Chapter Thirteen

Sweat dripped from his face. He was drenched in it. His body hair was curled with it. He collapsed atop her. She held him tightly. Her maternal instinct asserted itself; she wanted to cuddle him like a child.

It was an endless forever before he regained enough strength to move, but neither was in a hurry for him to leave her. Finally, he rolled away from her and lay on his back, replete. Rusty gazed at his beloved face. His eyes were closed. The lines on either side of his stern mouth had relaxed considerably since he’d come through her front door.

She laid her head on his chest and smoothed her hand over his stomach, combing through the crinkled, damp hair. “It wasn’t just me you withdrew from, was it?” Somehow she knew that this was the first time in a long time that Cooper had completed the love act.

“No.”

“It wasn’t because I might get pregnant, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Why did you make love that way, Cooper?” He opened his eyes. She stared down into them. They were guarded. He, who she had assumed was fearless, was afraid of her, a naked woman, lying helplessly beside him, utterly fascinated by him and under his spell. What threat could she possibly represent?

“Why did you impose that kind of discipline on yourself?” she asked gently. “Tell me.”

He stared at the ceiling. “There was a woman.”

Ah, the woman, Rusty thought.

“Her name was Melody. I met her soon after I got back from Nam. I was messed up. Bitter. Angry. She—” he made a helpless gesture “—she put things back into perspective, gave focus to my life. I was attending college on the GI bill. We were going to get married as soon as I finished. I thought that everything was going well for us. It was.”

He closed his eyes again and Rusty knew he was approaching the difficult part of the story. “Then she got pregnant. Without my knowledge, she had an abortion.” His hands curled into fists and his jaw grew rigid with fury. Rusty actually jumped when he turned to her abruptly.

“She killed my baby. After all the death I’d seen, she...” His breathing became so harsh that Rusty was afraid he’d go into cardiac arrest. She laid a comforting hand on his chest and softly spoke his name.

“I’m so sorry, Cooper, darling. I’m so sorry.”

He breathed deeply, until he had filled his lungs with sufficient air. “Yeah.”

“You’ve been angry at her ever since.”

“At first. But then I came to hate her too much to be angry at her. I’d shared so many confidences with her. She knew what was going on inside my head, how I felt about things. She’d urged me to talk about the prison camp and everything that happened there.”

“Did you feel that she abused that confidence?”

“Abused and betrayed it.” With the pad of his thumb, he caught a tear rolling down Rusty’s cheek and swept it away. “She’d held me in her arms while I cried like a baby, telling her about buddies I’d seen...killed,” he finished in a hoarse whisper.

“I’d told her about the hell I went through to escape and then what I did to survive until I was rescued. Even after that, after I’d described how I’d lain in a heap of rotting, stinking corpses to keep from being recaptured—”

“Cooper, don’t.” Rusty reached for him and drew him close.

“She went out and had our baby destroyed. After I’d seen babies torn apart, probably had killed some myself, she—”

“Shh, shh. Don’t.”

Rusty cradled his head against her breasts and crooned to him as she smoothed his hair. Tears blurred her vision. She felt his suffering, and wished she could take it all on herself. She kissed the crown of his head. “I’m sorry, my darling. So very sorry.”

“I left Melody. I moved to the mountains, bought my livestock, built my house.”

And a wall around your heart, Rusty thought sadly. No wonder he’d spurned society. He’d been betrayed twice— once by his country, which didn’t want to be reminded of its mistake, and then by the woman he had loved and trusted.

“You didn’t take a chance on any woman getting pregnant by you again.”

He worked his head free and looked into her eyes. “That’s right. Not until now.” He placed his hands on either side of her face. “Until you. And I couldn’t stop myself from filling you.” He kissed her hard. “I wanted it to last forever.”

Smiling, she turned her head and bit the meaty part of his hand just below his thumb. “I thought it was going to.”

He smiled, too, looking boyishly pleased with himself. “Really?”

Rusty laughed. “Really.”

He slid his hand between her thighs and worked his fingers through the nest of russet curls before intimately palming her sex. “I left a special mark on you this time. You’re carrying part of me inside you.” He raised his head off the pillow and brushed his mouth across her kiss-swollen lips.

“That’s what I wanted. I wouldn’t have let you leave me this time.”

“Oh, no?” There was an arrogant, teasing glint in his eyes. “What would you have done?”

“I would have given you one hell of a fight. That’s how much I wanted you. All of you.”

He pulled her lower lip between his teeth and worried it deliciously with his tongue. “One of the things I like most about you...” His mouth went for her neck.

“Yes?”

“Is that you always look like you’ve just been royally...” He finished his sentence with a gutter word that only he could make sound sexy.

“Cooper!” Pretending to be offended, Rusty sat back on her heels and placed her hands on her hips.

He laughed. The wonderful, rare sound of his laughter was so encouraging that she assumed an even prissier expression. He only laughed harder. His laughter was real, not tainted by cynicism. She wanted to draw it around her like a blanket. She wanted to bask in it as one would the first hot day of summer. She’d made Cooper Landry laugh. That was no small feat, particularly in the past few years. Probably few could lay claim to having made this man laugh.

His mouth was still split into a wide grin beneath his mustache. He mimicked her in an old maid’s whine. “Coo-per!” Piqued by his imitation of her, she smacked his bare thigh. “Hey, it’s not my fault that you’ve got bedroom hair and smoky brown eyes.” He reached out and ran his thumb along her lower lip. “I can’t help it if your mouth always looks recently kissed and begging for more; if your breasts are always aquiver.”

“‘Aquiver’?” she asked breathlessly as he cupped one.

“Hmm. Is it my fault that your nipples are always primed and ready?”

“In fact it is.”

That, he liked. Smiling, he plucked at the dusky pearl, rolling it gently between his fingers.

“But primed and ready for what, Cooper?”

He leaned forward and, using his lips and tongue, demonstrated.

Rusty felt the familiar sensations unwinding in her midsection like a spool of silk ribbon. Sighing, she clasped his head and pushed it away from her. He looked at her in bewilderment, but didn’t resist as she pressed him back against the pillows. “What are we doing?” he asked.

“I’m going to make love to you for a change.”

“I thought you just did.”

She shook her tousled head. At some point her ponytail had come down. “You made love to me.”

“What’s the difference?”

Smiling a feline smile, her eyes full of promise, she stretched out alongside him and began nibbling his neck. “Wait and see.”

In the peaceful aftermath, they lay together, their arms and legs entangled. “I thought only hookers knew how to do that right.” His voice was still scratchy from crying out her name, and he barely had the energy to strum her spine with his fingertips.

“Did I do it right?”

He tilted his head back and gazed down at the woman who lay sprawled across his chest. “Don’t you know?”

Her eyes were glazed with love as she looked up at him and shook her head with shy uncertainty.

“That’s the first time you ever...?” She nodded yes. He hissed a soft curse and drew her up for a gentle, loving kiss. “Yeah. You did it just fine,” he said with a trace of humor when he finally released her lips. “Just fine.”

After a long silence, Rusty asked him, “What kind of family life did you have?”

“Family life?” As he collected his thoughts, he absently rubbed his leg against her left one, ever careful not to bump the sore one. “It’s been so long ago I barely remember. Practically all I remember of my dad was that he went to work every day. He was a salesman. His job finally caused a massive heart attack that killed him instantly. I was still in elementary school.

“Mother never got over being mad at him for dying prematurely and leaving her a widow. She never got over being mad at me for...existing, I guess. Anyway, all I meant to her was a liability. She had to work to support us.”

“She never remarried?”

“No.”

His mother had probably blamed her blameless son for that, too. Rusty could paint in the numbered spaces and get the complete picture. Cooper had grown up unloved. It was little wonder that now, when a hand was extended to him in kindness, he bit it instead of accepting it. He didn’t believe in human kindness and love. He’d never experienced them. His personal relationships had been fouled with pain, disillusionment, and betrayal.

“I joined the Marines as soon as I graduated from high school. Mother died during my first year in Nam. Breast cancer. She was the kind of woman who was too stubborn to have that lump checked before it was too late.” Rusty stroked his chin with her thumbnail, occasionally dipping it into the vertical cleft. She was filled with remorse for the lonely, unloved child he’d been. Such unhappiness. By comparison she’d had it so easy.

“My mother died, too.”

“And then you lost your brother.”

“Yes. Jeff.”

“Tell me about him.”

“He was terrific,” she said with an affectionate smile. “Everybody liked him. He was friendly—the kind of person who never met a stranger. People were automatically drawn to him. He had outstanding leadership qualities. He could make people laugh. He could do everything.”

“You’ve been reminded of that often enough.”

Quickly her head popped up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Cooper seemed to weigh the advisability of pursuing this conversation, but apparently decided in favor of it. “Doesn’t your father continually hold your brother up as an example for you to follow?”

“Jeff had a promising future in real estate. My father wants that for me, too.”

“But is it your future he wants for you, or your brother’s future?”

She disengaged herself and swung her legs over the side of the bed. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Cooper caught a handful of her hair to keep her from leaving the bed. He came up on his knees behind her where she sat on the edge of it. “Like hell you don’t, Rusty. Everything you’ve said about your father and brother leads me to believe that you’re expected to fill Jeff’s shoes.”

“My father only wants me to do well.”

“What he considers well. You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman. A loving daughter. You have a career, and you’re successful. Isn’t that enough for him?”

“No! I mean, yes, of course it’s enough. It’s just that he wants me to live up to my potential.”

“Or Jeff’s.” She tried to move away, but he held her back by her shoulders. “Like that hunting trip to Great Bear Lake.”

“I told you that that was my idea, not Father’s.”

“But why did you feel that it was necessary to go? Why was it your responsibility to uphold the tradition he had shared with Jeff? You only went because you thought it might please your father.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. If it was strictly a gesture of self-sacrifice, of love. But by going, I think you set out to prove something to him; I think that you wanted your father to see that you’re as marvelous as Jeff was.”

“Well, I failed.”

“That’s my point!” he shouted. “You don’t like hunting and fishing. So what? Why should that make you a failure?”

She managed to wrest herself free. Once she was on her feet, she spun around to face him. “You don’t understand, Cooper.”

“Obviously I don’t. I don’t see why being exactly what you are isn’t enough for your father. Why do you continually have to prove yourself to him? He lost his son: unfortunate; tragic. But he’s still got a daughter. And he’s trying to shape her into something she isn’t. You’re both obsessed with Jeff. Whatever else he did, I’m fairly sure he didn’t walk on water.”

Rusty aimed an accusing finger at him. “You’re a fine one to preach about other people’s obsessions. You nurse your hurt obsessively. You actually take pleasure in your despair.”

“That’s nuts.”

“Precisely. It’s easier for you to sit up there on your mountain than it is to mix with other human beings. Then you might have to open yourself up a little, let people get a peek at the man you are inside. And that terrifies you, doesn’t it? Because you might be found out. Somebody might discover that you’re not the hard, cold, unfeeling bastard you pretend to be. Someone might decide that you’re capable of giving and receiving love.”

“Baby, I gave up on the idea of love a long time ago.”

“Then what was that all about?” She gestured toward the bed.

“Sex.” He made the word sound as dirty as possible.

Rusty recoiled from the ugliness of his tone, but tossed her head back proudly. “Not to me. I love you, Cooper.”

“So you said.”

“I meant it!”

“You were in the throes of passion when you said it. That doesn’t count.”

“You don’t believe that I love you?”

“No. There’s no such thing.”

“Oh, there is.” She played her trump card. “You still love your unborn child.”

“Shut up.”

“You grieve for it still because you loved it. You still love all those men you saw die in that prisoner-of-war camp.”

“Rusty...” He came off the bed and loomed over her threateningly.

“You watched your mother spend her life nursing her anger and bitterness. She thrived on her misfortune. Do you want to waste your life like that?”

“Better that than to live like you, constantly striving to be someone you’re not.”

Hostility crackled between them. It was so strong that at first they didn’t even notice the doorbell. It wasn’t until Bill Carlson called out his daughter’s name that they realized they weren’t alone.

“Rusty!”

“Yes, Father.” She dropped back onto the edge of the bed and started yanking on her clothes.

“Is everything okay? Whose beat-up old car is that out front?”

“I’ll be right out, Father.”

Cooper was pulling on his clothes with considerably more composure than she. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was the first time he had found himself in an awkward situation like this, maybe with the untimely appearance of a husband.

Once they were dressed, he helped her to her feet and handed her her crutches. Together they went through the bedroom door and down the hall. Red-faced, knowing that her hair was in wild tumble and that she smelled muskily of sex, Rusty entered the living room.

Her father was impatiently pacing the hardwood floor. When he turned around and saw Cooper, his face went taut with disapproval. He treated Cooper to a frigid stare before casting his judgmental eyes on his daughter.

“I hated to let a day go by without coming to see you.”

“Thank you, Father, but it really isn’t necessary for you to stop by every day.”

“So I see.”

“You...you remember Mr. Landry.”

The two men nodded to each other coolly, taking each other’s measure like opposing champion warriors who would decide the outcome of a battle. Cooper kept his mouth stubbornly shut. Rusty couldn’t speak; she was too embarrassed. Carlson was the first to break the stressful silence.

“Actually, this is an opportune meeting,” he said. “I have something to discuss with both of you. Shall we sit down?”

“Surely,” Rusty said, flustered. “I’m sorry. Uh, Cooper?” She gestured toward a chair. He hesitated, then dropped into the overstuffed armchair. His insolence grated on her raw nerves. She gave him a baleful look, but he was staring at her father. He’d watched the Gawrylow men with that same kind of suspicious caution. The memory disturbed Rusty. What correlation between them and her father was he making in his mind? She moved toward a chair near Carlson.

“What do you want to discuss with us, Father?”

“That land deal I mentioned to you a few weeks ago.” Rusty’s lungs caved in. She could feel each membrane giving way, collapsing one on top of the other. Her cheeks paled, and her palms became immediately slick with nervous perspiration. A choir of funeral bells started tolling in her ears. “I thought we had that all settled.”

Carlson chuckled amiably. “Not quite. But now we do. Now the investors have had a chance to put some concrete ideas on paper. They’d like to present these ideas for Mr. Landry’s consideration.”

“Somebody want to tell me what the hell is going on?” Cooper rudely interrupted.

“No.”

“Of course.” Carlson overrode his daughter’s negative reply and seized the floor. In his typically genial manner, he outlined his ideas for developing the area around Rogers Gap into an exclusive ski resort.

Summing up, he said, “Before we’re done, working with only the most innovative architects and builders, it will rival Aspen, Vail, Keystone, anything in the Rockies or around Lake Tahoe. In several years I’ll bet we could swing the Winter Olympics our way.” Leaning back in his chair and smiling expansively, he said, “Well, Mr. Landry, what do you think?”

Cooper, who hadn’t so much as blinked an eye during Carlson’s recital, slowly rolled off his slouching spine and came to his feet. He circled the island of furniture several times as though considering the proposal from every angle. Since he owned some of the land that would be used—Carlson had done his homework—and had been offered the salaried, figurehead position as local coordinator of the project, he stood to make a great deal of money.

Carlson glanced at his daughter and winked, assured of capitulation.

“What do I think?” Cooper repeated.

“That’s what I asked,” Carlson said jovially.

Cooper looked him straight in the eye. “I think you are full of garbage, and I think your idea sucks.” He dumped those words in the middle of the floor like a ton of bricks, then added, “And for your information, so does your daughter.”

He gave Rusty a look that should have turned her to stone. He didn’t even deign to slam the door shut behind himself after he stamped out. They heard his car roar to life, then the crunch of gravel as he steered out of her driveway.

Carlson harrumphed and said, “Well, I see that I was right about him all along.”

Knowing that she would never recover from the wound Cooper had inflicted on her, Rusty said dully, “You couldn’t be more wrong, Father.”

“He’s crude.”

“Honest.”

“A man without ambition or social graces.”

“Without pretenses.”

“And apparently without morals. He took advantage of your solitude and confinement.”

She laughed softly. “I don’t remember exactly who dragged whom into the bedroom, but he certainly didn’t force me into bed with him.”

“So you are lovers?”

“Not anymore,” she said tearfully.

Cooper thought she had betrayed him, too, just like that other woman, Melody. He thought she had been her father’s instrument, using bedroom tactics to turn a profit. He would never forgive her, because he didn’t believe that she loved him.

“You’ve been his lover all this time? Behind my back?”

She started to point out that at the ripe old age of twenty-seven she shouldn’t have to account to her father for her private life. But what was the use? What did it matter? The starch had gone out of her. She felt sapped of strength, of energy, of the will to live.

“When we were in Canada, yes. We became lovers. When he left my hospital room that day, he went home and hasn’t been back since. Not until this afternoon.”

“Then apparently he has more sense than I gave him credit for. He realizes that the two of you are completely incompatible. Like most women, you’re looking at the situation through a pink fog of romance. You’re letting your emotions rule you instead of your head. I thought you were above that female frailty.”

“Well, I’m not, Father. A female is what I happen to be. And I have all the frailties, as well as all the strengths, that go with being a woman.”

He came to his feet and crossed the room. He gave her a conciliatory hug. She was standing on her crutches so he didn’t notice how stiffly she held herself in resistance to his embrace. “I can see that Mr. Landry has upset you again. He truly is a scoundrel to have said what he did about you. You’re better off without him, Rusty, believe me.

“However,” he continued briskly, “we won’t let his lack of charm keep us from doing business with him. I intend to move forward with our plans in spite of his objections to them.”

“Father, I beg you—”

He laid a finger against her lips. “Hush, now. Let’s not talk anymore tonight. Tomorrow you’ll feel better. You’re still emotionally overwrought. Having surgery so soon after the plane crash probably wasn’t such a good idea. It’s perfectly understandable that you’re not quite yourself. One of these days you’ll come to your senses and return to being the old Rusty. I have every confidence that you won’t disappoint me.”

He kissed her forehead. “Good night, my dear. Look over this proposal,” he said, withdrawing a file folder from his lizard briefcase and laying it on the coffee table. “I’ll drop by tomorrow morning, eager to hear your opinion.”

After he left, Rusty locked up her house and returned to the bedroom. She bathed, languishing in a hot bubble bath. She’d taken one every day since the doctor had said it was okay to get her leg wet. But once she was dried, lotioned, and powdered, she still hadn’t rid her body of the traces of Cooper’s lovemaking.

She was pleasantly sore between her thighs. The blemish he’d left on her breast still showed up rosily, as indelible as a tattoo. Her lips were tender and puffy. Every time she wet them with her tongue, she could taste him.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she admitted that he was right. She did look as if she’d just been engaged in rowdy lovemaking.

Her bed seemed as large and empty as a football field during the off-season. The linens still smelled like Cooper. In her mind she relived every moment they’d spent together that afternoon—the giving and taking of pleasure; the exchange of erotic dialogue. Even now, his whispered, naughty words echoed through her mind, causing her to flush hotly all over.

She yearned for him and could find no comfort in the thought that her life would be a series of empty days and joyless nights like this one.

She’d have her work, of course.

And her father.

Her wide circle of friends.

Her social activities.

It wouldn’t be enough.

There was a great big hole where the man she loved should be.

She sat up in bed and clutched the sheet against her, as though the realization she’d just had would get away from her if she didn’t hold on to it until she could act upon it.

Her choices were clear. She could either roll over and play dead. Or she could fight for him. Her main adversary would be Cooper himself. He was mule-headed and mistrustful. But eventually she would wear him down and convince him that she loved him and that he loved her.

Yes, he did! He could deny it until he gasped his dying breath, but she would never believe that he didn’t love her—because right after her father had made that hateful disclosure, just before Cooper’s face had hardened with contempt, she’d seen incredible pain there. She wouldn’t have the power to hurt him that badly unless he loved her.

She lay back down, glowing in her resolution and knowing exactly what she had to do the following morning.

Her father was taken off guard. A strategist as shrewd as General Patton, he had slipped up. He hadn’t expected a surprise attack.

When she made her unannounced appearance in his office the next morning, he glanced up from his highly polished, white lacquered desk and exclaimed, “Why, Rusty! What...what a lovely surprise.”

“Good morning, Father.”

“What are you doing out? Not that the reason matters. I’m delighted to see you up and around.”

“I had to see you and didn’t want to wait to be worked into your busy schedule.”

He chose to ignore the note of censure in her voice and walked around his desk with his hands outstretched to take hers. “You’re feeling much better—I can tell. Did Mrs. Watkins offer you coffee?”

“She did, but I declined.”

He regarded her casual clothes. “Apparently you’re not going to your office.”

“No, I’m not.”

He cocked his head to one side, obviously waiting for an explanation. When none was forthcoming he asked, “Where are your crutches?”

“In my car.”

“You drove here? I didn’t think—”

“Yes, I drove myself. I wanted to walk in here under my own steam and stand on my own two feet.”

He backed away from her and propped his hips against the edge of his desk. Casually he crossed his ankles and folded his arms over his middle. Rusty recognized the stance. It was the tactical one he assumed when he was backed into a corner but didn’t want his rivals to know that he was. “I take it you read the proposal.” With a smooth motion of his head, he indicated the folder she was carrying under her arm.

“I did.”

“And?”

She ripped the folder in two. Tossing the remnants on the glassy surface of his desk, she said, “Lay off Cooper Landry. Drop the Rogers Gap project. Today.”

He laughed at her sophomoric gesture and shrugged helplessly, spreading his arms wide in appeal. “It’s a little late for that, Rusty dear. The ball has already started rolling.”

“Stop it from rolling.”

“I can’t.”

“Then you’re in a real jam with these investors you collected, Father—” she leaned forward “—because I’m going to privately and publicly resist you on this. I’ll have every conservationist group in the country beating down your door in protest. I don’t think you want that.”

“Rusty, for Heaven’s sake, come to your senses,” he hissed.

“I did. Sometime between midnight and 2:00 a.m., I realized that there’s something much more important to me than any real-estate deal. Even more important to me than winning your approval.”

“Landry?”

“Yes.” Her voice rang with conviction. She was not to be swayed.

But Carlson tried. “You’d give up everything you’ve worked for to have him?”

“Loving Cooper doesn’t take anything away from what I’ve done in the past or will do in the future. Love this strong can only embellish, not tear down.”

“Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?”

She didn’t take offense. Instead she laughed. “I guess I do. Lovers often babble nonsensically, don’t they?”

“This is no laughing matter, Rusty. If you do this, it’s an irreversible decision. Once you give up your position here, that’s it.”

“I don’t think so, Father,” she said, calling his bluff. “Think how bad it would be for business if you fired your most effective employee.” She produced a key from the pocket of her nylon windbreaker. “To my office.” She slid the key across his desk. “I’ll be taking an indefinite leave of absence.”

“You’re making a fool of yourself.”

“I made a fool of myself at Great Bear Lake. I did that for love, too.” She turned on her heels and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Bill Carlson barked. He wasn’t accustomed to someone walking out on him.

“To Rogers Gap.”

“And do what?”

Rusty faced her father. She loved him. Very much. But she could no longer sacrifice her own happiness for his. With staunch conviction she said, “I’m going to do something that Jeff could never do: I’m going to have a baby.”