My truck rumbled into the parking lot, and Finn met me at the door with empty arms. “Where’s my dog?” I asked him.

“You’ll see,” he said. He lead me inside, where a group of people gathered around the side table in the kitchen. Mitch and Kai were on their hands and knees peering underneath the table.

“Your puppy definitely woke up from whatever nap he took in that box.” Finn shook his head.

That familiar surge of protectiveness ran through me, and I pushed through the commotion. “Everyone back! It’s not like he’s a wild raccoon!”

The crowd parted. I dropped to my hands and knees and peered under the table. The puppy crouched in the corner, shaking, right next to a puddle of pee.

“You assholes are scaring him!” I growled. The crowd fell back and I laid on my stomach to assess the situation. Poor little guy. Whatever he did, he didn’t deserve to be cornered by a mob.

“He got into the donuts,” Mitch said, helpfully.

I turned back to stare at him. “The donuts? Did he grow wings and fly to get to them?”

“No, they were in a box on the floor under a chair,” Mitch said. I rolled my eyes. What kind of a dumbass puts a box of donuts on the floor? I stifled this comment and kept it to myself.

“Is that going to make him sick?” I turned and looked at Finn.

He shrugged. “I dunno. Chocolate is toxic to dogs but these were glazed. He only got a little, so he’s probably okay. Though with all this excitement and something like that in his stomach, I’m surprised he hasn’t done worse than leave a puddle.”

Oh god.

“Is that dog still here?” The chief’s voice boomed behind me. I ignored it for the time being and edged closer to him, my hand out.

“Hey little guy, come here,” I coaxed. I kept my voice soft and even. “Come on, you can do it.”

The puppy blinked at me and then put his head down and walked to my hand. He sniffed it and then dropped his weight into my palm, trusting me to take him. I slowly scooped my hand around him and pulled him from under the table.

As I sat up with the puppy, the room cheered. This startled and spooked the dog. He looked at me with wild eyes and tried to run. “Shhh!” I said to the room. “Can’t you guys see he’s terrified?”

The chief stood behind everyone else, his arms folded. “Dalmatians are high strung,” he said. “I thought you were taking him out of here?”

I gritted my teeth and forced myself to relax into a smile. “I had to take my bike home and get my truck. I can’t transport a puppy on a motorcycle.”

“I was supposed to be watching him,” Finn said. He actually looked upset. “I put him down to let him explore, and he seemed fine. I guess I turned my back and…”  he trailed off, and furrowed his brow.

Maybe Finn wasn’t such a smug asshole after all. I felt for the guy. “Do you have a dog?” I asked him.

Finn’s features twisted. “I did.” He held my gaze for a moment, pain flickering in his eyes. Then he looked at the floor.

“Finn mopped up after him while you were gone,” Kai volunteered. “That’s why his back was turned.”

Oh.

“Do you want to hold him while I clean this up?” I offered, lifting the puppy toward him.

Finn’s eyes lit up. “Absolutely!” He beamed and took the dog back into his arms. “Come here, little troublemaker!” I popped up onto my feet and went to get the mop.

After I cleaned everything up, the chief followed me as I went to retrieve him from Finn. “You can see why we can’t keep him here, right?” he said.

“He can be taught not to do that,” I said, my defenses rising. “He’s still just a puppy.”

The chief looked at me evenly. “Remind me where you live?”

Why is he asking that? He knew where I lived. I gave him the name of my street.

“That’s not what I mean,” the chief said. “How much land do you have?”

I sighed and just looked at the chief. He didn’t have to be condescending.

The chief rubbed his forehead. “Look, I’m not trying to be a dick. It’s just, this kind of dog is a lot of trouble.”

Just like me. That’s what they said about me.

The puppy squirmed to get down. Against my better judgment, I set him down on the terra cotta tile floor. It looked slippery to his paws. He looked up at me and then started exploring, weaving in and out of chair legs.

“Don’t step on the puppy!” I called out.

“He’s a good looking dog,” the chief admitted. “Someone will want him.”

“Why not me? I’m someone,” I scowled.

“Does anyone here want a new puppy?” I asked the room. Everyone stopped talking and stared at me.

“Sorry man, we just got a new cat,” Mitch said.

“Yeah no pets allowed where I live,” Kai said.

I looked at Finn, and he frowned and looked away. “I’m not ready, sorry man.”

I sighed.

“The new shelter will find somebody,” the chief said gently. “It will be best for him.”

“Where did he go?” Finn said.

Somebody was going to step on him. I knew it. Finn and the chief and I scoured the fire station and found him behind a box chewing on a stray sock.

“Come on little guy, time to go in the truck.” I scooped him up and took the sock away. He gave me the saddest expression, so I hid the sock in my pocket. It was already ruined. Better the guy think his sock was missing than blame it on the puppy.

“I’m not even keeping you and I’m already enabling you,” I said to his soft eyes. His heart pounded into my  hand as he wiggled and settled.

“I’m glad you found him,” the chief said. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day, take him to the shelter, and then get your classes set up.”

Yeah, classes. That’ll happen.

It was like the chief could read my mind. “After you are set up, bring me your registration papers and I’ll put them in your file.” His meaning was clear. School was not optional.

He could make me enroll, but unfortunately, he couldn’t make me pass. He’d find that out soon enough.

“Yes, sir.” I looked down at my shirt, covered in dog hair. The puppy nuzzled my fingers. Ouch, those teeth were sharp! I yanked my hand back and grinned at the chief.

He held out a file folder full of papers. “Here’s all your registration materials. You left them in my office.”

I straightened my back and took the file with my free hand. “Thank you,” was all I could manage.

I tucked the folder under my arm and grabbed a blanket from the shelf. Everyone watched, but no one dared question me. “Later guys. I’m off to throw away a living creature.”

My heart pounded and I shoved my way out the door. It fell back into the frame with a satisfying slam.

Out in the bright sun the puppy blinked and squinted. Does he want down or is he trying to get closer? I couldn’t tell.

I climbed into the cab of the truck and holding the puppy in my arm, spread the blanket out on the seat with the other. I sat him down and he crawled toward my lap.

It was just as well. Otherwise he might fall over when we stopped.

I slowly pulled out of the parking lot. The shadows from the trees above alternated flashes of sunlight and shade on the puppy. When the sun hit him, he shone white, his coat sleek and smooth. His black dots were still a little gray and looked like they were under his coat.

“What will you look like when you are fully grown?” I asked him. “I guess I don’t get to find out.” He sniffed at my pocket and looked up at me. “Are you looking for this?” I pulled over and pulled the sock out of my pocket. He happily pounced on it and settled back with his chewing project.

“It’s probably not a good idea to let you chew clothes, but it’s not going to be my problem, right?” The bitter anger from a very old place inside me bubbled deep in my core. I glanced over at him and he looked up at me with soulful eyes, and thumped his tail before turning his attention back to the sock.

I made my way to the shelter, taking the longest route I could find. I told myself I was taking slower roads, for the safety of the dog. This was true, but I was also stalling. His energy filled the entire cab of the truck. He was so new, so vibrant, so…innocent. Every time he looked up at me, he had total trust in his eyes. This creature depended on me. He couldn’t survive without me. And he settled beside me without a care in the world, like he had total faith that I would take care of him.

Where was I going? The dog shelter? So that maybe “someone” would adopt him?

But even if someone else wanted him, he was given to me.

He was mine.

But I’m in no shape to take care of a dog. I don’t have the right kind of house. I know nothing about dogs, and I know nothing about taking care of anyone else.

Sure I could rescue people or help them in emergencies, but day-to-day care was not in my DNA. I came from a fucked up family, and had no business trying to build one of my own.

I cursed the person who sent me this gift. What kind of asshole sends someone a dog for a present? Why do people think of animals and kids as disposable?

I spent so many childhood moments being transported from one place that didn’t want me to another place that didn’t want me. I didn’t understand then why no one wanted me.

Because you’re not as good as them. Because you’re a nobody, that’s why.

I never knew my dad. My mom…she was preoccupied. I thought she was a good mom because she left the fridge full of food before she left. She came home every few weeks, usually. I got up, fed myself, went to school, came home, tried to do my homework. When she was gone it was just like she was there except the food lasted longer, her random friends didn’t come over and I didn’t have to take care of her.

If I hadn’t answered the door that day — if I hadn’t let the neighbor in and let them find out she was gone — I could have stayed in the house. No one would have known. She always came home eventually.

That time, I don’t know if she ever did. They took me away from the only home I knew, away from my mother who always returned. I screwed up and let them in. I was a fuck up, and couldn’t take care of myself after all. Then I became a ward of the state.

Isn’t that what I was doing to the dog? Fucking up? Not taking care of him? Allowing him to be put in the system to ruin his fate?

And like little naive me, he had no idea.