CHAPTER 23
Zach greeted the cool March night air with gratitude as they exited the stifling atmosphere of the club and returned to the parking garage.
“I’m sorry, Zach,” Nora said as they reached the car. “I should have warned you about Søren.”
“I can understand now why you were reluctant to. It must have been very difficult to have a relationship with him…for so many reasons.”
Nora threw her coat in the car. “Tell me about it. It was like being with a married guy, except this guy happens to be married to God and the entire Catholic Church. That’s a lot of competition.”
“I’m glad you left him. He’s—” Zach searched for the right word “—terrifying.”
“Thought I was terrifying.”
“You were. Then I met him.”
“You’ve never met a Jesuit before, have you?”
Zach gave her a blank look.
“Søren was trained as a Jesuit. They’re an infamous militant religious order. Otherwise known as ‘God’s Marines.’ They used to eat Protestant heretics,” Nora said with a dark grin. “But these days they’re known more for their rather liberal stance on abortion, homosexuality and…priestly celibacy.”
“Very liberal stance, I see. Are you sure he’s on God’s side?” Zach asked.
Nora laughed. “Very sure. And believe me, God’s relieved that he is. But don’t overreact. Søren was just fucking with your head. It’s his favorite part of the body to fuck with. Well, maybe second favorite.”
“I can’t believe you’re defending him.”
“Well, he was defending me.”
Zach looked at her. “What do you mean?”
“Back there with you. He’s worried you’re going to hurt me if you and I get involved. I mean, technically you’re still married. Søren’s really protective of me still. He wasn’t just trying to be a bitch to you, Zach. He was making sure you knew that if you hurt me, you’d have to answer to him.”
Zach blanched a little. He remembered the day he’d had to answer to Grace’s father about what had happened between them. That had possibly been the second worst day of his life. And Grace’s father was a teddy bear compared to Nora’s Father.
“Nora, I’ll no more answer to him than you should have to. He dragged you away and ordered you around like you were his own personal property. You aren’t even with him anymore. House rules or not, he has no right to treat you like that.”
Nora took her keys out of her coat pocket and held one up.
“Here. Want to go back in and tell him that?”
Zach stared at the key and remembered the dread he felt around Nora’s priest.
“Yeah,” Nora said, spinning the key ring on her finger. “I thought so. How about this one?” she said, holding up another key.
“Is that the key to the Aston Martin?” Zach raised an eyebrow.
“It is. Forgive me for Søren?” she asked dangling the key.
Zach took the key ring from her hand. “I’ll forgive you for anything.”
“I’m going to hold you to that, Zach.”
Zach slipped in the driver’s seat while Nora entered on the passenger side.
“You can drive a stick shift, can’t you?”
“Of course. Just haven’t ever done it on the right side of the road,” Zach said and grinned at her.
Zach started the car and felt the engine’s gentle vibrations run through his body.
“Now behave yourself,” Nora said. “I’ve got a friend on the force, but he says he’s fixed all the speeding tickets he can for me.”
“If I get a ticket in an Aston Martin, I plan to frame it and put it on my desk.” And with that Zach gunned the engine and spun out of the parking garage.
“So what did Søren say to you tonight?” Nora asked. Zach looked at her. She sounded a little too casual.
“He did more showing than telling.”
“I suppose you approved of that. What did you think of my room?”
“I think you should clean it a little more often,” Zach said, pulling the white garter from his pocket and tossing it at Nora. “Yours?”
Nora laughed as she played with the delicate piece of lace.
“I see Sheridan left me a souvenir. Naughty little slut. Too bad she’s engaged now or we could have a threesome with her.”
Zach’s groin tightened a little at the erotic tone in Nora’s voice. He hated what a stereotypical male he was when it came to the thought of two beautiful women together.
Zach was silent for a few moments as he worked up his courage.
“Nora, talking with Griffin this evening—”
“Oh, God, Griffin. He’s the reason gags were invented. What did he say?”
“He told me about what it was like when you and Søren were together. About what he did to you. Why did you stay with him so long?”
Nora only laughed.
“Zach, there’s an alley up here on the left. Pull in and park. I want to show you something.”
Nervously, Zach obeyed. He turned the car off and looked at Nora. She unbuckled her seat belt and before Zach could react, she had reached across him, reclined his seat and straddled his lap. She ran her hand down his chest and unzipped his pants. Zach inhaled sharply as she took him in her hand.
“I’m flattered.” She grinned at him through the dark. “Is this for me or the car?”
“Nora, I told you—”
Nora ran her fingers up and down him so possessively he panted.
“Pay attention, Zach. I’m only going to say this once.” Bending close, she bit him lightly on his neck. She kissed a path from his throat to his ear as she stroked him with knowing fingers. “I know you want to fuck me. And I know you wish you didn’t. So how about we compromise and you can sit here and say, ‘No, Nora,’ ‘Don’t, Nora,’ ‘Stop, Nora,’ and I’ll ignore all those protests and slide right down on your cock anyway? And I’ll do it because no and don’t and stop aren’t your safe word. So you can finally get fucked and still sleep like a baby in your big lonely bed tonight feeling all clean and shiny and virginal because, after all, you did say ‘no’ and that awful Nora Sutherlin just wouldn’t listen.”
Zach swallowed hard. He remembered his safe word, knew all he had to do was say it and Nora would stop touching him. He didn’t say it. Nora let go of him and grabbed his wrist. She brought his hand between her legs and pushed his thumb and forefinger into her. She was so warm inside Zach groaned aloud.
“I’m wet,” Nora said. “And you’re hard. I’ve got an IUD, no STDs and nowhere I have to be for the rest of my life. I know exactly what Griffin told you Søren used to do to me. I was there, after all. So yeah, maybe I did beg Søren to stop beating me, maybe I did scream when he caned me, maybe I did cry out when he slapped me, and maybe I did beg him to not share me with King, maybe I did lie underneath him and cry while he fucked me in the middle of a room full of people, or yanked a fistful of my hair and forced me to go down on him at that very table we were sitting at half an hour ago. But I never said my safe word, the one thing I could have done to stop it. And I’ll give you one guess why I didn’t stop it.”
Unable to stop himself, Zach pushed into her a little deeper, spread his fingers apart a little wider. Nora inhaled, her breath caught in the back of her throat. Zach’s free hand held her thigh where her stocking met her bare flesh. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this painfully aroused.
Zach met Nora’s eyes.
“You didn’t want to stop it,” he said.
Nora nodded at him. “You can be taught. Zach, I was never Søren’s victim. We were lovers, we were equals, and what we did together was a game we were both very good at playing. Some nights he would make me orgasm so hard my lower back would hurt the next day. When’s the last time you felt something that good?”
“On the floor of your office,” Zach admitted.
Nora’s eyes glowed bright black in the dark of the car. “You know, you’re the second man tonight who’s had his fingers inside me. Does that bother you?”
Zach recalled Nora’s flushed face when she raced from the elevator once Søren finally let her go. She was so wet that he could hear it as he turned his hand.
“No.”
“There’s hope for you yet, Zachary Easton.” Nora leaned in again and put her mouth at his ear. Her breasts pressed close to his face. “I still remember what you taste like.”
Every nerve in his body fired at once.
Nora turned her head so her ear was now at his mouth.
“I’m still waiting to hear that safe word,” she taunted. Zach didn’t answer. A tendril of her hair brushed his cheek. He didn’t speak; he wanted her to do exactly what she threatened. More than anything he wanted to have sex with the world’s most erotic woman in the world’s most erotic car in a dank, dirty New York City alley where anyone who wanted to could stop and watch.
Nora met his eyes again. Zach pulled his fingers out of her and waited. She lowered herself until the tip of his arousal pressed lightly against her wet outer lips. He started to lift his hips, to press into her. Then he heard a click as Nora opened the driver’s side door and she stepped out. The cool night air rushed in and Zach struggled to button his jeans back up over his straining erection.
“Better let me take over,” Nora said. “You don’t need to be driving my baby in your condition.”
Zach took a few calming breaths before exiting the car. He walked around slowly to the passenger side and got in. Nora dropped into the driver’s side and turned the engine on.
“You okay?” Nora asked as she backed onto the street and headed toward his apartment building.
“Haven’t decided yet.”
Nora turned onto his street.
“I’m just following your rules. No fucking until the book’s done. I guess I should hurry up and get that book finished.”
Zach rubbed his face, breathed through his hands. “Please do.”
“Better give me my homework then. If we’re going to play again, I guess I’ve got to get some work done this week. And for some reason I get the feeling you may want to play again.”
Zach could still feel her heat on his hand. He could hardly think or speak and she was talking about the book.
“I’ll email you tomorrow morning…when I’m lucid.”
“Lucidity’s vastly overrated. I shall await your email with bated breath.” Nora pulled in front of his building.
Zach opened the door and stepped out. Once exposed to the cold night air his senses finally returned to him. He walked around to the driver’s side and Nora rolled the window down.
“What was that you said to Søren tonight right before we left? It sounded like Italian,” Zach asked, curious about their cryptic exchange ever since he witnessed it.
“Cloro al clero. It’s pretty common graffiti around the Vatican. It means ‘poison the clergy.’”
Zach laughed appreciatively. He could agree with the sentiment.
“Are you ever going to tell me what you were doing when you disappeared for over an hour tonight?” he asked.
“Nope.”
“Are you at least going to tell me if it was fun?”
Nora looked at him and didn’t smile. But there was dark mirth shining in her eyes as if she knew a great joke that she wanted to tell him.
“I’ll tell you this…I didn’t have sex with a man. And it was so much fun it oughta be illegal.” Zach took a step back as she revved the engine. She rolled up the window.
Then she was gone.
Zach stared after the car and felt Nora take a shard of himself away with her. It was his rule, his proclamation that they wouldn’t become lovers until the book was finished. But for a few moments he’d felt no guilt, and the world hadn’t ended.
Zach entered his building and took the elevator up to his flat. He was out of his coat by the time he got to his door. He pulled off his shirt, yanked down his jeans and kicked his clothes into the corner of the room before crawling with the reluctance of a weary soldier into the bitter trench of his bed.
Closing his weary eyes, Zach couldn’t stop himself from picturing Grace. Some nights she would stop his hands, desperate to undress him herself. Her brief flirtation with aggression over, she would turn timid as her fingers, earnest and nervous, unbuttoned his cuffs, his collar, slipping the shirt off his shoulders so slowly he would shiver. And she would look at him with such wonder, such desire that he, a married man, a graduate of dozens of beds, and so accustomed to the appreciative stares of women that they no longer registered as flattery, would find himself feeling suddenly shy. She looked at him as if she’d never seen his bare chest before, his uncovered arms, his naked stomach and back until he felt he had never been seen like that before and knew, likely, he never had. The next day he would yawn and stretch and stumble through the hours grateful he’d gotten a better offer than a mere good night’s sleep.
Zach came hard on his hand and rolled over onto his stomach. God, he missed his wife.
* * *
Nora stood at the foot of her bed and stared at the black silk abyss before her. Like many of her characters she slept on black sheets. But unlike them, she did so for reasons more practical than seductive. She wrote in bed and often fell asleep with her pens uncapped and dripping. Wesley’s moving in over a year ago put a stop to any overnight guests. These days the only stains on these sheets were from ink.
Nora pulled on her pajamas, grateful to be in comfortable clothes again. What a night…she’d been so stupid to take Zach with her to the Circle. It was a miracle they’d made it out without anyone telling Zach she wasn’t just a Domme, but a Dominatrix and that the Circle wasn’t where she played but where she worked. He’d stomached the Circle but just barely. Wesley loathed what she did. Zach wouldn’t be any more understanding than the kid was.
The kid… The ghost of guilt passed through the room as she remembered Michael. But still…he had been so eager and ready and so desperate to know that he wasn’t alone in his strange desires. And if it hadn’t been her, it would have been some girl, vapid and foolish and completely unaware of the rare creature she fumbled about with awkwardly. Michael deserved better. He deserved the ceremony and the story.
After they’d finished and she had untied him, he had curled into her arms and cried. She’d rocked him and let him talk. “I always thought there was something wrong with me,” he’d confessed. “I thought I was wrong to want this.” And she knew he wasn’t weeping because of sadness or shock, but because all babies cry when they’re born.
Nora glanced around. The ghost was gone. But there was no way she could sleep in her own bed tonight, not with the memory of Søren’s taunts still echoing in her ears.
She padded down the hall in her sock feet pausing outside a half-open door. Wesley lay on his side, his back to her, the sheet draped over his hip.
“I’m awake, Nor,” Wesley said without turning over.
Nora tiptoed into his room and sat on the edge of his bed. He rolled onto his back and looked up at her.
“Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“There’s a monster in my room,” Nora whispered unnecessarily.
“Big baby.” He threw back the covers. “Get in.”
Nora dived in with juvenile glee and wriggled next to him flipping and flopping over like a fish on land until Wesley grabbed her by the arms and pinned her down.
“Why, Wesley. I never knew you cared.” She batted her eyelashes at him.
“If you’re gonna sleep with me, woman, you have to behave yourself.”
Nora tried to ignore how good it felt lying beneath Wesley with his hands on her upper arms and his naked chest in front of her face. She wanted to raise her head, kiss his shoulders, his strong neck.
“Yes, sir,” she said meekly.
Wesley raised a hand and brushed her hair off her face.
“Your hair’s damp,” he said. “You took another shower.”
Nora heard the worry in his voice.
“I didn’t have sex with Zach. Or Søren. Sometimes a shower’s just a shower, Wes,” she said, conveniently omitting Michael.
“Was he there?” Wesley asked, letting her go and stretching out next to her. Nora lay on her side to face him. It was funny how much more comfortable she felt in Wesley’s far smaller full-size bed than her huge luxurious king-size.
“He was. We talked some. We didn’t play. He wanted to but I stopped him.”
“You actually told him no?”
Nora sat up and switched on the lamp on the bedside table. She turned her back to Wesley and unbuttoned her pajama top.
“Nora, you don’t—”
But Nora didn’t stop. She let her shirt fall off her arms. She lifted her hair and showed him her naked back.
“See?” she asked. “Not a mark on me. You can check the rest of me if you want.”
She waited for Wesley to speak but instead he grazed her bare back with his fingertips. His touch was so tenuous that it almost tickled.
“Okay,” he said. “I believe you.”
Nora pulled her shirt back on and buttoned it. She turned off the lamp and lay down again. For a few minutes they lay in silence together.
“You stopped him because Zach was there?”
Nora opened her eyes. Wesley was looking at her. She ran her hands through his tousled blond hair.
“No. I stopped him because I promised you I would.”
Wesley took her hand from his hair and held it.
“You did?”
Nora squeezed his hand and met his eyes. “Yeah, I did. Wes, I can’t lose you.” Reaching out, she laid her hand on Wesley’s chest over his heart. She leaned forward and kissed Wesley on the forehead. She wanted so desperately to lower her head and kiss his lips. But she remembered Søren’s warnings. She wanted to believe she could be trusted around Wesley.
Wesley rolled over on his side so she could no longer see his face. She tried to settle in and let herself fall asleep. But Wesley’s body was so close, so warm and so inviting. Just to tease him, she reached out and ran a finger down the center of his back from his neck to his hip.
“Nora, did you already forget the ‘behave yourself’ rule?”
“Just returning the favor,” she said. “You touched my back. I get to touch yours.” Nora ran her finger up his back to his neck again. She delighted in the little shivers she instigated with every pass. “Why are you still a virgin, Wes?”
He’s waiting for you to grow up. Nora heard Søren’s voice in her head and pushed it away.
“Are you seriously asking me that?” Wesley grabbed a pillow and pulled it tight to his chest.
“I’m very seriously asking you that. I want to know.”
“Well, I’m a Christian and—”
“I’m a Christian, too. And I’m not a virgin. Then again, I’m a bad Christian.”
“You’re not a bad Christian,” Wesley said. “You’re just doing the best you can.”
“That’s very gracious of you.” Nora grinned at the back of his head. “But you’re avoiding the question. Are you really waiting until your wedding night?”
“Not necessarily.”
Nora flicked him on his back.
“What do you mean ‘not necessarily’? That’s not very devout of you.”
“I’m not a fundamentalist, you know. I’m a biochemistry major. I do believe that evolution and global warming are real. I just think God’s real, too, and He wants us to be, I don’t know, honorable with each other.”
“Honorable…that’s a very good word. So when do you plan on honoring some lucky girl with your virginity?”
“Nora, this isn’t a very comfortable topic of conversation.”
“Wes, we talk about sex all the time.”
“No, you talk about sex all the time. I live with you and am forced to listen to it.”
Nora flicked him again. “Come on. Tell me. I want to know.”
“All right, fine. If you’ll stop flicking me.”
Nora started lightly massaging Wesley’s neck and shoulders. She thought it would help with his tension but his muscles seemed to get more rigid the more she touched him.
Wesley exhaled slowly.
“I just want to wait until I know it’ll mean as much to her as it does to me. As much as it means to me, this might take a while.”
Nora stopped rubbing Wesley’s neck and instead began slowly caressing his back with her fingertips.
“Remember, I was still a virgin when I was your age. I was twenty before Søren and I made love the first time.”
“Were you glad you waited so long?”
“It wasn’t my choice to wait. It was his. I was ready and willing much younger than that. But I’m glad that it mattered as much to him as it did to me. I think you’ll make some girl very happy one of these days. For your sake I hope she’s waited for you, too.”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t want to be with another virgin?” she asked, utterly shocked.
“No way. I’d like at least one of us to know what we’re doing.”
“It’s not that hard to figure out, I promise. You just kiss her,” she said, dropping a kiss on the center of Wesley’s back, “anywhere and everywhere you want to kiss her and touch her anywhere and everywhere you want to touch her. And when she’s wet and ready you spread her legs open wide and slowly push inside her and—”
“Stop, Nor.” She could hear the strain in his voice.
“I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget I’m not in one of my own books.”
“It’s okay,” he said a little breathlessly. He curled up around the pillow and pulled his legs into his chest. “It’s just…you’re… I’m…”
“Turned on? I know you are. Your accent gets thicker when you get—”
“Nora, please.”
“You can tell me, Wes.”
“Yes,” he confessed. “Very. I’m sorry. Just give me a few minutes to think about my dead grandmother and I’ll be okay.”
“Can I help you?”
“I don’t think so. You never met my dead grandmother.”
Nora laughed. “That’s not what I was thinking. Here, just relax. Best thing to do is just get it out of your system.” She put her hand on his side.
“I’m not going to have sex with you,” Wesley said with vehemence.
“I know. I’ve met my virgin deflowering quota for the day anyway. Just think of it as a tension-relieving massage.” Nora slipped her hand under his pajama pants and caressed his hip. She tapped him where she knew his tattoo was. “Or I could blow your bugle.”
Wesley laughed and groaned at the same time.
“This isn’t a good idea,” he said, although she could hear the need in his voice.
“Then I’ll stop. Or I’ll continue. Just tell me what you want.”
“I want to be able to sleep on my stomach at some point tonight.”
“I’ll take that as a yes then. Okay?” Nora waited, certain he would say no and send her back to her room.
Wesley took a hard breath.
“Okay.”
“Really?” she asked.
“You really told Søren no because of me?” he asked.
Nora didn’t have to lie when she answered a quiet, “Yes.”
“Then yes. But no bugle blowing.”
“Spoilsport.” Suddenly Nora found herself feeling something she hadn’t felt in months, maybe even years—nervous. She let her hand slip over the hard plane of Wesley’s flat stomach, and she could feel the outline of all his muscles. She moved lower and found him. Wrapping her hand around him, she stroked upward.
“God,” he whispered as his whole body shivered.
“You’ve never even let anyone touch you before?” She ran her fingers slowly up and down his hard length.
He shook his head.
“No.”
She took him with her whole hand and smiled as he flinched with pleasure. Pressing her body into his back, she kissed only his neck although she ached to kiss all of him.
“You’re insanely hard,” she said, almost laughing. “You were working on the world’s worst case of blueballs.”
“Tell me about it.” She could hear Wesley trying to be flippant but his voice sounded bated and breathy. She ran her hand from the base to the tip of him; it took a very long time to get there. Not only did she have a gorgeous virgin in her house, but she had an extremely well-endowed one. Yet another thing Wesley and Søren had in common. She closed her eyes and imagined she could hear God laughing at her from on high.
“Wes, forgive the reference to your family’s favorite animal, but you’re hung like a horse.”
“Really?” He sounded pleasantly surprised.
“Definitely.” Still stunned by this incredible intimacy Wesley was allowing, Nora tried to keep her voice calm. “Probably a good thing if you never try sex with a virgin. You’d kill the poor girl.”
“I think you’re about to kill me,” he breathed. She loved hearing his voice so hoarse and desperate.
Nora turned her hand again and ran just her fingertips up and down him, grinning as Wesley’s breath caught in his throat and his shoulders heaved. She wanted to pretend it was only a massage, but she couldn’t stop herself from imagining him inside her, filling her body with his, coming inside her, being his first lover. She forced the image away and focused on Wesley again.
“Wesley, I can do this all night. That doesn’t mean you have to. You can come whenever you want.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“It’s just me. We’re best friends. You don’t have to be ashamed or embarrassed, I promise. Just relax. Come for me,” she said, unable to stop giving orders even with Wesley.
Nora tightened her grip slightly and moved her hand faster. Wesley started breathing even harder. His back arched and she heard him inhale sharply. His whole body shuddered for a long time. Nora nearly gasped aloud at the intensity of his orgasm as her own inner muscles contracted with frustrated desire. While he breathed through the climax she held him before reluctantly letting him go. Grabbing a pair of his abandoned boxer shorts off the floor, she handed them to him. He said nothing as he cleaned himself off and tossed the wet boxers aside.
“Better?” she asked.
“Yeah, better,” he said, still panting a little. “Humiliated but better.”
Nora laughed and draped her arm over his chest.
“Wes, turn over.” Nora could sense Wesley’s unwillingness to obey. But he finally gave in and flipped back over. He lay on his side again face-to-face with her. She was relieved to see his eyes were as wide and innocent and unsullied as ever.
She placed her hand on his bare chest right over his heart.
“I’m going to tell you something that is completely true,” she said. “And you’re going to believe it’s true. And then we’re both going to go to sleep.”
“I’m listening.”
“It meant as much to me as it did to you,” she said and she did mean it.
Wesley nodded. “Okay, I believe you.”
Nora smiled at him, and he smiled back.
“Now go to sleep. On your stomach now if you’d like.”
“Good night, Nora,” he said and pushed her still damp hair off her face.
“Good night, John-Boy.”
Nora kissed him quick on the cheek and rolled over onto her side away from him. She tensed as Wesley reached out and pulled her back against his chest. It took her a moment to even believe he lay so close, that their bodies were shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. She settled in against him and let him hold her.
After a few minutes his breathing settled, slowing down until his breaths matched hers. He lay quiet for so long she thought he’d fallen asleep.
“I thought you’d be with Zach tonight,” Wesley said.
Nora found his hand and wrapped her fingers around his.
“No. I’m with you tonight.”