CHAPTER 27
Two weeks left…
Zach paced around his flat trying to decide where to begin packing. His flight to L.A. was in exactly thirteen days. He’d arrive on Sunday morning, get settled into the temporary quarters that Royal had rented for him and he’d start work on Monday. There was little to pack so he wasn’t sure why he was bothering about it so soon. With his work at Royal New York almost finished, he didn’t know what else to do with himself.
He opened a cardboard box and starting packing his books. The Great Gatsby…the book that first turned him on to modern American literature when he was a university student. Atonement by Ian McEwan…a glorious story, one of McEwan’s best. Zach stared a long time at the title of the next book—Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham. Nora had joked about that book once; that she was quite disappointed that no one actually got tied up in it.
When he realized he was smiling at the memory he made himself stop. Everything was over with Nora now—the book, the deal, the promise of a few nights together before he was gone. He was so angry with himself. He thought that once he was settled out in L.A. she would come visit for a few days. He’d offhandedly mentioned the idea a week ago. She asked him if he’d ever heard of something called “Goths in Hot Weather.” Apparently leather and tropical weather didn’t mix. But she’d said she would consider it…if he begged enough.
He’d been fully prepared to beg.
It was useless. Nothing he did could exorcise thoughts of Nora from his mind. The anger had burned itself out yesterday and turned into a cold, hard fist of anguish in the pit of his stomach. He half hoped she’d call. Even another fight was preferable to the bitter silence that had become the last three days since he’d told her it was over.
Zach went into the bedroom and looked around. Perhaps there was something in here he could pack that wouldn’t spur such potent and painful thoughts. He stared at the clothes in his closet and considered packing some of them. But he still had over a week in New York and he didn’t have the energy for sorting out what he’d wear from what he wouldn’t.
Giving up, Zach sat on his bed with his elbows on his knees. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, sensing a headache coming on. He looked down to the floor and saw the corner of Nora’s manuscript peeking out from under the bed.
What hurt more than anything was knowing how good the book could have been. She was almost finished with it. A hundred pages or so was all that was left to rewrite. So close… It would have outsold all her other books combined, outsold all of Finley’s dull, dreary pretentious postmodern books combined. It would have been a sensation.
With his heel Zach kicked the manuscript all the way under the bed. He started pulling clothes from the closet and throwing them into an empty box. He’d just give them all away. Everything. He’d start over completely in L.A.
After a few minutes Zach realized what an idiot he was being. No matter what he did with his things, burn them, bury them or send them by mail, he would take nothing with him to L.A.
He had nothing anymore. And nothing was very easy to pack.
* * *
More exhausted than she’d ever been in her life, Nora dropped her toy bag in the entry hall and didn’t even pet the dogs. She stumbled up the stairs of Kingsley’s town house and stopped at the second floor. She’d been staying with Kingsley since Saturday not wanting to subject Wesley to the torment of knowing how many jobs she was taking in an effort to get Zach and her aborted novel out of her system. Wesley called every day and every day she texted him the same message—I’m fine, kid. I’ll be home soon.
Three clients today—two men and one woman. The men were actually the easier gigs. One had a foot fetish and would pay through the nose just to kiss her boots for hours on end. The other was a masochist who was at his happiest when he was tied up, called a “slut” and beaten black and blue. Both were married men, upstanding members of their communities. They came to her to keep their marriages and lives intact. A few hours with her a month and then they could go back to their regular lives until the pressure built up again and they had to let off their secret steam. Women, as usual, were much more work. But at least Nora liked this girl. She was one of Griffin’s trust fund friends who hadn’t come out to her family yet, afraid they’d cut her off until she straightened up. Nora felt sorry for the girl—she knew all too well how difficult it was to tell the truth about who you really were to the people you cared about.
Kingsley had given Nora the room next to his, after she had reluctantly turned down his invitation to join him in his own bed. Zach had accused Kingsley of being her pimp, but it was just one more thing that Zach didn’t have a goddamn clue about. Kingsley had saved her life five years ago. They were friends and business partners, and right now, business was good.
Without even bothering to undress, Nora collapsed onto the bed. She didn’t have to wait long before Kingsley made his usual nightly appearance.
“Comment ça va?” Kingsley asked as he came into the guest room without knocking.
“Je suis too fucking exhausted to speak French, monsieur.”
“J’accepte.” He sat next to her on the edge of the bed. His hair was unbound and he’d abandoned his suit jacket for the night. He looked ridiculously dashing in the dark vest and knee boots in a gypsy king sort of way. She decided not to tell him that.
“Drink?” He held out a glass of wine to her.
“God bless.” She took a very unladylike gulp of one of Kingsley’s best merlots.
“The distinguished gentleman from New York called again. He said he’d consider changing his vote if you considered changing your mind.”
“Did he consider upping his offer?” Nora hated Senator Palmer. He was a family-values Republican by day and an S&M fiend and pervert by night. When her work got too difficult, she focused on the money. She’d never forget the desperation that had brought her to Kingsley five years ago. She’d learned a long time ago that money didn’t buy happiness. But it did buy a roof over your head and that was more than she’d had when she’d started this job.
“He doubled it, chérie.”
“Doubled it? Our hard-earned taxes at work?”
“What are taxes?” Kingsley asked and they laughed. She prayed the IRS never got a look at Kingsley’s books. “What should I tell him?”
“Tell him yes. I don’t care. He’s at least easy to please. Any idea why he likes getting the shit kicked out of him by a grown woman in a schoolgirl uniform?”
“He was the U.S. envoy to Japan for a few years. Perhaps he’s read too much manga?”
“Tell him Wednesday night. And that’s it. I need a day off.” She stretched out to take the pressure off her aching shoulders. She wished Wesley were here. He had this magic way of rubbing her back that not only made the pain go away, but made her forget how it got there in the first place. Wesley…it had been four days since she’d even seen him. Was he eating like he was supposed to? Checking his numbers? Nora forced Wesley-worries out of her mind. Thinking about him hurt almost as much as her back did.
Kingsley tapped the end of her nose to get her attention.
“You have a day off. Thursday, recall? A certain member of the clergy would have me in the Judas Chair if I dared interfere with your Holy Thursday ritual.”
Nora closed her eyes. Thursday…her anniversary with Søren.
“You know, King, you pretend to be all debased and amoral, but I think, deep down, you’re a romantic. You have to stop playing matchmaker. Leaving Søren was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Going back to him would be the only thing harder.”
“Mais oui,” King said and stood up. “But as you know, mon père was a Frenchman and I have a Frenchman’s heart. We French do love our romances.”
“Søren and I aren’t a romance. We’re just a fantasy.”
“Bien sûr, ma chérie.” Kingsley bowed to her as he backed out of the room. “You are the writer, after all. You would know your genre, I suppose.”
Nora reached out and turned off the light next to the bed. She lay alone in the dark.
“I was the writer,” she said to the ceiling. “And I don’t know anything at all.”
* * *
Nora stood outside her house and took slow, shallow breaths. They didn’t help. She walked to the edge of the porch, leaned over and threw up in the bushes. Life at Chez Kingsley was harder on her than it once was. She’d taken a few too many of her pills, drank more than she needed to, had done and seen things she wished she hadn’t. She wiped her mouth and took the house keys from her pocket. She hadn’t been home since Saturday. Five days gone and she already felt like a stranger breaking into her own house.
She said nothing as she passed Wesley’s room on the way to hers. She was single-minded in her destination. She went to her bedroom and brushed her teeth before sinking into the bathtub fully dressed. That was as much as she could do.
A few minutes later, she heard a gentle knock on the bathroom door.
“I’m in the bathtub,” she said.
“I’m coming in anyway.”
Wesley pushed tentatively through the door wearing a fretful look on his face. She glanced his way but couldn’t meet his eyes. He knelt next to the bathtub and laid his head on his crossed arms.
“You’re wearing clothes, Nora.”
“I know.”
“There’s no water in the tub,” he said with the slightest smile on his face.
“I said I was in the bathtub. I didn’t say I was taking a bath.”
“That’s true,” Wesley conceded. “Nice to see you again, stranger.”
“I’m a stranger to myself these days. Don’t take it personally.”
“Any particular reason you’re in a school uniform with your hair in pigtails and sitting in an empty bathtub?”
“Because I need a bath.”
“You look clean enough to me.”
Nora swallowed and started to rock slowly back and forth.
“I was with a bad person tonight,” she whispered.
The smile left Wesley’s face.
“Did he hurt you?” He paled at the mention of the idea.
“I hurt him. It’s what he paid me for. After he said thank you. He said…” Nora pulled her knees tight to her chest. “He said he’s in love with his twelve-year-old niece and it helped to have someone dress like her and beat it out of him.”
“Oh, my God,” Wesley breathed. “What did you do?”
“Nothing. I wanted to hit him but hitting a masochist is pretty pointless. Wesley?” She finally looked him full in his face. For a moment his brown eyes turned silver and she saw Michael’s face floating in front of her. “What if I’m a bad person, too?”
“You’re not a bad person. If you were a bad person you wouldn’t be sitting fully dressed in a bathtub with no water in it because you’re terrified you might be a bad person. The devil doesn’t worry about going to hell.”
“Only because he’s already there.”
Wesley sighed. He reached out, pushed down the bathtub stopper and started the water running. He took her shoes off one by and one and pulled her knee socks down and off her feet.
“What are you doing?” she asked as the warm water started to surround her.
“You said you needed a bath. So you’re gonna have a bath. Okay?”
Nora nodded. “Okay.”
Wesley eased the ponytail holders out of her hair and ran his finger through her long locks to loosen them. The water rose up to the top of her thighs. Wesley took some of her bubble bath off the ledge and poured it in. The scent of orchids filled the bathroom as the bubbles rose in a weightless white wave.
Wesley paused and seemed to steel himself. He started to unbutton her shirt as it was quickly getting soaked. She lifted her arms when he tugged to let him pull it off her. The water and bubbles were up to her chest now. Wesley pulled off his flannel overshirt and in his short-sleeved T-shirt he reached into the water and unzipped the back of her short plaid skirt. She raised her hips so he could pull it out from underneath her. He reached back into the water and found her panties. She tried to meet his eyes, but he looked only at the black-and-white tile as he slid her underwear down her legs and discarded the wet cotton onto the pile with the rest of her clothes. She laughed as he struggled with the clasp of her bra.
“You men,” she said. “The bra clasp defeats you every time.”
“I think a demonic engineer must have designed these things. I may have to get the bolt cutters.” Wesley finally got the clasp undone.
“Watch out. Bras are often booby-trapped,” Nora warned.
“You’re out of your mind,” Wesley said as she slid the straps of her bra slowly down her shoulders. The bubbles were up to her neck now. She tried to let the heat seep in and relax her, but the tension remained.
“You keep saying that. Do you really think I’m crazy?”
Wesley turned the water off.
“I’m the virgin living with an erotica writer. I think it’s pretty safe to say we both need our heads examined.”
Nora reached out a wet hand and laid it on top of his halo of blond hair.
“You have a good head.”
Wesley took her hand and kissed the back of it.
“So do you. And a wet head.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and dunked her under the water. She came up spitting and laughing.
“That,” she said, dragging wet hair off her face, “was uncalled for.”
“It was totally called for.” Wesley took a bottle of shampoo off the tub ledge and poured some out in his hands. He began massaging it into her soaking hair.
Nora sighed with pleasure as his fingers ran through her hair and rubbed her scalp. Wesley really did have amazing hands. The combination of strength and gentleness threatened to undo her. If she wasn’t careful, she was going to start crying.
“You’re pretty good at this, kid. You’ve given a lot of grown women baths?”
“Nope. But I have groomed many a filly in my day. This isn’t that different.”
“Thank you for comparing me to a horse.”
“You compared me to one,” he reminded her with a faint blush.
“That was a compliment. A big one.”
Wesley didn’t say anything to that. He leaned her back into the water to rinse the shampoo out of her hair. His fingertips brushed her cheek and forehead.
“Wes, are you okay with what happened the other night with us?”
He gave her a little half smile as he pulled her back up out of the water.
“Of course I am. Is any guy on the planet going to complain about that?”
“I was just worried that maybe, I don’t know, you thought I took advantage of you in your weakened condition.”
“I had a hard-on, not cancer. I don’t think we should make a habit of it, but I don’t know.” He wiped the soap off her face with a dry towel. “I liked it. Nothing more to it.”
“Is there more to this?” She nodded at her naked body hidden under the bubbles.
“Sometimes a bath’s just a bath,” he said and flicked water at her.
She laughed as Wesley took the bottle of conditioner off the shelf and began running it through her hair. Before she realized it, tears were mingling with the water and running down her face. She knew Wesley saw but he said nothing, just kept scrubbing her down.
“Søren used to give me baths.” She grabbed the towel and swiped at the tears. “It’s a very dominant thing to be completely clothed while your lover is naked.”
“I gotta tell you, I don’t feel a bit dominant right now.”
“What do you feel?”
He looked at her, looked like he was going to say something to her.
“I’m just glad you’re home. Wet and naked isn’t bad, either.”
Nora leaned back into the water and did her best to rinse the conditioner out of her hair while Wesley stood up and unfurled a clean towel.
“Don’t look,” she said.
Wesley laughed but didn’t object. Closing his eyes he turned his head away. Nora rose out of the water and stepped into the towel. With his eyes still closed, he wrapped it around her. She burst into surprised laughter when he lifted her off her feet and hoisted her over his shoulder. He threw her wet body, towel and all, down on the bed.
“Are you going to ravish me now?” she asked even though she already knew the answer.
“I’m going to dress you. Where are your pj’s?”
“The dirty laundry I think. I’ve been gone a few days. Sort of let the laundry go.”
“How about this?” Wesley left her for less than a minute while he ran back to his room. He returned with a clean pair of his boxer shorts and one of his T-shirts. “Good enough?”
“Perfect.” She slid the shorts on under the towel. Wesley turned his head again when she dropped the towel and pulled his T-shirt on. Sliding into his clothes felt like being in his arms—they were warm and clean and smelled like a summer morning.
She toweled her hair and squeezed as much water out of it as she could while Wesley pulled the covers back. She crawled into her bed and was relieved by the familiar scent of her sheets, the familiar fabric and Wesley so close by.
“What time is it?” The past few days time had poured through her hands like water. She only knew it was Wednesday because that was the day that came before Thursday.
“Almost midnight.” Wesley dragged the covers over her. She sighed with pleasure, feeling human for the first time since last Friday.
“Almost Thursday.” Nora saw a veil fall over Wesley’s eyes. He knew exactly what tomorrow was.
“You’re gonna go see him?” Wesley sat next to her.
She scooted closer and looked up at him with tired eyes.
“I have to.”
He nodded. He usually argued with her whenever she said she “had” to do something he knew she didn’t have to do. This time he seemed to understand.
“You still love him, don’t you?”
Nora smiled sadly up at him.
“Many waters.” She ran a hand through her wet hair and let water drop from her fingertips to the floor.
“‘Many waters cannot quench love,’” Wesley finished the quote. “‘Rivers cannot wash it away.’”
“‘Nor will rivers overflow it,’” she corrected. “Catholics use the New American.”
“N.I.V.—it’s what we use in youth group.”
“I won’t let him hurt me. I promised you I wouldn’t. I just have to see him. That’s all.”
“Okay,” he said. “But you’ll come home tomorrow night?”
“Yeah, I’ll come home.”
Wesley nodded and slid off the side of the bed. He started unbuttoning his jeans.
“What are you doing?” she asked as he took off his pants and threw them on a nearby chair.
“Told you. It’s almost midnight. Scoot over.”
He stripped out of his T-shirt and Nora moved over to let him slide in next to her. Turning off the bedside lamp, Wesley gathered her to him. She breathed slowly, relaxed onto his chest and melted into his arms. She didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve this. He knew she would see Søren tomorrow, and he didn’t hate her for it. She might hate herself, but Wesley would never hate her.
Nora traced his collarbone with her fingertips while Wesley slipped his hand under her shirt and slowly kneaded her lower back. She almost laughed at this foreign sensation—for once in her life she lay in bed with a gorgeous young man, and she had absolutely no desire to seduce him.
“We’re both wearing your underwear,” Nora said after a long silence.
“Could be worse. We both could be wearing your underwear.”
She smiled, knowing that even more than the bath, just having Wesley so close to her made her feel clean and sane again. When Søren touched her she became his. When Wesley touched her, she became herself.
Nora’s hand slid from his chest to his arm. Wesley had twice the muscle she did. He could hurt someone so much more easily than she could, and yet she knew he would never hurt anyone unless he was trying to protect someone else. She’d seen that with her own eyes.
“Wes,” she said as she felt sleep coming for her.
“What, Nor?”
I love you, she thought but didn’t say the words out loud.
“Thanks for the bath.”