After an hour, I was done pretending.
I tiptoed around the house, trying to avoid her parents. Her dad had already left for work and her mom was walking out the door by the time I walked downstairs.
I was in the clear… for now. I couldn’t avoid them for the whole summer. If I was going to stay here, I had to figure out how to rein in my anger. I would have to figure out how to be around Lana’s dad. I just didn’t know how that was possible, though.
The pool was steps away from us, with water as clear as the sky. The smell of freshly cut grass was in the air. The radio was on, playing a song that made Lana’s foot tap against the chair.
We lay there, the sun shining down on us. Beads of sweat started to form on my neck. I was pretty sure that if I held my hand out in front of me it would waver in the heat before it slowly started to melt.
I was starting to get restless. Too much silence between us and too many thoughts in my head.
“We should do something,” I said.
“We are doing something,” Lana said tiredly.
“No. I mean something fun, like a road trip.”
I knew Lana was controlled by her fear, but maybe if I turned the leaving part into a fun vacation, she would agree. It was a long shot, but it was the only thing I could think of right now.
She gave the sun her cheek and looked at me. “What?”
“Yeah!” I said anxiously. “We could go to California. Instead of laying out by a pool, we could have the ocean in front of us and the sand beneath us!”
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. But Lana shot my idea down in a heartbeat.
“Why not? This is summer time. This what people our age do.”
She stared solemnly at me, never answering. We were the same age. Our eyes should reflect that. But hers showed she had lived a lifetime filled with more darkness than light, more tears than smiles, and more brutality than happiness.
“You promised you wouldn’t bring it up.”
My shoulders stiffened. “I’m not.”
Lana lowered her sunglasses. “How long have we known each other?”
“Ten years.”
“Yeah. Ten years. And in that ten years I’ve kept this a secret. Do you know why?” She leaned in, never giving me the chance to answer. “Because I wanted to protect you.”
Lana was the one that needed protecting. Not me. I was fine. I stared at her, unable to say a damn thing.
“Naomi,” she said slowly. “I knew you couldn’t handle it. You can barely handle it now.”
“But you can?”
Lana shrugged. “It’s all I know.”
She accepted her pain fiercely. So much so that it was almost crippling. Her thoughts and dreams and fears were woven and created by her past.
“So that’s it?” I ask. “You’re just going to live with this pain for the rest of your life?”
Lana shifted in her seat. “Can we drop this, please?”
If I kept persisting she would bolt and I might make things worse than they already were.
“Yes,” I finally said. “For now.”
She gave me a smile and straightened out her towel. Before she lay back down, she looked at me, the smile gone. “You’re going to keep this a secret, right?”
I looked away.
“Naomi,” she said my name softly. “Please tell no one.”
Later in the day, Lana fell asleep in her room. I left her and went downstairs. I should’ve been the one tired, but I had adrenaline coursing through my body. Sooner or later, I would crash, but not right now.
I had just gotten off the phone with Max. He would be coming over soon. I’d only seen him mere hours ago, but our date and kiss felt like it’d happened weeks ago. I was so caught up in Lana that I really hadn’t had the chance to think about him… or us.
Did I want the summer with him? When I said yes, I meant it. Even now I wanted to. Yet the situation with Lana changed everything. I didn’t see how I could have both in my life without the two of them interconnecting. Lana was my best friend—a sister more than anything else. Max… he was something. I could feel it in the way my heart tightened and flipped whenever I thought about him. And being something meant that sooner rather than later he would find out about Lana. It was too big to keep hidden.
I sat at the computer desk. I had swiped her laptop before I left the room. I clicked on the Internet icon and waited for the Google home screen to appear. I nibbled on my fingernail, impatiently waiting. When it did show up, my heart went into overdrive. I felt scared and nervous, questioning why I was doing this.
I typed in US Senator Virginia before I could talk myself out of it. Instantly Lana’s dad appeared, highlighted in black and directly beneath the search bar. I clicked the option and waited for the page to load. I knew I was safe. No one was here besides Lana, but I still looked over my shoulder in paranoia.
There were pages of sites that came up. A campaign website. His own personal website and a Wikipedia page. He even had a fucking Facebook page.
But I ignored the websites. I clicked on the photos first. Most of them were pictures of her dad shot at different angles, speaking to a crowd, with dozens of mics in front of him. There was one of him walking down the street of McLean with a nameless man beside him. Her dad was pointing to something off in the distance, the nameless man looking impressed.
There was nothing damaging connected to his name. His record was squeaky clean.
What did I really expect though, one quick Internet search and I would have the answer to all my problems? My Nancy Drew skills were pathetic.
I opened a separate page and typed in the word rape. My stomach started to churn. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew the meaning behind the word. I just didn’t know how to handle what came after the word. I was clueless, and after this afternoon, I was deflated and more confused than ever. I rested my chin on my palm. My fingers drummed against my lower lip as I quickly scrolled down the page.
“What are you looking at?”
I turned, falling halfway out of the chair. My back painfully hit the desk.
Max was standing behind me. His arms were crossed, brows knitted in concentration as he stared at the screen.
“You scared the shit out of me!” I breathed.
“Sorry,” Max said and he helped me up. But he didn’t sound sorry. His voice was tight and in control. “What are you looking at?”
“How the hell did you get in?”
“I knocked on the door. No one answered.”
“So you just walked on in?”
“I knew you were here and I saw your car in the driveway.” Max frowned. “I told you on the phone I was coming over after a meeting. Remember?”
“I remember.” I had completely forgotten.
Max stared at me carefully before he said, “I didn’t think I’d be interrupting anything.” He looked over my shoulder at the screen. “Clearly I was wrong.”
I reached behind my back and slammed the laptop shut. “It was nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yeah.”
“What you were Googling doesn’t seem like nothing.”
I stood up and brushed past him. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Naomi,” Max said behind me. His voice cut through the air, making my shoulders stiffen.
I swallowed and looked up at the ceiling. I promised Lana not to tell. Max stood there, his eyes boring straight into me. And I knew he wasn’t going to leave until he found out the truth.
“How was your day?” I asked brightly. Max didn’t say anything and I continued talking like nothing was wrong. “Did you have a good day at work? I had a good day,” I said nervously. “Just sat by the pool and now L—”
“Naomi,” he interrupted, his voice hard. “Tell me what’s going on.”
I licked my lips and exhaled. My mouth opened and closed. Nothing would come out. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but Lana’s face as she pleaded with me not to tell anyone flashed in my mind. I saw her pain and humiliation.
Max crossed his arms and stared at the counter thoughtfully. “Since you won’t say anything, I’m gonna make a guess of my own. All right?”
I nodded.
“I saw what you were Googling. Both times. And maybe I really am reading in to it. Maybe it’s nothing. Or maybe—”
His voice faded away when he saw me staring at him bleakly. I wanted to tell him that his guess was wrong, but I couldn’t.
“Michael?” His mouth opened and then shut. I kept waiting for him to say more, but he never did.
I nodded. That was my only answer to his open-ended question.
He closed his eyes. “Fuck,” he whispered.
A dull ache planted itself in my chest as I stared at him.
He stepped forward, his arms outstretched, ready to embrace me, but I flinched. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to be held by him. It was the fact that I was so angry with myself for being so careless and allowing him to find out. I had failed Lana.
A hurt expression crossed Max’s face. I wanted to step forward into his arms just to take away his hurt.
He started to pace. Hands on his hips and his eyes focused on the floor. His jaw was clenched so tight it looked like it was going to break. I didn’t say a word.
The longer we stood there, saying nothing, the quicker Max changed. His brows were furrowed, forming a tight V and his eyes were so cold. He was starting to get angry and I understood that, but I didn’t expect it to reach this level. His rage was so powerful and so immense that it drifted from him and surrounded the both of us.
He rested his hands on the kitchen counter and hunched his body for a second. He stood back up. His hands combed through his hair, gripping the strands tightly.
“Fuck!” he exploded.
I flinched. His head snapped in my direction. He repeatedly blinked and tilted his head to stare. It was like he had forgotten I was here.
I waited for his questions. Because they were there. I saw them all in his eyes. But he didn’t say a word. All he did was walk over to me. My body started to shake as he combed his fingers through my hair. My head dropped to his chest. Tears slipped down my cheeks as I listened to the strong pounding of his heart.
We stood there, silently, both lost in our own thoughts. He was trying to absorb what I had told him and I was scared out of my mind. Now that he knew, what would he do?
Max gently moved away. He looked composed, but I could see so much anger in his eyes.
I watched as he grabbed his car keys from his pocket.
“You stay here,” he said very quietly before he turned and walked away.
Things were going from bad to worse in only a few seconds.
I followed him. “Where are you going?” I asked, my voice alarmed.
“Just have something to do.”
It felt like my heart had dropped all the way to my stomach. “Stop!”
Max grabbed the handle. The door opened. I came up behind him and pushed it shut. There was nothing but the sound of our heavy breathing.
“I’m just going to go talk to him.” He tapped the door.
I was pretty sure he wanted to punch the hard oak until all his anger was gone and the door was hanging off its hinges. I would actually prefer that than have him leave right now.
“No, you’re not.”
He closed his eyes. He laughed but it sounded like a moan. “Why aren’t you letting me do this?”
“Because you can’t.”
“Someone needs to do something!”
“You don’t need to be involved.” He stared at me with shock. I quickly rushed to him. “Please think about this,” I pleaded. “You’re going to go out there and do something you’ll regret.”
“I can promise you I won’t regret a single thing.”
“You’re not in control right now and you know that.”
Max looked away. He knew I was right.
I leaned against the wall. “I think,” I started out slowly, “that you should just take a deep breath and think.”
“You’re afraid.”
He had no idea how afraid I was. I looked past Max, a faraway look in my eyes and I saw Lana hugging her knees to her chest and sobbing in the barn. I nodded.
“I am.”
His eyes closed, and when they opened, some of that anger was gone. “Come here.”
I pushed myself away from the wall. He enveloped me into his arms and held me tightly and kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes. “I won’t talk to Michael today,” he said into my hair. “But I will talk to him.”
That’s what I was afraid of.
I sighed before I pulled away. Some of his anger had faded but there was a spark of determination in his eyes. I may have stopped him today, but tomorrow was a whole other story.
“Will you be able to come with me tomorrow night?”
He stared at me blankly, totally caught off guard by my question.
“It’s a party,” I elaborated. “I want you to come with me. I told my parents I’d go months ago.”
“I’ll be there,” Max said.
“Good,” I said with relief. I chewed on my bottom lip, knowing I had to tell him the rest. “But… he’ll be there.”
All that anger from earlier reappeared in his eyes within seconds. We both knew who he was.
“He’s going?” Max asked.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“And you’re going,” he said grimly.
I nodded.
“Can I trust you not to… do anything?” I asked cautiously.
“Yes,” Max bit out. His lips were pulled into a grimace, as if saying yes was causing him physical pain.
“I don’t know if I believe you.”
I knew I couldn’t avoid Lana’s dad forever. It was unavoidable. A large part of me wanted to see him. I was dying to look him straight in the eye and tell him that I knew everything he had done. And that other part was terrified. But Max was a whole different subject.
“You’re making me nervous,” I said.
“Relax,” Max replied. He gave me a smile that never reached his eyes. “I’ll be a fucking boy scout. I won’t do a damn thing,” he said and walked to the door.
This time, I didn’t try to stop him.
His hand gripped the knob as he looked back at me. Our eyes connected at the same time. And maybe my eyes showed my pain, my worries, my fear, because he walked back to me and cupped my face in his hands. I tilted my head back to look at him.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” he whispered.
I nodded. It was all I could do.
Max kissed my forehead and walked out the door.
The door shut with a click. I slumped against it and closed my eyes.