- Gemma -
hat guy is totally checking you out,” Jeanie said, nodding over my shoulder.
I looked towards the bar. “Which guy?”
“The one on the end,” she said. “In the Cubs hat.”
His eyes were mostly hidden by the shadow of his cap, but it did appear that he was unusually conscious of our general direction as he spoke with his bearded friend. Unfortunately, every male on Earth seemed a painful reminder of Alex, as if I’d been cursed to see nothing but him in the eyes of every man I came across.
“He’s cute, don’t you think?” Her eyes strayed back over.
“Maybe you should go talk to him.”
She groaned.
“What?”
“We’re supposed to be celebrating, and you’re acting like a wet rag.”
“I am not.”
She dropped her chin and stared at me.
“Okay, maybe I’m not as cheery as you’d like, but I warned you before you dragged me out.”
She took a swig of her Coors and set it down. “Why don’t you read me the email again?”
“I know what you’re up to,” I said. “You’re trying to cheer me up.”
“Can you blame me?”
“I’m fine,” I said, sliding my butt back in the booth. “I don’t need cheering up. I need sleep.”
She pulled her best puppy dog eyes. “Last time, I swear.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I promise.”
I squinted at her.
“Hey,” she said, raising her palms. “It’s not every day my bestie gets a big deal endorsement. Excuse me for being excited about the free merch I’m about to score.”
I rolled my eyes and pulled my phone out. “Fine, but I’m only doing it to shut you up.”
She folded her arms on the table and leaned forward.
I noticed that I didn’t have any missed calls from Alex, which was odd. Had he given up on me? I knew I’d been giving him nothing but the cold shoulder, but I still wanted him to fight for my forgiveness. Especially since I was starting to think I might be ready to grant it. I clicked the icon for my email and cleared my throat, “Dear Ms. Ryan,” I began.
Jeanie scooted closer to me in the booth. “Louder, please.”
I shot her a look.
“What? It’s noisy in here.”
“Dear Ms. Ryan,” I said again. “Congratulations on reaching 20,000 YouTube subscribers, which is no small feat in a category as competitive as personal fitness. We here at YoBuddha would like to send you a parcel of free merchandise, including workout clothes and a yoga mat for you to test. If you enjoy our products, we would be interested in discussing a mutually beneficial partnership in which we would both sponsor your video production and provide merchandise for you to gift your subscribers on special occasions. If you’re interested, please respond with your mailing address so we can get our best-selling items to you as soon as possible. Sincerely, Nina.”
Jeanie was beaming when I looked up. “Admit that feels good.”
“It’s better than a poke in the eye.”
“Well, I think it’s awesome. I might even subscribe to your channel now that I know what a big deal you are.”
My eyes grew wide. “You aren’t subscribed to my channel?”
“It’s not personal,” she said. “I just rarely lift anything besides a fork.”
“Or a beer,” I said as she took a swig.
“True,” she said, eyeing her flimsy bicep. “Now that you mention it, I should be ripped by now.”
I laughed. “If lifting beers got people ripped, my job would be infinitely more fun.”
“Speaking of which,” she said. “How are things going? I haven’t had a chance to say two words to you all week.”
“I know, sorry. I’ve just been so busy trying to roll out the new program. When I got involved, I had no idea they wanted me to go to all the gyms and explain it myself.”
“You are the woman for the job, though.”
“Somebody thinks so anyway.”
“Are you enjoying it?”
“I am, yeah. It’s cool to see a whole new side of the business, ya know? I was so fixated on the Glenview location before that I forgot there was a much bigger organization working behind the scenes.”
“How much longer is the initial roll-out going to take?” she asked.
“Maybe two more weeks? After that things should be back to normal.”
“Whatever that means.”
I scoffed and took a swig of my beer.
“Any word from Alex on your progress or…?”
“Not really.”
She twisted her lips.
“That’s not a complaint, though,” I lied. “I’m the one who told him to leave me alone.”
“Yeah. I still don’t get why you did that.”
I scowled at her. “Yes you do.”
“If you say so.”
“C’mon, Jeanie. I need your support on this.”
“On what? Wrecking the first good relationship you’ve had with a man ever?”
I cocked my head.
“On walking away from the best sex of your life?”
“Jeanie—”
She held up her palms. “Those were your words, not mine.”
I cringed. “Did I really say that?”
“You sure did, and not just to me.”
I let my head fall back. “How hard were you listening through that wall?”
“Not hard.”
I squinted at her. “I don’t believe you.”
“You can believe whatever you want.”
“What the hell do you expect from me?” I asked. “You want me to say I fucked up? That I miss him?”
“Do you?”
I groaned.
“I can’t be there for you if you’re not honest with me.”
“I don’t see what difference it makes,” I said. “It’s not like there’s anything you can do about it.”
“Just admit you miss him,” she said. “Unless you don’t.”
I ran a hand through my hair.
“Just be honest once, and I swear I’ll never mention it again.”
“Fine.”
“Fine what?”
“I miss him, okay? I’ve been desperate to convince myself otherwise, but ever since we stopped…seeing each other or whatever we were doing…it feels like I’m looking at everything through dishwater-colored glasses.”
Her almond eyes turned down at the edges.
“There. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted? For me to admit I’ve made a terrible mistake?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” she said, pulling a card out of her bag. “All that matters is what you want.”
“What’s that?” I asked, staring at my name on the outside.
“It’s a note.”
“I see that,” I said, not reaching for it.
“It’s from Alex.”
I furrowed my brow.
“I know I shouldn’t have read it, but it wasn’t in an envelope or anything, and it was shoved under my front door so—”
“What does it say?”
“Read it,” she said, sliding it towards me.
“Just tell me.”
“I don’t know what it says.”
“You just said you read it!”
“He wants to see you.”
I snatched the card and opened it, my eyes scanning his childish scrawl.
“I’ve been holding on to it for two days,” she said. “Trying to figure out whether I should give it to you, whether you even wanted to hear from him.”
“He wants to see me.” My heart floated up in my chest.
“I know.”
I glanced at his writing again, feeling closer to him just from holding something he’d held so recently. “He wants to make me dinner.”
“Saturday, I know.”
I glared at her. “You are so busted for reading my mail.”
“I know, but it was too easy. I mean, no envelope? It’s almost like he wanted to make sure you couldn’t just throw it away.”
“What do you think I should do?”
She shrugged. “You have to eat anyway.”
“True,” I said, glancing back at the note. “But what if he hurts me again?”
“Then you’ll survive,” she said. “God knows you’ve been hurt before.”
I nodded and searched her eyes.
“In my opinion, though, that’s not the question you need to ask yourself right now.”
I raised my eyebrows. “No?”
“The more interesting question,” she said, “is what if he wants to make you happy beyond your wildest dreams?”