Chapter 22

 

 

 

 

I started the coffee, went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before calling Drew back. I know, I shouldn’t have been calling either one of them, but I couldn’t help myself. I missed him. I walked out to the deck with my coffee and cell phone.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Drew answered.

“Hey,” I smiled.

“So? What do you think?”

“You already know what I think. It’s amazing. I can’t wait to take off in it.”

“I knew you would love it. When are you leaving?”

“I was going to wait until Friday, but I think I need to go now.”

“I met your boyfriend last night,” he stated.

“Yeah, I heard. I’m kind of stunned by that. I would have loved to have been a fly on the dash of that car.”

“It’s fucking dark in Maine. I mean spooky ass dark. I was scared shitless. I was thankful to take the ride offer.”

I laughed. I could just see Drew walking down my road looking over his shoulder for something to jump out at him.

“Where did you go?” I asked.

“To the airport. So let me guess. He came right to your house as soon as he dropped me off, didn’t he?”

I ran my fingers through my long hair and looked up to the sun with closed eyes. Of course, we were going to go there. I give the fuck up. “Yeah, he stopped by,” I tried.

“Did he spend the night or just stop by?”

“Does it really matter? You told me that you were going to step out of the picture so that I could see if it were him that I wanted. How am I supposed to do that if I’m not around him?”

“So he did spend the night. You fucked him too, didn’t you?”

“Really, Drew?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I won’t bother you anymore. You drive safe, okay.”

“Drew,” was all that I was able to get out before I heard the silence and looked to see his name blinking on my phone.

Fuck…

I wasn’t going to have to worry about choosing. They were both pissed off now. Fine, I was better off. I could go anywhere I wanted to go. I wouldn’t live in Misty Bay or Vegas. They could both go to hell.

I went straight to my room, packed a bag, and got into my new car and headed south. I stopped at the coffee shop, had a cup of coffee and pastry with Starlight before heading out.

“I wish there was something that I could do to help. I hate it that you are going through this, Ry,” Star said, sympathetically.

“I’ll be fine, Star. I have had a life that tends to make you pretty strong. I’ll get through it, one way or another.”

Star hugged me and told me that if I needed anything to call.

I put in the address for Rodanthe, North Carolina. I didn’t even groan when the robotic voice told me that I would be driving for almost fifteen hours. I was actually looking forward to it. I hoped that neither Drew nor Dawson called. I listened to Lauren and Levi on my satellite radio all the way until they signed off, and then changed it to an oldies rock station. It brought back memories of living in West Virginia.

 I thought about my cousins that I hadn’t seen in years, my dad, who wasn’t my dad after all, and my grandma who passed away when I was only sixteen. I thought about my friends from school, which was really only Julie Waybright. She was as poor as me, and was just as much of an outcast. She got herself pregnant when she was fifteen and had two kids living on welfare by the time she was eighteen. I wondered how she was, and hoped that she wasn’t another statistic, popping out kids and living with an alcoholic.

For some stupid reason, I reprogrammed my GPS and headed right to my old hometown. I wasn’t sure why. It was going to add eight hours to my destination, but what the hell. I had time. I wouldn’t stay. I just wanted to drive through, just for old times’ sake, not that the old times were pleasant but still.

I stopped and got a hotel in New York around nine at night, taking a pizza with me. I know I said that I hoped that Drew or Dawson didn’t call, but I was surprised that either of them hadn’t. Weren’t they worried about me or wondered where I was? Of course, they both did think that I wasn’t leaving until the next day. I still couldn’t believe that one of them hadn’t called. They didn’t, and when I checked my phone at seven the next morning, there was nothing from either of them. I know, I know, that’s what I wanted. Whatever.

It only took me four hours to make it to my old roots. Not a lot had changed. It looked as poor and rundown as it had the day I was forced to leave. It almost made me happy that Drew had bought me. I bought me. I laughed, saying that out loud. I turned down the old dirt road to the trailer. It was abandoned. The aluminum had been ripped off, probably for scrap, and the windows were all broken out. I’m not sure why, but I parked my expensive car in the drive. I looked around, nervously. This wasn’t the place for a female in a fancy car to be poking around. The closest house was barely visible from our old trailer. I didn’t see anything that warned me not to go in, so I got out, locked the door with the two beeps, and walked up the old steps.

“Fuck,” I called out when my foot went through the rotten plywood on the little porch. It hurt. I felt the burn up my calf from the wood scrape. Of course, my shoe had to fall underneath when I tried to pull it out of the hole. That should have been enough of a warning to get back in my car and get the hell out of there, but determined me had to go in. Once I retrieved my shoe, I walked along the edge of the porch so I didn’t fall through again.

I pushed the door. It was hard to push because it was weathered and warped. It looked like some local kids had been using it for a party pad, but not recently, I didn’t think. There were ashtrays running over, beer bottles, liquor bottles, decomposed food, and empty packs of condoms strung about.

The same table, couch, and wood stove were still there from when I had lived there. I walked into the kitchen and opened the cabinets. Our mismatched dishes were still in the cupboards. It was like my dad had just left and left everything behind. I wondered where he was. Did he die? Did he move? I walked back to mine and Justin’s bedroom, and it too still had the same old mattress thrown on the floor. My old dresser that wasn’t much of a dresser when I used it was still in the corner. I got excited when I saw it.

A couple of days before I was to leave with Drew Kelley, I placed a square tin in the back, underneath the bottom drawer. It was one of those tins that you get cookies in at Christmas. I think the local church had dropped it off for my brother and me one year. I slid the dresser out and screamed to the top of my lungs. A hiding cat jumped out with a squeal and darted right under my legs out the door.

Jesus H Christ…

My heart was now beating out of my chest. I swear it was. I held my hand on the corner of the nasty old dresser and held my chest, trying to regain my bearings. What the hell was I doing there? I pulled the thin sheet of wood from behind the dresser and there it was, just where I had left it. I picked it up and beat it on top of the dresser to knock the mice shit off of it.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“AWWWW,” I let out a blood curdling scream. There went my heart again. I turned to see a big burly man with a beard clear down his chest. His head was wrapped in a rebel flag do-wrap, and I could tell that he had long hair in a ponytail hanging down his back. His arms were covered in raunchy girl tattoos that were clearly unprofessional.

“Bobby?” I asked.

“Morgan?” my first cousin, Bobby, said, and then grabbed me up into a big bear hug.

“Where the hell you been, chica?” he asked, grinning his missing teeth smile.

“Oh, around,” I replied. “How the hell are you? You grew up,” I stated. Bobbie must have been about fifteen when I had left. He was a scrawny little, pimple face kid the last time I had seen him.

“Is that your fancy ass car out there?”

“No. I just borrowed it for a few days. I drive a 1993 piece of shit.” It wasn’t a complete lie, and with my cut off jean shorts and my ace of spades t-shirt, I thought that I could pull it off.

“It’s sweet as hell,” he exclaimed. “How long you in town for?”

“Just passing through, I’m not sure why I even came here to tell you the truth.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” he smiled.

I talked to my cousin who really was no relation at all now that I knew that my dad wasn’t my dad, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. I hadn’t been around him in years. I didn’t trust him at all. We walked around the trailer poking around. There wasn’t really anything there that I wanted. It was all pretty much trash. I did find a couple of pictures that had seen their better day. I took them and placed them on top of my tin box. I didn’t open the box yet. I decided to wait until I was alone for that. I really couldn’t even remember what was in it.

“Do you know where my dad is Bobby?” I asked, plundering through a drawer in my parent’s room. There was nothing there, some old bills, a penknife, and a container of KY.

“He lives in town now, over top of the laundromat. He married Connie Patterson, you remember her?”

“Yeah, she worked with my mom,” I replied. I knew exactly who she was. She was a truck stop whore. She’d broken the record for the most times being in the bunk of a semi-truck.

“Where’s your mama?”

“She lives in North Carolina now. I don’t talk to her much anymore.” That wasn’t a complete lie either. Okay, I was a liar.

“You gonna go see your pop?” Bobbie asked.

Fuck no… bastard sold me.

“Nah, we didn’t really split on good terms,” I smiled.

Bobby walked me out to my car, carrying my treasures.

“You sure you don’t want to stay the night. We’ll probably end up over at Booner’s later on.”

I had no clue who Booner even was, and there was no way in hell I was staying there to find out.

“I’m meeting a friend. I can’t, but thanks for the offer. It was good seeing you.”

Please don’t hug me.

“You come back and see me now, hear?” Bobby said with a big, brawny hug.

“I will. You take care.”

I had decided before I backed out of my old drive that I wouldn’t go all the way that day. I didn’t think I would go far at all. I felt dirty, and was kind of grossed out from walking around my abandoned, childhood home. My head itched, too. I knew I was just being paranoid, but I wanted a shower. I was hungry and wasn’t about to touch food until I could bathe.

I drove for eight hours. Not what I had planned on doing at all. I was so hungry I almost perished. I drove all the way to Point Harbor. All I needed to do was take the ferry to I-165, and I would be at my mother’s. I got a room at a rather expensive hotel. There was no reason for it to be that expensive, except for the fact that it was a tourist trap. I knew I didn’t need to be concerned with a hundred and seventy five dollars. I could drop that all day long and never put a dent in how much money I had. That part would probably never change. When you grow up on dented cans of donated baked beans, you tend to ration a little.

I used lots of antibacterial soap and washed the nastiness away from the tin. I smiled remembering the scene on the top and around the sides. I had sat on the couch with Justin when he was probably three or so. We were alone and trying to stay warm. We sat on the couch and ate the stale cookies as we observed the Norman Rockwell painting.

“And we’ll live in this house, and play in the barn, and walk along the dirt road by the stream.”

“And go pishen in dat pond,” Justin explained, pointing his little finger to the painted pond.

I smiled running my fingers over the scene, the scene that his little fingers had touched. I could hear his little voice as plain as day. God, I missed that little man. I still hadn’t opened the tin, and decided to shower and find some food before I really did perish.

I walked along the sidewalks and tourist trap vendors. I laughed when I saw the abundant amount of jewelry hanging from hooks from one of the street vendors. It was necklaces, bracelets, key chains; you name it, and anything that could be hung from a chain, this guy had it.

“Would you like a cheap piece of history,” the guy asked.

“History?” I smirked.

“The finest sea glass around,” he smiled.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to do it. “Buddy, there is not one thing here that is real sea glass.”

His expression changed. He knew that I knew my shit. “Well, it was found on the beach,” he assured me.

“Yeah, from a spring break party maybe,” I replied, and kept walking. I heard him ask the next naïve lady the same question. I looked over my shoulder and smiled, shaking my head when the lady pulled out her wallet.

Stupid lady.

I had the best shrimp and lobster I ever had in my life, sitting at a quay restaurant. I loved the ocean. I decided at that moment, wherever I ended up; it was going to be by the ocean. The ocean and I had become friends. We had an understanding, a bond that in some way counseled me. The sea was full of emotion. The ocean knew my moods. It could hate, love, it knew my dreams, my fears, my happiness. I told the ocean more secrets than I had ever told anyone in my life, without a word spoken, and it understood.

It was still pretty early, and I wasn’t tired at all. I should have been after a long drive and the roller coaster ride from going back to my old roots, maybe I was tired and had too much on my mind to relax. I still hadn’t opened my time capsule. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for. I knew there wasn’t anything worth a damn in it. I still couldn’t believe that neither one of my men had called to check on me. I hadn’t talked to either one of them in two days.

I had to pry the tin lid off because it was so rusted around the edges. I broke a nail in the process. That pissed me off.

Mother fucker…

The first thing I saw brought a happy smile to my face. It was a faded green Christmas tree, cut from construction paper. Justin made it in kindergarten. It didn’t say, I love mommy, or I love daddy. It said I love my sissy. I held my finger through the red piece of yarn. I then took out the love letter from Polecat. That wasn’t his real name. His real name was Billy Sweeny. It seemed like everyone in the hills had a stupid nickname. It was dumb. I used to think that I was in love with Polecat. He was a tough guy, always in fights and drinking beer. He got his first amateur tattoo when he was only thirteen.

I read about two lines of the childish love note and tossed it to the paper can. A week after he wrote it, he broke up with me to go out with Missy Glass. She put out. I didn’t. I picked up the picture of my Grandma Joyce next. She was sitting on her porch, where I picture her the most. She always sat on that porch, rocking for hours.

I picked up the tarnished, cross necklace next. It had been a gift from my grandma. I think it was for my birthday or maybe Christmas. I was sure that it came from Avon. I used to sit on her porch and circle all the things that I wanted from the little catalogue. I had three tarnished rings, as well. I remember thinking how rich I felt when I had worn my little pink diamond to school, showing it off to my other poor friends. I kept the Christmas tree, the cheap jewelry, the two dollar bill, the picture of my grandma, and the newspaper obituary from Grandma Joyce. The rest I left in the tin and tossed it to the paper can. 

I lay in bed, thinking about reconnecting with my mother. I should have kept my mind on that. I thought about how I would feel when I saw her. I was angry, and carried a lot of bitterness, not that I wasn’t grateful for getting away from that hell hole. She sold me, just like my dad had. She let the almighty dollar come before her own flesh and blood. How could she just go off and start another family when she left us behind. Why didn’t she take us with her? I already knew the answer to that. Randal Callaway was going to make sure that she disappeared. Money does talk, no matter who it hurts.

Thoughts of Dawson and Drew were next, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do about them. Maybe I really did need to start thinking about moving on without either of them, but I loved them. I loved both of them. Could I ever love like that again? I just had to go and think about having sex on the peak with Drew. I moved my hand to the small of my back. The bruise still felt a little sore when I pressed on it. I could almost feel him entering me as I closed my eyes and visualized our love making on top of the world. Of course, my vagina had to go and stick her nose in it too. I felt the throbbing between my legs.

I knew my body and my betraying female parts all too well. It wasn’t going to shut the hell up until I gave it what it wanted. I moved my fingers between my wet folds. Talk about being fucked up. My mind went from Drew to Dawson. They were both fucking me as my fingers pleased my aching core. Dawson was on his back. I was on my hands and knees with Dawson in my mouth, and Drew was giving it to me up the ass. Maybe I did need therapy. I writhed beneath my fingers, frantically bringing myself to a much needed orgasm, shaking my head in disbelief at myself as I came down.

 

 

 

<><><> 

 

It was a very hot summer day. I was sticky from walking from my room to my car. I wore a sundress which let the ocean breeze braze my skin.

 I was starting to get nervous as I drove to the ferry that would take me to my mother. What if she didn’t want to see me? What if she told me to leave? What if her new family didn’t know about me? It didn’t matter. I had to do this. This was one of those parts of my life that would never be laid to rest if I didn’t. I wouldn’t stay long, just long enough to give her my two cents of what I thought about her and what she had done.

I stood outside my car and watched the waves swirl around the ferry as we crossed the bay. I was running on pure adrenaline, and my stomach was in knots. I realized that I had forgotten to go down to the continental breakfast like I had planned. Why the hell did I always forget to eat when I was anxious? 

It took almost forty-five minutes to reach the dock, and then another forty-five from Kitty Hawk to Rodanthe.

“Shut the hell up,” I yelled at the robotic GPS as I waited my turn to drive my car off the ferry. “If I turn right, you’re fucking going swimming,” I spoke to the car. I knew it was nerves.

The forty-five minute drive took five minutes. I swear I was there five minutes after I had gotten off the ferry. The road that I was driving on was something that you had to experience to even know what I’m talking about. I had the ocean on both sides of me. It was almost surreal, and I felt as if the ocean was carrying me. I just wasn’t sure what it was carrying me to. The ocean was its own god, its own boss. Nobody manipulated the ocean, and it could bring you the utmost peace or your worse wrath. I just hoped that we had gained enough respect from each other that it was taking me to a happy place and not the vehemence that was terrifying me as I drove over the top of it.

The gray beach house was beautiful with decks sticking out from all sides and angles. It was massive, almost as big as the mansion in Las Vegas. It was pretty secluded, and I could barely even see the closest house to it. I hated the house. I felt like it took the place of me and my little brother. It did.

I parked and walked up to the massive deck in the back of the house. I knocked on the door with my knees knocking louder, underneath my pale yellow sundress. Nobody came. I realized that I was supposed to open the door and walk into the lobby. I did, and stopped at the desk and rang the little bell on the counter.

Breathe, Morgan, breathe…

A nice looking middle-aged man walked out drying his hands on a white dish towel. He smiled at me.

“Morgan?” he asked.

I frowned. Who the hell was this guy, and how the hell did he know my name.

“Do I know you?” I managed to get out.

“No, you don’t. I’m Jason, your mother’s husband,” he offered with his hand.

I cautiously took his hand. She talked about me. He knew who I was. I wasn’t expecting this. I was expecting to hear that she never told him about me or Justin. How did he know from looking at me who I was? She must have pictures. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t speak. I was speechless. No words would come out.

“You have no idea how happy you’re going to make your mother.” He smiled.

“Is she here?” I managed.

“No, she had to take Caroline to the dentist this morning. She won’t be long. Are you hungry? We were just getting ready to have brunch. Would you join me?”

“Sure.” What else was I going to do? Sit outside and wait for her?

He led me to the front deck facing the ocean. There were two families, three other couples, and two tables with pairs of women. We sat at a table, and a lady wearing shorts with a palm tree on the right leg asked what we would like to drink. I’m not sure why I noticed the palm tree or why it was even significant. I just noticed. I asked for coffee. I hadn’t had any yet. Jason got an iced tea.

“How did you know who I was?” I asked Jason. He smiled.

“I will show you after we eat,” he answered.

We didn’t talk about anything personal. Jason explained life at the beach house. He told me that they had eight rooms and were booked most of the year. He explained that they closed up for four weeks every year, two in the winter to celebrate the holidays without company, and two in late summer to vacation by themselves. I guessed that you would have to do that to keep your sanity, working where you lived twenty-four seven.

I had a delicious Reuben on toasted French bread with Jason. I hate to say it, but I liked him. He talked about seven-year-old Caroline. He was a proud pop, and I envied the little girl who had a family, a real family.

“She looks a lot like you,” he said. “You can definitely tell that you two are sisters.”

Sisters…

I hadn’t thought about her like that, but she wasn’t my real sister. We had different dads. Wait. Justin and I had different dads, and I couldn’t imagine loving him anymore. That wasn’t fair to Caroline.

Jason led me back into the house, and to a side of the house that I was sure was off limits to the guests. It was its own little house inside of a house. There was a small living room, opened to an eat-in kitchen with a small table. There were three other doors that I presumed were bedrooms and probably a bathroom. I was mesmerized when I looked around at the wall of fame. The whole wall was plastered with pictures of not only Caroline, but Justin and me, as well.

I watched my little brother grow up in pictures on the wall. I brushed my finger over one of him sitting in front of a birthday cake with seven candles and a happy, toothless smile. It made me smile, but made me wonder, as well. Every last picture of me on the wall lied. If you didn’t know it, you would have thought that I too was the happiest girl on earth. Most of the pictures of me were when I was all fancied up and at one of Drew’s functions. There were several of the two of us, and the one that I thought that I looked beautiful in brought back the after party memory. I had stayed locked in the empty gym, eating fruit, naked for three days.

I felt a little better when I moved to the next picture of Justin. He was just a little guy and riding on the shoulders of a man whom I presumed to be his dad. He was happy and the beautiful woman pushing him on the swing in the next one must have been his new mother.

“Morgan?” I heard my mother say. I knew that voice before I ever turned around. My heart took a plummet right to my stomach.

I cautiously turned to see her holding the hand of a seven-year-old mini me. I again was speechless and couldn’t think of one Goddamn word to say. She let go of Caroline’s hand and embraced me. She cried. She really cried. She did miss me and probably thought about me more than I had thought.

“Oh, my God, baby. I can’t believe that you’re here.”

Baby? She never called me baby.

“Yeah.” That was it. That was the only word that I could think of.

My mom let go of me and walked back to Caroline. She squatted to her level and held her hand out for me to come.

“Caroline, do you know who this is?” she asked as she took my hand. I squatted too. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

“My sister.” She smiled. I held out my hand and took her little hand into mine. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said.

I shook her little hand and smiled. “It’s very nice to meet you too, Caroline.” I fucking loved the kid, right off the bat. I fucking loved the little girl that I hated and resented just five minutes earlier.

“Come on kiddo, let’s go batten down the hatches,” Jason said to Caroline, wanting to give us some time.

“There’s a big storm coming,” Caroline informed me.

I only smiled. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I suddenly had no words in my brain.

Jason kissed my mom before taking Caroline’s hand and leaving us alone. She was happy, and I was happy that she was happy. I’m not sure why. I hadn’t felt like that before I had gotten there. I hoped that she was miserable.

“Can you bring Morgan’s things in?” she asked, kissing him back as she hooked his fingers with hers.

What? I’m not staying…

“Sure thing. Can I have your keys?” he asked.

I gave him my keys.

“Do you want to take a walk?” my mother asked.

I shrugged. “Sure.”

This was strange. This was not the mother that I had grown up with for almost eighteen years. My mother was a loud mouth drunk with the vocabulary of a drunken sailor. This woman was soft spoken, well kept, and very loving. She was pretty with the same dark hair as mine, manicured nails, painted in a light pink to match the toes sticking out from her sandals. She looked healthy and in shape. My mother wore slutty clothes and didn’t keep herself up at all.

She held my hand as we walked along the beach. We both laughed when we slid out of our shoes at the same time. We walked out to the end of the pier and sat down with our arms over the railing and our feet dangling from the side.

“You can ask me anything that you want Morgan. I’m sure that you have a million questions,” she started.

I couldn’t hate her. I just couldn’t do it. I loved her, no matter what she had done. I loved her, dammit.

“I want to know about my real dad. How did you meet a rich man from Vegas in the hills of West Virginia?”

My mom took a deep breath. “I had just married your dad. We had been trying to get pregnant for about four months.” She laughed. “I wanted to have a baby so that I could get a monthly state check, like everyone else. It just didn’t happen. He decided to take off for the summer and follow the carnival across the south side of the United States. Michael was there on business, something about some diamonds that had been found while mining coal. I don’t know a lot about that because he had told me that it was all hush hush, and he was there to retrieve them before anyone caught wind of the outrageous find.

“He was so young and good looking. He made me want out of there and make a better life for myself. I always knew that he wouldn’t be my knight in shining armor and be the one to save me, but nonetheless I dreamt about it. I fell head over heels in love with Michael. We spent the entire two weeks that he was there together. We spent it in Charleston of course, in some fancy hotel. He wasn’t the type to stay in the rent by the hour hotel back home. When your dad got tired of being a carney and came home after three months, I was almost two months pregnant.”

“He beat the hell out of me but never told anyone that you belonged to another man. He would throw it up to me occasionally, but no one else knew.”

“How did Michael find out about me?” I asked.

“He came back six years later for the same reason. That find didn’t turn out to be the gold mine that he had hoped for. They were just some sort of crystals that weren’t worth much. I was still waitressing at the truck stop. I spent the night with him and told him about you.” She snorted. “I was hoping that he would take us away from there. He didn’t, and he was gone before I woke up the next morning.”

“I still don’t understand. How did you end up here? How did my little brother end up adopted by a family in Vegas? How did I end up married to a man that I didn’t even know?” I asked, not taking a breath from the never-ending questions.

“Is he good to you, Morgan?” she asked, moving my hair from the front of my shoulder to the back.

“Yes. He is very good to me,” I said. That wasn’t a lie. He was good to me. It just wasn’t always like that. What was I supposed to do, tell her that he took me to be his lawfully fuckable sex mate? To fuck and to suck in various positions until his orgasm do we part? I had a good feeling that she had been through a lot herself, and this was harder for her than I had originally thought.

She smiled, content with my answer. “Mr. Callaway showed up at the truck stop when you were close to eighteen. He had a whole slew of pictures from a private investigator that had been spying on me. He made me feel like a piece of shit when he showed me the pictures of the trailer back home and the living conditions that I allowed my children to live in. He had pictures of the church bringing in food, you in a thin worn coat, trying to pry frozen wood apart, Justin with the same clothes, three days in a row. I didn’t think I had a choice, Morgan. Please try to understand that I did this for you and Justin, not myself. I would have agreed had he not offered me one penny.”

“He explained that he never knew about you until Michael was on his deathbed. I knew that you were going to marry Drew Kelley. I knew that Justin was going to be adopted by Hillary and Peter Dunn. They had tried to have kids for years and were not able to. I knew he would have a good home, and you would never want for anything.”

I wanted for a lot of things, mostly love.

“But the welfare department came and took him away. I was there when they did,” I assured her, still not understanding.

“That was only temporary. Mr. Callaway arranged that until the paper work was complete. He wasn’t about to let him stay there. He didn’t want to take you until you graduated because you were so close. I could have stayed until then too, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being there without Justin and not being able to tell you what your future held.”

“Where did you get all of the pictures?” I asked.

“That was the deal. I would only agree to walk away quietly if I was insured that I would always know that you guys were okay. I have actually talked to Justin’s new mother. He was sick once, and she wanted to know about our family’s medical history.” My mom smiled. “She was so worried about him. They really do love him,” she added, happy of the fact. I smiled too, knowing that he was with a good family made me glad that things worked out the way that they had, if only for him.

“I like your hair better your natural color. Blonde just isn’t you,” my mom said, playing with my hair again.

I snickered. “I did that for Drew,” I replied. I did do it for him. I just didn’t have a say in the matter.

“Tell me about him,” she coaxed.

How was I supposed to do that? Oh, we have this amazing fucked up sex life.

“Well, he’s busy. He works a lot.” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t think of anything to tell her that wasn’t going to sound fucked up.

“So things are good with you two?”

I pondered for a second before speaking. “Not right at the moment. We are on a trial separation right now.”

“But you’re going to work it out, right?” she asked, almost desperately.

I shrugged my shoulders, and for the life of me, I don’t know why I had just blurted out the rest.

“I’m kind of in love with someone else.”

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “Are you still in love with Drew?”

“I’m so in love with Drew, I don’t know which way is up, but I’m in love with a simple sheriff with a simple life too.”

My mom smiled. “Life is a fucked up mess, Morgan, but it always seems to find a way to work itself out.”

I laughed at her choice of words. I knew I had picked up my foul mouth from her. I just didn’t normally say it out loud. It was normally during conversations within in my own mind.

“Tell me about Jason. I like him,” I said. She smiled. I could tell that she loved him.

“Jason is a good man and a good father. I wished that you and Justin would have had that.”

“I think Justin does have that,” I replied.

“Mr. Callaway let me choose anywhere in the world that I wanted to live. He told me to make it count because I was only getting one chance and would be cut off from his wallet. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I’d never even been out of the hills before. A week after our first meeting a man showed up with an envelope. Do you remember the man that I had left with the day that I told you goodbye?” she asked.

“Yes.” Of course, I remembered that. I had nightmares about it.

“Mr. Callaway had done some homework himself, and thought that this place would give me a fresh start, and I would be able to run a business here and be able to take care of myself. I loved the pictures and the thought of living on the beach. The problem was; I knew nothing about bookkeeping, taxes, or how to run a business. He hired Jason to work with me for a few months to get me started. He and I stayed in this huge house alone for three months. I think I fell in love with him the first night. Of course I thought he was way out of my league, and I didn’t have a chance,” she added. I could see how she felt that way. I felt that way about Drew. I didn’t think he could love a backyard hillbilly like me.

“Jason and I had so much fun together those first few weeks. I was upfront and honest with him from the beginning. He knew about you and Justin. I swear if he hadn’t been there during my many crying sprees I would have fed myself to the sharks.”

“I was so mad when Drew told me that you were married and had a new family. I felt like you forgot us,” I sadly told her how I felt.

“Oh, baby,” she said hugging me tight. “I have not gone one day without thinking about you both. We even have birthday cake for both of you every year,” she said into my hair.

“You do?” I asked, pulling away to look at her.

“Yes, we do. I know it’s silly, but I kind of like being silly. It makes me happy.”

“I’m happy for you, mom,” I said. I was happy for her. This wasn’t what I had in mind at all. It wasn’t even close. I had planned on coming there for all of ten minutes, giving her a piece of my mind and spinning my tires out of there so fast. I was glad that my plan failed. I was glad that she had Jason and Caroline. I was glad that she was happy.

“Caroline reminds me a lot of me,” I said with a smile.

“She reminds me of you every day,” my mom assured me. “She is so smart, sometimes too smart for her own good,” she added with a smile. “Guess what she loves,” my mom persuaded.

I shrugged my shoulders with a big smile. I was happy. I really was.

“Peanut butter and pickles,” she laughed.

 I laughed too. That was my favorite food growing up. “I haven’t had one of those in years,” I said.

“Oh, don’t worry. You will, just give it a day or two. How long are you staying?” she asked.

I shrugged again. “I don’t have a deadline. I can leave whenever I want. I was supposed to be using this time to figure out what to do with these two difficult men in my life, but so far, I’m still at square one.”

She smiled. “I hope it takes you a month,” she squealed, happy that I didn’t have to leave right away.