SHIT! WHAT WAS HE doing? Or not doing? Julia pulled away from the curb, aptly dressed in appropriate Hawaiian wear of a light summer dress and sandals. She’d brushed her long, blonde hair until it was straight and shiny around her shoulders. The ends fell to her mid-chest. Julia usually pulled her hair back in a ponytail or a braid. It was never done fancy for work and she always wore functional clothes, ever since the first days when Chris advised her. Today, however, she was all dressed up for a vacation with Lloyd. The older man. The older man she was sleeping with. The older man that fathered Chris.

Chris started pacing the small floor of the job shack. She was having sex with his father. He realized it now. He finally admitted it and resigned himself to the idea after he first found out. There was no going back from that. And nothing could undo it. Julia was having sex with his father. Now. She was on her way to do plenty of it in a tropical paradise. Lloyd was nothing less than jubilant when he swung by the job site at the end of yesterday. He wanted a last check of all the jobs right before leaving for his vacation. Vacation. The once innocuous word now made Chris freeze up with anxiety. He knew already that Julia had scheduled a week off. Her first vacation. How convenient and what a coincidence. Lloyd had too.

“Where are you going?” he’d asked Lloyd.

Lloyd flashed a huge smile. “Hawaii. Got a room right on the beach at the Royal Desert Aire.” Chris had no clue if the hotel were five stars or four, but he didn’t doubt Julia would be treated to an expensive and impressive trip. All on Lloyd’s dime. Chris’s stomach churned at that realization.

Lloyd’s happy news only depressed Chris so he went home to Simba, but he was unable to eat. He worked out and hoped a good workout might lift his spirits. But he was still depressed, so he decided to go to his mother’s house. She took one look at his face and asked him what was wrong. He shrugged without answering.

“It’s that girl again, isn’t it? You’ve never stayed interested this long in someone. Why her?”

Chris thought, She’s smart, funny, sarcastic, and easy to get along with. She keeps her emotions in check and he liked the calm surrounds her. But he simply replied, “She doesn’t like me back.”

“She told you that?”

“No. I never told her how I felt. As I said before, she’s already with someone else.”

“But people always change their minds, Chris. Again, if you failed to give her all the facts, then she missed that opportunity. If you get along as well as you think you do, you need to tell her right away and let her know.”

“We work together. Can you imagine how that would be? What if she refuses me and there I am, the wet dog in the room while she tries to avoid me at all costs and I have no idea how to act. I can’t risk that happening.”

Tully tapped her fingers on the arm of the couch. “Son, is this just a crush? She’s super hot and you want to tap that, or do you really like her?”

He groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Why can’t you talk like other mothers? Or at least pretend your son doesn’t think like that?”

He glanced her way and caught the eye-roll while her hand began waving around like whatever. “Because, my darling boy, you’re a grown-assed man now, and I’m not stupid. I’m a grown-assed woman. Women have the same desires that men do, contrary to what you might think and what society tries to make you swallow. So which is it?”

He sighed. “I like her.”

“Really? As in, you see something special there that could be long-lasting?”

He gulped as he thought about his answer. Did he? He never considered that since it never happened before. He dated off and on, sometimes for several months, even. He dated Greta for over a year. Before he started dating her steadily, he tried to remember if he ever considered the idea of sharing a long-term future? No. Nah. But with Julia he did. He automatically nodded, feeling surprised when his head instantly confirmed to his mother what his heart refused to admit.

“Then you have to risk it. You tell her. Despite your job.”

“Not the standard advice a mother should be telling her son, that he shouldn’t worry about losing his job. I got a pretty good thing going right now. The boss likes me, is willing to teach me, and has done far more for me than he has to. He’s providing me with an education in the industry that others pay big money to learn. So no, Mom, it’s not just any job…”

“But you seem to think she’s not just any girl.” Tully’s voice was soft, but firm. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Tell her. That’s all I’m saying. There could be all kinds of different outcomes. You could lose her, yes. Or it could become so awkward at work that you’d have to quit. Or she could realize that she feels the same way that you do. You seem to sense a connection between you two.”

“There is one. I’m not clueless.”

“Then trust your gut and intuition. And maybe, you should even trust her. Perhaps nothing will happen except it’ll become more awkward. Or perhaps she will choose you. If she doubted your interest to begin with, maybe she didn’t dare try to convey hers.”

“If she feels anything for me, why is she with the other guy then?”

“Sex? Because he asked? How should I know? You could always ask her why, you know. Quit assuming you could have any clue. Men can have casual relationships. Well, so can she. So can I.”

He shuddered. “Please don’t make this personal, Mom.”

“Just saying. Don’t rule her out because she had sex. Maybe it’s just a casual fling. Maybe she’s secretly hoping for a ring. How would you know? You won’t give her enough credit to respect your right to ask.”

All his mother’s words came back to haunt him now, as he watched Julia pull away to go on vacation with Lloyd. Today. Right now.

After he’d, yet again tried to slut-shame her. Hurt her. Make her hate him. How could he?

But damn it, how could she?

He was not discussing this with his mom. He could picture the things she’d have to say about this conversation. His temper had blown and jealousy had taken over. And now what had he done? Made everything so much worse.

Chris paced the shack and the words kept whirling around in his brain. Ask. Ask her. Let her know how he felt. But his mom didn’t know his boss’s true identity or that he was whom Julia was with. Awkward couldn’t begin to describe the consequences of all that. It involved separating his boss from his girlfriend. His boss, who was unwittingly also his dad, would have been a good reason for his mother to freak out if she knew. So far, Chris managed to avoid referring to him by name simply by calling Lloyd his boss, the old guy, the bossman, and all the other euphemisms he could think of, but never Lloyd Cartwright. The man with whom his mother had sex when she conceived him. The man with whom Julia was vacationing with now.

He paced faster. Hawaii. Vacation. That usually signified a deeper connection or the possibility of moving towards one. He rubbed his hand over his smooth head.

She was his friend. They got along so easily and laughed, interacted, and worked together. She was unlike anyone he’d ever met. But she was also having sex with his father.

He shuddered. It was worse than thinking about his mom and Lloyd having sex all those years ago.

He did it all wrong. He was at fault for never simply telling her the truth. And the truth was, he liked her.

Damn it. He hated the idea of Julia flying to Hawaii with Lloyd. But he had no say in the matter. Nothing. Nada. Why? Because he never told her.

He stopped dead and blew out a slow breath. What stopped him from telling her?

He knew what, however. Because he was scared. That she’d pick Lloyd. Or someone else. He knew his looks alone probably made Julia bristle and she wasn’t attracted to a man like him. She probably couldn’t foresee herself staying with someone like him either. She more likely was imagining someone just like Lloyd, but only a younger version. Someone like her brothers-in-law or her cousin’s guy. Those clean-cut, business-minded entrepreneurs. They didn’t look anything like him. He sighed. Still, there was a definite spark between them. He knew he didn’t imagine that. Her smile was huge and genuine and she wasn’t just being polite. Julia Lindstrom only engaged with the people she liked. And he headed that list.

He shoved his fist into his other hand. He was sure of that even if she wasn’t. He often watched her with Lloyd. She frequently rolled her eyes behind Lloyd’s back when he said condescending things, which he did more often than she considered tolerable. Lloyd saw himself as Julia’s mentor, although he frequently acted more like a prophet. Sure, the guy had experience and brains. In fact, the knowledge he stored in his pinkie was volumes more than Chris could ever manage to contain in his whole body. But Lloyd could be a cocky ass sometimes and Julia frowned on that. She did not conceal it either. Her tone turned icy and her body withdrew, a response that Lloyd failed to notice. Even now. And they were supposed to be a couple. Though, to be fair, Chris wouldn’t have observed it if he didn’t know. She played the role of a cool customer better than most people.

But not around him.

All he had to go on was her subtle body language. Eye-rolls. Secret smiles. If he didn’t speak up now, he might lose her. He didn’t think she was marrying Lloyd yet, but if they stayed together long enough, that could change. He had an open window of opportunity now, and if he didn’t jump through it, he might never get another one. He should have snatched up his chance that night at the hotel, but he didn’t. Now, it was happening again, a sense of panic that gripped him mercilessly, telling him he had to catch her before…? Before what? He didn’t know. Before she left.

He stomped out of the trailer, heading towards Ken, the laborer he most trusted. “I have a family emergency. I’m leaving you in charge. Call me if anything comes up on my cellphone. I don’t foresee any problems and there’s no one scheduled for the next few days. Just oversee the finishing touches and clean-up before Phase Three starts. Okay?”

“Yeah. Got it, Chris. Go on and take care of your family.”

Chris spun around, jogging to his truck, his stomach roiling with nerves, fear, and sheer excitement.

Tearing out of the job site, Chris pulled onto the highway and headed south, out of Calliston and towards the airport. He could only hope they chose to fly from San Francisco International Airport instead of the closer but smaller, local airport. His heart was hammering in his chest. He could have just called and started explaining himself over the phone, but that seemed next to impossible. How could he articulate what his emotions were on the phone? Especially with Lloyd sitting right next to her?

No matter what, Chris knew Lloyd would be right next to her. Chris was going full speed against a man he respected, even if he tried not to in the beginning. A generous man who had eagerly given him a good career, and taught him a profession. Although it was a career path he never considered, Lloyd took the time to guide, mentor, and encourage him. Chris had little or no ambition, never reaching higher than working as a day laborer at most, until he met Lloyd. Lloyd changed him for the better. He hated it now, not the job, but the uncomfortable position he found himself in. His jealousy was directed at the one man he wanted to earn the respect of more than anything else. It was so confusing and so hard to admit. He never intended to be in this position. Not at all. Much less, be dragging Julia into it.

He would have to abandon any possibility of getting to know his true father. He considered it so many times, and was aching to tell Lloyd, but felt too unsure. He worried that Lloyd would deny and reject him, although so far, he’d done nothing but take Chris under his wing and tutor him. He was often erroneously dismissed as a big, brainless brute. Too often. Even by Julia at first. But Lloyd didn’t do that. Even at first. He glimpsed Chris’s personality, and saw the potential he had under all his brawn and strength.

But now, there would be no continuation of that. He had to end whatever they might have been, first as coworkers and then as father and son.

His whole life he wanted to know his dad. He was raised by a single mother and had no outside family. All that history was on Chris’s mind when he first located Lloyd. In the beginning, his burning anger and hatred were all that fueled him. He used it in a positive way, however, enhancing his normal strength into something nearly superhuman, which instantly garnered Lloyd’s attention. Later, Lloyd singled him out and gave him most of his extra time and conversation. He went out of his way to include Chris in the meetings he held, showing him how to read, interpret, and even apply the architectural building plans. Lloyd went way above and beyond his duty as an employer towards Chris, into a frontier where no man ever tried to venture before. And Chris responded by blossoming under the attention, care, and expectation entrusted to him. The more Lloyd wanted from him, the more eagerly Chris wanted to give it to him.

By then, it was too late. He couldn’t just pop out with an oh, yeah, and by the way, I’m your son. Remember Tully Vaughn? She’s my mother. No way. There were no words he could find, not the right ones, anyway. So he chose not to. And now it didn’t matter. Despite whatever happened in the next few hours, he knew he’d never say them.

That is if Julia, God willing, responded favorably to him, well, but he’d get fired first and never feel welcome near Lloyd again. And if the opposite were to happen? Well, he’d probably get the same result. Lloyd would have to fire him for that too. Chris would probably quit first, however. If he said how he felt out loud, how could he pretend any longer? And what man in Lloyd’s position would allow another man around his girlfriend after that man tried to steal her? For that’s what Chris intended to do, honorable or not. And there was no other response a man could have to that. Especially since Lloyd had all the power. Of course, he’d terminate Chris.

Chris had to cling to one concept: Julia was worth it. And the possibility of what could be was also worth it.

It really was.

He pulled into the San Francisco International Airport and parked. It was four-forty-six when he sprinted across the enclosure towards the elevators. He scanned all the flight information, scouring all the flights to Hawaii. It was such a wild goose chase. She could even be at another airport. He found a flight that was leaving at six. He noted the gate and terminal and started down that way, stopping dead when he was hit with airport security. Shit. He needed a ticket. A damn ticket. He could have texted her to tell her he came there because he had something important to tell her. Would she have met him though? He worried that Lloyd would try to convince her otherwise.

Chris headed toward the ticket sales, pulling out his wallet and credit card as he sighed. All in. The real thing.

“Give me the cheapest ticket that leaves from Gate D,” he demanded. The ticket agent glanced up, looking startled with a curious expression.

He sighed. “The girl I think I’m in love with is about to board a plane at Gate D with another man…”

The woman started clicking the keyboard faster without a word. But Chris saw pink spots in her cheeks. “One way to Phoenix, Arizona. Good luck, sir.”

Chris paid, thanked her for his fresh new ticket and headed toward security, giving them his ID and ticket. He had nothing but his jacket to scan and he sighed, shaking his head as he slipped his shoes off. He put them back on after he walked through the security check. His stomach was somersaulting. He felt ill. Nauseous. As if he were about to hurl. Had he really done that? Spent a ridiculous amount of money on a ticket to Phoenix he had no intention of using? Never mind, he was also on the verge of being unemployed. No matter what he did. Anxiety roiled his stomach and acid shot up his throat. Shit. What was he doing? Having second thoughts, his doubts began to swamp him. He stopped dead in middle of the walkway, which was wide open, making people scurry around him. Most were dragging wheeled carry-ons and overfilled backpacks. Plenty of stores for duty-free shopping and eating chains of every kind of food surrounded him.

What the hell was he doing? More importantly, what did he intend to do? Swoop in and steal Julia just as she was about to board a plane with another man? He shut his eyes. Shaking his head, he stepped back.

Nothing. He could do nothing. He suddenly spun around. No. He couldn’t do that. It wasn’t even like him. He didn’t crash other people’s vacations or intrude into their lives. He didn’t steal other guy’s girlfriends either. He’d never done such a douchebag move. He didn’t plan to start now. It wasn’t right. Not at all. He had to go. Leave the airport. Return to his life and at least, manage to retain his job as well as his pride. He would feel like scum if he continued going after her like that.

It wasn’t right.

Decision clear, he had to eat the money he wasted, and call it a lesson learned. Turning to leave, he suddenly stopped short.

She stood right in front of him.

Julia.

Pulling a wheeled carry-on with an overstuffed pack on her back, her mouth dropped open. She stopped dead too, instantly causing herds of people to stream around them. Lloyd kept going, only to stop a few feet later when he realized she wasn’t beside him any longer.

That was because she was standing in front of Chris.

“Chris?” she inquired before shutting her mouth. She snuck a glance off to her side, toward Lloyd and then looked back at him. “Chris?” she repeated, as if she was having trouble trying to grasp it. She couldn’t believe it.

His shoulders slumped, dropping in defeat. “Yeah.” His tone sounded low, sad, and stupid. Heat enveloped him, starting under his collar, rising up to his neck and going all the way to the top of his head. Sweat beaded on his forehead. He could not believe he humiliated himself like that.

Or that he freaking beat them to the airport.

In all his speeding and hurrying to get there and proclaim his feelings towards the one woman he wanted, he managed to arrive before them.

His head bowed forward. He’d even beaten them through security. They had to pass by where he was standing, which was directly in their path. He felt like kicking himself.

“Wh—what? What are you doing here?” Her gaze was glued to him and she swallowed and sucked in a quick breath. He rubbed his neck. Tension tightened all of his muscles and a shooting pain bolted into his temple.

“Nothing. Just leaving.”

He started to step to the side of her, but she suddenly dropped all of her stuff and stepped directly in front of him to stop him. Shocked and astonished, he almost stumbled over her. He had to put his hands out to avoid hurting her and he gripped her shoulders, trying to move her back. He immediately released her and his eyes were clinging to hers. Heaving a sigh, he could only stare at her vacantly.

“What are you doing here?” she repeated more carefully and slowly, breathless.

He shut his eyes. For a brief second, his shame returned. He snapped his eyelids open and stared right into her dark eyes. Man up. He had to man up and tell her what he almost did. He needed to minimize the damage but he also had to be honest.

“And please don’t say you came here to apologize again. Tell me the truth.”

“I thought I had something to say.”

“And now?” Her dark eyes grew big, pleading with him. “Now, you don’t?”

He straightened up as his gaze flittered off towards Lloyd. Lloyd who was watching and listening. “No. I don’t.”

Her gaze held his, and she shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“You do understand,” he all but whispered. “You understand perfectly… Julia.” He said her name in a soft and tender tone.

Her eyes fluttered. “No.” She licked her lips. “No, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have anything to say to me now. I guess you must have bought a ticket? To where?”

“Phoenix.”

Her eyebrows quirked in surprise. “Phoenix?”

“Cheapest ticket available right now leaving from Gate D.”

“You bought a ticket and went through security? And… and… and now you have nothing to say?”

Lloyd stepped up and joined them just then. “Chris? What the hell is this?”

“I’m right here,” she whispered, staring up at him and licking her lips. “If you have something to say, go ahead and say it.” Her tone was demanding.

He didn’t look at his dad but stared at Julia, who held his gaze. “No. I don’t. I’m sorry.” His shoulders slumped forward. “Sorry. You’ll have to excuse me.”

“Chris!” Her voice followed him after he passed both of them and strode off, taking huge, long steps, and all but running away. He didn’t turn around or acknowledge her. Even as she yelled after him a second time.

He was shaking. He only managed to make it even worse. Now, Lloyd would have to realize where Chris’s true thoughts and feelings were. And for him to show up on the other side of airport security, he’d also have to know it was no small thing for Chris. No small message. And Chris choked. He blew it. He could have hurled at the last moment. He’d be fired now and lose any chance he might have had before to confess to her. Twice. And now, she was flying to Hawaii with another man, his father, who would no doubt, turn on him, as would she.

He deserved it, however.

But he didn’t deserve her. Certainly not after his last performance, or failure to perform.