Chapter Seventeen
Troy pulled up outside Joss’s house at eight on Wednesday night. Gus answered the door. “Hello, son.” He held out his hand and Troy shook it.
“Is Joss home?” If she was at work he’d just go to the hospital.
“She is.” Gus regarded him for long moments, his arm slung casually across the doorway. “You have feelings for her, son?”
“Yes, sir, I do.” He hadn’t called Gus sir since that first day but if there was a moment for it, this was it. His mouth dried with a sudden attack of nerves. “I know Andy was your son, and I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to hear. I don’t want to take his place in Joss or Damien’s life. But I do want to be part of theirs. If she’ll have me.”
Gus nodded slowly. “Andy wouldn’t have wanted Joss to be alone forever. He’d have wanted her to love again. And I think he would have liked you, son. But you break her heart and I will kick your ass. I may be seventy but I can still lay it down, you hear?”
Troy smiled grudgingly. “Yes, sir.”
He stood aside. “Come on in.”
Troy shook his head. “If you don’t mind, I’ll stay right here. Save her having to kick me out if she doesn’t like what I have to say.”
He needed her to invite him into her life. And that started at her front door.
Gus nodded. “I’ll go get her. I think she’s out back.”
Time dragged by and the knot of nerves in his stomach screwed tighter until he could almost feel the lump beneath his skin. For an awful moment Troy entertained the possibility she might refuse to see him.
Then what would he do?
Walk around the damn back, that’s what. He wasn’t leaving here without talking to her tonight.
But finally she came to the door, that short cotton gown pulled tight beneath her folded arms, wrapped around her like armor. Her hair was pulled back into its regulation swishy ponytail. Her feet were bare.
Troy’s chest tightened at the sight of her and he shoved his hands into his back pockets to stop himself from yanking her into his arms.
“Hi.”
She didn’t really look at him directly and barely acknowledged his greeting before saying, “What do you want, Troy?”
He took a steadying breath. “I’m going to wear the helmet. In Tucson. And from now on.”
If she was relieved she didn’t let on. She didn’t sag or relax her posture. “Because of me?”
“Yes.”
“I’d rather you wore it because of you.” Her voice was snippy as her fingers squeezed and released her biceps.
“I’m wearing the damn helmet, Joss.” Troy kept his temper in check. “If you want me to like wearing it as well that’s going to take a bit longer.”
She glared at him. Now he had her full attention. “It’s not about the damn helmet.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“Okay, well maybe it is about the helmet a little.” She sighed and relaxed slightly, leaning her shoulder into the doorframe. “I’ve had time to think about it, Troy… I just don’t see how you and I will work.”
And here he was thinking giving her time would work in his favor.
“We have different lifestyles. You follow the circuit around for most of the year and I’m entrenched in this community. I can’t drop everything and go on the road with you. I have a kid and a job I love. And long-distance relationships are hard. Not a lot of them work out. You’ll grow tired of this and one night there’ll be some party somewhere and some pretty young available thing—”
“No!” Troy interrupted her with a vehement headshake. “Absolutely not.”
“It’s okay, I wouldn’t blame you for it. You’re twenty-seven and women throw themselves at you. That’s a lot of temptation for any guy.”
Troy’s jaw almost cracked he was clenching it so hard. “You think I can’t keep my cock in my pants?” he demanded, his voice low but flinty.
She had the good grace to blush but she didn’t back down either. “I think you’ve never had to. That might be a harder habit to break than you realize.”
Troy shoved a hand through his hair. “I would never cheat on you. Never. Jesus, Joss, I love you.”
“Troy…” She looked at him with actual pity this time. “Please stop with the love stuff… We barely know each other.”
He lost the battle with trying to keep his temper in check. “I know you think it’s too quick and that I’m too young for you. What would I know about love, right?” He shook his head, her pity and doubt cut deep. “Well I can tell you, as someone who’s had absolutely no experience with love in his life whatsoever, when it happens, you recognize it, like that.”
Troy snapped his fingers. He’d told her he thought he was falling in love with her in Lubbock but the truth was he’d fallen for her that night with the lug wrench. “They say a man can’t miss what he doesn’t know but that’s bullshit. I never knew what love felt like. Not until you, Joss. And it’s like a knife in my gut to think I’ve missed out on that all my life.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh Troy—”
“No,” he interrupted. “Just wait.” He didn’t want her pity. “I have more to say. You told me I had a death wish and I guess you were right. I never really much cared whether I lived or died. I think that’s why bull riding appealed. Seemed like a surefire way to go and that was okay because there was no one around who’d mourn me. Nobody I’d really miss either. My exit plan from the circuit was a coffin. But that was before you.”
A tear slipped down her face and she wiped it away. “What you do is so dangerous,” she murmured. “I can’t bury another man. It would kill me the second time around.”
Troy finally understood that this was the real crux of the issue with Joss. Not his age or how quickly it had all moved. She’d lost someone she cared for deeply already. “I know. That’s why I have a better exit plan now.”
She looked at him sharply and even though her eyes were two gray puddles he could see hope in them.
“I just bought a ranch. In New Mexico. It’s not far from Artesia. I want to turn it into a working cattle ranch where troubled youth can come for a second chance, get their lives together. Like what the Forresters did for me but on a more formal scale. We could breed bulls for the rodeo circuit if Damien’s still serious about getting into stock contracting and there’s a hospital thirty miles away.”
She blinked, clearly surprised. “You…want us to move to New Mexico with you?”
Troy nodded. “I do. It’s not that far and if you’re worried about Gus, don’t be. I hope he comes too. The house is big enough for all of us and I could do with another handy guy around. The fences are shit, they all need redoing and I bet there’s plenty of work in the area.”
“So…” She frowned. “You’re giving up the circuit?”
The note of hope in her voice was barely constrained and he wanted to be able to tell her yes but he couldn’t. “Not straight away. I want to finish the year, try to grab the big prize money in Forth Worth.” God knew he was probably going to need it given the chunk he’d just taken out of his savings.
“Oh. I see.”
“I know long-distance relationships are hard but it’s only two months and I will spend as much time back here with you in between events. If…” Troy held his breath “…you’ll have me.”
“Troy…” She shook her head as if to clear it. “This is…a lot to take in. Six weeks ago I didn’t even know you and now you want me to pick up my kid and my father-in-law and…move to another state, another house, another job?”
She was looking at him like he’d lost his mind but she was wrong. Troy was finally in his right mind. “Forget that for a moment.” He waved a dismissive hand. “How do you feel about me, Joss?
Her gaze met his. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “This whole thing is…crazy.”
Troy’s chest cramped. It wasn’t what he’d hoped to hear but she was chewing on her bottom lip, looking somewhere between doubtful and terrified and that was on him. He’d gone too far, too fast and overwhelmed her.
He was asking a lot of her. No matter how much it killed him, he had to slow it down.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m rushing you and I don’t want you to make any hasty decision.”
Especially a hasty no.
“Don’t give me an answer tonight. I’m going to get in my pickup now and head to Tucson and while I’m winning that sucker you can have some time and space to think about things. And then I’ll come back next week and we can talk. Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay.” But Troy wasn’t sure she’d taken it all in. She was clearly flummoxed and already grappling with the things he’d said.
He stepped in then and kissed her. Light and gentle. A brief press of his mouth to hers but it still took all his willpower to pull away. “I’ll see you next week.”
Before he had a chance to turn away she said, “Thank you. For wearing the helmet.”
Troy smiled and touched the rim of his hat in a small salute. Then turned and walked to his pickup.
*
Gus put a plate of bacon and eggs in front of Joss on Sunday morning. She wasn’t hungry. She hadn’t been hungry all week but she picked up her utensils, feigning interest. He sat and handed her an envelope.
Joss frowned. “What’s this?”
Gus exchanged a glance with Damien. Whatever it was they were in cahoots. “It’s a gift.”
Joss opened the envelope warily to find a return airline ticket. To Tucson. For two this afternoon. And a ticket to the Extreme Bull Riders event. Thanks to Damien, she already knew Troy had reached the championship round.
Her heart skipped a beat as she glanced sharply at the two men in her life. “Gus…I can’t.” She pushed the envelope across the table.
She’d been going over and over what Troy had said since he left. And she kept circling back around to having known him for such a short time.
“Are you worried about Dad, Mom?” Damien was looking at her so earnestly, so grown up, Joss wanted to cry. “Because you told me he’d want me to be whatever I wanted to be. And I might have only been ten when he passed but I remember him too, Mom. And I know he’d want you to be happy.”
“The boy’s right.”
Joss cleared her throat of the sudden burr of emotion. “I’m happy.”
Both of them looked at her in disbelief. “You’ve been distracted and irritable since you came back from Lubbock like a bat out of hell that night.” Gus was his usual straight-talking self. “You’re obviously not sleeping if those bags under your eyes are anything to go on and you’ve been moping around the house since he left on Wednesday. What did he want?”
Joss hadn’t been aware of her behavior. Or the bags. She thought she’d been going out of her way to project normality. Obviously not well enough. Or maybe Gus was just practiced at seeing through her veneer after Andy.
Either way, it wasn’t fair on either of them to have to tiptoe around her.
“He’s bought a ranch in New Mexico and he wants us all to go and live with him there. He wants to breed bulls, help Damien get into the contracting business and be a place where troubled kids can get a chance to turn their lives around.”
Damien’s face lit up. “For real?”
“For real.”
“And how do you feel about that?” Gus pressed.
She shook her head. “I’ve known him for six weeks.”
“And how long did you know Andy before you knew how you felt about him?”
Joss shoved her elbows on the table and rubbed her temples, eyes fixed on the tabletop. “A month.”
“Exactly.” Gus nodded.
“I was nineteen, Gus.”
“Do you think being stupid in love depends how old you are? You think love gives a crap about age?”
Damien laughed because his grandfather didn’t often use bad language. And old people cussing was universally hilarious to fifteen-year-olds.
“Joss…” His voice was quiet yet somehow still compelled her to look at him. “Life’s short. You know that better than anybody. You’re still young and he loves you, right?”
Joss’s face warmed. Having this conversation in front of her son wasn’t ideal but Damien was as interested in the answer as Gus. “He says so.”
“And you love him?”
Joss opened her mouth to refute it or to obfuscate but something let go in her chest at that moment. She’d been denying the truth for weeks now but it suddenly ruptured in her chest like a blown vessel.
God help her she did. She did love him.
It wasn’t practical or wise. But it was there. New and glowing and insistent. Like it had been in the beginning with Andy complete with hammering heart and the mad, crushing desire to be with him.
“Yes.”
Gus nodded. “Then the rest can be worked out.” He pushed the envelope back across the table. “Go get your man, Joss.”
Pressure built in her chest and she felt short of breath as her nose prickled with threatening tears.
Why did love always feel like a heart attack?
“Better put on some makeup though.” Damien grinned. “Those bags are bad.”
Joss laughed despite the ache in her chest. She reached her hand across the table and Damien interlinked his fingers with hers.
“Go get him, Mom.”
*
Everything conspired against Joss. Road works on the way to Lubbock, the nearest airport, made the trip longer and then the plane was delayed half an hour due to some issues on the ground. Thankfully changing flights at Phoenix went smoothly but they were put in a holding pattern over Tucson due to storms. By the time she got to the venue the show had already started.
The Joss from six weeks ago would have taken that as a sign. The newly in love Joss wasn’t letting anything stop her from getting her man.
The stadium was much bigger than the one in Lubbock. And it was packed to the gills. She could barely hear herself think as she finally took her seat. Which was just as well—she was a bundle of nerves now.
Both for Troy and for her.
This was a big night for him—his return to the extreme circuit. He’d pinned his hopes on winning and she wanted him to win just as badly. Even if she had to watch his ass being tossed off a bull over and over.
But at least he was wearing a helmet. It was obviously a big enough thing for the announcer to make a mention of it and for the people surrounding her to talk about it too.
Mostly not favorable.
Apparently they’d rather see his sexy face than worry about the brain behind it.
Joss didn’t care. Her heart swelled with pride and with love and when he went eight seconds, she was on her feet with everyone else.
Troy rode like he was born on a bull, making two more eight-second rides, on the meanest bulls Joss had seen, going down to the wire with a guy called Casey who was ranked number four. At the end of the night everything rode on the points for his final ride on a big black bull called Road to Ruin.
When he scored an eighty-eight, putting him one point ahead of Casey, the whole stadium went nuts for the underdog who’d been busted down to the pro circuit and won on his comeback event.
So did Joss. She was laughing and crying and hugging complete strangers all around her, even the ones who cared more about Troy’s face than his brain. It had been a nerve-racking, exhilarating, emotionally exhausting evening and there was more where that came from.
The night wasn’t over yet.
Joss has no idea where the cowboys dressing area was but a group of giggling women passed her talking about getting autographs and she followed them. The women stopped with a small crowd of other people around the back of the stadium just short of a couple of security guards. A door was open behind them and she could see the occasional flash of fringed chaps.
Joss wasn’t prepared to hang back. She’d come this far; she didn’t want to wait around any longer. She approached one of the security guards. “Hey,” she said, smiling big and friendly. “I’m after Troy. Jensen.”
He gave her a quick once-over and obviously didn’t think she was Troy’s type. So much for her effort with the makeup. He gave her a tight smile. “I’m sorry, ma’am, we can’t let anyone through.”
Not to be deterred, Joss changed tack. “He’s expecting me.”
Another doubtful look. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Mr. Jensen has given specific orders that no women are to be admitted to see him.”
Joss grinned stupidly at the security guard who probably thought she was not only fooling herself but was slightly unhinged as well. Troy had specifically asked no women to be admitted.
She almost happy danced.
“I’ll text him,” she said, still smiling despite being thwarted. “You’ll see.”
She pulled out her phone and hoped like hell Troy actually looked at the thing and didn’t make a liar out of her in front of a guy who was carrying a gun and looked like he wouldn’t need a lot of provocation to use it. She dithered for a moment or two before she settled on what to text.
I’m outside.
It wasn’t much but she hoped it would have a galvanizing effect. She hit send and crossed everything she owned. In less than twenty seconds Troy was striding out of the room, still in his chaps, unbuttoned shirt flapping.
Her pulse went crazy. He looked hot and he was hers.
“Joss?”
The people behind her started calling Troy’s name as the security guard looked around. Joss didn’t wait for permission; she brushed past him, breaking into a jog. Troy caught her as she threw herself at him a few seconds later.
“Yes,” she said, kissing him quick and hard.
He grinned at her. “Yes?”
“Yes to New Mexico and yes to you and yes to love.”
He kissed her then. Longer, deeper, oblivious to the whooping and hollering of their onlookers. Oblivious to the fact that all the cowboys from the room in various states of undress had come out to investigate the noise and were also cheering and clapping.
One of them yelled, “Get a room, Jensen,” and Joss broke off, breathless and so damn over-the-moon happy she didn’t care about their lack of privacy.
“I think that is an excellent idea,” she murmured.
“So do I.”
Then, much to the delight of the growing crowd, he swept Joss off her feet and into his arms.
Sweet baby cheeses.
“Let’s get out of here, doc.”
“Yes please.” And she clung to his neck as he carried her out of the stadium and into their new life.
The End