

“A home. A place where I feel I belong and am not just being accepted due to circumstances. A safe, loving place where I’m chosen, not tolerated.”

It now made perfect sense. I got why she was able to walk out of my house for the jet last month with her head held high. She was used to the rejection. She had nowhere to belong. Both her parents were dead. Her mother didn’t seem to have been all that responsible for her since she always lived with her grandparents until they died. Then she moved in with her father, who passed her paternity on to his dead son?

And what about Reign?

From that heated exchange with MaMa, Reign was a jumpoff child, too. How were they able to explain her if they hid Wynter? Then something hit me. That morning, a couple of weeks before she left Jersey, when we were in bed sharing.

“With my mother’s parents gone, my other…grandparents stepped up—well, my grandfather stepped up. He invited me to live with them.”

Wynter didn’t really “live” with them. She stayed temporarily, probably unlike Reign, who was much younger when she moved in. On the low, she shared so much. I just didn’t connect the dots.

“So checkered.”

“Tell me about it.”

“No wonder your mantra.”

“What’s that?”

“Knowing the rhythm of blues.”

“I could write a book on it. And you know the worst of it all—my childhood?”

“What’s that?”

“The secrecy. I hate secrets, especially in families. Your childhood seems to have been shrouded in secrecy. That’s why I want to earn your trust. You don’t have to keep any from me. Let that be the real between us.”

My eyes shot over to her. Wynter hadn’t moved. I didn’t even catch her throat bob from swallowing. She looked smaller over there…in spirit. She looked drained. I didn’t know this Wynter. I’d only met the strong one. She made me feel the rhythm of blues. I’d fight to keep her forever. To conquer the rhyme of love.

I didn’t have the words to heal her. Man, I didn’t know if my arms were big enough to hide her from the pain she was currently struggling with. But I knew the spirit of pain. The pain a pill or cream couldn’t address.

When my demons descended upon me, I did what came easy. I worshipped God with the fruit of my lungs.

Slowly, I sat on the bed, facing the balcony. This time, I was grateful for an empty bladder and a clean mouth as I did it. What was wrong with me? Even feeling as though I’d been run over by a damn tractor trailer, I lusted over his bulky frame. In clothes, Raj’s girth could escape you. That plump V defining his pelvis could be seen from the side, which was my view.

Whore…

The single tear escaping my right eye was met with a swiping rebuke. Today, I would not cry. Today, I would begin with gauging him to see if I could salvage my reputation in his eyes.

He was so protective last night. He held me so that only he could break me and no one else. He bathed me, hummed a tune that eventually turned into a full-blown song. Deep inside my psyche I titled it “Decidedly, Your Vessel.” I could still remember the lyrics.

“No more ‘I can’t’...

No more ‘I’m scared.’

No more doubts...

I’m fighting my fears.

Goodbye, my shadows...

Hello, new battles.

So long, highs and lows...

I’m decidedly, your vessel.”

It was a gospel song, but soothed me in a worldly manner, a romantic one. In my mind, Raj was pledging his unfailing devotion to me, something I never had. He was choosing to fight with me. After leaving the Jacuzzi, he took his time drying me and slipped one of his tanks over my head. He led me out to the bed where I dozed off almost right away. Soft strums of a guitar awakened me gently. He was facing the bed, playing something slow and sweet. I fell under again.

The next time I was semi-awake, I heard him praying. It was a low but steady cadence. The type of praying I’d only heard from him once or twice, but lots from Pastor McKinnon. The last time I recalled awakening it was to the soft sounds of a guitar, similar to the one on the last track Raj released to radio. I squinted and found him sitting at the foot of the bed with eyes locked on me. His presence comforted me. The strings of the guitar soothed me back under.

On a deep exhale, I took to my feet wearily. My body felt weak, but my determination took over. I slid the door to the balcony open and was immediately met with the sounds of the ocean. When I sidled beside him, I realized he had earbuds in. He turned to me almost startled.

I smiled drily as he pulled them out, though the pastiche of his deodorant and cologne dizzied me with lust. That fact shamed me.

“You up,” his chords were thick and hoarse.

“You’ve been singing all night and morning,” I wise-cracked.

Raj snorted. “Literally.”

My surprised gaze climbed up to him. “What?”

He reached over and pulled me beneath him, his thick arms resting on the railing. “I’ll sleep after you eat something. I’ll eat with you.”

He typed something on his phone and slid it into the pocket of his sweats. I could hear him let out a long breath over my head.

“She’s always been bitter, but never that brazen toward me,” I uttered, watching the ripples in the water as we propelled at high speed. “MaMa didn’t want me around. I didn’t know this because my grandparents never forced me onto her and…” I swallowed. “…my father. He was a nice man. Sweet for the most part, but not a leader like my grandfather. He knew his wife refused to accept me, but when my grandparents died, he forced MaMa’s hand. I don’t know how, but she okayed me staying there.”

He didn’t speak, but lay his chin on my head, letting me know he was there with me.

“I heard about Junior, my brother, when I was too young to know who he was. I was told he liked to drink a lot. Hung out at the same bar my mother did. He was honorably discharged from the army and they would now say, suffered from PTSD. He was wild, never being able to hold down a job when he came home. He didn’t get into hard trouble but was arrested a few times. Slept out on the porch, drunk and high at times. My father drank some and would occasionally lace his weed with coke. That’s where he encountered my mother, Van told me.

“One night, my father came to the bar with my oldest brother after a long day at the garage where he worked. They threw a few back and my mother was there. She and my brother knew each other from around the way.” I closed my eyes, inhaled the sea. “My mother had a reputation for being a loosey goosey. Someone had coke, someone else had weed and they went out back and smoked. It happened a few times, a few during which sex happened. Even after Junior died, it continued. On one of those occasions, I happened.” I chuckled. “Right there in the back of a local bar.”

That was hard to share.

“When the shit hit the fan, Van said my father half ass paid child support. My grandparents, who actually took care of me didn’t fight him. They were able to care for me financially on their own. My mother had issues similar to my brother, Junior, only without the trauma from the military. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve wondered what was up with her. She was great to be around and even supervised me, but my grandmother mothered us both and at the same time. It was like she remained a young adult without responsibility as long as I knew her. So, it was natural her parents took in her illegitimate child.” I felt the smile spread across my face at the memory of their love.

“I came around a few times when I was a kid. I never went inside MaMa’s house, but my father would be outside, offering me a lollipop and money as he spoke to my grandfather. I honestly didn’t catch our relation. I just knew him. I saw Van, too.” I laughed. “He didn’t talk much, just watched our father intently. Now, I know it was because he knew everything. He was old enough to track his big brother and father. He knew I was his sister. I learned eventually, too. Remember, my grandparents hardly kept anything from me.

“When my grandfather died, my father picked me up from Ivie’s in an old pickup. He apologized profusely for not being connected to me as he should have all those years. He explained in plain terms he was a married man…a fuck up, who didn’t always keep his dick in his pants. He said his wife was angry about me, but he was determined to do what was right. He also had to respect his wife. So, he said everyone had been told I was his oldest son, Junior’s, daughter.”

I could feel Raj’s arms that were now against mine flexing. I glanced down to the shiny metal railing and saw his hands were curled into tight fists.

“That was his agreement with his wife. No one would know he conceived outside of their marriage. And it honestly was cool with me. I’d be on my own soon after anyways. So, I went with it.” I swallowed, feeling cheated now. “I later theorized his arrangement with MaMa was as such because they’d learned about Reign by then. He’d had another child on her. That one was with an unstable mother, too. But Reign’s mother didn’t have the support mine did. Reign needed housing at a young age, unlike me.”

I chuckled. “You know he named her? Ironic it was weather related like mine. Wynter and Reign.” I shook my head, remembering joking about it with Van years ago. “Van went with the lie, too, even though he didn’t get it. Hated it actually. We were good friends from the start. We hung out a lot before I moved in. Junior was dead and didn’t need to be consulted about the lie. And so was my mother. I felt like my real parents—my maternal grandparents, Charles and Sallie—were now gone, and that’s how I settled it in my mind.” I let out a long breath.

“Until Reign.”

“What happened then?” his heavy chords produced. “And how did all this get past Wanda?” 

“Reign was the cutest kid I’d ever seen when I met her. She was about seven and I was fifteen. I actually met her before my grandfather passed. My father brought her by the hospital to drop off his child support payment and see about us. He never said she was his daughter, but I had this strong suspicion. And when I spoke to Van afterward, he confirmed. Van said our father did tell MaMa about her. And MaMa’s acceptance was different. She wasn’t happy, but she didn’t fight him on bringing her around once in a while. And I mean only occasionally. I saw that for myself. I’d been staying there for close to a year before she visited. When she did, it was because her mother was sentenced to prison.”

I could hear Raj mumble his disapproval to that over me.

“She was so scared the first night she stayed, she cried out on the couch. I couldn’t bear it and invited her into my room. We were tight ever since. Turned out her mother, Ornetta, was a damn thug and participated in robberies. Reign was officially living at the house. She stayed in my room, and MaMa didn’t mind. She didn’t have to look after Reign. Believe it or not, MaMa intimidated the girl once upon a time, too.”

I shrugged.

“I just took her under my wing. That last time, her mother caught a conspiracy charge, which included a gun and got a hefty sentence. To MaMa’s dismay, her stay was long term. I offered to share my room with her, which was Wanda’s before she left as a kid to go stay with MaMa’s sister in Pennsylvania, where she lived for years, up until she went to college.”

“Why?”

My eyes squinted and head leaned to the side. “I honestly don’t know. That was before my time. Van said they—MaMa and Wanda—didn’t get along. Wanda had a better rapport with MaMa’s sister. The sister offered to take her in. That’s who pretty much raised her. Van said she wouldn’t put it together. After I met and got to know Wanda, I understood why. She isn’t the sharpest tool in the box. She accepted what was told to her without process or questioning.”

I shook my head. I loved Wanda, but she wasn’t an integral part of my structure.

“Because she was my sister, I looked out for her when she got pregnant and fled Pennsylvania. MaMa could be of no resource to her. She had no other help back in Jersey. So, I offered up my place. I had no idea my reward would be her daughter.”

“Ignorance is bliss,” he commented of Wanda.

“In my big sister’s case, that’s spot on.” I let go of a dry laugh. I then turned into his arms. “Can I explain the rest later?” I wrapped my arms around his narrowed waist and planted my head on his breastplate.

“Like you said to me last month, let me be your friend. Let me be here while you get over this hurdle. Don’t overthink the rest.” His soft lips brushed the tip of my nose. “But I do have another question.”

I poked my lips being silly, but deep down I was panicking. “Shoot.”

“What’s Ivie’s beef with me? She was throwing crazy energy my way yesterday. She wasn’t like that when I met her. Her and Mya was cool.”

I tightened my face and exposed my teeth. “I told them the truth about us. That night you sent them to the apartment.”

His eyes bounced around, in deep thought.

I needed to qualify. “Ivie is the devil on the left shoulder while Mya’s always the angel on the right. She didn’t take the news of you being mean to me and sending me away well.”

“But we’re cool now.” His brows met. “Right?”

I took a cleansing breath. “I damn sure hope so.” My eyes shot to the water.

His hand was at the small of my back. “Let me feed you now.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I’ll sleep after I see you eat and no diet food. You look good. No need to keep skimming. While we’re out here, you chill. Relax and have a good time with me.”

My neck craned and eyes jetted around. “Where are we?”

“In the Caribbean now.”

Holy shit…

I turned against his arm for the water.

“Where, exactly?”

“We just passed The Bahamas about twenty minutes ago.”

“Oh…”

My eyes were wild with curiosity now. I never got an answer about the destination of this excursion.

I could hear his deep tenor when he chuckled. Then his hand covered mine, giving it a light squeeze.

“Speaking of telling ya girls, I got something to tell you—confess to you actually.”

My brows furrowed. “What?”

“There’s no contract.”

“Contract for what?”

L.I.T. Music? I knew that.

“For us.”

I closed my eyes while shaking my head, my lids stretched. “I’m so confused right now. What about us and a contract?”

“The one I told you Mike transferred over to me before he left for his trip in January. I lied.”

“Why would you do that?”

“To keep you near until I could figure out how to keep you permanently.”

I swear I wanted to be mad. I should have slapped the shit out of his conniving ass. Should have made them stop the boat and let me off at the nearest island. But I’d be damned if learning that act of trickery didn’t make my belly leap deliciously. All I could do was shake my head as my eyes stretched with impressed disbelief at the church boy’s handiwork.

“C’mon. Breakfast should be up any minute. While I’m sleep, Thomasina can take you for a tour of the boat.”

Boat? This was no boat. But I caught his deflection game and was okay with it.

“Thomasina?” I asked on his heels.

“Yeah. Her family owns it. She’s our hostess while here.”

“What’re we supposed to do out here?”

“Absolutely nothing…and everything we want to.”

Looking at all the cuts in his back, I felt pathetic for the only thing I wanted to do.

Ragee…

We ate, and he slept. And I eventually slept, too. Directly on top of him. Yup. As the poor guy finally succumbed to shuteye, I lay on top of him and humped until I realized he was lost in siesta. I then followed him, still exhausted myself.

When I aroused, it was to him tossing clothing on me. Turned out, they were bikini pieces I’d packed. He found them in my luggage and wanted me up and suited. I took from the bed while mumbling a string of expletives under my breath. Shortly after, Raj led me by the hand to the second level deck where a giant ass inflated water slide stretched out into the water. As my eyes perused the aquatic scene, I could see an island ahead. We’d reached our first destination—yes, first.

We were docked near a small private island well south of Inagua Island, the last of The Bahamians. It was a small key surrounded by the clearest water I’d ever seen. I leaped in place when Lil Bruh and some girl I’d never seen shot past me while giggling to their heart’s delight and dripping wet. They climbed the mouth of the slide and cannonballed all the way down until their bodies that looked like sticks from a distance, were spit out into the water. They screamed deliriously mid-air.  

“C’mon, baby,” Raj egged me on with the most jocund expression I’d seen of him to date.

He was handed a life jacket and began arranging me inside of it.

My brows lifted. “You expect me to end my life here? In the middle of nowhere?”

“You’re with me, Blue!” He uttered that name with such ease.

“I will be blue if I drown out there.”

“You ain’t drowning.” He held out his hand. “Trust me!”

I cocked my head to the side. “Trust? Wow! Can you spell it?”

“Argh!” his roar was so big and alarming, my heart stammered in my chest.

Then I was off my feet, in the air moving toward the slide.

“No.” I panted. “No!” Raj settled me between his legs. “Ragee!” I screamed.

“I’m right here, baby,” his whisper was almost soothing. If we weren’t so high in the air, I could be convinced. “I gotchu.” His lips pressed into my ear.

And then we were off. I don’t know if I ever moved that fast, but my body jerked then zipped down the tongue of the slide as Raj tried to lift my arms in the air. Pushing against the air at that speed lifted my belly and I felt…high. Exhilaration flowed through me, and the fog I still carried from the copious amounts of sleep I fell into since leaving Garfield had evaporated. Dopamine released and I felt fluttery in an instant.

My body smacked into the water and I could hear Raj’s behind me just as I was going down under. The water was warm and unctuous against my floundering limbs. It was suddenly soundless and slow although I knew my body was still sinking. I loved it, was thrilled by it. Then the course of my direction changed and I felt a sucking sensation as resonances returned. Next came the splash of water. I sucked in a hefty breath as my head swung from left to right until it landed on a long cinnamon striated arm.

Raj…

I was pulled to him and studied his saturated beard and white smile. His lashes were darker and curled like a baby’s.

“Told you I got you,” his voice was confident and too steady compared to mine. “You good?” He wrapped one arm around me as we floated in the water. I nodded because I was okay. “C’mon.”

Raj gave me a push and we swam toward a destination unknown to me. That was until I saw bodies near the shore. He helped me stand and we walked up on a barbeque. Lil Bruh and Danny G were both there with women, behaving in a manner I didn’t think I’d ever seen of them. Loose. They finally had time for leisurely pursuits: laughing, singing, and even dancing. Who knew Lil Bruh liked house music? His footwork was practiced. And Jashon was there, too, talking to the person manning the grill.

The smoked aroma alerted me of my empty stomach. I observed the small land. There were trees and a few pieces of weathered furniture, but that was pretty much as far as my eyes could take me. It was clear to me the chairs and tables the guys sat at were from the yacht. The barbeque equipment couldn’t have been there before we arrived either.

“You hungry?” his thick chords trickled above me.

I didn’t peer up to face him. “You did this?”

“What?”

“You brought everyone out here?” That was very sweet of him.

“No. I brought my lady out here. But because of work and the nature of my business, I had to bring my staff. Then I couldn’t bring them out here to all this beauty and have them watch me all day.” He shrugged.

So, they were allowed to bring company. Double sweet.

I was still out of breath when I uttered, “This is really cool of you, boss.” Then I finally turned my head up to see him.

“It ain’t for them. Matter of fact, the plan is for you to forget they’re with us most days.”

My face contracted into an “awwwwww” expression. “That’s sweet of you, too. Mean, but sweet.”

Raj snorted. “You wanna eat or not? Wanna drink?”

I sucked in my lips and glanced around to the festive bodies inhabiting an empty island then back to the yacht that now seemed miles away.

“How do we get back?”

Raj turned and tossed his head toward the shore. “Jet skis.”

A devilish smile opened on my face. “I wanna slide again.”

He did a reverse nod. “That’s my girl.” His grin tickled something in my belly. “Let’s go, boss.”

“You think I’m getting in that?” I looked over the pool of gray grease.

I hate the color gray…

My feet lay an inch off the shore of it. I wondered where did Jashon hear about this place.

“Ah, c’mon, Raj!” Wynter waved on, her arm covered in mud.

“Nah.” I shook my head. “I’m good from here. Just don’t go out too far.”

Her face brightened in a clever smile. “Like this?” She ventured farther out.

“Don’t play, girl!”

“Don’t be a wuss!” she charged right back. “Just let it get up to your knees.”

My shoulders and back began to burn from the unforgiving sun. I decided when we walked upon the mud pool here, inland of Montserrat, I was just a chaperone. I couldn’t see myself getting in dirt. But the sweat trickling down my face had my brain retracting that decision.

“You’re sweating, Raj!” there was a bit of unease in her cry. “Just take a step in to cool. We don’t have to stay long; I promise.”

Man…

This was a getaway for her. To trick her into thinking I could be a good dude. I’d tricked myself into believing just that and didn’t want to be alone in the fallacy. I had to at least try.

“Yay!” vibrated from her lungs when I took the first step.

The thick mud wasn’t all that promising in temperature.

“C’mon! It’s really cool. Not radioactive and as you can see not smelly like other ones.”

“Why would it be smelly?” I tried distracting myself as I moved in a few feet more.

“Oh, my god! Have you heard of The Fanghi di Vulcano in Italy?”

“Nope.” I moped.

“Well, I read it smells like stinky boiled eggs. Yuk!” she hurled a fake spit.

That almost made me laugh. But I kept my focus as my body cooled from my ankles to my knees.

“Come on,” she urged then did a shimmy in the mud. “It feels good. Right?”

“I ‘on’t know about all that,” I lied in motion.

When the mud was just above my abs, Wynter moved toward me, her hands nearing my arms. Then she yanked me smack against her and laughed. I was heated, feeling like a sucker. She only got it off because I was off guard in this sludge. 

When I thought I was good with the mud being chest level, Wynter climbed me like a tree. Her soft lips brushed against mine as they touched; she smiled, looking into my eyes.

“You’re not fully appreciating the wonder of Montserrat, Gee-Gee,” she teased, her mouth making mine move.

Her fruity breath made my dick lurch.

But I pouted. “I was good with the black sand beach, coral reef, cliffs and shoreline cave.”

“Oh, yeah,” she breathed. “That black sand! I thought that was only in Joe’s song.” She giggled, and this time I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of “All the Things.”

“La…la…la…la…lah…

I’ll put a string of pearls right in your hand…

Make love on a beach of jet black sand,” I sang, remembering how dope that track was.

“Ut!” She tensed around me. Her little giggle did things to me. “Damn, Raj! What can’t you sing?”

My attention went to her hair. It was up in a high ponytail.

“What?” she asked.

“Your hair… It’s different,” I observed. “Curly.” It was wavy when I saw it a few days ago at her family’s spot.

She smiled. “It’s a weave. Wet and wavy, baby!” Her head tossed back as she laughed. “You said there’d be water and I knew what to do with my do!”

“Cute.” I gave her a fake smile.

Then I swung us around.

“Wait!” she shrieked. “We’re leaving already?”

“Yup. I’ve cooled down.”

That was a lie. Every time she touched me, I was hot. For her. Today made day three on the water and I hadn’t been inside her yet. I didn’t want to bother her after that episode with her family. The goal for the first day or so was to get her back to the old Wynter, which happened day one. But when she hadn’t initiated anything since, I took it as a sign of her not wanting to or not being ready. This was strange for me. Sex was never a gray area for Wynter, one of the many reasons I was crazy about her. She made me feel taken care of. I told Ezra how Wynter was the more dominant one with sex, which was something that scared me at the beginning. She was so forward and down for whatever. If I had a lover like that in the past, I couldn’t recall because I didn’t stick around long enough to know. Sex had been that irregular for me before my fake wife.

“We can rinse off in the ocean before we head back to the boat,” she suggested.

“Shoot. We gotta rinse somewhere. This junk is kinda thick.”

Wynter laughed at my pouting as I put her down and took her by the hand.

We made it back to the beach where she stopped, causing my arm to jerk. I glanced back at her.

“Thank you.”

My face went tight. “For finally getting in mud?”

“No. For this.” Her arm circled in the air. “For the travel. The beauty. The escape. You’re making me a sharper me.”

My eyes narrowed. “I’d like to make you a real McKinnon.”

She heaved a breath, her face lifting, too. “Raj…”

I shook my head. “Last one on the jet ski gotta be the one to swim up to the yacht when it’s parked—”

I broke out in a sprint, hearing her laugh and scream behind me all the way to the water where we rushed a hand bath, scrubbing the mud from our bodies as fast as we could.   

Damn, this feels like a dream…

I gazed out of the floor to ceiling window of the dining room on the main deck, which resembled a small ballroom. That was the best way to describe this. Even well after the sun had set, I could see an island from afar. Not clearly, but enough to make out bright lights and movement. My spine was straightened by the built-in girdle of the gown I wore. A fitted sheath that flared at my ankles. The heart line corset had a crease at the breast, revealing my chest bone. And no shoes. It was weird, but I decided to go without them since we were eating “in,” just formally.

I felt…sexy. And lonely at the table as I waited for him. I went back to my phone, returning texts and a couple of emails. Laura, my former supervisor reached out again. Oddly, this time via email. It was time for me to bite the bullet and reply. She asked to get together, perhaps for coffee just to talk. I explained I was away and would reach out to her with a few dates when I returned. I had no idea why she’d taken such a strong interest in me. There was no way I’d go back to the program. Although still unsettled, my life had changed so drastically since then.

Then there was Van, Ivie, and Mya. They were still upset about not being able to touch me since the blowup at MaMa’s. It was frightening for all, I now realized. She’d never admitted my true place in her family before then. Ivie and Mya didn’t know. When I met them, I told them what everyone else believed and never corrected it. It was too messy to share. So understandably, that episode in Garfield shook them both. And Van felt helpless to deal with MaMa’s drunken meltdown. He was typically my protector. But what could he do to avenge his sister against his mother? He’d still been up in arms about it. The crazy guy texted me every day, sometimes several times a damn day.

But I was fine. I sat back, as much as the bodice would allow, and exhaled. My gaze went back to the moonlight sparkling over the water. Movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. It was a server; one I hadn’t seen before. But that wasn’t alarming. Raj said the yacht came with a crew of over twenty people. It was that type of deal as he rented it from a Swedish family, and they wanted to be the ones operating it. He poured water at the formally dressed table with multiple glasses, plates, and eating utensils. Candles were lit around the room, mostly tea lights. What a romantic setting.

Maybe tonight was finally the night I’d have him. It’d been four days since we left New Jersey, and not one second of sexual release. My body was wound as tight as this girdle made me feel.

“Hey!” he emitted breathily, appearing out of nowhere.

“You run here?” I joked, sitting up.

My hungry eyes wanted to feast on him, but I once again decided for subtle with Ragee. I spaced out the times I peered at him to see his dark slacks, Gucci mules I’d never seen him don, and stark white dress shirt, opened at the neck.

He approached my chair and that was when I realized he wanted to greet me formally. I stood in a rush and hugged him, relishing his enticing scent. My pulse pounded, nipples stiffened.

“I hope that wasn’t too long.” He withdrew after an innocuous kiss beneath my ear that set my damn skin afire. He moved to his seat and I did the same. “That was the energy project I was on a call about. They speak scientific terms I don’t understand, and I end up prolonging the meeting, asking them to speak in layman’s terms. It annoys them and me.” He lay his napkin in his lap.

“Oh. I can only imagine.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I keep forgetting about that part of your…” I searched for a word, “…enterprise.”

Raj laughed. “I don’t. Especially when there’s money on the table.” He stretched his arms, making the setting look small. “Anyway, what were you up to?”

Small talk…

I shrugged with my lips. “Just catching up with my texts and stuff. Nothing that’s gonna bring in M’s.”

He laughed. “You’re fine and funny. You know that?” His smile was genuine, but I would have preferred coquetry.

My eyes brushed to the fantastic view outside. “This is beautiful,” I whispered. “It’s kept me company while you were away. Thanks for everything.”

“Why do you keeping saying that?”

I swallowed back a sip from my brandy. “Because I can’t even imagine what this is costing you.”

“You don’t think I’ve vacationed before you?” There was a somberness in his auburns.

Food was placed on our table, delaying our chit chat. Seafood. It all looked good. Mussels in sauce, stuffed colossal shrimp, and oysters on the half shell. Raj’s eyes were on me, likely for my approval. Who could say no to this? He’d been on me about laying off the diet, and clearly, it hadn’t ended.

But I’d enjoyed the food since we’d been away. Even the ethnic food we had along the Caribbean, like the carne guisada puertorriqueña we had for lunch yesterday in San Juan. It was a hearty beef stew dish that was deliciously sinful. That and a meat pie called pastelón de carne. As I’d believed, with Raj, I ate well.

“Why you so quiet?” I peered up and found his eyes intently on me as he tossed a mussel in his mouth. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I lifted an oyster and sucked it back.

But Raj pushed. “L.I.T. Music people pushing you? Or have you decided?”

I shook my head, chewing. “Still trying to figure out if it’s the right move for me. I sent them an email on Friday explaining I was going out of town and would have an answer for them soon.”

“What’s the holdup?”

I shrugged, cutting into the jumbo shrimp.

“Gotta be something.” He pushed.

I took a deep breath, dropping my fork in my plate, and going for my glass. “Maybe it’s a McKinnon thing.” His brows knitted. “Maybe it’s the same thing preventing you from signing with them.”

He snorted handsomely, guilt built into that response.

“I still got two albums with my label to live out.”

“L.I.T. would buy you out. I read an article a few weeks ago, saying so.”

One side of his forehead lifted. “An article?”

“Yup. A reputable one, too, not a blog.”

“Baby,” he chuckled quietly, eyes on his plate. “Doing a deal with L.I.T. would mean me being a slave to another label. I don’t want that.”

“Young Lord isn’t a slave.”

“Not anymore. He was able to finesse himself into an exec. You know how often that doesn’t happen? His whole career has been unusual.” He scoffed, “And I thought mine was.”

I shook my head. “I don’t get it. You write, produce, and record. You’d retain a lot of your profits.”

He sucked on his thumb and I almost rolled my eyes at the fluttering of my groin from seeing that.

“L.I.T. Music would be fair. Jackson’s a good dude.”

“But?”

This time Raj dropped his utensils. He sat back. “But…” He shook his head. “For most my life, there’s been nothing like performing. Singing was an escape for me. I could get lost in anything the song required. My skillset allowed that. Then acting came along and I found out I was a natural. You know why? Because I could get lost in being someone else. It let me forget about my issues…insecurities and demons.”

“Why does it sound like you’re speaking past tense?”

“Because I think I am. I like all the hats I wear. Recording alone doesn’t get those M’s you brought up earlier. Touring gets me something…appearances. But movies, real estate, and my investments have been how I can take my girl on a yacht for a vacation costing a M for the week.”

I sucked in a breath. 

“Plus, with your real estate and other businesses you call the shots more. You like being in control of your destiny,” I theorized out loud.

“And my money!” He tossed an affirmative index finger to me while holding a knife. “Dope that you noticed.”

Emptying my lungs, I sat back in my seat. My eyes swung around into the nighttime sky, dotted with starlight.

“I can tell you what else I’ve noticed about you.” I brought my glass to my face for a nip.

“Yeah?” Raj reached for his own. “What’s that?”

“You haven’t fucked me this whole trip.”

I could see his eyes flash wide mid-sip.