“You don’t have to go with me,” Shelby said to him the next night.
“I do. I’d never consider letting you go back home alone. I’m not working right now. I’ve got nothing but time on my hands.”
No way was he allowing her anywhere near her father without him standing by her side. Not happening. Little Ms. Independent better get it through her head.
“I could have left Kayla with Nancy for a few days.”
“No,” he said. “You’d be distracted. You don’t need that either. She’s better being with you and you know it.”
“You don’t think it’s stupid for me to bring Kayla with me though? I just don’t want to be away from her for too long.”
“It’s fine. I’ll be there with you. With both of you. Nothing is going to happen to either of you.”
“I believe that. I really do. I just want to see my mother. Billy doesn’t really know what’s going on. My father isn’t telling the kids anything and the hospital won’t release any information to me when I call. My father would never think I’d go see her. I’m hoping if I time it right, he’ll be home sleeping during the day and I can avoid him altogether.”
Deep down Jared was hoping they didn’t time it right. He wanted to confront her father. Tell him what a piece of shit father he was. Maybe put the fear of God into him for the remaining kids at home.
“We could have flown and gotten there faster,” he said. They were putting the rest of their stuff in his SUV.
“Too much money,” she said. “And no, you aren’t paying for it. Don’t say it again. I know it’s a lot of travel for two days. Nine hours there and back, but I don’t want to consider the costs and flying with Kayla or everything that would entail. Driving through the night is better.”
He’d lost the argument on flying. Her face was red when he offered and only got worse, so he let it go as much as it pained him to do so. It seemed he was always losing with her. Always giving in for someone that never had before. When had he turned into that kind of a person? When did he stop fighting for something?
They were leaving at seven, hoping for Kayla to sleep through the night. They’d check into the hotel when they got into town, get a few hours of sleep and then go to the hospital.
“Do you want me to drive while you get some sleep?” she asked.
“I’m good. You just relax. You’ve got a lot on your mind. Talk to me if you want.”
They climbed into his SUV, Kayla in her pajamas with her bear under her arm, a portable DVD player attached to the headrest behind his seat for her to watch.
“I’ll wait until she’s sleeping if you don’t mind. I mean, I doubt she’d understand what we were talking about, but I don’t want to take any chances.”
“We don’t have to talk about your family. Why don’t we talk about us? The move. Are you sure you’re okay with it?”
He didn’t want to ask for fear she’d change her mind, but he really wanted her to be positive. She’d asked him enough times if she and Kayla were what he wanted and to make sure he wasn’t making decisions because of them; he guessed he needed to know if she was making decisions for herself too.
“I’m sure. More sure than I’ve been about anything in my life and that is saying a lot.”
“How’s that?” he asked, looking over at her frown.
She turned her head and looked at Kayla. “Her eyelids are already drooping.” She stopped for a minute, looked out the window and then turned back to him. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“You can tell me anything. Always. I don’t want secrets between us. Ever.”
“Except work?” she said, grinning at him.
“Well, yeah. I can’t tell you those things, but I’ll always make sure you know there’s no reason to worry.”
“Thank you for that. I never worried with Ethan. He wasn’t much of a fighter.”
Jared didn’t think so from what he’d found out. “Is that the secret that you’re sharing?”
“No. I’m getting off base. I’ll stop.”
“Don’t. Continue on.” If she was going to tell him more about her relationship with Ethan, he wanted to hear it.
“He wasn’t someone to ever fight back. He was a runner, you could say. He never told me that, but I guessed it when we talked about his childhood now and again. He knew about mine, kind of a sick bond if you think about it.”
“Did you ever fight back?” He thought she might have, which was why things seemed so bad for her and Billy.
“Not physically. Verbally when I was younger. I purposely broke rules to test the waters. To see if my father would do what he said he would. I learned he would. Billy was the same way. My father tried to break us of that rebellion.”
“It didn’t work though.” He was glad that with everything that happened to her, nothing broke her down.
“For a period of time it did. I let that happen. Then as I got older, I saw the world out there and I started to plan. I just kept those plans to myself. But back to Ethan for a minute. He liked being in the shadows. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself. I think that is why I feared he’d back out even though we said we were getting married. Even though he said he loved me.”
“He was afraid of your father? Afraid of defending you?”
“I think so. No, I know so. That’s why I’m the one who convinced him to still come and meet me and then we just left and eloped. We tried to avoid my father after he found out I was beaten for talking to him. The only way I could convince Ethan to bring me back home to say goodbye to my mother was to make sure my father wasn’t there. We drove around the house three times before I could convince him my father was at work and not home.”
He was tasting blood from biting his tongue from commenting on how much of a coward Ethan was. “So what’s your secret that you want me to know?”
This ride was going to go sour in a hurry if she talked about Ethan much more. He was glad to know that Kayla seemed to take after her mother and fought for what she wanted.
“I just wanted a family. A normal one. That’s what Ethan wanted too. Our childhoods sucked. I had a family, but nothing I care to ever have in my life again. Not like that. I miss my mother. I miss my siblings, but I’m hoping that as they get older they will reach out like Billy. But under it all, what Ethan and I really wanted was a nice stable family life.”
“You had that, right?” He hoped for her sake she had something of what she wanted in the short period of time they were married.
“We did. I told you he didn’t care if I worked. He had this idea in his head of coming home and having dinner on the table and I did too. I was all for it. But it wasn’t enough for me. It wasn’t fulfilling enough when I should have been thankful. He was supportive of me wanting some type of career, as long as we were able to maintain this family image in our heads. When I found out I was pregnant, it was like everything was coming together.”
“But he never got to experience what he wanted,” Jared said, feeling some pity for the man now.
“No. He didn’t. I hate that. I hate it for him more than anything. I hate that it seemed this dream I had that was finally coming true wasn’t going to.”
“It is though. With me,” he said and held his breath. Was it wrong for him to add that just now?
“It is. And the secret is, I should feel guilty and sad that I still get to have that dream, and he didn’t. The problem is, I don’t feel guilt or sadness, just really, really happy that Kayla ran to you that day.”
The rest of the trip was actually taken in silence for the most part. Kayla was sound asleep, Shelby soon following, and he drove along I-64 in his own thoughts. His own haze of contentment that Kayla ran to him that day too.
He was the lucky one after all.
***
The next morning, after a few hours of sleep, Jared, Shelby, and Kayla drove to the hospital. They were able to find out what floor her mother was on and that she could see visitors once they got there. Jared didn’t want to take any chances, so he went by the room first to see if anyone was in with her mother, then came back to the waiting room Shelby and Kayla had stayed in, to get them.
Shelby was quiet in the elevator on the way up, her foot tapping, her hands moving around, just trying to calm down. “Worried or nervous?” he asked.
“Worried and nervous about what I’ll find when I get there. How sick she might be. You said she was just in a normal room, right?”
“Yes. She didn’t even have a roommate at the moment.”
“That’s good. I hope she’s happy to see me.”
“I’m sure she will be. You said you still try to communicate with her. I never asked—has she ever sent anything back to you through the neighbor?”
“She has. On my birthdays I get a card. My father has always controlled all the money. There’s no way she’d be able to do much more without him knowing.”
“Is that why you wanted to work? So you had your own money?”
She was glad that she and Jared were able to talk more about her marriage to Ethan. That maybe he’d understand it wasn’t so much a love match, but a destination for something better for them both. And that she didn’t need a man to take care of her now. She was good on her own if she had to be. She was just hoping that maybe that wouldn’t be the case now, that maybe she could find that life she always wanted.
“Part of it. I just didn’t want to be dependent on Ethan, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him that. He was really good to me. I never wanted for anything. I had access to the money the same as he did. He never questioned anything.”
“As long as he had his family he was good?” he asked.
“He was.”
She knew Ethan probably looked weak in Jared’s eyes. Honestly, Ethan was weak in her eyes too, but she wanted Jared to know that Ethan had been good to her. It wasn’t a bad marriage at all. Just a content one. And not everyone had the strength that Jared did. He just needed a push to see that now. To find it again, but she was guessing he never lost it, but rather shoved it in a dark closet for a period of time.
The elevator doors opened and they made their way out, then quietly walked to her mother’s room, Kayla in Jared’s arms, staying silent like she knew something important was going on. Maybe something scary.
“Shelby?” her mother whispered when they turned the corner into the room. “What are you doing here?” her mother asked, looking around nervously. Shelby’s heart sank. Did her mother really not want to see her? Did her mother turn on her too?
“I came to see you, Mom. Billy told me you were in the hospital, but he didn’t know what was going on.”
Her mother’s eyes filled. “He shouldn’t have told you. You shouldn’t have come.”
“Aren’t you glad to see me?” Shelby asked, her eyes misting up. Jared reached for her hand and held on, trying to give her some support. Needed support. She wanted to run right now. Leave. Wishing she never came. Wondering how this could hurt so much. Maybe it would have been better if she’d stayed home.
“I am. I really am. It’s just...”
“I’ll be gone before Dad can get here.”
Her mother nodded and Shelby knew right away that was the reason for her mother’s statements. “I’m fine. Really I am.”
“What’s wrong? Why are you here?” Shelby asked.
“Don’t worry about me. Is that Kayla? Is that my granddaughter?” Her mother’s voice seemed a little stronger, almost excited.
Shelby nodded her head and moved toward her mother. Her mother looked frailer than ever. Weak and beaten down from years of having kids, raising them and being controlled. She gave her mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek, her mother returning the hug and trying to hold on. It was shaky at best regardless of the slightly stronger voice.
“Mom. This is Jared Hawk, my boyfriend. And Kayla. Jared, my mother, Alice Brand.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, moving Kayla forward. “Do you want to say hi to your grandmother?”
“Let me have her, Jared.” He handed Kayla off and stood back as Shelby placed her daughter on the bed next to her mother. “Now tell me why you’re here.”
Her mother reached a hand toward Kayla, who touched it, then held it. Shelby was glad Kayla was so open. “I had chest pains last week, but they said nothing was wrong and sent me home. A few days ago I had them again. So intense I guess I passed out. They found I had fluid around my heart. I got the chest tube out last night and was moved out of ICU to this room this morning. Just a freak thing. Some viral infection, they’d said. I’ll be fine. You really shouldn’t have come.”
“I had to know you were okay,” she said. “I won’t stay long. Just a few more minutes.”
But a few minutes was all it took for her father to walk in the door. So much for best-laid plans.