Ethan

“You’ve been burning up someone’s phone lately.” Aubrey commented, giving me a sly smile.

“Nope. Just hooked on a new game,” I lied.

Jared coughed from the other side of the room but didn’t contradict me.

She rolled her eyes, looking disappointed. “You’re as bad as Lennox. If he’s not playing games on his phone, he’s on the Xbox.”

“We’re all big kids, what can I say?”

“You don’t have to tell me. I’ve toured with you guys.”

“You love us, don’t even try it.” Kane stepped into the room and kissed her on the cheek. “Especially me.”

“You overestimate my affection for you, Mr. Edenfield,” she shot back playfully.

“No, I don’t. And you know it. I’m your favorite.”

She gave him an exasperated look and cut her eyes to the rest of us.

Oh, for God’s sake. “We all know Kane’s your best friend, so you can stop looking over here like we’re gonna pout about it. It’s cool. We still love you, even if you have shitty taste in friends.”

Lenn cut in, “Like your taste is any better. You picked Jared over me, so…”

“We’d all pick Jared over you, idiot.” Kade walked in and slapped Aubrey on the ass. “Can we focus, please? I’d like to get this interview over with and hit the hot tub with my wife.”

I was ready to finish up, too, so I could call Emily. We’d been texting all day, and something was off in the way she responded. I wanted to get her on the phone, so I could figure out what was up.

“One more obligation after this, and we have three days to recoup before it all starts up again.” Kane sounded as worn out as I felt.

“Why is it that three free days feels like a vacation?” Lenn asked no one in particular.

He was met with a round of non-committal grunts because we all knew why. It was just our life. Had been for a damn decade.

But some days it felt like a century.

I loved what I did, so did the rest of the guys, but we were all ready for a break. We needed one, and as luck would have it, one was coming up.

The five weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s were the TotC equivalent of summer vacation—minus the summer weather.

We could go wherever we wanted, do whatever we wanted, and be whoever we wanted for those five weeks.

Okay, maybe I couldn’t go everywhere I wanted. “Home for the holidays” wasn’t exactly in the cards for me anymore, but I made the best of it with the family I built for myself. Kane, Kade, Jared, and Lenn.

My heart sank when I realized this year part of me also wanted to be in New York, with Emily.

The interview went well, if a little repetitive, and we were all out of there a couple of hours later.

The first thing I did, when I was safely in my car, was turn on the AC—L.A. didn’t bend to the seasons, it was always hot here—and call Emily. I’d parked in the far back corner of the garage, facing the wall, so I had plenty of privacy.

She picked up on the second ring. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” I sat back in the seat and closed my eyes, listening to her voice coming through the speakers.

“Interview over already?”

“Thank God,” I groaned. “If I get asked one more time what it’s like writing songs with Kade, I may lose my shit. New questions, people, damn.”

She chuckled, but it sounded hollow.

“What’s going on, Em? You’ve been off today.”

She hesitated. “Nothing. Just tired I guess.”

“Try again and leave out the bullshit this time.”

“You think you know me so well,” she snorted.

“No, but I know you well enough to know something’s up. Tell me, maybe I can help.” I wanted to, whatever it was. But she had to trust me with it first.

“You’ve got your own stuff to deal with.”

“I’m not letting up, so you may as well tell me.” I usually didn’t push because I preferred to let her hand me one piece at a time, at her own pace, but I felt like this was different.

She blew out a breath. “It’s just…Dana and I have this tradition. There’s one day every year that we always—always—spend together. We get up early, go to the farmers markets and do breakfast. Then we spend the whole day cooking and drinking and listening to music. It’s our tradition. Dana started it the year I moved here, as a way to distract me from…well, it’s not my favorite day of the year, let’s put it that way.”

Kind of like the way Jared and I always went to the falls on the same day every year and drank a six-pack near the water’s edge.

The place where Ryan and Cara died.

Em didn’t need to tell me the why of it. I knew loss when I heard it, knew the ache in her voice, the pain.

Another piece clicked into place.

“And this year she can’t make it?”

“No. She tried to get the time off, she really did, but they’re so understaffed right now, she just can’t get out of it. But she’ll be able to come over that evening, so I don’t know why I’m so down about it.”

“When is it?”

“Thursday. I’m supposed to be off, but I think I might go in, at least for half a day, just to keep busy.”

My mind was already churning. “Yeah, that might be a good idea.”

She sighed. “So, enough about me. What’ve you got going on this week?”

I did something then that I promised myself I wouldn’t do.

I lied to Emily.