TRACE
A soft knock at the adjoining door between their two hotel rooms woke Trace from the light sleep he’d slipped into. He didn’t think he could doze off, but he’d sprawled out on the queen sized bed, still fully dressed, anyway. Not so surprisingly, after almost two days without sleep, his body gave in. He was either completely exhausted, running on empty, or the bed was more comfortable than he thought. Given that the hotel wasn’t a dive by any means and the rooms were quite nice, he blamed it on the latter.
Rising quickly, he blinked and rubbed sleep from his eyes.
He opened the door quickly and found Sandra standing there. She was obviously fresh out of the shower. Her hair was dripping wet. Her eyelashes were still starred from the water droplets, her skin a rosy, healthy pink. She had on a set of black shorts and a loose fitting plain black t-shirt.
“Can we talk?” she asked softly. Her eyes scanned the room nervously. “I should have waited for tomorrow. I’m exhausted, but I just couldn’t. Alex is finally asleep. I didn’t think I could rest without doing this first.”
This. Right. That means talk, asshole, nothing else. Trace tamped down the rising desire, glad that his jeans hid the way his cock automatically stiffened. Sandra, dripping wet, her eyes red rimmed and tired, dark smudges underneath, unsmiling, in a set of old clothes she wore to bed, was still the hottest thing he’d ever seen in his life.
“Of course.” He turned and let her close the door quietly behind her. He didn’t go anywhere near the bed. That would be too suggestive, even to sit on the edge. He didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was.
There were two chairs in the room, uncomfortable looking formal things, with a small round table between them. Trace took one and Sandra followed his lead and slipped into the other. She let out a tired sigh.
“This was a crazy day.”
“Yeah.” Trace could only nod in agreement. They’d driven straight, right from Detroit all the way to Miami. He didn’t stop. Didn’t slow down. Took breaks only for gas and bathroom breaks. Fuck, no wonder I passed out as soon as I hit the bed.
“This has been- a- a crazy everything.” Sandra’s eyes flew to his. He didn’t look away.
“I know. I’m- I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” He clutched his hands in front of them and stared down at his fingers, twined together. “I never wanted to get you mixed up in this. I’m- we’re safe now that we’re away from there. When everything dies down, you can go back if you want. Move closer to your parents.”
“I know. You said that. I thought about it a lot while we were driving today.” Something in her voice silenced him. All the air rushed out of his lungs on an audible sigh. “I’m not sure I want to go back. I know that I’ll miss my mom and dad and Alex will miss them, but maybe change is a good thing. Before all this, I talked to Alex. I asked him, hypothetically, if he’d be alright if we ever moved. He said he was happy there, but he’d be happy anywhere. He’s resilient. He’s strong and smart.”
“Obviously he gets that from his mother.”
“I’m not sure.” The ghost of a smile played over Sandra’s lips. “Maybe from both of us. I- maybe we needed a change. I’d been working at that diner for so long. I was making just enough to pay the bills and put some money aside for Alex for college later. I wasn’t going anywhere doing that. I felt like, sometimes, like I was just surviving. Waiting for something that was never going to happen.” She paused and his entire body tensed. “Waiting for someone who was never going to come back.”
Trace started. His heat gave a painful leap in his chest. “But you said-”
“I know what I said.” Sandra nodded slowly, as if convincing herself that it was the right thing to do. “I know that I said that you had no place in my life. I was- trying to protect myself. Protect Alex. It’s true that all you’ve done is leave. It hurt me, being the one left behind, waiting, always waiting. Even after all those years, there was still this seed of hope in my heart that you’d come back. That one day we’d have a life together. Start over. Do it right the second time around. Or third time. Or whatever.”
“You said no.”
“I know that.” She sighed, obviously frustrated. “I’m sorry. I- I did say no, but I thought about it after. I thought about it a lot. I was so angry after you left my apartment that day. I wanted to punish you. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. When I did though- when I told you to leave and not to come back… it didn’t protect me. It didn’t make me feel better. It didn’t do anything but hurt me more. And then I started thinking about Alex and what was best for him. I didn’t want him to ever know that part of you, that part that was in the club. I didn’t want him to ever be exposed to that but- but if you got out… I wasn’t being fair. You took me by surprise, kidnapping me away from my car. I was pissed about that too. I was angry about a lot of things. I- I just reacted and I didn’t have time to think about it until later.”
Trace raised a brow. He was nearly shocked into silence, but recovered and found some humor to relieve the tension that was thick in the air between them. “What if you’d changed your mind and I respected your wishes and had stayed away for good?”
Sandra’s eyes darkened. “I- I knew where you were. I would have gone straight to that club and knocked on the front door if I couldn’t find you any other way.”
Trace couldn’t help it. He laughed. A throaty laugh that shook his shoulders. “I would have paid money to see that.”
“Would you now?” Sandra’s brow rose, but a smile played over her lips.
“Yes.” He nodded. “What would you have said? I’m curious now.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh my god. Seriously?”
“Yes. Would you have asked me to be in your life? To get to know our son? Would you have told me that you were giving me one more chance, but it was on the condition that I get my shit together, find a way out of the club, grow the fuck up, stop acting like an idiot, and make the right choices, give it my all and for the first time in my life, really, truly, be a part of something more than just myself?”
“I thought that’s what you were doing with your brothers and your bikes and your club.”
Sarcasm. He liked the witty side of Sandy. He liked that she could sit there, after everything, and poke fun at him. That she could laugh instead of cry. Mostly he just loved that she was there at all, giving him yet another chance, or at least, opening the door for him yet again.
“I guess that’s what I thought I was doing. For a long time. I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I made all the wrong decisions. I kept making them, over and over. It took a real wake up call, when I almost died last year, to show me that I’d been asleep for so fucking long. I wanted to wake up. I really did. I wanted to get out of the club. I wanted to find you. I just thought- that after so long- you would have moved on. And then you were thrust back into my life. Ran out of gas right in front of me. It was like some divine sign from the universe for me to get my head on straight and figure out a way out from it all.”
“Bad metaphors. I like that. You never used to be very poetic.”
“And you never used to have such a sarcastic mouth, but I like that too.”
They both leaned forward in their chairs. They were both smiling, which was a first in a very, very long time. He wanted to keep that smile on Sandy’s face. Trace was willing to do anything to make her happy.
“Trace…”
“Sandy…”
They both spoke at the same time. Sandra laughed. “Okay, go ahead.”
Trace’s palms were suddenly damp. He flexed his hands before he set them on his jeans. God, he was no good at any of this. He ran a hand through his hair. “I- I’m shit with words. You’re right. It’s probably pathetic.”
“That’s okay,” Sandra assured him, voice surprisingly light-hearted. “I want to hear what you have to say.”
“Okay. Here it goes.” Trace inhaled sharply. He let out a rush of breath that was just as sharp and shaky. “I didn’t make the right decisions. I hurt you. More than once. I don’t know what I was thinking, because I’ve regretted it all these years. I missed you. I thought about you all the time. I- I can’t believe I have a son. We have a son. I really want a chance to get to know him. I want another chance with you. I swear, this time, I have my head on straight. I would protect you with my life. I would do anything for you. Both of you. I know that you were right when you said you don’t know me and that I’m pretty much a stranger. I just want a chance to prove to you that I can maybe be even half of what you deserve. I will try to be everything you need. I will do anything for just one more chance. I’m not going anywhere. I swear on my life, I will never, ever leave you again, unless you tell me to go. I love you, Sandy. I’m not going to ask you to say the same. I know I don’t deserve your love, your respect, and I sure as hell don’t deserve your trust, but I’m asking for mercy. I’m asking for a chance. I don’t know what kind of life I could lead without you in it in some way. Without Alex. You’ve done such an incredible job of raising him. You’re the best mother. The best woman. You have a heart of gold. I just want to be a part of that in some way. In any way that I can.”
Sandra sighed. She stood up and paced in small steps in front of the TV and the mini fridge. Trace actually thought there was a good chance she was going to tell him to go to hell, despite everything she’d just said, despite the seed of hope that germinated in his heart and soul. When she turned, her eyes were bright, sparkling, blazing with life. The soft smile on her lips slayed him. If he’d been standing, he was sure he would have toppled over on the spot.
“I decided on the crazy long drive across the country that I was going to give you another chance. I couldn’t not give you another chance. We have a son. I want him to know his father. Worse, I’ve tried to tell my heart no. My brain no. My body no. I’ve lost every single time. I tried to shut you out and it was worse. I tried not to trust you, but I still want to. I still want you in my life, even after everything. I’ll give you one more chance. Just don’t fuck it up this time or I’m going to be very, very disappointed in you.”
Trace’s mouth fell open. It was the first time in a very long time that he didn’t have anything to say.
“What? No snarky reply? No promises of a happy future and undying love?” Sandra put her hands on her hips in a mock serious pose, but she was smiling like her life depended on it.
Trace’s heart swelled to the point of fucking bursting in his chest. He actually thought about grabbing his phone and dialing for a damn ambulance because it hurt so much. He never knew that real, actual happiness could be so damn painful.
He pushed out of the chair and closed the distance between them in a few quick strides. Sandra’s hands fell from her hips as he gripped her arms and hauled her roughly against him. He couldn’t be gentle. He needed her too much. He didn’t know if his last chance included her, like this, but he was going to have to find out, because he couldn’t just sit there when she was so close and not take her into his arms.
She didn’t pull away. Instead she tipped her face up and like she’d done before, in her apartment, she stared up at him with her beautiful, intense eyes, filled with emotion and shadowed with desire. “Is this the part where you kiss me?” she asked thickly.
“Yes,” he forced out, voice just as rough. “It sure as hell is.”
He cut off anything further she had to say with a kiss that was rough, consuming, and left little doubt just how much he fucking wanted her. He kissed her until their breath was one, their hearts were one, their souls were one. He gripped her tight, afraid that if he let go, she’d vanish.
And he wasn’t letting her go. Ever. Again.