WITH ZILLAH’S HAND in mine, I stared down at the casket being lowered into the ground. Butcher was being buried beside his wife, Trixie. My chest hurt. My heart pounded behind the walls of my rib cage. My eyes burned. But no tears came. Maybe they would later on. Maybe they wouldn’t at all. Knowing Butcher wouldn’t want us crying for him, I almost laughed at the thought.
As if she knew what I was thinking, Zillah squeezed my hand.
“Butcher wasn’t just a brother. He was more than family. He was a part of me. Of us.” Greyson’s words surrounded us, but I couldn’t meet his gaze for fear that I would fall to my knees and break.
Greyson cleared his throat, continuing. “He wouldn’t want us wallowing. He would want us to throw a big motherfucking party and celebrate his life.” Grey chuckled. “Shit, man.” He coughed.
I looked up that time.
Eve held onto his arm, rubbing it gently with her other hand.
My chest tightened even more.
“It shouldn’t have come to this.” Catch shifted beside me.
I grabbed his hand.
He let out a shaky breath.
I looked around us. The cemetery was filled with bikers. Members of other Hell’s Harlem chapters from all over the country, stopped by to celebrate Butcher’s life. Sammy and Cyrus stood by Eve and Greyson, holding onto each other. Those two little boys lost both their parents. Trixie and Butcher fought for their club and died with honor. Both of them.
These boys would grow up to be stronger and tougher than they needed to be, and I felt sorry for anyone who got in the way of their wrath.
Mayhem’s Revenge stood around us as well, paying their own respects. As difficult as it was at first, knowing it was one of their members who killed Butcher, once everything was said and done, we needed to work together.
After the minister said a few words, everyone started putting flowers on the casket.
Eve gave Jaron a rose and helped him place it on top of everyone else’s. If only Trixie could see him now. Because of her, that baby boy was alive. Now over a year old, he would never remember what happened to him. Unlike the twins. Sammy and Cyrus would need us. All of us.
Once the service was over and Butcher was beside his wife where he belonged, we headed back to our bikes and vehicles.
“You guys need to go for a ride,” Zillah said as we walked hand in hand to my SUV.
“I think we do.” As much as I needed her with me, a ride would help. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” She stood on tiptoes and kissed my cheek. “Take as long as you need.”
God, I loved her. I cupped her face, covering her mouth with mine and breathed in her strength.
She sighed, melting against me, and covering my hands with hers. “I love you, Tray.”
“And I love you. More than I can ever say.” I kissed her nose and released her.
Heading to the guys, I pulled my keys from my pocket.
Greyson and Catch looked my way as I neared.
“You good?” Grey asked, clapping me on the shoulder.
“Yup.”
We looked over at the women. Zillah stood with Sammy and Cyrus on either side of her, holding her hands, while Eve held Jaron.
“Those boys are going to need us,” Catch said, coming up on my other side.
“They are.” Greyson slid onto his bike. “Let’s go, brothers. I need to feel the wind in my hair.” He winked.
Laughter erupted around us.
“Such a pretty boy,” Catch teased, straddling his own machine.
Greyson blew him a kiss.
I chuckled, shaking my head and slipped onto my own bike. I’d have to take Zillah for a ride on her. It had been so long since I’d felt the beautiful machine between my legs. Starting up the engine, she purred beautifully. Yup. I would definitely have to take Zillah for a ride.
(Zillah)
Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
I glanced at the calendar on my phone. It wasn’t possible. Was it? I mentally smacked myself. Of course it was possible.
Oh, God. What if Tray became pissed? What if he left me? What if he blamed me? This wasn’t the right time. At all. Was it? Was there ever a right time? Hell, I didn’t even know if this was in fact for real but if my calendar was any indication, I was late. Very late. Like, since the first time having sex with Tray, late.
Oh, God.
A soft knock sounded on the bathroom door. “Zillah? The guys are here, and Greyson wants everyone downstairs.”
Oh, God.
“Okay, be right out,” I called back. I shoved my phone in my clutch, retouched my red lip gloss and took a deep breath. We got this, girl.
Leaving the bathroom, I found Eve waiting for me with Jaron on her hip.
“Everything okay?” she asked, her brow furrowing.
“Uh …” My cheeks burned. “You don’t happen to have a spare pregnancy test around here somewhere, do you?”
Her lips pulled up into a grin. “I think there might be one around. Trixie, Butcher’s wife, was a doctor. She kept that stuff in stock for the ladies who came and went from here. Follow me.” She led me down the hall to the end. “We use this room for storage now because Greyson hasn’t had the heart to throw anything out. Plus, it has bandages and all that shit for when our men have booboos.”
I laughed. “I think they come back with more than booboos at times.”
“Yeah.” She gave me a sad smile and opened the door. “What you’re looking for should be in here.” Eve stepped into the room and turned on the light. She laughed suddenly.
“What is it?” I followed her.
“Trixie had an odd sense of humor.” She sighed, her voice wavering and pointed to a box. It was marked Oops.
I laughed. “I wish I could have met her.”
“Me too.” Eve smiled, opening the box and grabbed a small package. “You would have liked her. And she would have liked you too. She would have said that it was about damn time Tray got his head out of his ass. I love him dearly, but he needed you. And you need him. It’s like you both had the perfect timing.”
“I agree. Especially after everything.” I cleared my throat. “Well, this is perfect.”
Eve came back to where I stood at the door and placed the small box in my hand. “And this is even more perfect. Trust me, I, of all people, know how this is perfect. Jaron is our life and if you are pregnant, that baby will be yours as well. But can I give you a piece of advice?”
“Oh.” My heart jumped. “Of course.”
“It’s nothing bad.” She grinned. “But I just have to say that no matter what, make sure Tray is the first to know the answer. No matter what that answer is.”
“I wouldn’t think of having it any other way.” I gripped the box tightly in my hand that held the possibility of big changes to come. Big, big changes.
“Good because Tray is a lot like Greyson. All of these guys are the same in fact. When it comes to their women anyway. But Tray is different when it comes to pregnancies. I can’t explain it.” She patted my hand. “He would lose his shit if someone else found out before him.”
“I’ll go. I should do this test now. But …”
“Go.” She gave me a gentle push. “I’ll stall for you.”
“Thank you.” I rushed back down the hall to Tray’s room and unfortunately for me, ran right into him.
“Shit, Zillah.” He cupped my shoulders, holding me steady. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing.” I hid the box behind my back before he saw.
“What was that?” Tray tried looking over my shoulder.
“Nothing.” I stepped out of his embrace. “I just have to use the washroom.”
“Like hell it’s nothing.” He came toward me, his brows furrowed. “Tell me what you’re hiding.”
“Nothing, Tray.” I didn’t want to make a big deal if it ended up coming out negative.
“Zillah.” He came toward me. “Tell me.”
“No.” I rushed into his room but didn’t get very far when I was tackled from behind and thrown onto the bed. “Tray,” I cried.
Straddling my legs, he held my wrists behind my back and took the tiny box from my hand. “Fuck me.” He released me. “Zillah.”
I pushed onto my forearms, glaring at him. “I was trying to do it discreetly, asshole.”
Tray’s eyes darkened. Spinning me onto my back, he towered over me. “You think you’re pregnant.”
I swallowed hard at how deep his voice had become. “I—Maybe?”
His nostrils flared.
“Eve said you’re different when it comes to pregnancies.” I pushed him back. “It turns you on.”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” He huffed. “But the fact that you could be pregnant with my kid, that’s a whole other level.”
Oh, dear God. My body heated at the way he was looking at me.
“Take the test.” He shoved it in my hand. “Now.”
Jumping off the bed, I did as I was told. Once I was finished doing my business, I placed the test on the counter and waited.
I opened the door and found Tray standing there with his hand raised. “Wait with me,” I said, looking up at him.
He came farther into the room, moving behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’ll wait for fucking ever with you.”
I cupped his hands resting on my belly. As the seconds ticked by, the test finally revealed what I had known all along.
Pregnant.