Amber
As I sat on my sleeping bag that night in the squat, small room with the other women, I started to think about how far underground we were, and how vulnerable that made us, trapped. I had to shake my head and blow out a deep breath.
“You okay?” asked Carmen, an Army woman from northern California.
Our room was dim. We kept a nightlight on in case we had to evacuate. Some of the women were sitting up, leaning against the wall with old books and crossword puzzles.
“Yeah,” I told her. “Just feels claustrophobic down here sometimes.”
“Right? We’re stuck underground while those bastards are enjoying our sunlight and fresh air.”
“Y’all don’t worry,” Shavontae spoke up from my other side. “Not too much longer until we’re outta here and we take back what’s ours.”
“Are you going on the run?” I asked her.
“No,” Shavontae said. We looked at Carmen, who nodded.
“Me too,” I told her. “I can’t believe there’s no other medic here.”
“All our doctors and nurses were officers,” Carmen explained. “They were the first to go when the Baelese did their first roundup, before we knew what the fuck was happening. But they were too hasty, and made a lot of people suspicious. Colonel Latham for one. He’s the one who got me and the others together afterward when we were sort of flailing, not knowing what to do. We were kicked off base, but couldn’t fly anywhere. Half of us were homeless without the barracks. It’s crazy how we let them take us by surprise. We just let them take over.”
“Same thing in Utah,” Shavontae said. “All the officers were suddenly gone, like poof. We thought the DRI were government officials, and we were taking orders.”
“Now we know,” I said. “And now we take it all back.”
“Hell, yeah,” called one of the women from across the room. All of us looked up, sharing nods of camaraderie.
Carmen stuck out her knuckles, and I bumped hers, then Shavontae’s. Then we snuggled down into our sleeping bags for the night.
I jolted awake, groggy, and looked up to see Shavontae moving stealthily across the room and out the door. It must’ve been three AM. Rendezvous time. Not my business. I closed my eyes and tried to relax until I fell asleep again, but it was hard, knowing other people were being intimate in the bunker right now, and Rylen felt a world away.
The next time I woke, my lady parts throbbed in pain, and a dream of epic sexy proportions still lingered in my memory—pretty sure I’d been riding Ry in the cockpit of a plane. Uuuugh. I squeezed my thighs together and rolled over, biting my bottom lip. Everyone around me was still asleep. It would have been beyond embarrassing if I’d woken the room by moaning.
I lay there now, wide awake, wondering how hard it would be to sneak into the men’s room, find Rylen, and wake him without waking any of the others. Then drag him to the closet and make him give me everything I needed. Again, uuuugh. Blue ovaries was a real thing.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
It took forever to go back to sleep after that, and I don’t think much time passed before I had to get up for the morning. It was always hard to tell the time when it was dark. No windows.
As I trudged to breakfast with Rylen at my side, smelling like warm sleep and hot man, I was grumpy.
We sat with our gluey oatmeal, which I gratefully choked down every morning, but this morning I picked at it.
“What’s wrong?” Ry asked.
I could have told him the truth, that I was the big H, and wanted to attack him, but I’d never been good at sharing anything even remotely personal. So, instead, I stabbed at the gray, gelatinous blob in front of me and muttered, “I really want some fucking coffee.”
They had none here. None.
Rylen’s hand landed on my thigh under the table, and a heat wave tore through my system, making me jump and then shiver as another throb of pain pulsed between my legs.
“Pep?”
Oh, crap. I think he’d called my name once already while I was in my sensual trance.
“I’m fine,” I said. I felt him looking at me, so I looked at him too. His eyes drifted down to my bowl.
“Eat it all,” he said gently. And I knew I had to. We didn’t get much food, and our bodies needed every morsel. So I forced down the rest and drank my half cup of water.
“I did a lot of thinking last night,” he said when I finished.
My eyes flicked to him. Thinking about what? What position he would have me in the first chance he got?
“It would be best if you stay with the vehicles when we attack.”
He was thinking of the pending takeover while I was pondering sex. Of course. I focused, shaking my head. “That wouldn’t make any sense—”
“We won’t leave anyone behind,” he assured me. “We’ll come get you as soon as the battle is over, and you can tend to the wounded then.”
“Ry, you heard what he said, that having me there could be the difference between life and death for someone.”
“Yes, but even if you’re outside, you’re still technically there. The mission is supposed to be a quick one. I’ll personally come out to get you as soon as it’s over.”
I felt the buzz of indignation under my skin. “I know you want to protect me, but that’s not fair to everyone. And what if you’re injured? I want to be there, to help to you right away. It’s not safe to wait.”
I don’t think either of us realized how much we’d been raising our voices until our crew around us started to stand and peace out, giving us worried backward glances. I let out a frustrated huff as I stood, gathering my dishes.
“Thanks, but I’m going in.”
“Amber!”
I walked away, more pissed off than I needed to be.
I’d lost everyone. There was no way I could sit back and let the only person I had left charge into danger while I stood safely to the side. We were in this together now, for better or worse. He needed to deal with it.