Chapter Nine
Had he heard correctly, or was his body so filled with lust for the woman standing before him in naught but a wool blanket, that his head was making up fantasies? He stood completely naked behind her, but she had yet to turn around. His erection strained painfully toward her, seeking her heat and longing to give her pleasure. And yet, she was not only an innocent, she was an innocent who had claimed to be terrified of the act of lovemaking. Too many women she loved had been wrongfully used.
“What did you say, Maggie?” he whispered softly and calmly. He was more than shocked, and honored, that Maggie would trust him enough to offer her body to him, but at what cost? It would hurt her to lose her innocence. Would she panic and force him off her? Or worse, would she believe his lovemaking meant they had a future together? As much as he longed to break through all of Maggie’s barriers, including the one between her thighs, he was not the right man to take her innocence. He would love her and leave her, with no other choice in the matter. He wanted her more than he wanted anything else in this world. He wanted to promise her a future, bury himself deep within her warmth, and feel her let go for the first time in her life, then get down on his knees and beg the lass to be his wife. But if making love to her meant breaking her heart, he could not do it.
She turned slowly, cheeks flushed with need, chewing on her sweet, plump lower lip. Gods, he wanted to reach out and pull her to him, to tear that blanket away from her body and bare her to his gaze. Instead, he stood still, cock throbbing painfully and mind reeling with possibilities.
Her arms uncrossed as she allowed them to hang at her side. The wool blanket slipped painfully slowly off her shoulders while she stared in wonder at his obvious desire for her. Her beautiful blue eyes took in the entire sight of his body, widening when she focused on his manhood. He was certain she would run away at the sight of his massive, straining erection. He had never been so hard in his life and he gritted his teeth as her lids grew heavy with an obvious lust of her own. She was not showing any signs of the fear he expected to see.
The last of her blanket fell away and he felt whatever blood was left in his brain shoot straight down to his eager cock. She was nothing less than perfection. A small waist with delicate curves and small, yet absolutely enticing breasts. Her wild blonde locks were starting to dry and curl around her face. He was also so proud of her ability to face her fears and trust in him enough to allow him to see her bared. He knew what an honor she was bestowing on him and yet, he did not think it a good idea. It may very well kill him, but he had to make sure she understood what it was she was offering him.
“I trust you, Flynn. I want to do this, with you and only you. Show me it can be beautiful. Prove to me that making love does not need to hurt.”
Her words ran through him like warmed mead on a snowy day, heating up his body with more emotions than he was ready to ponder. She wanted him to be the one and, gods, he would give up almost anything to be the one, but it would be selfish to take from her what she owed to her future husband. And he was not that man.
Taking a step back, he shook his head. “Maggie, I… I cannot.”
The look on her face crushed his soul. He wanted to take the words back and pretend they had never been spoken. Devastation and embarrassment shone on her bonny face as all the blood drained away, leaving her looking pale. “I see,” she whispered, a panicked look in her eyes. Gods, nay. She felt rejected, and he wanted to rip his own heart out and stomp on it for causing her pain.
She turned from him self-consciously, desperate to scoop the blanket off the floor and cover herself up again. He reached out and grabbed her waist, pulling her backside into his throbbing manhood. She gasped and struggled to get away. He almost released her, fearful she would believe he was forcing her, but decided it was her shame and hurt causing her to pull away, not fear. “I won’t hurt you, Maggie. And that is what would happen if you allowed me to take you.”
Turning swiftly in his arms, she pummeled at his chest with her bare hands. “You have already hurt me, Flynn Mac Greine! I faced my fears! Opened my heart to you! And you rejected me… again! Is it so wrong for me to wish to see the pleasant side of a physical relationship with the only man I trust? Would you prefer I asked your brother?” She punched him one more time in the chest before his hands came up to grip her wrists.
“Stop using my brother against me, Maggie! I know you do not feel for him the way you feel for me! And you have nay idea how much I care for you, either! You mean more to me than aught else. You always have, Maggie! By the gods, have you nay idea how long I have yearned for you?”
Her blue eyes froze as she stared into his, the words of his heart sinking into her soul. “That is impossible.”
“It is not. You are kind, talented, beautiful… absolutely perfect.” His gaze roamed down her naked body and she squirmed under his scrutiny, but he held her wrists firmly.
“And yet, you refuse me,” she growled, her fists unfurling as she tried to claw his chest. She was good and angry, and he much preferred this side of her to the scared lass he had known only days before. He let go of her wrists. If she wanted to claw, kick, bite, or punch him, he would allow it. She had years of anger for men in her blood and she needed to let it out on the one man she knew would not strike her back.
Her nails dug into the flesh of his chest, but he stood still and took it. She roared her anger as she smacked at his shoulders. “I hate you, Flynn! I hate all men!” she wailed furiously.
He wanted to tell her that he knew she loved him, and confess how much he loved her in return, but confessions of love led to promises of a future, and he had no promises to give, so he allowed her wrath to consume her until she began to quake and shiver, tears spilling down her face. Maggie’s hands came up to cover her face and she shook with silent tears.
“Maggie, I do not deserve to be the one who takes your innocence. I told you, my life is the king’s. I go where he says I go. I am gone more than I am home. How can I take you to my bed, knowing I can offer you naught else? I cannot do that to you, Mags.”
Removing her hands, she looked up at him with defeat in her eyes. “I know you can offer me nay future. But am I to live my life fearful of a man’s touch? Never knowing what it feels like to be cherished tenderly, or to feel this elusive pleasure everyone else seems to crave? My body craves it as well… but only with you. I shall never touch another man for as long as I live. I am a woman grown and I can decide whom I chose to bed or not. You turn me away. Why? For fear of me expecting more from you? Well, you need not fear. I expect nothing from you. I know ‘tis impossible.”
“I did not reject you, lass. I only meant to protect you. Your first time will hurt, regardless of how gentle I am. I do not wish to hurt you and make you feel frightened again.” Truly, her tears were breaking his heart. He wanted to take her wee body and wrap her in his warmth, take away all her fears. Then it hit him like lightning crashing down upon his head. That was precisely what she was asking him to do. She was asking him to take away her fears and he was, indeed, rejecting her wish, treating her as a child with no mind of her own.
She knew he could not offer her a future, but since when did a future need to be had simply to lay with a woman? He had bedded many women and never felt guilty for offering them no future, so why now? He instinctively knew the answer. With Maggie, it would be anything but simple. And, with Maggie, he wanted her today, her tomorrow, and her forever. He wanted her future. Mayhap he was protecting himself from the pain more than he was protecting her. She seemed to be less concerned about their future than he was. Had he twisted this all around in his own head, thinking she wanted more from him than she truly did?
If being with her now was the only chance he ever had in his entire life, would he regret never once feeling her soft skin against his? Would he regret not showing her a man could truly love a woman with gentleness and attention? The answer resounded in his mind. His wound ached from being ripped open once more, but not as badly as his manhood ached to be inside her, or his heart ached to know Maggie in the most intimate of ways. If he did not make sweet love to Maggie on this night, he would regret it for the rest of his days.
Grabbing Maggie to him, her breasts crushed against his chest, he took her mouth with his, tasting her sweet lips. She groaned, wrapping her arms around his neck as he resisted the urge to dig his fingers into her backside and grind against her. He needed to tame the wildness within, take his time to please her until she had no doubt that lovemaking could be wondrous.
Slipping both hands beneath her backside, he wrapped her thighs around his waist, feeling his cock press against her abdomen. She held on instinctively, trusting his every move. Carrying her over to the bed, he placed her down gently and leaned over her naked form. “I want you, Maggie. Do not ever question it. I was wrong. If you want this as much as I do, I shall gladly make love to you all night.” Leaning over, he ran his tongue up the column of her neck.
She arched and groaned as he tasted her salty flesh. “All night?” she squeaked, and he only rumbled with laughter deep in his chest as he continued to glide his tongue down toward her pert nipple, straining for his attention. He took the rosy bud into his mouth and gently sucked, feeling rewarded when her body lifted off the bed, seeking more pleasure.
“All night, Mags. ‘Tis how long it shall take to truly show you the many ways a man can pleasure a woman.”
His mouth moved over to the other nipple and she fisted her hands in his hair. Her skin was all one shade of milk white, like fresh cream. Aside from the few freckles gracing her nose and cheeks, not a single mark touched her silky skin. “Is there more than one way?” she asked breathlessly, opening her eyes to watch as his tongue played with her hard nipple, flicking back and forth over the sweet peak. Her eyes grew wide, then fell to half-mast as she watched him work with wonder.
“There are many, many ways, and if tonight is my only chance to show you, I suppose I must show you all.” She giggled at his words, then gasped as he fluidly roamed lower, trailing his tongue over her abdomen. Her legs fell open for him instinctively and a rush of gratitude that she should be so trusting washed over him. He would take his time, despite the aching in his groin. All his cock wanted was her sweet heat, but he would deny it as long as he could.
Running a finger up her inner thigh, he moved slowly and gently, giving her time to process where his next target lay. His gaze fell between her legs and he groaned at her sweet woman’s flesh tempting him to taste of her desire. She did not know it yet, but he was going to make her scream his name at least ten times tonight.
“You are so beautiful, Maggie,” he murmured as he settled his face close to her core, using his finger to lightly stroke over the soft pink skin between her legs. Her hips jerked at the sensation and she continued to look down, this time with a slight look of worry on her brow.
“Your face is awfully close to my… nether area,” she complained lightly. His finger continued its gentle strokes up and down, feeling her slickness as he began moving in circles. “Oh, Flynn!” she shouted as he touched the sensitive nub at her core. Her hips began to mimic his touch, moving in small, enticing circles.
“One.” He murmured, feeling himself slowly losing control.
“One?” she questioned.
“I am counting how many times I can make you scream my name. That was one,” he whispered, slipping a finger into her channel.
She whimpered and pushed against his hand. “Flynn!” she wailed as her body writhed.
“Two,” he murmured, before lowering his face closer to her core, breathing gently over her hot flesh and feeling dazed at her instinctive responses to his ministrations. His tongue flicked out and ran up her seam. She groaned and watched with wide-eyed wonder as he rotated between gentle licks and sucks before taking her sensitive nub fully into his mouth. She called out his name three more times and he added it to his mental tallies. He was halfway to his goal and he had only just gotten started.
“You taste so good,” he growled as he feasted on her, reveling in the moment. He was with Maggie, tasting her, straining to have her. He never thought he would be so fortunate.
“I never knew… this was even… a possibility,” she panted, as her hips ground against his face.
“’Tis one of many possibilities, my love,” he mumbled as his fingers worked her core and his mouth worked her flesh.
“Oh, Flynn!” he smiled against her skin, feeling proud to be teaching her the pleasures of the flesh and hearing her truly enjoying his touch. He wanted her so badly he was in physical pain, but making her call out his name was enough to sustain him for now.
Her body tensed and he knew she was on the verge of a release. “Let it happen, Maggie. This is the very best part.” He flicked his tongue back and forth over her nub and added a second finger into her wet heat. She roared her release, rigid and wild, thrashing beneath him. She rode the wave like a natural. He looked up at her squinted face with delight as she finished. Her small breasts heaved, and he was proud of the redness his beard had left in its wake.
“Oh, my… gods. That was… I have nay words,” she panted, looking down at him and he could not help but shoot her a feral grin.
“Did I do well, love?” He gave her core one more gentle kiss before climbing up her body to taste her mouth.
“I would say so,” she purred, and he was delighted when she caged him in with her legs. “I have yet to touch you,” she whispered, looking down between their bodies to stare at his straining cock. “Would you like me to?”
Her words were a mixture of both innocence and eagerness, making him groan as he buried his face into the crook of her neck. Of course, he wanted her to touch him, but would he survive it? He honestly was not sure. “You may touch it, if you wish. But I warn you… I need it just as it is for the next round, so do not set me off.”
She furrowed her brow, as if unsure what he meant, and he had to remember that she was still an innocent until he broke her barrier. She must know what it meant to make love, but mayhap she did not understand what happened to a man when he finished.
Her hand reached down between them and he groaned when her warm finger ran from base to tip. His hips shot forward, and his head dropped onto her chest. “Does that feel all right?” she questioned.
“Too good,” he groaned. Her fingers wrapped around him and he had to fight the instinct to pump into her hand. He needed to be inside her sooner than he thought.
“You must stop before I finish, Mags.” She gave him that look again. She had no idea how a man finished, but she would know soon. “Are you certain you wish for me to make love to you now?”
Licking her lips, she shifted on the bed and spread her legs wider. “Will it hurt?” she asked with worry in her eyes.
“Only for a moment. I promise to be gentle. I will stop at any time, just say the word.” She nodded and smiled as he took himself in hand. Her eyes widened as he stroked himself a few times before placing himself at her center. Gods, he needed to be inside her. It took all his strength to gently rock his hips as he slowly slid in, yet the visual of himself becoming one with her was almost enough to finish him off. Slowly, he buried himself in her until he felt her barrier.
“I must push my way in. Are you ready? ‘Twill be the only time we ever must do this.” His words gave him pause. He was a fool. This was to be their only time doing this, but he knew better. As long as they dwelled together in this wee hut, he would be burying himself inside her as often as she allowed. Once he knew the bliss of making love to Maggie, how would it ever be enough?
“I am ready, Flynn.” With that, he thrust deep, hearing her whimper at the sharp pain. He stopped moving and waited for her to adjust to his girth and for the pain to subside. “I am all right,” she promised.
Slowly, his hips began to move again, and he growled at the tightness gripping him as he picked up the pace. He was going to spill himself in her sooner than planned, but he had waited many moons to finally be here with her, and he was not able to last any longer.
“Oh, Flynn… aye, that’s so good,” she whispered, her heels pushing into his backside and her nails digging into his shoulders.
He adjusted his angle, getting up on his knees and making her arch slightly, placing his thumb on her nub and rubbing in circles until her hips ground against his and she began to tighten around him. Good. He needed her to finish before he did, otherwise he would fail to show her how a man can truly pleasure a woman.
She smelled like sweet wildflowers and he inhaled deeply, always wanting to remember her every detail. His eyes narrowed on hers and they made love wildly as their gazes locked, both refusing to look away. The fire raged in the hearth, heating up the room until a sheen of sweat covered their bodies. His senses were on fire as he made love to the woman who had captured his heart from the start and haunted his dreams. But reality was much better than any dream and he gripped her hips, feeling her tense around him just as he picked up his pace, feeling himself ready to explode. She screamed his name and he roared hers, feeling a shift in his heart that scared the life out of him.
Collapsing on top of her, their slick bodies heaved as they recovered from the most incredible coupling of his life. How had a wee lass, who had been so frightened of a man’s physical touch, just blown his mind and ruined him for all others? Her blonde hair stuck to her neck, proof of her exertion.
“Maggie… I don’t even know what to say. That was… incredible. Was it for you?” He kissed her neck, peeling her damp hair away and tasting her saltiness.
“It was more than incredible, Flynn. I cannot believe we just made love… and it was beautiful, not at all frightening, because it was with you.”
The trust in her eyes was his undoing. He knew in that moment he would never love another woman. Maggie was it for him. Unfortunately, this time together, in this wee hut, was all they had before they went their separate ways. Perhaps bedding her had been a mistake. How would he ever come back from this? He knew he could not and yet, he knew he could not keep her. It was the single worst realization of his life.
“Flynn?” Maggie questioned from beneath him still. “You look upset.”
He silently scolded himself for allowing his thoughts to show on his face. He was a cursed informant for the king. Secrecy and control were his greatest assets, and still he could not hide himself from Maggie. He had grown too soft. “I am fine, lass.”
He rolled off her with new resolve. For a moment there, he had lost himself to his wandering thoughts. How could he have believed himself capable of bedding her again, when he knew that he would only lose more and more of himself every time. He could not afford that, yet he could not afford to hurt her after what they shared.
She sat up swiftly and climbed out of the bed without a word. Dropping his brow in confusion, he watched as her sweet hips swayed as she walked over to the woolen blanket she had wrapped around her body previously. She bent over to retrieve it, and he caught a glimpse of the red swollen perfection between her legs and her rounded arse. Feeling his new resolve swiftly deteriorating, he bit his fist to stifle a groan. Mayhap just once more…
The blanket wrapped around her body and she turned slowly to face him. Looking suddenly contrite. “I believe I shall get some rest. I want to practice more with the dagger on the morrow.”
Dagger? They had just made the best love of his life and she wished to sleep so she could throw a dagger on the morrow? “I will help you.” Her words made his heart ache worse than his cursed pulsing wound. He would likely require a few extra days of healing to make up for the damage he had just done, but he could not care.
She shook her head and tucked a blonde curl behind her ear, clutching the blanket to her body with her other hand. “Nay. You are still hurt. I cannot believe I allowed you to do… what we just did, with such an injury.”
“You did not allow me to do aught. I did it because I wanted to. We both wanted to. Now you are pulling away from me.”
Throwing one hand up in the air, she sighed and shook her head. “I am not pulling away. I am doing what we discussed. There can be nothing between us but this, and to what end? It was wonderful, and I will always remember this moment with you, but that is all we shall have: memories.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but she turned and continued toward her bed. “I am your healer. I should not have asked you to couple with me, especially after you tore your stitches.”
“It was worth the pain.”
“So, you admit you still hurt?”
With a sigh of frustration, he lifted his shoulders. “Of course, it still hurts. But I have had worse than it is now. I can endure this pain. I prefer to be active.”
“And, I prefer you to rest and get well. Good night, Flynn.”
The curtains to her bed concealed her from his gaze, and he shook his head, wondering what had just happened. Aye, they had agreed naught could come of their feelings, but could she so easily turn away from him? Gods knew he could not, but he would if that was what she truly wanted. She was correct. Nothing had changed.
Och, who was he fooling? Everything had changed. Suddenly, he would give up all he had if it meant he was able to keep Maggie forever.