Chapter 19
If she had waited
Arthur struggled to get to his feet. His mother tried to hold him as he stood up, but Arthur shrugged off her aid. He didn’t need her. He could stand. Arthur stood up and walked into the balcony. Staring in the direction of Rebecca’s home, Arthur stood statuesque. His heart was in turmoil.
“I am sorry, Arthur,” his mother said once again from behind him.
Arthur nodded. His mother had no great fault. She had done what every mother would do since the situation had turned as it did. His sister was the cruel one who should be apologising for her wickedness. Arthur remembered the bristling greeting between his sister and Rebecca that day at the funeral. They just passed by each other, hardly speaking.
I had been too distracted by Harriet to properly access the situation.
But Rebecca had never told him about the situation with Teresa. She had never told him anything. She had preferred to stay there, suffering and smiling anytime he came to see her. She seemed resigned to her fate. Arthur felt irritated.
What right did she have to give up? Why didn’t she burst at him in anger?
That way he would have known her problems in the while he had left and would have been able to attend to them. Now, he was finding out late. Arthur hoped it wasn’t too late.
“I’ll tell Evelyn to prepare something you like. It should calm your nerves a bit,” his mother said.
Arthur shook his head.
“Don’t bother.”
“Arthur, you must be weak already from this pain. Your mind must be a mess now,” his mother said.
Arthur shook his head.
“That food will only be wasted, Mother. I am not eating. I don’t even have the appetite,” he said.
Arthur knew what he had to do. He saw that the sun was already low in the sky. He looked down and noticed a lot of the guests had entered the house. Arthur walked to his mirror and dusted the brown patches on his trousers.
“Where are you going?” the Countess asked.
“Where do you think, Mother?” Arthur responded.
His mother walked to him and placed an arm on his shoulder. Arthur passed and looked through the mirror into her wrinkled face. He could now see the effect of this weight she had carried. He imagined what she would have been thinking. She had given birth to Teresa, only for her daughter to turn out to be this beast.
“How did you manage staring every day at her?” Arthur asked.
His mother sighed.
“Whatever she has done Arthur, she is still my daughter. That’s the secret. I don’t need to forgive her or accept her to love her. The love came from birth, and it’s stuck,” she said, smiling at the end.
Arthur looked into her eyes. She was pained and was still smiling. He understood that Teresa was her daughter and the only reaction would have been to protect her. But she was protecting her against her son. What was there to really protect?
Teresa is long gone. She cannot change.
Arthur shrugged and stopped dusting. The brown patches were as clean as possible. He nodded and turned around. His mother put her hands beneath his chin, cupping his face.
“I love you, Arthur. You know that. I was given too hard a choice, and I had to do something,” she said.
Arthur nodded.
“I understand, Mother. It can happen to anyone,” Arthur said.
He didn’t know why he made the last statement. He just said it. Arthur hugged his mother tightly. Then he broke the embrace and walked to the door.
“I’ll be back,” Arthur said.
He didn’t turn back to see his mother’s reaction. He knew she wasn’t going to try to stop him. Arthur ran down the stairs, meeting quite a number of people resting or talking in the parlour. Arthur avoided all eyes and didn’t respond to a number of greetings. On getting to the porch, he still met Mr Poodle there, holding a cup of something.
“My Lord, I had been eagerly waiting your return,” Mr Poodle said, walking to Arthur and taking his right hand.
Arthur turned to the man. He was rushing, and here was this man, trying to steal what he was going to fight for and asking him to help him.
“I really need to get going, Mr Poodle. You need to talk to my – Teresa. She will respond accordingly,” Arthur said.
Arthur wasn’t sure he could call Lady Teresa his sister anymore.
She is no sister of mine.
The man didn’t ease his grip on Arthur’s hand. Instead, he seemed to deflect Arthur’s unwillingness to talk with his easy smile.
“Asides what we had earlier discussed which is also of grave importance, My Lord. I have some other propositions for you, many you cannot but accept,” Arthur said.
Arthur shook his head. In this state, he was sure he could only reject them. Arthur saw a steward start to climb the stairs. He was carrying an empty tray and looked really tired. His shoulders dropped, and his legs lagged as he came up the stairs. At that moment, Arthur could not care less. He needed to save himself. Arthur gestured to him, summoning him. When the boy got to them, Arthur broke the contact between his hand and Mr Poodle’s.
“Find Mr Victor and tell him to listen to all of Mr Poodle’s requests. He should document it. I want to see it when I come back,” Arthur said.
Mr Poodle looked very pleased.
“Thank you, My Lord,” he said bowing and smiling profusely.
Arthur nodded to him and ran down the stairs. His mind was already outside the house and far away from the party. Arthur ran around the back to the stable. He readied his stallion and buckled its saddle to it.
“Where are you going?” he heard from the door.
It was Teresa. Only she had the guts to ask him that question in that way.
“Get out of my way, Teresa.”
“You cannot leave a party in the middle of its events. And where could the Earl be running off to? Don’t you look at the social implications of actions before doing them?” Teresa said.
Arthur laughed. That had never mattered to him, not once. And he definitely wasn’t in the mood to start now.
“Get out of my way, Teresa. I would be feeling happy to hit you out of the way for my horse to pass,” Arthur said.
Lady Teresa stood still at the door. Standing in the middle to ensure there was no other way to pass except through her. Arthur mounted his horse. If he had to climb over her to get to Rebecca, he would willingly do it. His hands were trembling, his heart jumping at the chance to exact a kind of revenge.
Arthur steadied his horse then let it fly. The pace was a rather quick one to start a run with but he didn’t mind.
All the better to hit her with.
Arthur held his breath. Lady Teresa still stood in the middle, unflinching. Arthur readied himself because he wasn’t going to stop for her. That was up to her. His horse powered through the stable and was almost on her when she finally flinched and jumped out of the way. Arthur didn’t bother to look back, but his beating heart slackened. Arthur looked back briefly. His sister was yet to rise. He had been scared at the very end that her stubbornness would make her remain in the way.
Arthur saw many eyes watch him as he rode at top speed out of the grounds and into the street. He didn’t care.
Arthur remembered when Mr Victor had told him to ask his mother. He really had meant to, but she was still ill then, and he had been scared of the impact of such on her health.
How will Rebecca react when she sees me looking agitated and disturbed?
He didn’t really care. He wanted her to see him agitated and disturbed. It would help his cause much better. Arthur hoped she would be ready to forgive him.
Or Teresa.
He didn’t really do anything. All he did was lack belief in her. And he couldn’t blame himself.
She married three months after I had left.
That was the puzzle still left unsolved. Why did she marry the priest so quickly? All of his sister’s actions and his mother’s explanations were not enough to justify the speed at which she moved on from him.
Was the love they shared such a bad experience that she couldn’t savour it?
Arthur wished she had given him some time. He wished she had loved him the way he loved her and waited. If she had waited, he would have come back to visit and would have found out why she wasn’t replying to his letters. They would never have had to break the relationship they had and would probably have been a family by now.
The three of us: I, Rebecca, and Harriet.