We decided not to have a funeral for my dad; it wasn’t what he would have wanted. He would have done exactly what we did: went to the bar, took seats at the old bar top, and drank in his honor. One by one, each member of my father’s beloved club members took a shot and toasted to the memory of one of the most amazing men to ever wear the Unacceptables skull on his back and over his heart.

I hated that he would have told us that enough blood had already been shed and that our thirst for vengeance shouldn’t be quenched, but he would have been right. It was the truth. Even though most of the guys didn’t agree, Ryder and Holt made the executive decision to not continue the war with the Sinners. If they came anywhere close to one of our members, they could do something about it, but our guys were not to pursue any more vigilante justice for the time being.

It was a fucking hard pill for me to swallow. I wanted to kill each one of them myself, but there was a time and a place for violence, and while honoring my father’s memory when we were not in danger was not the fucking time for sure.

I sat behind the bar with Crickett like I had done ever since I could remember. We were mostly silent, talking to the guys now and then as they all paid their respects. Even though we didn’t say much, it was all right. We knew we were there for each other, two pillars of strength, united just like my father would have wanted us to be.

While fighting back tears, Crickett grabbed my hand. “Do you remember the first day we met?” she asked, and I nodded.

I laughed a little thinking about my five-year-old self and how silly I had been that day. “I gave you a daisy and asked if you could be my new mommy.” I hadn’t thought about that memory in years.

“I hope you know that very moment was when I saw the love and kindness in your father’s heart. I saw him lift you up high in the air and twirl you around as we picked you up from school, and right then I knew your father was special and loved you unconditionally. I fell in love with your family instantly. It wasn’t just him that stole my heart, it was the entire package, you included. I have never once felt like you weren’t supposed to be my daughter, and I don’t think I have ever truly expressed that to you.”

I sniffled, pulling my stepmom to me. “I love you, Mom.” They were four words I didn’t say often enough. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had.

“I love you too, my sweet Raine.”

I stood in the back of the bar; I just wanted to watch and be left alone. I felt responsible for the entire situation. I had been so blinded by my own anger that I hadn’t seen what was obviously right in front of me. Of course it was too easy to find Raine. Of course one of Bear’s guys was in on it—it was entirely too easy to track where she was, to tail the transport vehicle. The first location wasn’t even on our radar in the beginning, so there was no need for the Sinners to move Raine. I should have fucking seen it.

But it wasn’t just that. It went back to the time in the garage forever ago when a Sinners member came into the shop looking to buy Holt’s bike.

Red and Jesse were sitting off in the corner of the bar. I walked over, taking a seat next to them. With the whirlwind of the last few months, I had barely spoken to either of them.

“How’re you holding up, kid?” Red asked before taking a shot of whiskey. They had about ten shot glasses lined up on the table, continually taking them and filling them back up. There was no way to know how many they had each thrown back at that point, but it was surely enough to kill a horse.

“I don’t really know,” I answered honestly.

Jesse put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to take time for all of us, brother.”

“Amen to that,” I responded.

We all lifted shots in the air.

“To the best damn president this club has ever seen,” Red slurred.

“Hey, how’s your old man taking it? I noticed earlier that he’s still wearing his vice pres patch.” Jesse looked over to where my dad was sitting with Collin at the bar, chatting with Raine.

“I’m not really sure, but I’m trying to just let the dust settle a bit more before I start prying any of this shit wide open.”

“Hey Holt,” Red said, way louder than necessary.

“How’s it going?” my dad asked as he approached, making small talk with Jesse and Red for a couple of minutes before turning to me. “Son, a minute?” He motioned for the back office.

“Sure. Catch you guys later.” Jesse and Red both saluted me as I followed him back.

“Everything okay Pop?” I asked as we stepped into the small space. He shut the door behind us.

“Yeah, of course, everything is perfectly fine. I just need to do something really quick before the questions about it keep popping up.” He opened the top drawer of Abel’s desk and pulled out a sewing kit, a bottle of whiskey, and two packages of blue raspberry Fun Dip.

“Questions? About what?”

He completely ignored my inquiry and for the first time, I understood how annoying it was to Raine when I did that shit to her. I picked up Abel’s favorite candy. I always used to think that it was ridiculous that a grown ass man loved the blue powder sugar rush as much as my father-in-law did. But, in that moment, I couldn’t imagine him any other way than with his boots up on that very desk and bright blue lips. I couldn’t believe that I would never see that again, make fun of him one more time, or get my ass handed to me for something stupid. Right then I truly started to miss Abel Hellock.

“Give me your cut,” he barked.

I did as he asked; no sense in questioning it if I wasn’t going to get a straight answer from the guy. My old man dug a patch out of the front pocket of his jeans and started to stitch it onto my leather.

He handed me the bottle. “Drink.” I took a long swig as he finished up his project.

“Here.” He held it out to me. “This is the way Abel would have wanted it.”

I took it from him and stared down at the patch he had just given me. It wasn’t the one I had been expecting. I had figured I would move up into my father’s VP spot—if he didn’t pick Red or Jesse over me—and I secretly was hoping he would pick anyone else but me. I didn’t feel like I could handle the pressure and responsibility, but there I was staring down at a patch on my fucking cut that said president.

“But, Dad…” I tried to hand it back to him.

He cut me off and refused to take the leather out of my hand. “I know what was supposed to happen, but I’m getting old and this chapter needs someone like you to get them through this. I’m a better VP anyway. I’ll be sitting right there to your left as you handle that gavel. I will teach you every damn thing I know. Abel taught me, and now it is your turn to learn.”

“What about Collin?”

Holt laughed before taking a long swig from the bottle. “He’ll have his time in the sun, don’t you worry. He’s still a little rough around the edges, but he’s growing up to be just like his old man.”

“What about Jesse or Red?”

My father just shook his head. “It has to be you. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but in time you will understand why this is the right decision for all of us.”

We both took seats, ripping open our packages of candy. “To Abel,” I said while dipping the white stick into the blue powder.

Raine popped her head into the office. “There you two are.” She leaned back on her heels, calling to someone. “Found them hiding in Dad’s office.”

Raine, Crickett, and Collin all joined us.

“This ain’t Dad’s office anymore,” Collin remarked. “I believe this little cave of solitude belongs to the president.” He pointed at my chest and Crickett gasped.

“You finally told him.” She slapped my dad on the arm. “And you didn’t give me a little warning first?”

“You knew?” I looked over to her as Raine took a seat on my lap.

“We all did, Mr. President. Does that mean I am finally the first lady?” Raine teased.

Crickett smiled sweetly over to her. “Honey, you can be the first lady all you damn well please, I am still queen bitch in these parts.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Raine rolled her eyes at her stepmom before stealing my Fun Dip right out of my hand.

“Hey, get your own.” I tried to snatch it from her grasp but she was too quick for me.

“You don’t even like this stuff. Besides, you should know better than to take candy from a pregnant woman.” She stuck her blue tongue out at me and we all started laughing.

“Is there any more in there?” Crickett leaned onto the desk as Holt searched through the drawer, pulling out a packet for her along with a legal pad.

“What’s that?” Collin asked, trying to get a peek at what was scribbled on the page.

Holt cleared his throat. “Son, why don’t you read this out loud for us.”

I took the notepad from him and about near fell out of my chair. “I don’t know if I can.”

“What is it, Ryder?” Raine tried to look, but I turned it away from her.

“I got this.” I took in a deep breath, reading the last thing Abel probably ever wrote in his life.

I barely got through the letter, fighting my tears the whole time. I didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought; I started balling my damn eyes out when I finished. Raine threw her arms around my neck.

“Thank you for reading that,” she whispered into my ear.

“Fuck, he was just the most amazing fucking man.” Collin was a blubbering mess.

“That he was.” My dad passed the whiskey bottle over to Collin.

“Do you remember that time Collin decided to hide in the storm cellar?” Raine asked Cricket.

“How could I ever forget that night? Abel thought he had up and vanished into thin air. It took us four hours to find you”—she pointed her finger at her son with a reprimanding tone in her voice—“and you were just sleeping away in the cellar, sucking your thumb in the back corner.”

“You heard Dad’s words—I am the hide and seek master!”

We sat and talked for a few more hours, telling funny stories and remembering the good times we’d all had with Abel Hellock.

In that small room, with the four people that meant the most to me in the world, we started to heal our broken pieces back together. It was going to take time and I knew the road was going to be rougher than I cared to admit, but at least one small part of me was put back into its place right there in that cramped office, getting drunk off of Abel’s last bottle of Old Crow, all of us with bright blue tongues.