Jax

After finishing the last of my homework this afternoon, I came to see Sam. When I surprised her an hour ago, you would have thought I gave her a million dollars from the way her gray eyes lit up.

I jump on Sam’s bed, causing her to pop up before she falls back to the mattress, as I land on my back.

She giggles. “Again!”

I roll over on my side, holding a hand above her, wiggling my fingers. “How about I tickle you instead?” I grin.

She squeals. “No!” She scrambles away and is on her feet in no time.

I scoot out of bed and stalk after her. “When I catch you, I’m going to tickle you.”

She laughs and runs out of the room, her brown hair a tangled mess.

I chase after her, running down the hall to the guest bedroom with a smile plastered on my face.

When I step over the threshold, she’s standing on the other side of the queen-size bed.

“Don’t tickle me,” she says, sounding out of breath, her cheeks flush.

I stalk around the bed to get to her, the side of my mouth tipped up, but she jumps on the mattress and slides across it until she reaches the opposite side. Giggling, she hops off and runs as fast as her feet can carry her out of the room.

“Oh, Sam,” I call as I head out of the guestroom and down the hall.

I stop at the office and see her siting in the oversized chair at the desk, twirling in circles with a smile on her cute face.

I rush into the room. “Gotcha,” I say, my eyes wide, as I grab the arms of the chair, stopping it from twirling.

She squeals. “Jax!” She kicks in the chair, landing her foot to my stomach as I tickle her.

I let out a grunt as her foot connects with my abdomen again. I keep tickling her, my face lighting up from how innocent she is.

A tear trickles down her face from laughing. The sunlight streaming through the blinds on the window highlights her freckles.

I hear footsteps behind me, but I don’t turn around, too busy trying to make Sam pee her pants.

“Knock it off,” my mom’s voice booms through the small space. “You’re not allowed in here. You know that.”

I flip around and stand in front of Sam, blocking her view of Mom. “We’re not doing anything wrong.”

She narrows her eyes. “You could break something. Both of you, get out.”

If Sam wasn’t in the room, I would tell her off. Instead, I clench my jaw and turn around, facing Sam.

Her bottom lip trembles, and tears slip down her face, with more forming in her gray eyes.

“Relax, Kate,” Dad says from behind me as I pick Sam up out of the chair. “They’re just having fun.”

I turn around, watching as Mom stomps in the room.

She moves to the desk, fiddling with the loose papers. “She shouldn’t be in the office.” She picks up a stapler and puts it back in the same spot before slamming her hands on the desk. “I have important stuff in here.”

“Kate, come on,” he coaxes her. “Everything is fine; nothing’s broken.”

She mutters under her breath as she tosses a blue pen in a cup holder. “This isn’t right.” She moves the cup holder to the other side of the desk.

When I take a step toward the door, her head whips in my direction, causing me to pause. “Look what you did. It’s wrong; it’s all wrong.”

Sam cries harder against my shoulder, her chest vibrating against mine. I squeeze her, angling her away from Mom.

Dad steps up behind Mom and grasps her arm, attempting to navigate her out of the office, but she yanks her arm away from him.

“Stop!” She hangs her head, putting her hands on either side of head. “All of you leave.” She drops her hands and whips around, and I watch in shock as her fist connects with the wall.

I hope she hurt her hand.

“Calm down.” Dad grabs her by the waist and hauls her out of the office.

“Get off me,” Mom grunts.

I hurry out of the office with Sam in my arms and jog down the stairs.

“She’s ruining everything.” Mom’s voice echoes through the house.

I cover Sam’s ears as she soaks my shirt.

I don’t think; I just do. I walk out the front door with Sam, putting her in my truck and driving away without a word to either of my parents.

Arya hands Sam a bowl of ice cream and sits next to Sam on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” I say to Arya. “I didn’t want to take her to my house.” Who knows what the guys are doing.

She waves me off. “Don’t worry about it.” She sticks her finger in Sam’s ice cream, taking a glob and sticking it in her mouth.

Sam’s lips pucker. “That’s my ice cream.”

“Sharing is caring, shorty.” She shrugs. “Plus, I’m the one who gave it to you.”

“Sorry, Aya.” Sam holds her bowl out to Arya.

She rubs Sam’s head. “Nah, you can have the rest.”

I watch Sam eat her ice cream as the television holds her attention.

My mouth turns down as I scrub a hand down my face. I pray when Sam’s older she doesn’t remember any of this. That she can’t recall the way Mom spoke about her today. But on some level, I feel like she will. It seems most of the things you remember from when you were younger are either the happiest moments or the shittiest things that happened to you.

“Where’s the doggy?” Sam asks, slurping the melted ice cream from her bowl.

“Stella went running with Raegan because she’s getting a little pudgy.” Arya takes the empty bowl from Sam and places it on the coffee table.

Sam scoots closer to Arya, leaning into her side. “What’s that mean?” Sam asks, picking up a strand of Arya’s hair and playing with it.

“Nothing, shorty.”

The front door opens, the sound of panting louder than the television.

Raegan drops Stella’s leash, her gaze bouncing between me, Arya, and Sam. Stella runs around the couch, barking and jumps on Sam, her butt wagging.

“Did I miss something?” Raegan asks, catching her breath as sweat drips down her forehead.

I get to my feet and walk toward Raegan. “I’ll be back, Munchkin.”

She doesn’t acknowledge me as she laughs, squeezing Stella against her chest.

I step outside with Raegan, shutting the door, and run my hand over my head, grabbing the back of my neck.

“I had to get Sam out of my mom and dad’s house. My mom was…she was losing it.” I drop my hand, letting out a long exhale.

“What do you mean?” She places a hand on my arm. “Is Sam okay?”

Define okay. Is she physically hurt? No. But I have a feeling she’s hurting on the inside.

I weakly smile at Raegan. I love how she seems to think of Sam as much as I do.

I squeeze my eyes shut before opening them. “Sam’s not hurt. She was balling when I left my parents’ house, and God, it killed me.”

My eyes water at the thought of my sister falling apart before my eyes. I could feel my heart breaking each time her body shook in my arms.

“I can’t believe my mom. She was out of her mind.”

Raegan’s thumb sweeps across my arm, and I feel some of the tension leave my body. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

I take a couple steps away from the door and press my back against the house, staring out at the street. “My mom’s bipolar.”

Raegan leans her shoulder on the siding next to me. She doesn’t say anything, giving me the time to sort through my own muddled thoughts.

I haven’t seen my parent’s fight lately. It seems every time I’m at the house, my mom is going off about something, and Dad is attempting to calm her down.

Is that how it’s always been, and I was too jaded to see it?

“She needs help,” I say. “Otherwise, she’s going to break Sam without even realizing it.”

Raegan twines her hand with mine, lacing our fingers and gripping tight. “I’m sorry.”

I half-smile. “Thanks. I just wish I didn’t have to in the first place, ya know?”

I push off the house and place a quick kiss to her forehead. She drops my hand and throws her arms around my neck. I hold her, breathing her in. She might be sweaty, but I can still smell vanilla on her skin.

She backs away from me. “Your mom’s not hurting Sam on purpose.” She brushes her knuckles down my cheek. “And she doesn’t mean to hurt you.”

I search her face, looking for the answers in the depths of her blue eyes. “You think she’s hurting me?”

“I do.” She drops her hand to my chest, resting it over my heart. “You might not admit it or recognize it, but I’ve seen it hiding under the persona you show everyone. You’re masking pain, not just for Sam, but yourself, too.”

I clench my jaw and hold in everything trying to overpower me.

Guilt for not taking care of Sam.

Pain for words that have been thrown at me.

Hate for a mom I don’t know anymore.

A crushing weight falls on my chest. It’s like Raegan’s words have made me realize Sam isn’t the only one affected by all this. Sleeping around and being a cocky asshole were things I did to protect myself. Acting that way made everything seem easier. But all I did was push it down, and now, it’s bubbling to the surface, ready to explode.

I swallow hard, forcing the lump in my throat down. “You’re right, but I just…I don’t understand how she can act this way and not feel remorse.”

“Have you talked to your dad?”

I look down at her. “Not really.”

“Maybe you should.” She places a kiss in the center of my chest. “If you don’t want to talk to him, then you need to do some research. That’s the only way you’ll be able to grasp what’s happening to her.”

I wrap an arm around her, pulling her close. She holds me together, lifting the weight from my chest. She makes everything feel okay when it’s not. I wish I could glue her to my side and borrow her strength when I feel mine slipping away.

She drops her arms to my waist and smiles up at me. “I have an idea.”

“You taking a shower?” I joke, lightening the mood.

She pushes my shoulder. “No, we can go to the Halloween store. That is if Sam doesn’t have a costume yet.”

Considering Halloween is in two days, she should have one, but I have a feeling she doesn’t.

“Perfect.” I move around her and open the door. “I still think you should shower though.”

I laugh as she jumps on my back, tackling me to the ground for the second time since I met her.