Chapter 1
Lucy
End of May
“I miss you so damn much.”
A small smile tried to tease at my lips, but I couldn’t quite pull it off. I hadn’t truly smiled in so long I was sure my facial muscles no longer knew how to do it. Hearing Kin’s excited voice in my ear, however, warmed some of the coldness in my heart. “I miss you, too,” I told her honestly.
“So, your plane gets in on Friday and I have plans for us all weekend. So don’t let your parents or Aunt Emmie try to say different. You’re mine this weekend, babe.”
“I’m all yours,” I promised her for the second time since I’d picked up the phone ten minutes ago. “Mom and Dad already know that I’m spending the weekend with you. They have plans for me afterward, though. Aunt Emmie invited the whole family to her house for a big post-graduation weekend barbeque.”
The spring semester at Georgetown had gone by at a snail’s pace, but I only had a few more days left. Friday I flew home for graduation. Kin had a million things planned for us, all scheduled around our big day. I’d missed her so much that I hadn’t even questioned her. My parents had been all for me staying with my best friend, wanting me to feel as normal as possible on my first trip home in months. It was Aunt Emmie who wanted me home for the barbeque that she’d been planning for weeks.
“Angie and I will pick you up Friday at the airport.”
“You have room for Marcus, right?” I was quick to ask, because she hadn’t mentioned him at all.
She blew out an exasperated sigh that I’d interrupted her. “Yes, Lucy. I wouldn’t leave him out. I was just trying to be nice and ignore the fact that you have a two-hundred-and-thirty-pound gorilla in a suit who acts like your shadow.”
Another smile tried to tease at my lips as I shot Marcus a look out of the corner of my eye. I hadn’t put up a fight when my parents had insisted that Marcus come with me to Georgetown. I’d been too lost in the mess that was swirling around in my head like a category-five hurricane to care one way or another. His presence had been kind of comforting and if he hadn’t been there with me I didn’t know what would have happened to me in the long run. He’d been the taste of normal that I needed to keep me grounded enough to keep what little hold I had on my sanity intact.
“I’ve given him the guest room and you are sleeping in my room with me. But don’t plan on getting much sleep Friday night. We have too much shit to catch up on.” Kin’s excitement was bubbling through the receiver and I lowered my eyes back to the textbook in front of me to keep anyone around me from seeing my tears.
Used to my silence by now, Kin went on as if I was just as excited as she was. “We’re going to have brunch on Saturday and then head over for graduation practice. Then we will grab dinner and go straight back to the apartment to watch crappy movies and gorge on junk food. I promise we won’t stay up too late, though. Carter has already told me that if I have dark circles under my eyes for all the pictures he plans on taking he will murder me.”
“Sounds reasonable,” I teased halfheartedly. “My mom has said the same thing to me at least twice now.”
This was the first graduation my mom would be attending. She hadn’t graduated high school, but had gotten her GED. Lana hadn’t gone to her own graduation, having chosen to stay in New York instead. I would be the first to walk across the stage and accept my diploma. I knew Layla was looking forward to that day more than I was. Everyone in my family was excited.
Except me.
“Riiiight.” Kin drew the word out for a long moment before going on. “So, yeah…After graduation and all the family pictures and hugs and the crying, Angie and Jace have a huge party planned for us.”
My entire body went still. This was the first time I was hearing about a party. Not that I would be opposed to drinking myself numb and having a good time, but it was the possibility of who would be attending this party. Especially if Jace St. Charles was co-hosting it. I was happy that Kin and Jace were together and holding strong in a relationship that never should have had any bumps in the road to begin with, but Jace was his best friend and I knew that he wouldn’t leave said friend out.
“Kin…”
“I know what you’re going to say, Lu. I understand, but…” She muttered a curse. “Harris is my friend, too. I would really like for him to come.”
Hearing his name was like being shot in the chest with a high powered rifle. I’d avoided all things concerning Harris for months now. At least I’d tried. No one spoke his name. No one offered information about how he was doing. The few times I had gotten bits and pieces of what was going on in his life I’d been left with new wounds in my soul.
The pain exploded and radiated through my entire body. I clenched my eyes shut, hoping to block out the picture that instantly came to mind of the guy who had been my everything and was now my nothing. It was no use, though. The picture would have come even if I’d kept my eyes open. He was too much a part of me for it not to.
I swallowed the lump that had instantly filled my throat. “Okay, Kin.”
“Okay?” She sounded surprised that I was giving in so easily. “Really?”
“Yeah. Really.” I started putting my books into my messenger bag. I didn’t have a class for another twenty minutes, but since I had an exam I wanted to get there early and get settled. “I have to go, Kin. Wish me luck on this stupid exam.”
“Good luck, babe. I’ll see you Friday.” There was a small pause. “And, Lu?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
I bit my lip and quickly hung up before I started crying. The human body wasn’t made to cry as much and for as long as I’d been crying. It felt like I hadn’t stopped since my birthday back in January and it was now nearly the end of May. I’d lost so much bodily fluids that it was a wonder I wasn’t constantly dehydrated.
I didn’t have to see Marcus to know he was behind me as I walked to my next class. I could feel his presence, welcomed it. Knowing he was there made it just a little easier to breathe. To get through the day-to-day things that I had to deal with so I could fall into bed each night and cry myself to sleep.
My sister kept saying it would get easier. That it had for her and that was why she had wanted me to go away for the spring semester as much as my parents had. There had been nights when all I wanted to do was call and scream at her that she was a liar. It hadn’t gotten easier for me. Nothing had gotten easier, damn it. If anything it was harder to force myself out of bed every morning.
Time didn’t ease a broken heart. At least it hadn’t for mine. The shattered parts hadn’t been miraculously put back together with the distance I’d put between myself and SoCal. I walked around with a gaping hole in my chest that was slowly killing me.
Before I could reach my class, my phone started going off. I didn’t have to look at the screen to know who it was. The ringtone was a soothing classical lullaby that brought me what little peace I’d fought to find. Without pausing, I pulled my phone out of the messenger bag and hit connect. “Hey.”
“Two more exams and your first semester is all over,” she said with a happy note in her voice. “You’re going to do great, baby.”
“Thanks, Aunt Emmie.”
“Your flight information is in your email. Kin is picking you and Marcus up, right?” She didn’t sound distracted, but I could picture her multitasking in her office in L.A.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“Okay. Are you sure I can’t steal you away for a quick dinner or something after graduation?”
“You get me the day after graduation,” I reminded her. “I’ll be there for a few days before we leave for vacation.”
My parents were taking me and the twins to Florida for a few weeks. It would give us all time to catch up before I returned to Georgetown for the six-week summer semester. I was looking forward to getting to hang out with my little brothers and spend time with my parents, but at the same time I was dreading it.
“But I miss you,” she muttered, the pout in her voice coming through loud and clear.
“I miss you too. I promise we can have a day just for us before we leave.”
“Okay.” She was quick to jump on my promise. “I’ll make plans for us. Now…” I grimaced at her change of tone because I knew what was going to follow. “I finally got your credit card statement this morning. Why were you at a Med Express two months ago?”
I didn’t even blink at her question. I’d known it would come when she saw my statement, and I’d prepared myself for her inquisition. “I had a bug. Half the campus is still fighting it.”
“I wish you would’ve told me you were sick. I would’ve sent you a care package.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing what her care packages included. Soup from one of the best restaurant in D.C., a shipment of some of my favorite books from Amazon, and enough meds to see ten college students through a flu epidemic. Emmie Armstrong was just as overprotective as my parents were and I loved her for it.
When she wasn’t driving me crazy.
“I didn’t want to bother you,” I told her as I paused to open the door to the English department and stepped into the air-conditioned building.
Aunt Emmie made a disapproving noise. “You couldn’t possibly bother me even if you tried. I love you, baby. If you need anything you know I’m just a phone call away.”
I lowered my eyes, watching my feet as I took each step toward my class. “I know,” I murmured. “I-I love you too, Aunt Em.”
“Okay. Glad we got that covered. I’m going to let you go. Can’t wait to see you on Sunday, Lu. I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.”
Why was everyone trying to make me cry? I swallowed the lump that was forming and cleared my throat. “Thanks, Aunt Em. See you soon.”
Hitting disconnect before she could say anything else that would have the tears flowing, I turned off the phone and stuffed it at the bottom of my messenger bag. Reaching out, I pulled open the door that led into my class and my eyes landed on the leather band on my wrist. I didn’t want to think about the lie I’d just told my aunt, or what was under the leather bracelet I’d gotten to cover up my tattoo.
Clenching my jaw, I focused my attention on finding a seat and took out my textbook to review a little more before the exam started.