Liam resisted the urge to slam the door between him and Raine. As he eased out, he released a ragged breath. Thankfully, he didn’t see Hammer. But Liam had few doubts that his old mate had been listening to his entire exchange with Raine through the wall. The fuckwit probably itched to insist again that she was more challenge than he could master.
Unfortunately, Liam’s problems didn’t end there. His cock stood as hard as a ship’s stern and twice as swollen. His balls ached so badly he couldn’t walk straight, let alone think. As he adjusted himself, he considered finding an empty room and some privacy. Of course, he’d ten times rather have drowned in Raine, helpless and tethered to his bed. The ferocious need to own her all the way to her pretty toes twisted him inside. But no matter which way he took her or how often, Raine never truly surrendered.
Maybe he’d finally reached her today. At least she’d been more honest. But did that mean anything? Raine was like a damn jigsaw puzzle. The tactic that revealed a part of her today wouldn’t work tomorrow. Just after he’d collared her, he’d whisked her up to his lodge and chipped away at her defenses until she’d exposed her soft side. Now that he’d breached her again, he feared she would only hide once more.
Liam resisted the urge to punch the wall. Where the hell did he go from here? He couldn’t give up. If he ever solved her, the heart he uncovered would be big and beautiful. And his.
If that day never came… Hell, he didn’t want to think about that.
In his pocket, his phone buzzed. Liam grabbed it and scanned the screen, smiling at the name of his friend and fellow Dominant back home.
“Hello, Seth.” Liam ducked into an empty room down the hall. “Enjoying the snow in New York?”
The other man scoffed. “You’ll be enjoying it soon yourself, so don’t gloat too much.”
“I’m not coming.”
“You won’t be home for Thanksgiving?” No mistaking the surprise in Seth’s voice.
“Afraid not. I made other plans, but they fell through. Now it’s too late to get a flight, so…”
“You mean I’ll have to fist this turkey all alone?”
Liam rolled his eyes. “You’re a sick bastard, you know that?”
“And proud of it. So why are you staying in L.A. for the holiday?”
“Well, for one, I don’t want to freeze my balls off,” Liam teased.
“It might be cold as fuck here, but at least I don’t have to worry about the state falling into the ocean.”
“True.” Liam leaned against the wall and rubbed a thumb and forefinger at his gritty eyes. “Look, I know I said I’d come back for the week, but circumstances have changed. There’s this woman…”
“Tell me more.”
“She’s a beauty and a spitfire, Seth. You’ll like her, assuming I can ever figure out how to persuade her to come home with me.”
“It’s that serious? You haven’t spent more than fifteen minutes of ‘quality time’ with anyone since Gwyneth, but it sounds like you have more than a hard-on for this girl. What’d she do, put you under some kind of spell with her voodoo pussy?”
Liam laughed for the first time all day. “Something like that.”
“Aww, don’t worry. You’re always cool, collected, and smart. You’ll figure out how to sweep her off her feet. If not, you know some awesome knots. Just tie her up and carry her away.” Seth chuckled. “What about Hammer? When we talked last month, you said he wasn’t himself. Did you figure out what’s up with him?”
“Well, funny that. His problem is the same as mine. Raine. She’s the girl I told you Hammer took in years ago, remember? He’s in love with her. The fucked up part is that she’s in love with him, too.” Liam sighed. “And now, she’s wearing my collar, but there’s a good chance she’s knocked up with Hammer’s bairn.”
“Whoa! What the… It sounds like a fucking soap opera.”
Liam grunted. “It feels like a fucking soap opera.”
“How the hell did all that happen?”
“For years, Hammer refused to admit how he felt about her. But he wouldn’t allow any other man near her. I tried to help them both, but—”
“Help? Meaning that you gave her attention to see if Hammer would claim her in a jealous fit?”
Seth knew him well. “Raine needed a bloody guiding hand and some damn affection. What woman doesn’t deserve that? Hammer sure as fuck wasn’t giving it to her.”
“I guess he finally did or she wouldn’t be knocked up.”
“Oh, he did. As soon as I took her for my own. So now he hates my fucking guts. I’m not too fond of him, either.”
“Holy shit.” Seth whistled.
Liam sighed. “Jesus bloody wept, it really does sound as fucked up as it feels.”
“So which one of you is Raine actually with now?”
“It’s supposed to be me, but I don’t rightly know.”
“What shit are you guys smoking out there?” Seth huffed.
“I almost wish I had some. Half the time, I don’t know whether to laugh, scream, or jump off a bloody bridge.”
“You know the easy answer. Share her, like you did Juliet.”
It sounded so simple. Nothing could be more impossible.
“No chance in hell,” Liam said.
“Why not? You’d both get the girl. She’d feel more secure, get more guidance…”
“Hammer may have shared his wife with me, but Raine? I think he’d rather castrate himself. I don’t want that daft prick touching her, either. Besides, he seems convinced that sharing Juliet caused her death. I’m not sure why exactly, but he won’t risk it again.”
“Do you think he’s right?”
Liam closed his eyes and didn’t say anything for a long moment. “I’ve asked myself that a thousand times. Hammer and I have never talked about the end. He was so shut down, and I wasn’t there. I never wanted to pry. I just know that Juliet wasn’t communicating with either one of us. Neither is Raine.”
“Shit. Do you think she’s unstable enough to pull a Juliet?”
“I doubt it. She’s emotional but bloody obstinate.”
“You should tread carefully until you’re sure.”
Liam sighed. “I know, but…I’m in deep, man. I love this woman.”
“Love?” he asked incredulously. “Oh dude, but if her heart belongs to Hammer—”
“She cares for me, too. At least, I think she does. But Raine is confused, Seth. And so damn vulnerable.”
“I suppose that suggesting you pack a bag and take a red-eye home is out of the question?”
“Fuck that. I don’t hear a fat lady singing yet. It’s not over.”
“Are you sure you’re not wearing earplugs?”
“Sometimes I’d like to, but Raine’s crumbling. I can’t leave her now. Everyone else in her life has.”
Seth blew out a stunned breath. “Do you have a game plan?”
“I’m working on it. First, I need to find out if Raine is pregnant. Then…we’ll see.”
“If she is, what the fuck are you going to do?”
Liam shook his head as the image of Raine swelling with Hammer’s spawn made him grit his teeth. “Not much I can do except be there for her. But fuck…”
The silence hung between them, the gravity of the conversation weighing them both down.
“I’m sorry for the hell you’re going through.” And Seth’s voice said that he meant it. “Either way, you need to reach Raine before she falls apart. I know you’ll hate this idea, but can Hammer do it? Does she trust him?”
Did she? Liam had always assumed she did. But Hammer had figured out how late her period was; Raine hadn’t volunteered the information. So maybe not. “As much as she trusts anyone, I suspect, but it’s not a lot.”
“Just a suggestion, but maybe you and Hammer need to stop trying to claim your territory by planting your um…flag, and—”
Liam growled.
“And work your shit out,” Seth continued. “It might take both of you to reach her.”
“He wouldn’t lift a fucking finger to help me now.” Not that he wanted Hammer’s help.
That saddened Liam, too. Over a decade of friendship gone in a flash, ripped apart by their unyielding determination to possess and claim the same woman.
What a bloody fucking debacle.
“One of you has to swallow your pride. Working together might help you and Hammer kiss and make up. You’ve been friends too long to fight like this,” Seth pointed out. “Remember, Raine has to come first.”
“She does. But she has to want to do the work. So far, she’s dodged every attempt I’ve made to help her.”
“She’s not trying at all? That changes a lot, then.”
They talked about Raine’s behavior and pounded out a rough idea designed to help him reach her.
“You hate it.” Seth didn’t even ask; he knew.
“Every bit,” Liam admitted. “But I see the wisdom. I’ll have to think on it.”
“It’s not a move to make lightly, for sure,” Seth advised. “But you won’t be happy unless you’ve earned her whole heart and total surrender.”
#
The following morning, Raine chopped some nuts for a loaf of banana bread, pausing to flip on the light in the oven to check her red velvet cake. Fresh baked chocolate chip cookies cooled on her left. Their scent wafted to her nose and should have tantalized her. But it didn’t. Hammer’s favorite, apple spice muffins, sat on the table behind her. Their smell should have perked her up too, but no. The yeasty bread rising under the dish towel nearby looked ready for the oven. She’d already baked a plate of cinnamon rolls and set them nearby.
And she wasn’t any calmer than when she’d walked into the kitchen at three a.m.
Liam hadn’t come to bed last night—at least not the bed they shared. Raine tried desperately not to believe that he’d found someone else’s. Never before had he disappeared without a word. But she knew exactly what he meant to convey: he was more than frustrated with her refusal to take the pregnancy test, Thanksgiving… everything.
If something didn’t change, she wouldn’t be able to keep him much longer. At the thought, panic gripped her throat.
She’d texted him this morning to tell him that she missed him, but he hadn’t replied. Her only consolation was that his clothes still hung in the closet. She hoped that meant he was coming back, but she was also aware that he could send for them from New York.
What if she’d driven him away for good? She pressed her hand to her lips to hold in a sob.
In the doorway behind her, she felt a presence. Just by the way the air stirred, she knew Hammer stood, watching her. He’d see all the baked goods—and he’d know exactly what they meant.
She dragged in a steadying breath, then dumped the nuts from the chopper into the batter, avoiding his gaze. “Good morning. I’m just baking. Help yourself.”
Hammer crossed the room and stepped into her personal space, telling her without a word that she wasn’t going to escape whatever he had to say. His thick fingers gripped the counter near her waist, and she felt his body heat along her back. Why the hell hadn’t she worn more than her panties and a tank top? Under his stare, she felt naked.
“Everything looks delicious, precious. Tell me, is it that bad?”
She forced herself to shrug. “I couldn’t sleep. I was bored, so I baked.”
A humorless chuckle rolled from the back of his throat. “This is me you’re talking to. You only bake enough for an army when you’re deeply troubled. Tell me, did the bed feel a little empty last night?”
Why the hell was he taunting her?
She slammed her spoon on the counter. “It’s none of your goddamn business.”
“Turn around.” He waited until she complied with a sigh. “We’re going to talk.”
“Is this official club business?”
“Liam may let you negotiate. You know I won’t. Sit down. Now.”
She braced her hands on his chest, pushing him away. “What the fuck do you want from me? To hear that I screwed up? Yep. You’re right. I royally muffed everything. Happy now?”
“Liam is sleeping off a bottle in a spare bedroom down the hall.” He paused, his voice softening. “Alone.”
God, he could have said most anything else to her and she would have held it together. A fight? Bring it on. She’d love one of those now. Instead, he’d disarmed her with compassion. Damn him.
She and Hammer might have had a bumpy personal relationship, and he might have blown arctic and heat wave on her in the past, but he was still the person she trusted most on this planet. She knew without a doubt that he always wanted what was best for her—even if they had different ideas about what that was. So Raine had a hard time resisting the urge to throw herself against him and cry out her concerns, wrapped in his familiar arms. She couldn’t. He would take on her burdens without hesitation, but that wasn’t fair to either him or to Liam.
She had to keep it to herself. And that made her feel so damn alone.
“Thank you. Please don’t make this tougher for me. If you’re here to remind me that this is day six without a period, believe me, I know.”
With a grim expression, he pulled out a chair and extended his hand. “I don’t want to talk about your period. Friday will come soon enough.” He poured a cup of coffee, then plucked a muffin from the plate and took a bite. And he moaned. “You spoil me with these. They’re the best I’ve ever tasted. Now put your ass in the chair.”
Raine hesitated. There would be no avoiding him. Tenacious bastard.
With a sigh, she eased her butt, still sore from Liam’s paddling, onto the hard wooden chair, trying not to wince.
“A little tender, are you, precious?” he drawled. “Yeah, I heard.”
And wasn’t that completely embarrassing? “You didn’t have to listen.”
“I told you I like hearing you moan, even if it’s not for me.”
She scowled at him. Then when a little ache tightened behind her clit, guilt pricked her. She looked away. “Hammer...”
“I said I was going to be honest from now on, remember?” He sat at the head of the table and leaned toward her.
“Then I’ll be honest, too. I don’t want to discuss Liam with you.”
“That’s too bad because we’re going to chat. Look at me, Raine.” She raised her gaze and wished her heart didn’t stutter in her chest every time he stared at her. “What did Liam punish you for yesterday?”
“Do you really have to guess? You couldn’t wait to tell him how late I was. I’d been holding him off with vague answers, trying not to worry him until there was something to worry about. But you basically goaded him into demanding I take a pregnancy test. When I refused, we stumbled onto the topic of Thanksgiving...and now everything is a fucking mess. Don’t be surprised if he packs up and leaves.” At the thought of never being with Liam again, tears spilled like acid from her tired eyes. “And then I’ll be to blame for both coming between you and your best friend, and driving away one of the kindest men I’ve ever met.”
Raine stood, her chair scraping the tile floor. She tried to dart past Hammer. Since he sat between her and the door, he merely leaned back and grabbed her wrist. He stood, his heavy brows slashing down with…what? Anger? Concern?
“If you’re unhappy with me, take a number.” She swiped at the hot tears on her cheeks. “I should have left, you know. That night we fought. If I had just walked out, you and Liam would still be pals. You’d both be happier. And I wouldn’t be around to fuck everything up.”
“Sit down, Raine, and stop beating yourself up.” Hammer exhaled, his stare heavy. He waited until she complied, then sat again. “Now talk to me.”
God, she didn’t want to spill her guts. Just the thought of this conversation made her stomach roll. And Liam would be furious if she opened up to another man, especially Hammer.
Shaking her head, Raine blinked back more tears. “I can’t.”
“Okay, then listen. You didn’t come between Liam and me. I don’t want you carrying that weight on your narrow shoulders, girl. This isn’t the first time we’ve butted heads, and I can pretty much guarantee it won’t be the last. We may not have fought this seriously before, and I might be pissed as hell at him now, but I still love him like a brother.”
He tried to smile, but she could see it was strained at best. Another avalanche of guilt pressed down on her.
“Why did Liam punish you?” he asked again. “If it’s because you haven’t started your period yet, I’ll kill him.”
She shook her head. “That’s not why, and you can’t. What happened yesterday between Liam and me is our business. But you’re smart. You can read between the lines. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine why you’d be deeply disappointed. You won’t be far off the mark.”
“Yes, I can read between the lines, but I want you to explain it to me. Let me hear your interpretation.”
“Why do you do this to me? Stop trying to pry me apart. It’s over. It’s done. The lesson for me is that I suck at relationships.”
Hammer slammed his fist on the table, rattling the plate of muffins and her nerves. “Tell me.”
“Apparently, he didn’t like the way I tried to spare him the pregnancy scare. I hate dumping my crap on him. Or on you. I’m capable of taking care of myself.”
“Answer the fucking question.”
“I did!” she insisted. “God, you’re like a damn dog with a bone. Let it go.”
Hammer leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms over his wide chest, and flattened his mouth into a tight line. His pissed-off Dom face.
This wasn’t good…
“Let me rephrase,” he growled. “Tell me what submissive rule you broke.”
“Probably all of them. Why do you give a shit?”
Without a word, Hammer stood and walked to the counter. He grabbed a clean wooden spoon and returned to the table, hovering over her and clutching it in a white-knuckled grip. “What lesson was Liam teaching you? You either tell me now or I’m going to bend you over the table and beat your ass with this.”
Raine hunkered down in her seat and rolled her eyes. “You would.”
Damn, she hated sounding like a pouty teenager. She needed to get her shit together.
“In a fucking heartbeat,” Hammer tossed back.
“Do I need to remind you again that I’m not yours to punish?”
“I care about your needs more than I care about Liam throwing a hissy. And frankly, I think if he’d seen the way you behaved this morning, he’d agree with me. Now talk or I’m going to enjoy every fucking whack.”
Ugh, talk! She hated that word. But at least being angry with Hammer was better than being the guest of honor at her own pity party. “Communication, all right? I wasn’t totally honest, I guess. And he thinks I don’t trust him. God, do you have to badger me?”
“Obviously I do.” He set the spoon down gently and sat again. “And I suggest you stop provoking me to change the direction of the conversation.”
Yeah, she’d kind of figured he was onto her.
“You’re afraid Liam is going to leave you? Well, if you behave with him the way you just did with me, I guarantee he’ll walk out that door and not look back. A Dom thrives on total surrender. You’re not letting go. You’ll have to, Raine, in order to receive.”
“I know that!” Sadness, anger, and disappointment in herself all formed a lump in her throat that threatened to choke her. “I’m not stupid.”
“You’re not. But you’re too fucking stubborn for your own good. Do you like being this miserable? You must. You’re not doing a thing to change it, and you’re the only one who can.”
Raine bit her lip, despair rolling over her. How did she change herself? “I know.”
Hammer’s expression softened. “I can see how badly you’re falling apart. Don’t think for one second that Liam can’t, too.”
“Rooting for your rival?” She swiped at her leaking eyes. “Things were easier when you thought of me as your sister.”
“I may be a twisted fuck, but I’d never masturbate to thoughts of my sister, precious.”
She felt a flush crawl up her cheeks as heat burst through her body. It might be wrong, but on some level it gratified her to know that Hammer wasn’t any more immune to her than she was to him.
“I know I’m walking a thin line even talking to you like this since you wear Liam’s collar. So instead, consider this some friendly advice. Stop being so damn afraid to share yourself. If you won’t be honest with Liam, then for fuck’s sake, take his collar off and stop wasting his time.”
This tumultuous crap plaguing her, mostly of her own doing, completely exhausted Raine. But she didn’t know how to get off the merry-go-round. She didn’t know how to stop hurting. “I need him.”
Pain flashed in Hammer’s eyes. “Then you have a decision to make.”
“That’s what Liam said.” Morosely, she snagged a muffin from the plate and picked at it. “Are you pushing me so hard toward him because you still think you’re bad for me?”
He hesitated. “I’ve seen a change in you. As much as I hate to admit it, that’s Liam’s doing. He reached you in a way I hadn’t. Obviously not deep enough yet.”
She laughed bitterly. “We both know he’ll give up before then, if he hasn’t already. I’m kidding myself if I think that ripping my soul open for him is going to make much difference.”
“If you go through life scared that the other shoe is going to drop, you’re going to miss out on a hell of a lot of good things.”
“Probably,” she whispered. But trusting that someone would be there tomorrow? Nothing was more difficult—or terrifying—for her.
“Raine…” He swallowed tightly and leaned toward her, cupping her chin with his broad hand. “Am I bad for you? Probably. You’re not wired for what I want, and I couldn’t live with myself if I crushed your spirit. But I’m happy you’re in my life. Will I always want more? Yes. Is that your fault? No.” He bent, his hazel eyes delving deep. “I want you to be happy. Promise me you’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
He was willing to sacrifice his heart for hers. It was kind and noble—two things that didn’t come easily for Hammer.
Raine had never felt more unworthy in her life. “I don’t know how.”
“Then learn. It will be uncomfortable, maybe even painful, but you can. Now do it.”