Emily

“I’m not sure how I go from this,” I waved around the studio, where Ethan and I had resettled to chat. “To my normal life.”

“It’s just a studio.” He gave a dismissive shrug, but I could see the pleasure on his face; he loved that I was in love with this place.

I nudged his foot with mine and pursed my lips in a way that let him know I thought he was full of shit. We were sitting in the far corner of the room on a wide ottoman that had been shoved there to make room for more canvases. Our backs were pressed against the wall and our hands rested at our sides, not quite touching though we could feel each other’s body heat. At least, I could certainly feel his. The loft was a little cool. Such an open space was certainly hard to heat, but I had a feeling Ethan kept the temperature dialed in to a specific degree to help his paints dry properly. He also had a dehumidifier in the corner.

My phone chirped again in my purse, which I made no move to retrieve from the small table near the stairs. I was pretty sure I’d dropped it on the floor in my excitement, so Ethan must have picked it up for me while I’d been greedily soaking in the details of every painting, sketch, and scribble throughout the room.

“You gonna check that? It could be Arthur looking for you.”

I chuckled lightly, shaking my head. “He won’t care that I left. I wasn’t supposed to be there anyway. Besides, Arthur doesn’t text. I’ve tried to get him to start, but he’s got some irrational aversion to it.” I sighed long and loud, looking straight ahead and feeling a touch of guilt creeping into my otherwise blissed-out afternoon. “It’s probably Dana, reminding me to take the butter out of the fridge so it will be softened by the time she gets there. I’m not a baker, but I’m no dummy. I took it out this morning.”

He nudged my shoulder with his and waited for me to look over at him before speaking. “Do you need to get home in time to prep? I’ll take you whenever you’re ready.”

“Not yet.” I shook my head. “I’m in no hurry to get back until I absolutely have to. I just need to beat her there by half an hour or so, just to get the food going. God, I’m so ready to see Dana.” I sighed. “She’s been working so much we’ve barely talked for the last two weeks. We usually have dinner and catch up at least once a week, sometimes twice if it’s a really shitty week and we need to vent.”

“I understand that—the need to catch up. When we’re not touring, the band has random jam sessions for the same reason. Not to necessarily practice or write anything new, just to make noise and fill each other in on whatever’s going on. We play a while then bullshit a while, only to start all over.”

I thought for a minute, nodding. “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It kind of is. We don’t even play our own stuff, just old covers—songs we can quietly play on autopilot.”

I could picture the band sitting around laughing together, joking and teasing the way Dana and I did. “Jared’s your best friend, right? Out of everyone in the band?” I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but I was curious.

He smiled at my embarrassed expression and turned his attention to the cluster of canvases midway down the long wall beside us. “All of the guys are like brothers to me; we’re a family—a dysfunctional one, but a family all the same. Jared, though…” he trailed off, his eyes fixing on one painting in the cluster, though I couldn’t quite make out which one. “He’s my best friend.”

I tried to follow his gaze, but he shook himself and looked away before I could zero in on which painting had him so transfixed. “Rhythm guitarist, right? Really shy?” I’d been a fan of TotC for years, but aside from a few interviews and award shows, I hadn’t actively tried to learn more about the members.

“That’s him. Though, he’s not really as shy as people think. Just quiet.”

I nodded and tried to call forth what I remembered of the various talk shows and award shows I’d seen the band do over the years.

From what I’d seen of TotC on TV, I knew the lead singer, Kade, was kind of scary. His twin, Kane, was more outgoing. Lennox, the bassist, was a total player. Jared, the rhythm guitarist, was shy and rarely spoke on camera.

Ethan…he was such a mixture of things. Kade—or was it Kane?—had called him the peacekeeper in an interview once, and that had stuck with me. He just seemed to have his shit together; he never looked flustered or off-balance on camera. And he was the one my eyes always followed. He just drew me in with his quick wit and charm. He spoke, and my heart skipped a beat.

There was just something about him.

During one particular awards show, he’d gotten choked up in the middle of his acceptance speech, and I remembered desperately wanting to comfort him.

He’d been talking about his late brother at the time, who had helped write one of the band’s first major hits.

Oh, wait…

“Wasn’t Jared related to your brother’s fiancé?”

Ethan nodded thoughtfully, his gaze flicking to that cluster of paintings again before he looked down at his hands, which were now clasped together in his lap. I was starting to have a suspicion which painting was drawing his gaze. “His sister, Cara, was supposed to marry Ryan.”

“I’m sorry,” I said immediately, realizing too late how insensitive my question was. Shit. Smooth move.

He just shook his head slightly and looked up to offer me a smile. “Don’t be. That information has been out there for years. It’s no big secret.”

“Still,” I sighed. “A more tactful approach would have been for me to look it up, instead of asking you directly.” I’d had plenty of opportunities to do that over the last few weeks, but I hadn’t. It felt like spying.

He reached over and patted my hand, then turned his palm up and waited for me to thread my fingers through his. “I don’t want you to have to research me to get answers, Emily. I want you to get them from me.”

I gave his hand a squeeze. “Then I’ll wait for you to tell me what you want me to know.”

“Everything. I want you to know everything.” He leaned over and dropped a kiss on my temple. “And you will, in time.”

“How much time do we really have?” I swallowed hard, not wanting an answer but needing one just the same. “I’m so grateful you came here today; it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. But don’t you have to go?”

He turned sideways on the bench, one leg pressing against my side, and squeezing my hand tightly. “I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. And, after the concert on Thanksgiving night, I’ll be pretty much done with TotC business until New Year’s Eve.”

“Don’t you go home for Christmas?” I knew Thanksgiving wasn’t a family tradition because of the concert here and their other obligations, but somehow, I’d hoped he was at least with his folks for Christmas.

A look of profound sadness flashed across his face, his blue eyes clouding over for a moment before he could hide it. “I don’t go home for Christmas anymore, either.”

I reached up with my free hand and cupped his jaw, tracing the hard lines of it with my thumb. “Someone must be expecting you for the holidays.”

“It’s basically the same as Thanksgiving. Sometimes I go home with Kade and Kane, sometimes Jared and I hang out at one of our houses, and other times I just do my own thing. Nothing is ever set in stone, though. It sort of plays out however it plays out. No big deal.”

I had to swallow back my own emotions as he spoke, unable to fathom being so widely adored and so profoundly alone at the same time. How awful must that be? I suddenly had the overpowering urge to kiss him. Without thinking, I turned and straddled his lap.

He sucked in a surprised breath, but his hands immediately went to my hips, helping to guide me as I settled against him. I didn’t say a thing, didn’t dare attempt speech through the surge of emotion welling up inside me. Instead, I lowered my mouth to his and captured his quick exhalation as I kissed him. His mouth was soft and tasted of the lemony soda he’d been sipping. I peppered his lips with a string of soft kisses and mumbled, “Spend the holidays with me, Ethan. Come back for the concert but stay for me. For as long as you can. I want you here with me.”

I needed to say those words, but more than that, I needed him to hear them.

Not just because of what he’d done for me today, but because I knew that lost look in his eyes. That feeling of being adrift and alone.

I’d seen it in Dana when we first met, too.

It was one of the reasons she and I had bonded so quickly, fiercely.

Because I was adrift, too.

He reached up with both hands to cup my face, pulling me back so that he could see my eyes. I loved the feel of his hands on me that way, that gentle, bonded feeling it gave me.

He tipped his head up and met my lips briefly then smiled. “I’d love to spend the holidays with you, Emily. And I’ll stay as long as I possibly can.” He groaned softly as his hips thrust up into me. “God, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but we better walk this off before we take it too far.”

I blushed furiously and scooted off his lap. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Actually, I like your instincts. I’ve been fighting mine all day, too.” He chuckled, trying to discretely rearrange himself.

“I’m not usually like this. I hope you know that,” I hurried to explain. “None of this has been like me. The flirting, the texting all hours of the day, the…aggressiveness. And it’s not because you’re famous, either.” My mom was a clinger, a hanger-on who valued status more than people. That wasn’t me. Not even close. I didn’t want him to ever think that.

He put his hand on my knee to stop me. “Hey, stop. I know that. We’ve been building up to this for weeks—most of it from thousands of miles away, but still. And I wouldn’t judge you if you did do this kind of thing a lot.” He quirked a brow and pointed at his chest. “After the shit I’ve done over the years, I’m in no position to judge anyone.”

My gaze fell to the floor when I thought about that.

“Emily?” His voice was tentative and soft.

“Yeah?” I didn’t meet his eyes.

“Look at me, Emily. Please.”

I managed to do as he asked, mortified that I was near tears.

What the hell was wrong with me?

“You say you don’t make a habit of this, right?”

I nodded, clamping my mouth closed to keep my chin from trembling.

“Neither do I.” He leaned down until we were inches apart. “I may have more…experience…than most when it comes to certain things, but I’ve never even attempted this whole connecting thing before. We’re both out of our comfort zones.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I’d never judge you, so please try not to judge me. Okay?”

“I’m sorr—”

“Nope. No apologies.” He shook his head. “I’d never expect you to apologize for the things you think and feel. That would be like asking you not to be your true self. That’s not acceptance. And that’s no way to facilitate truth and honesty, not if we have to constantly apologize for our reactions and feelings.”

I looked at him in total awe. “How did you get to be so awesome, Ethan ‘Conspicuous’ Chase?”

He just laughed and waved off my compliment. “Let’s see how awesome you think I am in a few weeks.”

“About that…”

He raised a brow, noticing my hesitation. “Yeah?”

“Well, if you’re going to be joining me for Thanksgiving and Christmas…”

“I can’t cook. Just thought I’d mention that in case you’re about to ask me to bring a dish,” he joked.

My phone chirped again, and I glanced at my purse as I spoke. “No, silly. I’ve got that covered. It’s just…” I nodded toward my chirping phone. “Since Dana’s going to be there, I was thinking maybe I should prepare her for your company.” His eyes sparkled as he laughed at my serious tone. “I mean it. I don’t want her being blindsided.”

“So, you think she wouldn’t handle it well if I just strolled in with a pumpkin pie in my hand and wished her a happy turkey day?”

“You’ve heard the term ‘shit a brick’, right?”

He laughed harder.

I gave him a withering look, barely able to keep a straight face. “I’m being serious, Ethan. How am I supposed to handle this? I mean, obviously, I won’t tell her you’re Conspicuous, but you’re incredibly famous, and she hasn’t been living under a rock for the last decade. She’s going to freak out if I don’t prepare her ahead of time. And then she’ll kill me for letting her embarrass herself in front of a celebrity.”

“So, tell her tonight. You’re still having dinner with her, right?”

“Yes, but I may wait until tomorrow, today’s been eventful enough already. In a wonderful way, but still. There’ll be enough time to salvage some of the annual traditions, but if I hit her with this news, all that will be out the window fast, and I don’t think I’m up to it tonight.” I frowned, thinking. “She gets off at nine tomorrow. I’ll scoop her up and take her for a bite somewhere…tell her in public so she can’t freak out too bad.” I liked the sound of that. “How do I tell her we met? I can’t tell her the truth.”

He thought a minute. “Tell her most of the truth. Just say I came by the gallery to look around, and you tried to throw me out because I wasn’t dressed for the occasion.”

“I still can’t believe I did that.” I knew I was blushing again.

“Most adorable pissed-off person ever.”

“Oh, shut it, Chase. It was mortifying.”

He just rolled his eyes. “Tell her when I came back to collect my purchases, I asked you to lunch. One thing led to another, and boom, I’m your plus-one for the holidays.”

“If I use the phrase ‘one thing led to another’ in a conversation with Dana—especially when it comes to you—she’ll stroke out. So, I better just say we spent the whole day talking, and I invited you to Thanksgiving since you were going to be in town for a concert and unable to get back home.” I gave him an expectant look. “Sound feasible?”

“One thing leading to another sounds more exciting, but it’s your call.” He winked at me, and I felt flushed. “So, we’re just friends who are celebrating the holidays together?”

“Exactly.”

He smirked and ran his knuckles up my arm, giving me goosebumps. “Can we be the kind of friends that flirt—a lot? And maybe kiss under the mistletoe—a lot?”

“I don’t have any mistletoe,” I stammered, wishing I could control myself better. It was kind of embarrassing how easily he could turn me on.

“I’ll take care of that,” he promised huskily.

My phone chirped again, and I grudgingly stood, moving toward my discarded purse. “And I’ll take care of that. Fingers crossed I can convince her that all Arthur saw was some guy holding the door for me.”

One more day. I could hold it all in for one more day.