We’ve covered most of the easy questions, but I’m not done. Well, I’m done fighting the sand for a while. It was so much easier, walking down the beach before I had all those shots, and beers, and food.

I sit my drunk ass down on the still-warm sand, take a healthy slurp of my drink, and ask, “What’s the best book you’ve read so far this year?”

Gavin turns back to look at me from several yards away. It’s not like I announced that I was taking a break. He walks back, careful not to kick any sand up as he approaches, and settles himself next to me.

“What makes you think I’m a big reader?”

“You have that look about you,” I proclaim, waving my hand at him like it makes all the sense in the world.

His arm brushes against mine as a low chuckle rumbles through his body. “I look like I read? All nerdy and shit?”

“Reading doesn’t make you nerdy. There are whole Insta pages dedicated to hot guys who read. Answer the question.” I bump my shoulder against him, prodding him.

“Hmm … so you troll hot guys on Instagram?”

“I do, but that’s beside the point. What book? You’re so totally stalling.” My straw squeaks loudly as I push it around in the Styrofoam cup.

“I just finished reading The City of God.”

I’m a little embarrassed by the way my jaw drops at the title.

“You don’t have to look so shocked. I read a lot—a ton actually. I had started The Emperor of Maladies, but it was hard to digest that in the van with the guys bullshitting the whole way down here. Is that hot enough for you?” He leans in and bumps my shoulder back.

The breeze picks up, sprinkling sand across my outstretched legs.

“It is. Though I’d rather witness it in real life.”

I squish my feet back and forth, burying them in the sand. As hot as the sun was earlier today, the air is cooling, and a shiver wiggles its way through my body.

“Cold?” Gavin asks as he scoots back a tiny bit and drapes his arm around me, pulling me into his side.

Not actually cold, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to do anything to discourage him from wrapping me up and pulling me close.

“So, you read some pretty deep stuff. No escapism for you?”

He is obviously so much more than I thought.

“Less escape, more trying to make sense of things. If I read around a subject or theme, it tends to help me make sense of my own shit.” Gavin shifts subtly. I probably would have missed it if I wasn’t leaning in so close to him.

“What are you trying to work out?” I sift sand through my fingers, somehow nervous about what his answer might be. I don’t know a thing about the first book he mentioned, but Lis has mentioned that the other refers to cancer.

“The City of God begins as a defense of Christianity after Rome was sacked and delves into the nature of God and ultimately man’s purpose. It expounds on the profound questions of theology—the suffering of the righteous, the existence of evil, the conflict between free will and divine omniscience.

“And who hasn’t been touched by cancer in some way? Sometimes, you really need to know your opponent, what you’re up against, in order to keep fighting, you know?”

“I’m so sorry. I … you look great. I’d never have guessed you were sick.” The words fly out of my mouth in a whoosh before I stop and think of what I’m saying.

This time, the shift is more obvious, Gavin’s muscles tensing and tightening. He pulls away from me and leans back, his hands planted firmly behind him. “What would make you assume I was sick?”

I shrug and dig my hands into the sand, needing something to fidget with. “You said you were trying to make sense of things. Add in heavy religion and a book about cancer … I just assumed.”

Brows raised, Gavin stares toward the water and huffs, “This sure as hell isn’t where I thought this conversation was going.”

He looks like he’s fighting an inner battle, and that’s fine. I mean, who am I to ask him to spill his deep, dark shit? I’m certainly not planning on sharing my skeletons.

“So, the cancer stuff is just interesting. It’s a huge part of our world, and I think it’s relevant,” he says, looking at me from the side of his eye. “I’m not sick, and as for the other, I guess I was feeling a little shitty when my girlfriend bailed on me after I decided to take time off from school to see where the music might take me, see if I can make something of this.” Gavin sucks in a deep breath and blows it out. He slowly adds, “We were together for three years. Obviously, I thought there was more to it than she did.”

He pushes his brows together, staring at the moon’s reflection on the ocean. “I might have felt a little like the righteous one, doing all the suffering.”

“So, not an agreement to take a break?” I ask, taking in the sharp line of his jaw, the bunching of muscles as he clenches his teeth.

“Not at all. Sarah made up her mind that I wouldn’t be able to be faithful with all the groupies throwing themselves at me. Personally, I think it’s bullshit. She didn’t want to be alone and found some willing fuck.”

“How long ago was that?” I know I should stop. I should drop this and just let it go, but I can’t seem to shut my mouth and stop with the questions.

“A couple of months, maybe. Sorry. Listen, I’m okay. Sure as shit not pining away for someone who had no faith in me, someone who thought I would jump at the first opportunity to cheat and decided to beat me to it.” Gavin slides his gaze to the side and sincerely looks at me. “I don’t play that way. Her utter lack of trust is what bothers me more than anything. That, after all the time we spent together, she’d think I was going on a binge or something? I’m not a fornicating fuck. That shit don’t fly.”

I watch as he literally shakes off the subject of cheating and turns his whole body toward me, slipping one leg behind my back and tucking the other between us.

“Did you bring a book for the beach? Please tell me you read something other than your textbooks.”

“Yeah, I don’t leave home without my Kindle.”

He scoffs and mumbles something about reading real books.

“Don’t judge me. I have thousands of books at my fingertips at all times.” I nudge my elbow into his ribs, thankful that we are back to a lighter subject. Safer territory because I really don’t want to push Gavin away. I like him.

“What have you read that’s good?” His fingers trail up my back until they land on the tie of my bikini top, sending a shot of desire through me.

I spend a lot of time reading really dry and boring subject matter for school, so when I read for fun, I read for fun. “I like romance of all kinds—angsty, steamy, a few of the paranormal ones, royals, and rock stars. I read all the rock-star books.” I throw him a salacious grin and waggle my eyebrows.

Despite our differences, Gavin doesn’t make fun of my choice of actual reading material. We talk books and ideas and life, touching in some way the entire time, never breaking our connection, until there’s not a soul on the beach aside from us. And, for the life of me, I can’t figure out why anyone would willingly let him go.

Gavin is crazy smart—halfway through a dual major in history and philosophy and musically talented on multiple instruments. He’s fascinating. His version of Twenty Questions doesn’t involve rapid-fire, superficial shit, although we have more than covered that stuff, too.

The questions he’s hitting me with are more along the lines of: Do you think free will is an illusion? Do you think your life’s purpose is predestined, or do you control it?

We even hit on the whole nature versus nurture thing.

“You really don’t believe in the innate nature of mothers to protect their young?” He looks genuinely shocked at my negative response.

“Nope. The base nature is one of self-preservation. And, yeah, I think that extends to the mother-child relationship—not all of them, but it’s there. It’s not a forgone conclusion that parents will necessarily sacrifice for their kids.” I can argue this point from a real and personal level, but my skeletons are safely tucked away. “Lis, my roommate … dude, her mother and sister both go out of their way to bring her down. At Christmas, I caught her boyfriend bending her sister, Maryse, over the hood of the car, and her mom had the nerve to be pissed when we bolted out of there. That woman has gone above and beyond in dragging Lissy down.” Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. Lis broke up with the asshole, but family is family, and they tend to keep hanging around.

I haven’t thought this hard, dug this deep into myself, ever.

The sparkly black sky starts to lighten ever so slightly, turning indigo to the east, and I fight to keep my yawn down. Failing miserably, I lift my hand to my mouth and squeeze my eyes shut.

“Sorry, I—”

“Shit, I’m sorry. It’s really late. Let me walk you back.” Gavin stands, making sure not to shower me with sand, and reaches out for my hand. He pulls me upright, and I’m a little off-balance, but he grabs ahold, clutching me against his broad chest.

I catch my breath as my free hand lands on his shoulder, his muscles bunching and shifting beneath my palm. It’s a movie moment, one where he should lean in and kiss me.

He really should.

But, instead, he squeezes my hand and steps away. Clearing his throat, Gavin rasps out, “Ready?”

Hell yeah, I am.

I’ve never been so incredibly attracted to someone before. Gavin’s intelligence along with his sex-god looks have me so turned on. I’ve never met anyone like him. But he just turns and starts back toward where we started our day.

He keeps a firm grasp on my hand as we walk, but I’m confused. When did things change? Did I miss something?

As the lights from the beachfront bar come into view, I gently wiggle my hand out of his and turn toward my condo. I cross the street, not even sure if he’s still following me because, somewhere along the way, I lost him, the connection we had.

Obviously, the discussion of the ex-girlfriend was a problem. Maybe I’m feeling something that is strictly one-sided. I mean, it’s fine. But, with the way we were dancing and the flirting that was very much a thing, I thought … I thought there was more.

Who doesn’t want to find that guy who’s so totally against cheating? Who finds it offensive in every way?

Completely preoccupied, I start climbing the stairs to my third-floor condo, trying to figure out where things derailed.

“Gracyn?”

I turn to face Gavin, kind of surprised that he’s still with me.

“I feel like I messed this up. I tend to get a little stuck in my head. You okay?” He climbs the last few steps, stopping at the one just below me, crowding into my personal space.

“I’m good,” I lie through a forced smile.

I could be so much better.

The sway of Gracyn’s hips as she climbs the stairs about fucking kills me. She’s got this pale blue scarf thing tied low around her waist, hugging her curves. Crying out to me. But, when I call her name and she turns on the stairs, I just don’t know. It’s like my brain’s stopped functioning, and that connection we had earlier has been severed.

“I feel like I messed this up. I tend to get a little stuck in my head. You okay?” I ask.

Her response is tinged with uncertainty, hidden behind a smile. Again, I don’t know, but I pull myself out of my thoughts and focus on the woman in front of me. I want to kiss her sadness away and go back to the carefree feelings of earlier—before we got jammed down with talk of cheating.

I reach out, wrapping my fingers around her waist, guiding her backward as I take the last step to put us on even ground. The landing is secluded and dim. I have no idea what floor she’s staying on, but I don’t want to wait another minute to kiss her. I already pissed away one chance on the beach.

Gripping my forearms, Gracyn’s fingers press firmly into my skin. Her eyes drift closed, her breaths are shallow, almost like she’s holding back in anticipation. We just met, but I feel like I know her—like really fucking know her—after all the shit we talked about tonight.

I lean down, closing the distance between us, brushing my lips across hers. They taste like fruit and tequila, slightly salty from just being near the ocean all day.

The combination is intoxicating, and I can’t help but dart my tongue out, tasting her again. When she gasps, parting her lips for me, I about lose my fucking mind.

I deepen the kiss, devouring her, and we shuffle across the landing until Gracyn’s back meets the wall. There’s a moment—a really brief moment—where we both go completely still. Her teeth sink into my bottom lip, her hands still on my arms, my thumbs pressing into her hips.

God, I want her.

Gracyn’s eyes flutter open, her heated gaze meeting mine. Time stops for a fucking lifetime—or the beat of my heart.

Am I pushing too hard, too fast?

That inkling of doubt incinerates the moment her hands move. Grasping the back of my neck, Gracyn throws herself into the kiss.

I groan, reaching around to the backs of her thighs, lifting until she wraps her legs around my hips. Her sandals clatter to the floor, and she digs her heels into my ass. God help me, I’m drowning in her—consumed and completely incapable of thought beyond this.

She winds her hands into my hair, fingers tangling in the mess of knots from the wind whipping it around. The sting of that tug pulls a growl from low in the back of my throat.

“Sorry,” she mumbles against my lips, not slowing down in the least.

And, as much as I want to keep this going, I pull back.

Shoving down the urge to grind my dick against her core, taming the hungry, passionate groping to something softer, I rasp, “Gracyn”—my gravelly voice hinting at barely there restraint—“baby, you’re killing me.”

She exhales, huffing out the frustration we’re both fighting, and drops her forehead to my shoulder. “Did I … I thought you were into this.”

“Jesus, I am. I just don’t want any regrets.”

She deserves more than just a quick fuck, and I don’t want that to be all there is between us.

Stiffening, Gracyn unravels herself from me, pushing lightly against my chest. The minuscule amount of space between us now feels like miles.

“Wow. Thanks?” She pushes past me, grabbing her shoes, and sprints up the stairs.

“Gracyn, wait.”

She doesn’t, and I have to take the stairs two at a time to catch up with her. She punches numbers into the pad mounted by the door outside a condo on the third floor, but the handle doesn’t budge when she jerks at it.

“Hey, look at me.” I reach out but stop just shy of her shoulder when she flinches, like she’s bracing herself.

God help me, the last thing I wanted to do was fuck this up by going too fast. If slowing things down screws up whatever this is, I don’t know what I’ll do.

With her body rigid, she refuses to look at me. Instead, she turns her gaze out toward the water, and a wall slams down over her features. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you into something you’re not ready for.” Every syllable is laced with tension.

Well, don’t I feel like the fucking chick right now?

“Gracyn.” I say her name on a sigh, shoulders hunching in. “I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

She gets the right numbers entered into the keypad, and the door clicks open. The smile plastered on her face as she turns is the fakest shit I’ve ever seen, and her voice matches it perfectly.

“Sure. Maybe I’ll see you around this week.”

And, with that, she pushes through the door and leaves me standing there, feeling like an ass.

Feeling like shit.