Pulled into the darkness with Tex, Carleen was left with no choice but to hold on. Fighting wouldn’t help things and he was no use as he mumbled to himself. Standing in the cold, damp tunnel made her uneasy, while the strong scent of fear permeating the air brought her tigress forward. Logically she knew there was nothing there that could hurt her. This flashback was a ghost from his past and neither of them were there now. As the door in front of them opened and the horrid scent of blood filled her lungs, she clung to that knowledge.

Tex stood in front of her, gun at the ready as he moved through the door to join another man, someone she didn’t recognize. “I’m one of the people who plan to stop you.” The rest of the men moved closer, showing their support as Tex faced off with the other man. Instantly, she understood who was standing before them—Avery.

“Tex…” She tried to call to him, to bring them out of this flashback, but he didn’t flinch.

Helpless to stop the situation, she stayed near him, watching her mate relive the final moments of Avery’s life. Refusing to look at the bleeding woman on the table, she kept her attention on Tex. His body was stiff but ready for whatever might happen. The darkness in his eyes made her wonder if he had been willing to die that day if it meant freeing the Texas Tigers from Avery’s control.

Was he locked in the memories of the past because of her? When she’d asked about him becoming Alpha, had it brought this on? How much of his past lingered just under the surface, waiting for openings to seep through into the present?

Watching him raise the gun, she was brought back to what was happening and she reached out to him. Not there in the flashback, but where their actual bodies were back in the cabin. She could feel her fingers caress his face and his body tremble under her touch. His beast was so close to the surface that she could feel the fur brush along her body. “Tex…come on, Tex. Come back to me.”

“You’re fucking dead.”

The harshness of his tone brought her out of the flashback and back to the cabin. Not wanting to startle him, she stayed absolutely still in his embrace. Even her voice refused to work, though she wasn’t sure what she’d say to him. His body was tense and his eyes were closed, making her wonder if he was still trapped in his flashback alone. She almost wished she could go back, not so she could see what happened but so she could be there for him.

His eyelids sprang open, revealing a fiery orange glow, and for a moment, she swore he was going to shift but just like that it was gone. His normal stormy gray irises returned, full of pain and sorrow, making her hold him tighter. “Tex?”

“Fuck!” His arms dropped from her waist but before he could step away, she grabbed hold of his shirt.

“Don’t push me away.” With one hand on his cheek and the other holding tight to his shirt, she willed him to stay.

“I could have hurt you.”

“Never.” Hoping he wouldn’t pull away from her, she cupped his face between both hands. “You weren’t here but you were. Your beast knows my scent. Even if you don’t believe you had enough control, he did. Your tiger would never hurt me, and neither would you.”

“You weren’t so sure of that a few minutes ago.”

“I know it now.” She lifted her hand to grab hold of his white cowboy hat and pull it off. “Oh, Tex…”

“Don’t!” he snapped, stilling her mid-motion.

“What?” Her voice squeaked and she almost dropped his hat back on his head.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t want your sympathy.”

“Sympathy…baby, you couldn’t be more wrong.” She dropped the cowboy hat on the chair they’d vacated minutes before and turned back to him. “You’re my fucking hero.”

“That’s worse. I’m no one’s—”

“Don’t.” She pressed her finger to his lips. “You saved them. While it doesn’t erase the memories or the scars, and it doesn’t bring back those he murdered, you put an end to his destruction. That means everything.”

“We arrived too late.” The sorrow was clear in his voice and in his eyes.

Since she witnessed his flashback, there was no doubt in her mind he meant they had been too late to save the woman Avery had been torturing. “Who was she?”

“Who?” His eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“The woman Avery was killing when you arrived. I could see her—”

“You what?” He pulled away from her before she could stop him and paced the small space in front of the sofa. With every click of his cowboy boots, the tension in the air seemed to be emphasized, making her uneasy.

“Your flashback…I don’t know how, but I was there. I saw her. Even parts I didn’t see, I know what happened. It’s not possible, but I have knowledge of events I shouldn’t. I don’t understand it.” She held her breath, watching him, waiting for his reaction. “I realize you’re upset and I’m sorry, I really am, but it’s not my fault.”

“No, it’s mine.” He growled. “I should go.”

“Go?” She stepped into his path, blocking his exit. “Just like that, you’re going to leave? You’re not going to explain anything. You’re just going to walk out on me.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“How about you explain what the hell just happened?” She wanted to reach out and touch him. Instead, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t throw a wall up between us now. You’ve been pushing me to accept what’s happening between us, but with the first sign of troubled waters, you’re ready to run.” Realization dawned on her, causing her chest to vibrate as her lips curled up in a smile, and suddenly she was chuckling. It was out of place, but it felt right.

“What the fuck is so funny?”

“Where were you going to go?” She shook her head, unable to believe she was laughing at something so ridiculous. Surely, he could find somewhere to hide out until she gave up waiting on him or he was ready to face her, but it didn’t seem like him. “This is your cabin. You’re not in Texas, where I’m sure there’re plenty of places you could escape to. You’re in Alaska. Are you going to go to Ty and tell him your mate is in your cabin, refusing to leave, and you need somewhere else to stay? I can’t see my scary Alpha telling others he’s having trouble with his woman.”

“Your scary Alpha?” His gaze centered in on her.

“I…um…” She fought not to take a step back as he crept closer.

“Is that what I am?”

In a blink of an eye, he closed the distance between them and pressed her against the half wall dividing the living room from the entryway. He lifted her up to sit on the ledge of the wall and without second guessing herself, she wrapped her legs around his waist, keeping him close. “Tex…”

“Answer me.” He leaned in closer and took a deep breath. “Peaches?”

“Yes…” With her hands pressed against his chest, she was torn between pushing him back so she could see his face, and allowing her hands to roam over the tightness she felt hidden under his sweater. A growl vibrated his chest, but there was nothing threatening to it; the noise seemed more comforting than anything, and she allowed her fingers to caress downward. “Kiss me.”

“After what you saw—”

“Don’t.” She let her eyelids drift shut and allowed her beast to push her in the right direction. Her tigress would know what she needed to say, without allowing her human side to overthink things. “Earlier in the kitchen I was terrified of you, while drawn to you at the same time. It was unnerving, but what I saw allowed me to understand you better. You’re different than I originally thought.”

“How’s that?” His breath caressed her face.

“Since Thorn forced me to leave Mississippi, I’ve been terrified Lee would find us. More than that, I’ve been terrified of who our next Alpha will be. Thorn told me I was worrying for nothing, that anyone would be better than Lee, but I wasn’t convinced. I heard rumors of what happened in Texas and an Alpha like that wouldn’t be any better, it would be worse. Lee’s strict, and discipline is just a form of torture for him, but he doesn’t do it out of sport like Avery did.” She opened her eyes and looked into his. “I only caught a glimpse of what happened there, but you give me hope. You not only survived but you went back and saved your people. Do you realize how many people would be too afraid of even going back, let alone taking on the task of rebuilding the clan?”

“I didn’t do it to prove anything.”

She knew he hadn’t, but that didn’t change the outcome. Every stride he took was proving a clan could be saved with a strong Alpha in command. While some had been lost along the way, the majority of the members had been saved and they were stronger than ever before. He might not want to recognize it, but it was happening and he was responsible for it. It gave her hope that maybe the members of the Mississippi Tigers could be saved, if they could take Lee out of power.

Lucy will— She cut herself off, refusing to go down that road. Instead, she focused on the man before her and as she did, she realized how he ended up taking over the clan.

“You did it because Ben suggested you take over the clan. He believed you could lead them out of the darkness and into the light.” She leaned back from him so she could get a better look at him. “How do I know that? I can practically see you standing at the podium in front of your clan. The guys from your flashback are there with you. Ben and some woman are there, too. How do I even know who Ben is?” Panicking, her heart sped and her beast rose as it searched for the invisible threat.

“Peaches, it’s okay.” He pulled her back against him. “Everything is okay.”

“How can you say that?” Nothing was okay about this situation. Something strange was going on. She had never seen something so clearly about another person like she had with him. She never heard of the mating connection doing this before. “What’s happening to me?”

“Shh, sweetie. Everything is going to be fine. I told you before this was my fault and it is.” He rubbed circles along her back but was no longer looking at her. “I was a guard for Avery, but I never actually guarded him. Unlike others, I never had to keep my emotions in check constantly. Since I found out you’re my mate, I haven’t been shielding from you. It wasn’t something I decided to do. My shields just slipped. Some of that might have been to put you at ease, while part of it could’ve been wanting someone to understand me completely. The parts of me that I can share with my mate are parts I can’t share with anyone else. It could be taken as a weakness, and while the clan has come a long way, it would still make me vulnerable.”

“I don’t understand. Elders have to shield constantly or their emotions affect their clan. You can’t drop them for one person and keep the shields up from others.”

“With practice, you can.” He dropped his gaze back down to her. “When Adam was in Texas searching for Robin, his mate who was being hunted down by Pierce’s gang, he ran into some issues and I was sent to secure the helicopter so that he could make a quick escape. It didn’t go as planned, but now I realize that was the best fuckup of my life.”

“What do you mean? What happened?” she pressed.

“Before Adam and Robin could board the helicopter and get out of town, Pierce’s men attacked us. I was shot, and knowing Avery would have seen my injuries as a failure, I refused to shift to heal myself. I wanted to give in to my injuries and let death claim me. Instead, Adam brought me to Alaska, to their healer.” His eyes closed, as if remembering what happened, but thankfully, he didn’t pull them both back into a flashback. “I was angry at first because being alive meant I would have to face Avery. He’d be angrier since I didn’t return straight away. His rage would mean unbelievable pain. It was Robin who got through to me and showed me that I didn’t have to return to Texas, that I could stay in Alaska if I wanted to.” His sadness thickened the air until it was overwhelming

“You returned and took Avery down.” She tugged his sweater up so that her hands were touching his bare stomach. Unlike before, when she wanted to explore the contours of his chest, all she wanted to do now was offer whatever comfort she could.

“Knowing I had somewhere else to stay, I focused on healing myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I used my time to build strength, extend my weapons knowledge, and most of all get into the mental space I needed in order to deal with Avery. Robin was a tremendous help during all of this, especially when it came to moving past what happened. She was going to college for her master’s degree in psychology and by the time she found us, she only had one semester left. Since then, she’s finished her degree and is working with shifters. It’s something we’ve needed for a long time and I can attest to the good she’s doing. Her help was essential in bringing the clan together.”

As he spoke of Robin, his lips curled into a smile. She was special to him—as a friend, nothing more. The connection he had with Robin was enough for Carleen to know she had pegged the woman correctly when they’d first been introduced. “I met her.”

“I figured. Her mate is part of the Elder team and has worked with the potential guards, so it’s likely she’d have been around.”

“No, I mean I met her before we came here.” She pulled her hands out of his sweater and dropped them to her lap. “When we left Mississippi, there was no plan. Late one night after everyone fell asleep, Thorn sneaks into my bedroom and tells me to throw a few things into a bag, that we’re leaving. I had five minutes and we were gone. Next thing I know we’re in the middle of nowhere, Colorado, hiding out in an old, abandoned farmhouse. Thorn knew about the online shifter forum and he reached out to the bears who run it to see if they could help us find a safe clan. The next day Styx, Adam, and Robin showed up. I was terrified. I didn’t know who they were or how they found us. Robin pulled me aside while the guys talked.”

“She has a way of making you see there’s still brightness in the world even though you’re feeling utterly helpless.”

Not knowing what else to say, she nodded. Robin’s words got her to see that they couldn’t stay at the abandoned farmhouse. They had to move on and commit themselves to an Alpha and a clan if they wanted to survive. Until they did, Lee would hunt them down.

“We’re straying from my point again. What I was trying to tell you is that while I was here in Alaska, I changed. So, when I returned I was in a different mindset than the rest of the clan. Their terror was crushing. It was like a tidal wave before I stepped into the position of Alpha. After I did, everyone’s emotions became overwhelming.”

“Their fear of the future was suffocating you. Shortly after we arrived, Ty told me I had to gain control over my worries because they were making the air heavy. It can be hard to breathe when it’s like that.”

“Exactly,” he agreed. “Ty helped me gain control of it. He taught me how to connect with the clan without suffering through every emotion with them. At first, I wanted to shut down. He made me realize that by blocking them, I was hurting the clan. Dividing them from me would have left us vulnerable and I couldn’t have that. With my new position, I also had to shield them from me. I couldn’t let them feel my fear or doubt, or they’d have it, too. They needed someone strong to lead them. Once I had that under control, he taught me how to drop my shield for just those I needed to. Allowing Ben or our guards to know what was happening. That was critical.”

“I thought that came naturally for Elders. One of the last conversations I had with Lucy, she told me I needed to keep my emotions in check or she wouldn’t be able to hold Lee back. She could feel how distraught I was over losing the close bond I had with her. Trust me, Lee wouldn’t have taught her shit, so it had to come naturally.”

“Most Alphas have fought for their position. I might have been working toward an Elder position one day, but the last time he saw me…” Tex paused and shook his head.

“What?” she pressed.

“Let’s just say I was a weak shifter before my time here. Avery made sure we all were. Here, everything changed. Each of the members prepared me for my new role. Robin made sure I was mentally prepared, Ty gave me the strength and belief that I needed, and the guards prepared my body physically. Without them, I have no doubt I’d already be dead. Maybe not by the hands of my own people, but certainly by one of the outsiders who saw the clan as an opening to advance themselves.”

“Lee only wants those he handpicks to be strong, and everyone else he wants submissive. He’d do stupid shit to prove his power over us.” She slipped her arms around his waist. “Lucy had long curly hair, just a couple shades darker than mine. I guess you could say it was more brown than red. Whenever she was reading, she’d wrap the strands around her fingers repeatedly. A few days after they mated, Lee forced her to cut it because he knew how much she liked it. Still, that wasn’t enough for him and he took it a step further. They hadn’t even been mated for a month and he shaved her head for disobeying him by speaking to Thorn and me.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie.”

“Her situation made me not want an Alpha for a mate. Hell, it made me not want a mate.” She glanced up at him and saw kindness and sympathy in his eyes. “With you…I don’t know, I want to believe it’s different. Maybe I’m not the best judge, though, since I had hoped Lee would change when he found Lucy.”

Her chest tightened at the thought of Lucy. What would have happened if she hadn’t encouraged her sister to accept the mating? Denying a mate would mean either death or going rogue. Lucy felt suicide would free her from Lee, but Carleen talked her out of it. It was a guilt she would carry with her for the rest of her days. Nothing could change the past or make things right. She had made her choices and her sister now suffered the consequences.

“It’s different and I’m going to show you.” Placing his hands on her hips, he lifted her down to stand in front of him. “You were drawn into my flashback because I was touching you. I knew it was coming and I wanted to break contact but I couldn’t. The hold was too strong and I dragged you into that. I’m sorry you witnessed the memory. Now that we know you’re susceptible to it, I can show you something that will help you understand the type of Alpha I am. If you focus, you can control how the connection flows and see what you want.”

“What?” She wasn’t sure what to make of that word. It was almost like he was trying to say she had wanted it to happen, and she hadn’t. She didn’t even know it was possible.

“It’s a rare talent even among Alphas, and still most people can’t be dragged into it. The connection between the two needs to be strong. You’re my mate, so there’s no stronger connection.”

“You could still hide things from me.”

“What would be the point? Soon you’ll know every part of my past and who I am. Lying to one’s mate would make for an unhappy relationship.” He leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers. “We’ve both spent too much time in darkness. Now, our future is going to be one full of happiness and sunshine.”

Her body stilled as she stared into his eyes. The closeness between them had butterflies fluttering in her stomach—not out of nerves, but excitement. She wanted to know him better, and she also wanted more physically. “Why won’t you kiss me?”

“Each time you’ve asked me, your tigress was lingering just under the surface. Your beast was controlling you. When I make you mine, I want it to be your decision, not your beast. I don’t want you to regret it later.” He caressed her arms, slowing working up toward her shoulders. “There’s plenty of time.”

“Really? Because I was told you’re leaving the day after tomorrow.” The idea of him not being there had her tiger snarling within her. They barely knew each other, yet she didn’t want him to go. The future was uncertain, but for once in her life she wanted to roll with things. Just because Lee hadn’t sought them out yet didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be an issue for her in the future. Thorn had been a valuable member of the guards, and she doubted Lee was willing to let him go without a fight. He’d want Thorn back even if it was just to prove a point. She knew it would be more than that. She and Thorn had been used to keep Lucy in her place, and it was unlikely Lee would be willing to lose the leverage he had over Lucy when it came to them.

Though Tex was an Alpha, it didn’t mean he was anything like Lee. The Alaskan Tigers proved to her there were good Elders out there, and after everything Tex went through, he had to be one of the good ones. She couldn’t see him running the clan like Lee or Avery had. There was a softness inside him. While he might keep that side of him hidden from others, he allowed her to see it.

“I have to return to Texas, but I’m hoping you’ll come with me.” He squeezed her shoulders. “I’m planning on offering Thorn a position. First, there’s something he’ll have to do.”

She should have been ecstatic that her brother would get the position he wanted, but she wasn’t sure. The possibility he’d discover she was destined to be with Tex before he got the position was too great. There was no doubt in her mind he wouldn’t believe he’d gotten the position because of his own skill, but because of her.

She had told Tex the potential guards were celebrating, and while that was true for most of them, it wasn’t for Thorn. He believed he had failed and the celebration was just an excuse to drown in his sorrows. The missed opportunity was something he’d certainly be kicking himself over, and nothing she might say would convince him otherwise.