Owen studied each picture in the thick book like there was gonna be a test on it. But he loved the colors that had been used, and the way that the water and trees seemed to just jump out at him. Or, and he smiled at this thought, the way they just begged to be touched. Running his fingers over the one of the cowboy on a horse, he wondered what the person had been thinking when they started out doing this one.
“Whatcha doing?” He looked up at Clay, wondering not for the first time if his mom and dad were related. The boy looked as dumb as he was, but Owen would never say that to him. He kinda liked the kid. “You reading that for school, Owen?”
“Nah, I just like the pictures. I don’t know how to draw a straight line with a ruler, but I sure like the way these pictures look.” He showed him the one of the cowboy. “Don’t you think you could almost smell the hot grass, Clay? That the steam rolling up from that dead buffalo makes you want to just turn your head away on account’a it being dead and all?”
“No. It makes me wonder what you’ve been drinking.” The other boy laughed and Owen, so he’d not be made fun of, laughed with him. “You gonna get to go on that thing with the class? My mom said I can’t be going. There ain’t enough money in the jar for extras.”
“My dad said that he’d pay for you to go.” He hadn’t said that, but Owen had his birthday money he was going to use for the trip. “You get a permission thing from the teacher, and we’ll go have us some fun.”
It was a trip to the museum. Owen wanted to go in the worst kind of way, but like at Clay’s house, money was really tight. Owen’s dad had told him that he’d give him the four dollars, but Owen told him he’d pay for himself. And since he had ten dollars, he wanted his friend to go too.
“Your daddy, he said that?” Owen would tell his dad what he’d told Clay, but he knew that he’d not be mad for the fib. “That’s real nice of him. You tell him I said so.”
“I will.”
When Clay went to get the slip from the teacher, Owen reached out to his dad. He was working, he knew, but this was important, in case Clay’s mom or dad talked to him before he could. He told him what he’d done.
That’s right nice of you, Owen. If I had the money to give you both I would. But you pay for your friend, and I’ll pay the four dollars for you to go. He told him he didn’t have to do that. I want to. I want to reward you for being a nice person. And you doing this for your friend, knowing that he didn’t have the money for himself, that deserves to be rewarded. Maybe you can buy you both something when you get there.
Thanks, Dad. I love you.
Owen and his brothers never went a day without telling their parents, both of them, that they loved them. Being wolves, they never knew when they might be out running around, and someone would take a gun to them. Or, even as a person, a car might hit them. So, it was a policy at his house to say it to each other. He’d loved that idea his whole life.
The next morning when he came down to breakfast, his mom was sitting at the table, her eyes red from crying. Looking at his dad, he saw him shake his head and Owen didn’t ask. When the rest of his brothers came down, they sat very quietly as well. Mom stood up then and wiped her eyes before she spoke.
“There won’t be any school today, sons. I should have told you before you got dressed.” No one said a word, not about how they were excited to have a day to skip out on lessons and such. “Last night….”
Owen wanted to ask about his trip but didn’t. His mom was crying softly into the chest of his dad. When Owen looked over at Caleb, he shook his head too, like don’t ask, something’s up. They sat there and waited, knowing that one of them would tell them soon enough. When Mom ran out of the room, sobbing harder, Dad told them.
“Clayton Albright came home from work last night to find his family all dead. The boys and the baby had been shot, and Mrs. was dead too. They’re all gone but for Mr. Albright.”
“What happened, Dad?” Owen watched their dad as he seemed to struggle with something. It hurt him in ways that he couldn’t understand to see his dad and mom like this. But his friend, Clay, he had to have gotten out. “Did someone come in and rob them?”
“No, son. Mrs. Albright has been ill for a long time, and she did it. Then she took her own life.” Caleb said nothing, but Owen wanted to know about Clay. “I’m sorry, Owen, but he’s gone too. All of them are.”
For the rest of the day he sat up in his room. The tickets for them to go to the museum were sitting on his desk, and Owen couldn’t make himself look at them. Clay, his bestest friend in the whole wide world, was dead. And while he was old enough to understand that dead was dead, at ten, he thought he was too young to lose someone that he liked this much.
“You okay?” He nodded to his dad when he came into his room. “I know it’s a might hard on you. You got any questions for me, you just ask. I’ll do the best I can in telling you the truth.”
“Why was his mom sick? Dad, why would she hurt her own kids?” He couldn’t say the word out loud. He hurt with it. “Clay’s little sister wasn’t no more than a few months shy of her first birthday. Why didn’t she bring them over here? We’d of taken them, don’t you think?”
“Yes, in a heartbeat. I even told her that so many times. Just to give her a rest when she needed it. But sometimes the mind, it can be tricky. And hers was the worst kind of tricky.” He told his dad he didn’t understand. “All right. You feel sad right now, don’t you? I mean, you lost your buddy and that hurts you, right?”
“Yes. Even my feet hurt from it, ‘cause I know we ain’t gonna be running around no more.” Dad nodded. “I’ve been thinking of the stuff we did just yesterday. Him coming over and sitting with me. Just like it was a normal day.”
“Yes, but that feeling you got, the sad one, you think on that real hard. And I want you to think about having the same hurt all the time even when you’re smiling. And it’ll be more hurtful and more painful every day.” He closed his eyes and tried to feel what his dad was telling him. “You feeling it?”
“Yes, sir, I feel it. It’s powerful.” His dad told him that Mrs. Albright felt hurt more than that. Probably a hundred times worse. “She didn’t tell anyone?”
“She did. But they didn’t have any money for her to get to see someone that could really help her. Like a head doctor or something. And you know that pills, they don’t work on us like they do humans. So that wouldn’t have given her much relief either if she could have paid for them.” Owen nodded, watching his dad as he picked up the tickets. “She was sure happy that Clay was going to get to go with the class when she came to talk to me. But she had a powerful hurt, son. Worse than you can ever even imagine. And she just couldn’t deal with it. Not on her own. Now, I don’t rightly know why she took the lives of her children, we’ll never know that. But she did, and that’s what we have to deal with here.”
“I wish I could have helped her.” He said that he did too, but sometimes it was just too much for someone. “Dad, is Mr. Albright going to be all right? I mean, he’ll be hurting bad on account ‘a he lost his mate, huh?”
“Yes, he’ll hurt for a long time, I think.” Owen nodded. “When you see him, don’t shy away from him like you’re scared of him, Owen. You just say hi like you always do, and ask him if he needs anything. Whatever he tells you, says to you, you just know that his pain is terrible. Why, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost any of you. Think of that when you see him.”
“I will, Dad. I promise.” He looked at the tickets in his dad’s hand. “I hope me buying the ticket for Clay isn’t what made his mom sadder. You think it did?”
“No, son. She loved you for it.” He nodded and laid on his bed. “You don’t linger up here too long. Go on out and be in the sunshine. It’s the best thing in the world for a broken heart.”
Owen didn’t linger, but he did think about things as he made his way outside. He’d never see him again, his friend. Nor would he get to play with the little girl, Beth, Clay’s baby sister. Owen thought about going over to see Mr. Albright but didn’t want to bother him. He was a grown up and might not care for some kids coming to see him.
“Owen, you okay? I know that he was your friend and all. You okay?” He told Xander that he was fine now. “You need me, you just holler. I’m here for you. I never lost me a friend or anything, but I bet you’re hurting. I think I would be.”
“I’m okay.” Xander started away. “Wanna go to the pond with me? I’d like to just sit and have it quiet. Will you go with me?”
Xander was the only brother he had that liked to sit quietly. Gabe wasn’t too bad, but he’d think of something then over explain it to you. Caleb was just too old for sitting. He liked girls. Yuck. So, he and Xander went to the pond and sat in the sunshine, saying nothing to each other. Just thinking about life.
“Xander, when I get older, I don’t want to have a single painting in my house.” Xander asked him why not. “I think me buying that ticket for Clay, it got his momma thinking how poor they were, and it hurt her. Dad said that it wasn’t that, but the more I think on it, the more I think that was it.”
“I don’t know. Seemed like she was hurting before that.” He nodded. “But you might find that you like paintings someday. Don’t say never, Owen. You know that means you will.”
Yeah, he knew that too, but he was gonna work hard at remembering how it felt when his friend died, and he had no one left to play with. Life sure was hard on a kid, he thought. Hard as heck.