21
John thought of everything. He’d hired a town car for us to be chauffeured to the Quarter in, and we sat in the back of the car, all heart-eyed and naïve love. It felt like prom without the awkward blow job in the back of River’s car. John had a bottle of grocery-store champagne that tasted like strawberries and bliss. During the dark drive, he held my hand between his on his lap, and I sipped the bubbly from a plastic flute.
“Tell me about your graduation. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.”
“It’s okay.” His smile reminded me that he didn’t exactly invite me in the first place, but I wasn’t upset about it anymore.
I wasn’t.
We were only boyfriend and girlfriend, so I understood why he wouldn’t want me to come to New York and have a great weekend with him, getting to know his family and new friends.
Sometimes I hated that military girlfriends didn’t get the attention or recognition that the wives did. And other times, I sort of believed what Jo said about the military culture forcing soldiers to get married young. At the same time, these men and women go through so much for their country, why should they do it alone? The saddest soldiers I knew were the ones who didn’t have wives or kids waiting for them back home. Sure, most of them had parents, but it just wasn’t the same.
Would John Brooke still want to marry me after my meltdown? He didn’t send those emails. I knew he didn’t. To reaffirm, I looked over at his face. Were there changes since I had seen him last? Our entire relationship had been long-distance. That should have been a sign, but it wasn’t. Rather, it made us stronger; that’s how it was with the military. He seemed the exact same, even less outspoken, if that was possible. His hands were still covered in light brown freckles, and his nose still had that little dip in the end of it.
I looked beyond him, to my own reflection. My bare face stared back at me, and even in the dark I could see the circles under my eyes. I never went anywhere without makeup, and there I was with John, on my way to the Ritz looking like a complete hag.
He continued to tell me about his graduation ceremony and how he could hear his mom’s proud sobs as he crossed the stage. I imagined that any parent would be proud as hell of their child for graduating from West Point, though not having met her, I wondered what kind of woman she truly was. He squeezed my hand and lifted his lips into a smile when I looked at his smooth face. He looked so good in his uniform. It was special. He was special and his uniform helped show that.
“I would love for you to meet my mom someday,” he told me when our town car pulled onto the main highway. The car glided smoothly in and out of the lanes; it all felt so different from my Prius or my parents’ purple Cherokee, like we were floating over the pavement. “She would love you.” His thumb brushed over my skin, a little pattern that felt like comfort and the affection that I was in need of.
She would? I wanted to ask, but I would have seemed insecure, and a woman should never, ever, let a man know she’s insecure. Meredith taught me that, and there I was practicing what she preached, finally, after nineteen years. Her advice was coming in handy now, especially when the man in question just encountered me in my pajamas with mascara rings around my eyes. I needed confidence to erase that image from his mind.
I looked up at John, and he leaned down to kiss my cheek. He couldn’t have sent the emails. I didn’t have a clue who did, but I knew it wasn’t him. It couldn’t have been.
I tilted my chin toward him, and I liked the way the passing streetlights lit up his face as we sped past.
“I would love to meet her.” I made sure my lips touched the corner of his, just enough to let him feel their warmth, but not enough to be satisfied.
When we arrived at the hotel, the car pulled into a covered driveway, and two valets rushed over. One of them looked like a guy I went to high school with, and I tried not to hold it against him. Our bags were scooped up, even my makeup case, and I tried not to cringe when the familiar-looking one roughly dropped it onto the cart.
John held my hand as we walked through the maze to get to the lobby and the elevators. Couples were everywhere, older white couples that smelled like hair spray and money; each man we passed had a thick watch around his wrist. I wasn’t in Fort Cyprus anymore.
The woman behind the desk was friendly, with deep-rose lipstick and fake eyelashes. She asked if we wanted to upgrade to a Club room, and John said we did. She began to explain the benefits of the Club level, like we got our own open type of area. I think she called it a lounge, and the lounge was full of fridges of water and soda, and in the center of the lounge was a table full of food being served buffet-style.
I just focused on absorbing the energy of the place and trying to erase any tension still left in me from the email mishap. I looked at John the whole time she talked, and while the bellhop took our bags, and while we rode the elevator and walked the long hallway.
Our room was beautiful, just like I knew it would be. I decided that I was going to pretend that I didn’t feel all mixed up inside, and I was going to talk myself out of the throbbing headache that was haunting me from earlier. John was there with me, right next to me, holding my hand and doing things to make me happy. I owed him more than puffy eyes and a sad look on my face.
The bellman finally left us alone after he explained nearly every inch of the room and its amenities. The bed was already turned down, and I laughed at a memory from a few summers ago.
“What?” John asked. He wasn’t holding my hand, but he couldn’t because he was unpacking our stuff.
“I was thinking about this time when my family was staying at a hotel in Houston, and they turned the room down while we were at dinner, and Jo was convinced there was a ghost in the room.” I laughed again, remembering how wild she was over it. “She made my dad check the closets and under the bed, but it didn’t really make sense, since you can’t see ghosts.”
I looked at John and he had a smile on his face. “Jo is something else,” he said with a soft look on his face.
I shook my head. “Yes. Yes, she is.”
“Are you hungry? Did you eat dinner?”
I didn’t remember if I had eaten or not. I couldn’t have even guessed what time it was.
“Are you hungry? You just got off a long flight. I bet you are.”
He nodded. “A little. Do you want to go out? Or order in?”
Room service was a lavish novelty that I wanted every part of.
“Would you mind if we ordered in? I’m not ready or anything . . .”
He looked down at his own clothes, his perfectly tailored uniform, and back to me, in my leggings and sweater.
“The email thing really ruined my carefully orchestrated plan.” I tried to swallow the burning in my throat.
I was still so confused and still angry about being fucked with in such a hurtful, pointless way. It had had such an effect on our night together—I wanted to try to forget that it happened. Until tomorrow at least.
“Room service, it is.” John nodded and climbed into the bed. “What do you want to eat?” He began reading off the room-service menu.