NOW

Marcus

Where the fuck is she? It’s been six hours and I haven’t heard from her. Fuck, what the hell am I doing? I’m stuck in a God damned emotional spiral I can’t get out of. I want her. I don’t. This isn’t how this was meant to go. It was meant to remain emotion-free and smooth, and at the end of the two years, it was meant to end. Not this. None of these feelings.

My phone rings, causing my body to flinch. I’ve been pacing my office for the last two hours, waiting for her to call. She hasn’t. At the sound of my phone ringing, I lunge at it, reaching down and snatching it up without looking at the display. “Katia?” I yell, hating how fucking frantic I sound. I shouldn’t care. Not at all.

“It’s not Katia, it’s Pierre.”

“What the fuck do you want?” I bark.

He sighs. “Marcus, you and I are never going to be close but you’re married to my daughter and she came to see me today, asking about you. I told her the truth, which means she knows what you do. I’m not going to judge anything, Marcus, but I’m her father, and I wanted you to know because she’s hurting. This is me, giving you a heads up.”

Fuck me.

He’s helping her.

And he’s helping me.

“Thank you,” I mutter.

“She loves you, Marcus. For whatever reason. Because of that I’m going to have to step aside and let her. Don’t give me a reason to have to hunt you down.”

Then he hangs up the phone. Fuck. This shit just keeps getting better. I sigh loudly, running my hand through my hair and growling low and deep. Before I have the chance to process the fact that Katia went to her father and asked about me, not to mention that Walter came this fuckin’ close to blowing everything, my phone rings again. I glance down at it this time, and see Katia’s name. I reach for it quickly, answering and pressing it to my ear.

“Katia, where are you?”

There’s a long silence.

“Marcus?”

There’s something wrong, I hear it in her voice instantly. It’s scratchy, like she’s been crying, but it seems worse, like she’s been told her best friend is dead.

“Katia, what’s wrong?”

“It’s my mom . . .” she whispers. “She’s been in a car accident.”

~*~*~*~

KATIA

I stare blankly at the stark white wall. I feel nothing. Nothing at all. My entire world is crashing around me and I have no one to lean on. Dusty tried, but I don’t want him. Candy has called, but I didn’t answer. I called Marcus, and he told me he was on his way, but nothing feels okay. My mom is in surgery, Ellie is hysterical, and I’m sitting out here alone. Dusty disappeared half an hour ago to get coffee.

Unable to sit still, I stand up. My entire world is spinning as I run down the halls. If something happens to my mom . . . I can’t live with that. She’s all I have. I know it was an accident, I know Ellie didn’t mean for her car to crash, but now I could lose the only good thing I have left. Who the hell will I have if I don’t have her? My body jerks and tears finally break over the wall they’ve been welling up behind.

They spill over and I sob loudly.

I run outside and into the rain. The cool drops hammer against my warm skin, and it only makes my tears come harder. My legs are weak, my heart, it fucking hurts, and my eyes burn with the tears welling up and cascading down my cheeks. I make it just pas the car park when my legs give out and I sink to the ground. My fingers tangle into my hair and I cry, I cry so hard it turns into ragged screams.

Car lights flash against my face but I don’t look up. I can’t stop now. I’ve let go. Everything is pouring out and fear for my mom, my God damned lifeline, is crippling me.

A door slams, then I hear booted feet approaching me. Before I know it, hard, firm arms are wrapped around me. Familiar arms. Arms I’ve needed for so long, around me exactly as they are now. Marcus nuzzles my neck, holding me so close it’s difficult to breathe.

Then he does it.

He becomes the person I need.

He becomes all I have.

He becomes what I’ve wanted for so long with one, single word.

“Baby.”

~*~*~*~

I’m tucked in Marcus’s lap, my head buried in his neck. We’ve been waiting for four hours now. Dusty, Candy, Ellie and even Pierre are here, waiting, too. I don’t look or talk to any of them, I don’t even know who called them. I just need my husband. I need him to give me more of what he’s giving. This . . . this finally feels right. On the worst day of my life, he’s turning my world around.

“Baby,” he murmurs again. Nothing will ever sound so beautiful. “The doctor is here.”

I lift my face from his shoulder and look over to see an older doctor coming in. I get off Marcus’s lap and he steadies me with a hand to my hip. Then he leads me towards the doctor. My fingers tremble and I clutch Marcus’s shirt, suddenly unable to breathe.

The doctor stops in front of us, his blue eyes scanning my face. “Your mother is out of surgery, and she’s doing well. She had some broken bones and some slight internal bleeding but we’ve repaired the damage. She sustained a slight head injury, but we’re hopeful she’ll have a steady recovery. She was very lucky.”

“What about her brain, it’s already so damaged?”

“It’s all looking good, Katia. I think she’ll recover fine and it won’t slow her progress.”

With that, my knees buckle. Marcus takes my weight as more tears slide from my eyes. This time, they’re tears of relief. Thank God. She’s going to be okay. Oh God, she’s going to be okay.

~*~*~*~

“I was so scared,” I whisper, clutching her hand.

My mother looks up at me. Her eyes are dark with bruising and she’s got a bandage around her hair. There are tubes everywhere, but otherwise she’s doing okay.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispers, her voice hoarse.

“Momma, don’t you ever leave me. I don’t . . . I don’t know what I’d do.”

She reaches out, cupping my face. I lean into her hand and close my eyes, breathing her in. Her fingers against my cheek flinch suddenly and I let my eyes flicker open. She’s staring beyond me at the door. I turn slowly to see Pierre standing, his eyes on her, his expression soft. I turn to her, smiling weakly.

“I’ll leave you to it.”

Her eyes flick back to me and she looks scared. I lean down, kissing her cheek.

“It’ll be okay,” I assure her. “He won’t upset you, Mom. He’s been here waiting nearly as long as me.”

She swallows and her eyes go back to Pierre. I kiss her again and promise her I’ll come back tomorrow morning. The doctor has only given us another fifteen minutes with her before she needs to rest for the night. I meet Pierre at the door and he glances down at me. “Don’t upset her.”

He nods, his eyes gentle.

I step out and meet Marcus, who is leaning against the wall, waiting. He pushes off when he sees me. He reaches out, curling his hand behind my head where he pulls me closer, pressing his forehead to mine. “You okay?”

I nod.

“Let’s go home, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

As he leads me out, I realize what Marcus gave me tonight was a piece of him I’ve been searching for, for the past year. He opened up. He showed me that maybe, just maybe, I’ve been wrong about him.

I have no idea that the very next day, my entire world will crash around me.

And the Katia I am, she’ll die.

I will be reborn in the worst possible way.

As a monster.