Joe
Chloe sleeps soundly next me, but I’ve been up for a while just watching her sleep like a creeper, but I can’t help myself. She’s just so fucking beautiful, and last night after the disaster that was Chris’s party, we watched a movie until I couldn’t stand it anymore and needed to be inside her.
She ended up riding me on the couch until she came hard, and then with my dick still buried inside her, I fucked her hard against the wall until I came so hard that I almost dropped her and blacked out. Round two happened in bed with her on her hands and knees and me with a tight grip on her hips. My poor baby passed right out after that.
I reach out and stroke her cheek, and she snuggles further into me. I want her to move in with me. Wow, I seriously want us to live together. Would she really move away from her family, though? They’re all extremely close, but I’m close to my family, too. Would I consider moving to Atlanta? I like working in a smaller police force. It’s pretty sweet working with my brother-in-law, and it sounds like eventually Care Bear’s husband will be working with us, too.
No, I’d have to consider it, moving. It would be extremely selfish of me to just expect her to move and not even consider doing it myself. I lean forward and kiss her softly on the lips before I slide slowly out of bed and throw on a pair of basketball shorts. I head out into the bathroom first, using it and brushing my teeth. Then in the kitchen, I make coffee and look through my cupboards.
I find some pancake mix and whip up a batch. While I’ve got them cooking, I slice up some strawberries. I’m flipping the first pancakes when I feel arms wrap around my middle. I rest my hand on top of hers. “Morning, baby. I was going to bring you breakfast in bed.”
“I woke up, and you weren’t there. Do you want some coffee?” I nod, and she grabs two mugs, filling them both and then handing me mine. She gets out the butter and syrup for the pancakes and grabs a couple sliced strawberries, popping one in her mouth before sticking one between my lips. I bend down and kiss her, and the sweet taste of the strawberries bursts on my tongue.
I plate our pancakes and carry them to the table. Chloe puts butter on hers, sprinkles sliced strawberries on top, and then drizzles syrup on them. “I’m probably going to head home before lunch time. I’ve got laundry to do, and I’ve got to get started on your sister’s necklace.” She looks down at her plate and then back up at me. “I don’t want to go.”
“I don’t want you to go, either.” I take a deep breath. “What if I said I wanted us to live together?”
Chloe doesn’t say anything at first, and I’m wondering if maybe she hates the idea. “Really? Would we live here or Atlanta?”
“I don’t know. I guess I figured if it was something that we both wanted that we could talk about it.”
“Can I have some time to think about it?”
“Of course. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you into anything. Take all the time you need.”
She gets up from her seat and comes around, climbing into my lap. “I really like the idea of waking up with you every day.”
It’s not long after breakfast that she packs her bag up, and I walk her out to her car to head home.
I open her door for her, kiss her, and then hug her before letting her get in. “Call me when you get home. Be careful, and I love you.”
“I will, and I love you too.” She gives me a wave as she pulls out of the parking lot of my complex. I watch as her car disappears from sight and feel a knot form in my chest. Did I jump too soon when I asked her about living together? Fuck, I hope not, because that’s the last thing I want to do. Scaring her off is not what I want.
I head back inside and clean up the breakfast dishes before going back to bed.
***
Chloe
My phone rings, and I don’t need to pick it up to know who it is. I know this past week I’ve kept conversations short or I’ve avoided answering his calls at all. It happened on my way home from staying with him last weekend.
Yes, Saturday night started out great and then went a little bad, but then it got really, really good. The day I went home, I had been shocked when Joe had asked me about living together, but I’d also been sublimely happy.
It was when I’d been halfway home that the fear had taken over. I’d pulled over at a gas station as I sat in my car hyperventilating. I’m not sure what triggered it, because I honestly want to live with him. Maybe it was because the only other man I had ever lived with had been Trevor, and he’d betrayed me over and over again.
I don’t think Joe would betray me, but what if he wanted someone his own age after a while? I’d be devastated, because the feelings I have for him are so much stronger than any I had for Trevor. Joe’s hot, and by the looks of his dad, he’s only going to get better looking with age. I’m going to age before he does. He won’t want that, right?
By the time I had gotten home, I had convinced myself that maybe I just needed to keep this casual. I tried to convince myself that I could turn off the feelings I had for him. Instead of calling him like he asked, I sent him a quick text that I was home. I then lied and said I was lying down for a nap so he wouldn’t call me.
I focused solely on my job, even avoiding my parents and my brother. They’d all suspect something was going on and would badger me until I finally told them, and then they would tell me I was stupid and I’d agree with them. At the jewelry store, I’ve been insanely busy since Hailey is still gone. I haven’t heard how she’s doing, but for her sake, I hope treatment is working.
Again, my phone rings and brings me out of my thoughts. I take a deep breath and pick it up. “Hey, you.”
“Why are you avoiding me?” He sounds upset. “Don’t tell me you’re not, because I’ve hardly talked to you. Did I scare you?”
“Maybe this is something we should talk about in person,” I tell him.
“Oh, we will.” I hear my front door open and move through my house to find Joe standing there.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I move toward him, but I stop because he’s not smiling. He’s wearing a troubled look, and his mouth is pinched tight. Butterflies take flight in my belly. My hands begin to tremble. Is he here to end things?
“What was it that freaked you out? Was it that I want us to live together? Is it because you can’t get past the fact that I slept with a lot of women before you? Tell me, because you looked pretty fucking happy when I said I wanted us to live together. What changed, baby? What’s got you spooked?”
“I’m older than you.” He rolls his eyes at me. “That may sound like a stupid reason now, but what about ten or fifteen years down the road? I’m going to show signs of aging before you. What if you wanted someone your own age, with fewer wrinkles and no gray hair? Then what am I left with?”
“Chloe, you’re reaching for stuff, and those are all what-ifs. Do I seem that superficial to you? I love you. I may only be twenty-four years old, but I know what I want, and it’s you. It seems like you’re just scared.” He moves toward me. “Baby, what is it?”
I shake my head because I can’t say what it is because I’m not really even sure I know. There’s just a clawing feeling in my gut and a paralyzing fear. Joe blows out a breath.
“Goddamn, Chloe, don’t do this. I love you. You love me.”
“I do love you. I just need to think about stuff.” I keep my hands clasped in front of me so I don’t touch him, because if I do, then…well, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“You need to think about stuff?” He sounds defeated, and that’s my fault. “Fine, I’ll go. Know this, if you want this to work, if you want this to go somewhere, then it’s up to you to make the next move, because I know what I want.” He moves toward me and kisses my forehead. “I hope I hear from you soon.”
Just like that, he’s gone. I sit down right there on the floor, and the tears begin to fall. Ragnar and Lagertha come out, and both silently curl up next to me, offering me their support. I look at them. “What did I do?”
They both give me answering “Meows.”
Later in the evening, I’m making myself a glass of chocolate milk when there’s a knock on the door. A part of me hopes that it’s Joe, but the logical part of me knows it’s not. With slow steps, I make it to the door and see that it’s my pops.
He’s always been able to read me like a book. I take a deep breath and open the door. “Hey, Dad. What are you doing here?”
“You’ve been avoiding us, so I thought I should do a surprise visit and see what’s going on. Last weekend you were in Beaufort with Joe, weren’t you?” I nod. “Did you have a good time?”
“I had a great time. He told me he loves me. He wants us to live together.” I don’t miss the way my dad’s eyes widen.
“Do you want to live with him? Because I know you love him.”
“I do love him, but I’m scared.”
“Baby girl, what are you scared of? My girl has always been fearless.”
I don’t answer him right away because I really can’t verbalize it. “I don’t know. There’s just this irrational fear that won’t go away. It was only supposed to be a one-time thing with him.”
“Sometimes things happen that we don’t expect. You know when I met your dad I had just broken up with someone else, and of course at that time I was out only to my family because it still wasn’t acceptable to be a gay man. I went out to eat with your uncle Gary, and he’d been talking me through my breakup. I felt eyes on me, and when I looked up, I found your dad watching me from across the room.” I’ve heard this story before, but I’ve always loved it.
“The whole time we kept looking at each other, and finally your uncle Gary looked at me pointedly and said, ‘If you don’t go talk to him, I’ll do it for you, and you know that’s not a good idea.’ So I did. I got up and walked over to him, and that was all she wrote.” Of course Dad tells it with a lot more flourish.
“The whole point of telling you the story is that I hadn’t been expecting to meet someone that night, but had I not gone with your uncle, then I wouldn’t have met Ian and we wouldn’t have fallen in love. We wouldn’t have gotten you and your brother.”
My eyes well up with tears. Because what scares me becomes crystal clear. “Daddy, what if I can’t give him babies? W…what if I keep having miscarriages? Oh God, what if that’s not even what he wants with me?”
He wraps his arms around me. “Oh, honey. You’re young and healthy, and your doctor said that they didn’t see any problems. It’s very possible to go on and have healthy babies after losing one. Didn’t his aunt lose a baby, his cousin, too? They both went on to have children.
“If you and Joe are meant to have kids, you will, and it doesn’t matter if you give birth to them, adopt them, or foster them. You will give them so much love that they won’t care how they came to be yours. As far as I can tell, he wants everything with you. You can’t be afraid of the what-ifs. You’ll never be happy if you do that.”
My dad makes me another glass of chocolate milk and doesn’t stay much longer, giving me time to think.
As I lie in bed, I stare up at the ceiling. My thoughts swirl around in my head as I stroke Laggie’s soft fur. I grab my phone off my nightstand and scroll through all the pictures of Joe and me. We do look pretty perfect together. The last picture is when we were at his parents’ house for dinner and I’d asked Haddie to take it. Joe and I are in profile and gazing at each other.
His eyes are soft, his smile breathtaking, and his hand is resting lightly on my cheek. I remember that moment because it was right after that he kissed me lightly on the lips. His sister’s dreamy sigh had us pulling away and laughing.
I take a deep breath and pull up his name in my contacts and send him a text.
Chloe: Hey, I just wanted to make sure you got home okay. I’m sorry you had to drive here to get me to talk to you, but I’m glad you did. It got me thinking about things and then Pops stopped by and after talking to him I got some clarity. I have to work in the morning, but can I call you tomorrow night? I love you so much xoxo
I hit send and set my phone back on the nightstand and hope to hear from him.