CHAPTER 1
“Ugh, reading is not sexy,” Sinead wrinkled her nose up in disgust at Cate’s t-shirt.
Cate rolled her eyes; this wasn’t the first time she’d had this particular conversation with her best friend. “Maybe, you’re just not reading the right books?”
They were in Cate’s bedroom, which was the 3rd floor attic of her family’s house. It was small and dark. The long, sloping roof restricted the walking space and the only natural light came from a small skylight cut out of the roof. But it had a huge walk-in wardrobe. Cate cared little for clothes; the few she had fitted easily on the single railing at the very back of the wardrobe. The rest of the space she’d filled up with her beanbag and Book Boyfriends.
She lay back on the black, faux-leather beanbag towards the back of the wardrobe. Her long, inky-black hair trailed across the silver-grey carpet as she walked her bare feet up the plain, white wall. The only light came from the string of red chili pepper fairy lights she’d strung across her black IKEA bookcase. The ceiling above her head was painted the same dark violet as her toenails. Cate was wearing a pair of faded Levis and a well-worn black t-shirt with “Reading is Sexy” printed in gothic, white letters.
“Sex is sexy. Kissing is sexy.” Sinead looked pointedly at Cate.
Cate groaned and covered her face with her hands, “not this again.”
“Yes,” Sinead grabbed her friend’s wrists and pulled her up to standing. “You need to be kissed. That’s what’s wrong. You need to be kissed, a lot. And by someone who definitely knows what they’re doing.”
“You’re paraphrasing Gone with the Wind?” Cate looked shocked.
“Ha, maybe I do read the right books,” Sinead stuck her tongue out. “Or watch the right movies anyway.”
Cate allowed Sinead to push her out of the wardrobe and into the main part of her bedroom.
“Did you know that Clark Gable is supposed to have had really bad breath? When they were filming Gone with the Wind, Vivien Leigh complained about the foul stench. He had most of his teeth removed and replaced with dentures.”
“And your point is…?” Sinead stuck her head out of the wardrobe.
Cate picked up the well-worn copy of Jane Eyre from her bedside table, making certain that the page she’d torn out of Heat magazine a week ago was still hidden deep within its pages. “My point is…”
“Never mind,” Sinead interrupted, “we haven’t got time for this. We’ve got to get you ready for the party tonight.”
As far back as Cate could remember, her Mum, Irene had thrown a big party on Christmas Eve and invited all of their friends and neighbours.
“So…” Cate chewed nervously on her bottom lip. She crossed her fingers behind her back, hoping this would work. She hated parties. “I don’t think I’m going to go to the party tonight. I’ve still got some studying to do. Mum’s fine with it.”
Cate and Sinead were both in their last year of college and in a few months would be taking their A Levels.
“Ugh, what is this?” Sinead asked, completely ignoring what Cate had just said. She gestured to Cate’s CD player.
“It’s Snow Patrol,” Cate replied. “I like it.”
“It’s too mopey,” Sinead scowled. She plugged her own iPod into Cate’s CD player and scrolled down until she’d found the song she wanted. “Yeah, that’s more like it.”
“Come on,” Sinead shimmied over to where Cate was sat in front of her desk. “It’s The Frocks; it’ll get us in the mood.”
“Didn’t you hear me before?” Cate snapped. “I don’t need to get in the mood; I’m not going to the party tonight.”
“Yes, you are,” Sinead planted her hands on her hips, “stop being so selfish.”
Cate didn’t understand. “How am I being selfish – just because I don’t want to go to a stupid party?”
“Ugh,” Sinead pursed her lips. She looked at Cate’s desk; her textbooks were neatly stacked against the wall, their pages marked with pink Post-It notes. On the shelf above her desk was a row of identical black ring-binders, one for each of her classes. There was a colour-coded revision timetable for the next few months pinned to the corkboard on the wall.
“If you don’t come downstairs to the party tonight, the 1st thing Mum’s going to ask me is where you are? If I tell her that you’re up here studying, even though it’s freaking Christmas Eve, she’ll want to know why I’m not doing the same. You know what she’s like – why can’t you be more like Cate – she’s such a good girl?”
“Hey, I didn’t ask to be the good girl,” Cate said, feeling a little bit guilty. “Maybe sometimes I’d like to be bad.”
“Then come downstairs to the party tonight,” Sinead pouted.
Cate wavered; she was kind of bored of always being such a goody two shoes. “I guess…”
“You’re not going to fail your exams because you took one night off from studying, your textbooks will still be here in the morning,” Sinead teased. She grabbed a black marker pen and hopped up on to Cate’s desk. “Here, you forgot something on your schedule.”
“Sinead,” Cate tried to peek over her shoulder. “What are you writing? I worked hard on that.”
Sinead laughed. She’d written “have fun” in big, black letters under Christmas Eve. “It’s on the schedule now so you’ve got to do it.”
“Fine,” Cate rolled her eyes. “I’ll go for an hour but if it’s rubbish, I’m coming back upstairs.”
“How about…?” Sinead narrowed her eyes. “I give you a list of tasks and once you’ve ticked them off then you can come back up here and study to your heart’s content.”
“What sort of tasks?”
“Nothing too bad,” Sinead grinned, grabbing a notepad and pen. “I’ll ease you in gently.”
“First of all,” Sinead chewed on the end of the pen. “You need a makeover. There’s no way you’re going downstairs to the party tonight looking like that.”
“Hey,” Cate protested. “What’s wrong with how I look?”
“You look like a teenager,” Sinead said. “Reading might be sexy but that t-shirt definitely isn’t. You can’t see your boobs.”
“I am a teenager. Anyway, even without this t-shirt, you wouldn’t be able to see my boobs, they’re too small.”
“Rubbish,” Sinead brushed her off. “Your boobs are fine; they just need a little help.”
“Why do I need a makeover anyway?” Cate had a sinking feeling in her stomach. “It’s just a party.”
“Because,” Sinead said with a flourish. “The final task on the list is… You’ve got to kiss a boy. It’s got to be a proper kiss with tongues.”
“No,” Cate covered her face with her hands; this was what she’d been most afraid of. She’d accidentally let slip to Sinead a couple of weeks before that she’d never actually been kissed. Until then, Sinead had thought that Cate’s 1st kiss had been with their classmate, Zeke when they were locked in a broom cupboard together at his 15th birthday party.
“Woo,” one of their classmates mates laughed as he shoved Zeke backwards into the cupboard with Cate and locked the door behind them.
“We can snog if you want?” Zeke volunteered, although the look on his face said he’d rather not.
“Or we could just pretend that we did?” Cate suggested.
Zeke kicked over the vacuum cleaner and it made a loud crash.
“What are you doing?” Cate whispered.
Zeke grinned. “The baying masses want a snog; let’s give them a bloody good one, sweetheart.”
While Zeke knocked over a few more things, Cate mussed up her hair and pinched her cheeks so they looked suitably flushed.
Zeke borrowed her lipstick and smudged it around his lips. “How do I look?” he pouted.
“Like I’ve ravaged you,” Cate giggled. “Perfect.”
“Yes,” Sinead persisted. “Tonight’s the night.”
The trouble was that Cate didn’t want to kiss just any guy. She stole another glance at the copy of Jane Eyre on her bedside table and felt that familiar churning in her stomach, thinking about the guy whose photo she’d hidden deep within its pages.
“Is there nobody you’ve got a crush on?” Sinead caught Cate looking at her book. “Let me rephrase that; is there nobody real that you’ve got a crush on – Rochester doesn’t count?”
“Sorry,” Cate shrugged. Even though she and Sinead had been best friends since birth, she definitely couldn’t tell her about her foolish, little crush.
“Ugh, you’re so infuriating,” Sinead gave her a little shove. “Get your skinny arse in that bathroom while I find you something kick-ass to wear.”
While Cate was in the bathroom washing her hair, Sinead rifled through her wardrobe looking for something to turn her serious, book-loving friend into the type of girl that guys wanted to snog. She’d already stashed a few secret weapons in her bag; a push-up bra, some crazy high heels and all of her sluttiest make-up but she still needed a kick-ass dress. She got to the end of the rack and sighed; there was absolutely nothing in there that she could use. “Do you have any clothes anywhere else?” Sinead asked, crossing her fingers.
“Nope,” Cate shook her head. “I told you it’s hopeless, I’m just not that sort of girl.”
“You are,” Sinead insisted. “You could be really hot if you wanted to be… I know.”
“Stay there,” she said, running down the stairs.
“Yeah, like I’m going to go anywhere,” Cate grumbled, picking up her hairdryer.
When Sinead reappeared, she was carrying a bundle of towels. “S, I’m not being funny,” Cate said, “but I am not going to the party tonight dressed in a beach towel.”
“Don’t be silly,” Sinead giggled. She unfolded the towels and hidden inside was a lacy, black dress. “I needed to hide this.”
“Where did you get that from?”
Sinead looked guilty, “Liv’s wardrobe. What? It’s not like she was going to wear it, I saw her downstairs and she’s already all dressed up.” Liv was one of Cate’s two older sisters.
“I can’t wear that, she’ll kill me.”
“Of course you can,” Sinead said, “once Liv’s had a couple of drinks, she won’t notice what you’re wearing.”
Sinead hung the dress up on the back of Cate’s wardrobe door and brushed out a couple of tiny creases. Then she began to unpack her bag.
“Here, take this,” Sinead handed Cate a small bundle of fabric.
Cate unravelled it. “No way. No. Definitely not.”
“Yes,” Sinead insisted. “Cate, I love you, OK but if you want a boy to kiss you, you need a little help.”
“I seriously hate you right now,” Cate scowled.
Sinead just laughed, “Come on, in you go.” She handed Cate the dress, pushed her into the bathroom and firmly shut the door.
After a few minutes, Cate opened the door a crack, “I look absolutely ridiculous.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” Sinead said. “Even if you do, I haven’t finished yet. Come on, open the door.”
“No,” Cate went to close the door again but Sinead was fast, wedging it open with her foot. “Please don’t make me do this.”
Sinead had no sympathy, “out.”
Cate reluctantly opened the door and stepped out with her arms folded across her chest. “Cate,” Sinead frowned. “You can’t spend the whole of the party like that, drop them.”
When Cate dropped her hands, Sinead gasped. Her friend looked absolutely gorgeous. “Oh my God, you’ve got boobs.”
Cate blushed dark red, “I can’t do this; they’re too on display.”
“That’s the whole point of them,” Sinead pointed to her own, which were pushed up by her emerald-green corset top. “Think about it, they are never going to look as good as they do right now. When we’re old and they’re all saggy, you’re going to think to yourself why didn’t I make the most of them?”
“I guarantee I’m not going to think that,” Cate said, smiling a little.
“You will. Now sit down and let me do your make-up.”
When Sinead had finished, Cate looked at herself in the mirror. She felt like a totally different person. Strictly a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, she hadn’t worn a skirt since she’d left high school nearly 18 months ago. Cate looked down at her legs, which always looked like toothpicks but with Sinead’s high heels, they looked long and almost graceful. The dress cinched in at the waist, giving the impression that she had curves.
Cate winced as her eyes slowly made their way up to her boobs. The dress had a deep v, which she was certain would draw attention to her lack of boobs. She’d always been embarrassed by how small they were. But when she forced to herself to look, she was shocked – she could almost see a little bit of cleavage? She stepped closer to the mirror, sure it was a mistake but no, there was some definite cleavage going on there.
“Wow,” Cate said, running her hands over her new boobs, “this must be a miracle bra?”
“Wait a sec,” Sinead rummaged in her make-up bag. “We can do better.”
Cate giggled as she felt the bristles of the make-up brush between her breasts. “What are you doing?”
“I’m shading,” Sinead said. “It’ll make your boobs look even bigger. I do it all the time.”
“Ha,” Cate scoffed. “Your boobs are perfect.”
Sinead shrugged. “Everyone needs a little help. There you go, perfect.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Cate whispered. Her eyes were already starting to get teary.
“You can always start with thank you Sinead, my best friend in the whole world. I am totally getting kissed tonight and it will all be thanks to you.”
“Thank you,” Cate said, giving her best friend a hug.
“Oh my God,” Sinead said, “I can’t get over your boobs.”
Cate slapped her hands away. “Stop it!”
“Ooh, one more thing,” Sinead reached for her bag, pulled out a bottle of water and unscrewed the lid. “Here, a lil’ Dutch courage.”
“Water?” Cate said, looking at the bottle.
“I’m sure there’s water in there somewhere,” Sinead giggled. “Go on, have a glug.”
Cate took a sip, the alcohol burned down the back of her throat. “Jeez, what’s in this?”
“The ‘rents drinks cabinet,” Sinead said, “a little bit of this, little bit of that – it’s just to get us in the festive spirit.”
Cate tried to pass it back but Sinead shook her head, “come on Cate, don’t be a party pooper, boys will like you more if you’re not so stuck up.”
Cate took another mouthful and forced it down her throat even though the taste of it made her gag.
“My turn,” Sinead said, taking the bottle. She took a huge swig. “Ooh, I know the perfect boy for you to kiss tonight, Jake Moloney.”
“No,” Cate shook her head.
“Yes, he’s perfect for you – I don’t know why you haven’t hooked up before. I see you together all the time.”
“We’ve got a couple of classes together,” Cate said, “besides, hasn’t he got a girlfriend, Madeleine?”
“I think they broke up.” Sinead said, “which is perfect because he’s probably on the rebound. You could totally do worse, he’s cute.”
“He’s OK, I guess,” Cate said although the thought of kissing him didn’t make her go weak at the knees.
“That’s settled then,” Sinead, taking another swig. “Operation Snog Moloney.”
With the party now in full swing downstairs, Sinead figured that Liv had probably already had at least a couple of drinks and would be too busy either snogging or fighting with her on/off boyfriend, Ryan to notice that Cate or rather Sinead had stolen one of her dresses.
They slowly made their way down the three flights of stairs to the ground floor. “You’re a sight for sore eyes,” creepy Mr Ford from number 8 leered as they passed by.
When Cate grimaced, Sinead leaned in and whispered in her ear, “don’t worry, I think we’re too old for him now anyway.”
When they reached the top of the final set of stairs which led down into the basement, they stopped and looked around. The basement was packed and neither of them could see Liv in the mix of bodies.
Cate was halfway down the stairs, when she felt that familiar heat coil around her spine. She stopped and fumbled about on the wall behind her for the wooden banister, her legs felt extra-wobbly. Kian was there, she could feel him. Kian was The Guy. Unfortunately, he was also Sinead’s older brother and best friends with Cate’s brother, Ben.
Scanning the packed basement, Cate quickly found him stood by the stereo with Ben and his fiancée, Erin. Cate slunk back against the wall, hidden by shadow and guiltily allowed her eyes to feast on him.
Kian was a Premier League footballer and his body definitely reflected his athleticism. He was wearing a slate-grey shirt, which clung to his upper body; Cate could see the sharply-defined muscles on his back and upper arms. Ugh, I want to be that shirt, Cate chewed on her bottom lip. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the image of herself, curled around Kian’s bare back, feeling the scorching heat and those hard muscles flex against her skin.
Cate cursed her dumb luck; out of all the guys on the planet, she had to have a crush on Kian flipping Warner.
“You OK?” Sinead put a hand on Cate’s arm. “Wow, you look really freaked.”
“I’m just feeling a bit woozy, that’s all,” Cate lied.
Sinead grinned, “You’ll get used to it. Come on.”
When they got to the bottom of the stairs, the music was so loud; Cate couldn’t hear what Sinead was saying. Sinead spun her around so that she could see Jake grabbing a couple of bottles of beer from the makeshift bar at the back of the room. “Go,” Sinead shoved Cate towards him. When she turned back around, Sinead had disappeared into the crowd.
Cate took a deep breath and pushed her way towards the bar. She really did want to be kissed, if only to stop Sinead looking at her like a charity case. It was pathetic that she was 18 and had never been kissed before. The one guy she really wanted, Kian – he was never going to kiss her; to him she would always be his little sister’s friend. Sinead was right; if she couldn’t have Kian, it didn’t really matter who her first kiss was with. Even if it was rubbish and she had every reason to believe that it would be, at least it would be out of the way and she could concentrate on more important things. It was a box that needed to be ticked.
“Hey,” she said, trying to make her voice heard above the music.
Jake turned around, “oh hey, Cate.”
For a moment, Cate was disappointed that Jake’s eyes didn’t suddenly pop out on stalks when he saw her. Then she remembered that she didn’t actually fancy Jake, it’s not like she wanted him to be her boyfriend; she just wanted him to kiss her. Damn, why was she so bad at this? Sinead flirted with every guy she met, it was as natural to her as breathing but this was yet another thing that Cate had never quite mastered.
“Sorry, did you want something? Am I in your way?”
“No, it’s OK, I can wait.”
“Thanks,” Jake tucked a couple of bottles under his arm. “Listen, let me just give these to the lads and then there’s something I want to ask you.”
“OK,” Cate gulped. Was this the moment?
She waited for him to come back. “Come here,” he guided her by the elbow to a quieter part of the basement.
“What did you want to ask me?” Behind Jake’s back, she could see Sinead giving her the thumbs up.
Jake caught Cate rolling her eyes and turned around but Sinead was pretending to talk to some random boy.
“You’re best mates with Sinead, aren’t you?” Jake asked. Cate nodded. “Do you know if she’s seeing anyone right now?”
Cate stumbled backwards and he grabbed her arm, “hey, are you OK?”
“Yeah, sorry, new shoes,” she said, removing his hand from her arm.
“Is she then?” Jake said, “seeing anyone, Sinead?”
“No,” Cate said, “no, she’s not seeing anyone. Excuse me, I’m going to go…” she spotted the door to the basement. “Outside, I’m going to go outside and get some air.”
“Yeah,” Jake said but she was gone.