Chapter Thirteen
Days passed, the work as challenging as ever, yet Colin barely felt his body’s aches and pains. He and Patrick stole away together at least once a day, sometimes slipping off into the bush while building fences or creeping out past a sleeping Robbie at night.
Colin had hoped to see Robbie spending more nights with Emily, but it seemed she was determined to keep him at arm’s length. Robbie’s usual good humor was scarce, and although he did his work without complaint, he spoke only when spoken to and kept to himself as much as possible.
While Colin was sorry for his friends’ troubles, he felt as though he was walking on air through the long days. Just the simple brush of Patrick’s hand on Colin’s back could spark desire, leading to furtive kisses in the shade of a stand of trees, or bodies pressing together on the dusty red earth.
Patrick drew up plans for an eventual stable at the station, describing it in such detail one afternoon as they rested below a rocky ridge that Colin could practically smell the musty hay and feel an apple in his pocket. He was delighted by Patrick’s excitement for the project. “I’ve always dreamed of having you in a stable. Well, of you having me.”
His eyes darkening with need, Patrick kissed Colin’s smile away, his mouth branding him, hard and deep. Soon their hats and shirts were at their feet in the shade of the ridge as they devoured each other. Patrick spun him around and hauled Colin back against his chest, grinding into him. Taking Colin’s hands in his own, he spread them wide on the red rock face, bending him over and yanking his trousers down.
Breathing heavily, Colin arched his back as Patrick thrust into him, the burn of pleasure mixed with pain. “Yes. Yes.” Colin gasped, all his nerve endings seemingly centered in his ass as it was stretched with Patrick’s throbbing cock. With no grease to smooth the way, the friction was raw and incredible.
Sweat dripped into Colin’s eyes, and he was consumed by the scorching heat of Patrick inside him, pounding into him relentlessly. Patrick’s fingers on Colin’s hips would leave marks, and Colin’s mind took him back to that day long ago in the stable, watching Patrick mount the groundskeeper. A low moan escaped his lips, and Patrick’s teeth nipped his shoulder.
Colin pushed back, panting, eager for more, meeting Patrick’s powerful thrusts. Patrick leaned over him, angling down and slamming in even deeper. His right hand covered Colin’s on the rock, their fingers clutching as they ascended to even greater heights, straining together.
His cock rigid and pulsing, Colin shook as Patrick reached around and stroked it roughly. Patrick grunted, his harsh breathing hot on Colin’s ear. “Come for me.” Every muscle in Colin’s body strained as he strove for completion. “Only for me.”
Crying Patrick’s name, Colin shuddered, his toes curling as the heat ripped through him, searing him from the inside out. He clamped down on Patrick’s cock, and after one more thrust, Patrick plunged over the edge, jolting as he emptied inside Colin. Colin’s knees buckled, but Patrick caught him about the waist with strong hands. He eased him down to the ground, hastily spreading out their discarded shirts.
Catching his breath, Colin stretched out on his side and pillowed his head on his arm. His trousers were still caught around his boots, but he couldn’t muster up the energy just yet to pull them up. Colin was utterly content as Patrick pressed tender kisses to his well-used bottom. He felt open and raw, desirable and wanted.
“I suppose we should get back to our tasks,” Colin mused, although what he really wanted to do was nap. His limbs felt far too heavy to move.
Patrick gently rolled Colin onto his back. “Mmm. Should really clean up first.” He dipped his head and licked lazily across Colin’s belly, which was sticky with his own seed. Colin shivered, his eyes closing. It didn’t seem they’d be back at work for quite some time.
One typically bright morning a few days later, Colin and Cobar worked together on the never-ending fence. A bright red bird cawed and flapped out of a tree with a burst of energy as they approached with their tools. The wood for the fence had been taken out by wagon that morning and awaited them in neat stacks.
Amazingly the summer heat seemed only to be intensifying. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen rain, and the flies were a near constant irritation that grated on his nerves. He waved them from his face and gulped from his canteen. “Don’t they drive you mad?”
Cobar was unperturbed as ever and shook his head.
“Years of experience dealing with them, I suppose. I hope to find them less bothersome any day now.” Colin swatted one from the corner of his eye. It landed on his lip a moment later, and he brushed it off.
“No insects on your land?”
“In England? There are, but not like you have here. Everything is much smaller and less deadly.” Colin took another drink and lifted his hat to scratch his head. Emily had cut his hair for him, and it was a relief to have it out of his eyes once more.
“Miss home?” Cobar asked.
Colin was caught off guard. He pondered the question for a long moment. “Sometimes.” He wondered what his parents were doing and if they thought of him at all. He supposed they were doing the same things they’d always done. The notion that he’d never see them again cut surprisingly deep, and when he least expected it.
“I would miss home.” Cobar drank from his own canteen.
“Yes, I’m sure you would. Tell me, what did your people think when the British first arrived?”
“I’m told they wondered if the pale men were the ghosts of our ancestors, returning from the other world.”
Colin’s chuckle was rueful. “What a disappointment we must be.”
Cobar seemed to ponder this and took his time before answering. “Some wish you would return to your home. We share the land, but you want to own it. This is not our way.”
Colin had honestly never considered it. “But why do you and Tallara work for Emily if you don’t feel anyone should own property?”
“We cannot stop you, so we keep it safe. Keep our sacred places untouched.”
“Oh.” Again, Colin hadn’t even stopped to consider it. Shame roiled his stomach. “I’m sorry. It must seem so odd to you. Building a fence.”
“Yes.”
“I hope you know we’d never purposefully do anything to disrespect your people or the land. I certainly wouldn’t. Nor would the others, I’m sure.”
Cobar regarded him for a long moment that soon stretched out uncomfortably. Swatting at another squadron of flies, Colin shifted from foot to foot, his cheeks growing hot under Cobar’s gaze. Then Cobar turned back to his work. Colin tried to think of the right thing to say, but found there was nothing.
After dinner that night, Cobar and Tallara retired to their cabin. The work at the station was from sunrise to sunset, and they rarely had late nights. Colin, Robbie, Patrick, and Emily sat around the floor with the map Cobar had drawn of the station property, discussing the fencing strategy before bed.
Robbie shrugged. “It’s going to take a fair amount of time to put the fence up. Fencing’s a slow business.”
“Do you think I should hire more men?” Emily asked.
Robbie shrugged again. “Up to you, ma’am.”
“I’m asking for your opinion, Robert.”
“Why? Doesn’t matter what I think about anything else.”
Colin hated seeing his friends at odds. “Of course it matters.”
“Perhaps you’ll get more free prison labor if you’re lucky,” Patrick suggested testily.
Colin shifted nervously. He knew it was time Patrick learned the truth, but everything had been going so well. He hated to upset the balance. Just wait a bit longer.
Robbie spoke. “Didn’t you say they’d be visiting? The government people. We should make sure we’re here when they do. Wouldn’t want them thinking Colin and Patrick have run off. When do you expect them?”
Emily fidgeted and stared at the map. “I don’t know, exactly. We shan’t worry about it. Let’s focus on the matter at hand.”
As Patrick’s gaze narrowed on Emily, a warning signal went off in Colin’s mind. Patrick’s tone was razor-sharp. “Shouldn’t we have heard something by now? We’re miles away from civilization, but I didn’t think the colony was in the habit of losing track of convicts.”
Emily didn’t look up. “I’m sure they’ll come around sometime or other. So, about the fence—”
“What aren’t you telling us?” Patrick straightened his spine, and his jaw tightened.
Emily shook her head, eyes still on the map. “Nothing. Robbie, what do you think about—”
Patrick slammed his fist onto the dusty floor. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not lying.”
Robbie pushed up to his knees. “All right. That’s enough.”
Colin glanced between Patrick and Emily, his heartbeat accelerating, sweat breaking out on his palms. Not yet. Not yet. More time. Emily’s gaze was still rooted to the floor. Colin stayed frozen, afraid to even move.
Emily closed her eyes, and when they fixed on Patrick, tears shone. “I didn’t know what else to do. You have to understand.”
“Understand what?” Patrick’s temper was only barely contained.
“One of the guards and the crew arranged it for me. I needed men, and they told me I’d have trouble finding good workers in Sydney. So instead I got you and Colin.”
Patrick’s nostrils flared. “For a price.”
Emily’s expression was etched with regret. “They have some sort of…scheme going on. Only one or two prisoners per ship. The paperwork is destroyed, so there’s no record. I paid them and in return…”
Patrick finished for her. “You got a couple of slaves.”
“But you must know how much I’ve grown to care for you. Sincerely.”
Robbie spoke up. “When were you going to say something?” He was clearly affected by Emily keeping the truth from him, disappointment creasing his face.
Patrick’s laugh was discordant. “Never! That’s when. She was just going to use us for as long as she liked.” His accusing gaze settled on Robbie. “Sure you didn’t know? Mate?”
Robbie looked Patrick straight in the eye. “No. I didn’t.” Then he gazed at Emily with a terribly sad expression.
“You bitch.” Patrick’s fury boiled over, and Colin’s panic intensified as he watched the scene unfold.
Robbie’s voice rose. “Don’t.” He seemed poised to tackle Patrick if need be, his hackles raised. “Emily made a mistake. But put yourself in her spot for a moment and—”
“I’d love to! She’s got more money than I’ll ever see. She’s got her freedom.” Patrick jumped up and paced furiously. “Let me get it straight. Our paperwork’s gone? No one’s coming to check up on us?”
Emily answered. “That’s right. They said it would be like you don’t exist.”
“Well, then at least we can thank you for that, Mrs. Grant.” Patrick nodded to Colin as he turned on his heel. “Come on.”
Colin’s mind raced as he jumped to his feet and followed. “Wait!” The night sky was luminescent overhead, and a gentle breeze wafted on the air. Colin wished he could take Patrick down to the pasture and kiss the anger from him, but he felt as though a sea change was taking place and he was helpless to slow its momentum.
“Patrick, stop.” Colin grabbed his shoulder, but Patrick spun out of his grasp.
“I should have known the government would never let us wander so far from their clutches. I can’t believe I didn’t see it right away. Neither of us did.”
“I…” Colin grappled to find the right words. Emily hadn’t let on that he already knew the truth, and it would be so easy to keep that fiction going. Yet he knew he couldn’t. He should have told Patrick the truth as soon as he knew it. He opened his mouth to tell him everything but knew it was too late. Patrick could read it all over his face.
Patrick’s wrath faltered, and for a sickening moment, he stared at Colin with such utter hurt and disbelief. “You knew.”
“I was going to tell you; I swear!” Colin reached for him, imploring, but Patrick tore his arm from Colin’s grasp.
“How long?”
“Patrick—”
“How long have you known?” Patrick shouted, fists clenched.
“Not long. Weeks. I was going to tell you.”
“Aye? When, exactly?”
“When the time was right.” Colin’s answers sounded pathetic even to his own ears.
“In the meantime, you thought you’d just keep me on my leash.”
“No! It wasn’t like that.”
“I’m a bloody fool.” Patrick shook his head, muttering. “Let down my guard. Let myself become complacent.” He spit the word out like it was poison.
“Happy, you mean?” Colin stepped closer. “We’ve been happy here. You can’t argue with that.”
“Doesn’t matter. Can’t stay now.” Patrick’s jaw clenched. “I should never have trusted you. Should have known better.”
“Where would you go?” Colin wished he’d wake up from this nightmare. Patrick was slipping from his grasp, and he’d brought it on himself.
“Anywhere! To hell with this place. To hell with her. And you.”
“Is it really so terrible?” Colin’s thoughts and emotions churned in his mind, hopelessly muddled. “I’m not glad Emily lied to us. But I wouldn’t change what’s happened. Traveling this land, riding with the herd. It’s been worlds better than rotting in some cell or toiling on a work gang, breaking rocks in a ditch. It’s not perfect and it’s not what either of us planned, but I love it here.”
Patrick shook his head stubbornly. “We shouldn’t be here at all!”
“But we are. I was miserable in England. Aimless. I knew I wasn’t happy but had no idea what I was looking for in my life until I found it. Until we came here. Working the land, the cattle. Doing it all with you at my side. It’s everything I want.”
“Well, I should be back home, tending to my horses and collecting my salary, saving for my future. For the life I wanted to build in America.”
Colin reeled. It was the first he’d heard of it. “America?”
Patrick barked out a laugh. “Oh yes, I had plans. Years of saving to raise my own horses, all gone now. Taken by Mother England, I’m sure. Because I’m nothing more than an animal, not fit to live. Now I’m here on this distant rock.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“No point.”
“Of course there was. I want to know you. Really know you. There’s still so much you won’t share. I never imagined you’d planned to go to America.”
“Surprised a servant had hopes and dreams of his own?” Patrick’s words struck as if he was fighting a bout.
“We’re back to this now?” Colin’s own ire flared. “I’m the snobby lord, and you’re the decent working man? That’s rubbish and you know it.”
“I have no idea what I know anymore. All my well-laid plans gone to hell. And what about you? You should be at Cambridge, being buggered senseless and gadding about.”
“I’m very glad I’m not.” Colin shuddered at the thought of the restrictions of academia, of his family and society.
“Think of what your life could have been. A Cambridge man. You could have had everything. Money. Men. Anything you wanted. How you must regret opening your silly mouth that night.”
“No. I could never regret that, Patrick. I’ve never been so happy, so…fulfilled in my life as I am here.” As he spoke the words, Colin felt the truth in his very bones. “As I am with you.”
“Keeping me a prisoner.”
“It sounds so terrible when you put it like that. I was afraid to lose you, and I know I was wrong to keep you in the dark.”
“What she did—”
“What she did kept us together.” Colin closed the distance between them and cupped Patrick’s cheek. “Isn’t that the important thing?”
Patrick leaned into Colin’s touch for a lingering moment, eyes full of regret. Then he stumbled back, pushing against Colin’s chest sharply. “No. I can’t stay here. I won’t be anyone’s slave.”
“Nor will I! Emily’s a good woman. She’s going to make it right. Pay us everything we’re owed.”
Patrick was silent for a few moments as he composed himself. “Mrs. Grant put herself first, and I suppose I can’t really blame her when it comes down to it.”
Hope flickered. “Exactly. She was in a horrible position. She didn’t feel she had a choice.”
Patrick’s gaze was unyielding. “And what of you, Colin? You had a choice.”
“Forgive me. Please try to understand.”
“It’s not your fault, really. Everyone lets you down eventually. It’s only a matter of time. Better to happen sooner rather than later.”
“Don’t say that. What about us?” Colin’s stomach congealed. He felt a strange pressure on his chest.
Patrick took a long moment before answering. “We care for each other. I won’t deny that. But there’s no happily ever after here, Colin. Best to leave it be.”
“Leave it?”
Patrick nodded jerkily. “We had a good run. Time to move on.”
Tears pricked Colin’s eyes, and he fought for control. “How? I love you, Patrick. I have for what feels like forever. We can have a good life together. I know we can.”
Shaking his head, Patrick backed away. “It’s a fairy tale. Love is an illusion. It cracks and fades and turns to dust. I learned that long ago. Should never have forgotten it.”
It was as if he was being cleaved in two. Colin didn’t bother wiping the tears that fell. “What about everything you said? About trust, about us. I made a mistake. I realize that. Yet it surely doesn’t erase all of it.”
Patrick’s face was devoid of emotion. “It’s for the best. We were only fooling ourselves.”
Although he wanted nothing more than to break down and sob, Colin schooled himself. “Then go. I’m staying. No matter how it was I got here, I belong. I have a place. For better or worse. And that’s something I’ll never have with you, is it? Not really.”
For an instant, Colin held his breath, hoping Patrick would tell him he was wrong. It was not to be. Patrick shook his head resolutely.
There was nothing left to say, and Colin turned. He walked away from the homestead and across the rocky land, resisting the powerful urge to run. He wandered blindly, not caring what dangers he might encounter, and fought his tears.