“So...” Shelby said. “Why the Navy?”
He was surprised she’d asked. Then again, many people did, especially from back home. So many people had said, “Why do you want to enlist? You’re so smart, it’s such a waste.” But he’d never felt it was a waste. How could it be if he was helping his country? If he was serving his country.
“I just wanted to make a difference. I figured that was the best place to do it.”
She frowned some more and he was wondering if she was getting ready to lecture him again. Surprisingly he wasn’t put off by it. “There are a lot of ways to make a difference. Were you trying to make one in the world in general? Or in something else specific?”
“Maybe both. Nothing specific though. I don’t know. I guess I was this eighteen-year-old kid who had the brains and the guts for it. I’d see someone in uniform and how confident they were. How people would stop and thank them. I just looked up to them and wanted to be that guy that people thought was out there putting their life on the line.”
He’d done that and realized that now what was left of him wasn’t thinking the same as that eighteen-year-old did back then. That maybe he was idolizing so much from an immature perspective.
He was older and wiser and yet sometimes he thought he still wanted to be that kid from back then. But he wasn’t and he couldn’t be. He had to grow up and accept that his life wasn’t the same. That he needed a new goal and maybe a new perspective on life too.
“And you did,” she said, reaching for his hand and holding it, then pulling him in and hugging him tight. “I get the feeling there is more going on with you than just the scars on the outside.”
Not a lecture then. More like comfort, but he wasn’t sure he wanted that either. He didn’t know what he wanted right now. Or what he needed.
“I think most of those that serve have something going on on the inside. Especially if they’ve been to war-torn countries. We see things that the average person can’t even imagine. We feel things that never seem to go away.”
“I know. Ethan always held it in. I’m not sure he was made for it, but he felt like he had no other choice. He didn’t have much in life; he didn’t have anyone. No family. He’d hoped for an instant family by joining.”
“Did he get it?”
“I don’t think so. Not like he wanted. He had friends. People he talked and joked with, but he was missing something in life. I think he didn’t know what he wanted, but it was just something.”
“Which is why he went on a dating website?” he asked, finding it odd, but knowing it was common enough.
“I think so. We both were looking for something and it brought us together.”
He frowned. “What were you looking for?”
“An escape,” she said. “And that’s a conversation for another time.”
He didn’t like the seriousness on her face. So far it was there when she was talking about his situation, but not hers. He’d noticed she’d been levelheaded and definitely calm in regards to personal things. But not really serious.
“How much will you tell me when that time comes?” he asked.
“What I think needs to be said.”
She was smiling, but it was forced, he could tell, and he let it go. “Seems fair. So when did you decide to do what you’re doing? The facial thingy.”
She laughed at him and he was glad that maybe they could move past the uncomfortableness of their conversation. Not the best second date on record, but he was still here, so he was going with it. For a minute he was thinking she was going to show him the door.
“Yeah, I know it’s a long hard name to pronounce. After Ethan and I were married and settled, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. He wanted me to just stay home and care for him. Take care of the house. Like I said, he’d never had a family and wanted that. I was fine with doing it, but there wasn’t enough for me to do. We talked and decided this would be a good career. It wasn’t like I’d be in college for years to train, and I could work full or part-time when the time came.”
Made sense, though he found it strange that she’d just be a stay-at-home wife. She seemed too active for it. Her house was immaculate, but she didn’t rush to do anything. More like everything was under control in her life. He remembered that feeling from so long ago and hoped to have it again.
“Have you always worked full time then?”
“No. I worked part-time right when I finished school. Then we moved here and I started out part-time, hoping to go full time. When I found out I was pregnant it was good just working part-time. Then when Ethan died, well, I wasn’t sure what to do. How to make it all work out. Getting by financially was the top of my list.”
He looked around her house again. “But you made it work?”
“It has its moments. We’d just bought this house and it was tight with our two incomes. The thought of doing it on my own was hard, but I’ve made it. When I went back to work they had a slot for full time and I took it. I’ve been there long enough to develop a long list of repeat clientele. The more I’m booked, the more I make. I get a base salary, but then a small commission on top of it and tips. I’ve had weeks where tips actually equal my salary. Not often, but those times I felt like I’d won the lotto and I’d sock it all away for a rainy day. I’m sure you can tell I don’t live an extravagant life, but it’s better than the one I came from.”
“Are you happy?” he asked.
“That’s a crazy question. Of course I am. I’m healthy. I’ve got a healthy little girl who’s well adjusted and just brightens my life.”
“But you’re a widow. A single mother.” Again, so unlike he thought she’d feel and he was wondering why he was feeling sorry for himself so much when she’d had it much worse.
“I am. And I’m not the only one. I can’t dwell on the past and you shouldn’t either.” There was that sharp eye of hers again, cool like icicles ready to fall on his head from a thirty-foot roof, making him prepare for the scold. “Doing that doesn’t do anyone any good. Even Nancy, my sitter, told me today that it was time to stop grieving. But you know what, I did. Then she reminded me that there’s more to life than being a mother. And I want to feel that again. I want to feel like a woman at the same time.”
What was she asking of him? He wanted to know, not assume. He could be way off base. “I look at you and see more than a mother. More than a widow. I really only see you. A woman that I’m very attracted to.”
“Really?” she whispered. “Then maybe you can kiss me again so I can feel that way because it’s just been way too long since I have, and I want to. I need to.”
He pulled her into his arms, put his lips to hers and started out gently. Just testing the waters again. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe he didn’t want to scare her with his need right now. Or the way she’d humbled him when she talked about her outlook on life.
That she wanted to feel like a woman and she was asking him to make it happen. To make her feel that way. That she was putting it in his hands. It might be right up there with feeling like a hero. Maybe in her mind, and a little bit in his.
She opened her mouth under his, his tongue swooping in and tasting her, clinging to her, feeling like a part of him that was missing might have just been found again.
Her hands were moving up his arms, around his neck and holding on tight. He laid her back on the couch, coming down over her, covering her and feeling like a man in the same way she wanted to feel like a woman.
He was so hard right now he felt like he was just going to explode with it. “Jared,” she said. “I’m not sure I’m quite ready for everything, but I know I need something. I just don’t know what.”
He knew though. And he could give it to her. He could make her feel alive again and if it was torture for him, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was her.
“Just relax,” he said, his lips moving over her neck now, to her ear. “I won’t pressure you, but I’ll make you feel good. Tell me to stop if you want.”
Her body was shivering under his, her breath panting out, and she was more worked up than he’d seen another woman before. Then again, if he was her first kiss in over two years, God only knew how long it’d been since she’d had an orgasm. It was too personal of a question to ask, so he was just going to let it fade from his mind.
Instead, his hand moved down her waist and under her shirt. Her nipple was rock hard against her bra, pressing into his hand, stabbing at it. Sliding under the bra now, he just had to touch it. Feel it. Let her know that he knew her reaction was because of him, and he’d make sure she benefited from it.
Her nails bit into his arms and, thanks to his hearing aid, it didn’t matter where her head was, what side it was at, he was hearing every little moan and groan she emitted. Every gasp and every whisper.
“Jared?”
“Hmm?”
“That feels so good.”
“Then just continue to feel.”
Her head was thrown back on the couch, her eyes shut. His glasses were steaming up and he didn’t need them to see what he was doing right now anyway. He could be completely blind and know by touch and taste alone.
After he took them off, he slid his other hand under her shirt and started to raise it up, exposing her to his eyes. The white cotton bra not doing much in the way of hiding anything. Nothing fancy, nothing sexy, but still showcasing a woman. What she said she wanted to feel like again.
He reached around and under the clasp and lifted it up, watching her face and seeing nothing more than pleasure on it. Then he lowered his head and pulled one of those light pink nipples in his mouth and sucked. His tongue moved around, twirling and swirling, lapping up as much of her as he could.
Her back was arching and her nails were digging. He just needed to give her some relief.
Slowly, he inched his hand down her waist to the button on her shorts. When she showed no signs of stopping him, he undid it and slid in.
He could feel the heat through her panties. The dampness too. All of it was testing him in a way he hadn’t been tested in a long time. But it wasn’t about him. It was about her and he was letting her know that.
She lifted her hips up some more, giving him all the permission he needed to slide under the side of her panties. She was soaking wet.
“Oh God,” she said.
“Yeah.” It was all he was able to say right now. He was too busy still tasting her. Moving to the other breast now, because, hey, it was there and he needed to give it equal consideration.
He started to rub around her swollen bud, her breath catching. So close. She was so close and he had to send her over.
With one finger, he moved down her folds and found his target, then pushed his way in gently. She was tight, but not resisting, and all he could think of was when he could test that some more. When he could feel himself inside of her.
There were no more thoughts though, not when she lifted up higher and he started to move in and out and she bit his shoulder right through his shirt, then groaned loudly. It was probably the best sound he’d heard in years and just continued to work her over until her body was still. Just lying there panting out.
“Wow,” she said. “That was a long time coming. I’m completely worn out.”
He laughed. It was all he could think to do when he was throbbing right now. When his shorts felt tighter than he’d even thought was possible.
“Glad I could help,” he said, smiling, the pain he was feeling totally worth it.
She turned and laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. “Thank you.” All that pain turned to something else. Something softer in his chest, around his heart.
“You’re welcome.”
“Oh God,” she said.
“What?” He started to jump back, then looked around to see if Kayla had gotten out of bed and had been watching them. Why didn’t he think of that?
“You. I need to take care of you. That was totally selfish of me.”
His heart rate slowed down now that he realized there’d been no witnesses to what they had been doing on the couch. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll go down soon as long as we change the subject.”
“No,” she said. “I want to. Do you mind?”
Did she just ask if he minded? What guy says yes, I mind, please don’t touch my rock hard dick? Let me suffer in pain.
He cupped her face in his hand and put his lips to hers. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything. This isn’t a payback or anything like that.”
“I really want to,” she said, her eyes roaming down to the bulge in his pants. Then her hands followed, not giving him much chance to say or do anything else before she was unbuttoning his shorts, her small fingers wrapping around and holding him tight. He knew what she must have felt because it wasn’t going to take more than a stroke or two and he’d be done.
He scooted back and extended his long legs out while she parted his shorts open some more, then she brought her other hand down and started to cup him, then stroke him, both of them working him over. He was tense right now and just wanted to let go, but was holding back because it just felt too good.
He looked over at her and saw she was just watching what she was doing. Concentrating even. Not looking at his face, not doing anything other than smiling and working him like he was a new toy she’d never touched before. “Shelby,” he said, trying to keep his voice low.
“Just let go. I want you to feel what I did. I want to watch.”
It was all she had to say. That soft twang of hers came out and it told him she was letting her guard down even more and she was doing it while bringing him to a place he hadn’t been before. Not a physical release but an emotional one.