“Early boarding for flight TI457.”
Cara grabbed the carry-on bag at her feet, and readied for the regular boarding call for her flight. Tommas sat in the seat beside hers, yet he didn’t speak. Likely because all someone had to do was look at Cara’s face, and they would know she wasn’t in the mood for any sort of conversation.
Tommas hadn’t needed to do more than escort her to the airport, but he took it a step further, went through security, and decided to wait with Cara at her gate. She wanted to be thankful, at least her brother cared on some level, but she really wanted to be alone.
“You’re always welcome to come home,” Tommas said quietly.
Cara glanced up at the ceiling, and let out a slow breath. “Yeah, I know.”
“But I don’t think that’s in your plans, is it?”
“Probably not.”
“Even now, with … Gian and all?”
A flash of irritation settled in Cara’s gut, but she pushed it away. It wasn’t Tommas’ fault that Gian had lied to Cara for months. Beyond that, she knew her brother thought that Cara had already known the truth about Gian and his … wife.
“I was getting back into a routine,” Cara said, “before all this happened. I was getting better—finally—after losing Lea. I’m not going to push myself back several steps because of one man.”
She had said the words so flippantly that anyone would believe them. Shit, even she wanted to believe them.
Cara didn’t know if they were true.
“Cara.”
She was lost in her thoughts, barely present as it was, and didn’t hear her brother’s call of her name.
Tommas reached out and placed his hand to her arm. “Cara.”
“What, Tommas?”
“I’ll never tell you what you can and can’t do with your life. You know that, right?”
Cara nodded. “You never have.”
“And I’m not going to start with this. But I do want to tell you one thing, if you’ll hear it.”
“Shoot.”
Tommas smiled, but it was measured, and not entirely genuine. “Be careful, Cara, especially in this situation. You’ve always been careful not to step too deep into the piles of shit left by the family, and right now, I’m worried you’re knee-deep and don’t even realize it.”
“I’m not involved in that side of his life, Tommas.”
Her brother shook his head. “You may not see it that way, but I can assure you that you are.”
“Well, not for much longer.”
“Maybe, maybe not. A day ago—before this came up—you said you loved him. That sort of feeling doesn’t go away because bad things happen. So, today, you want to skin him alive, but maybe in a week, you won’t be so angry, and you might even remember what he was like before you knew about his wife. I won’t tell you what to do, but you do need to be careful. Whether you like it or not, you’ve already put yourself into a position where a label is stuck on your relationship. I get that you didn’t know it was there, but the people around him certainly did. And if you understand what it means to be … that woman—”
Cara scowled. “The other woman. The whore. A goomah. Say it, Tommas.”
He didn’t even flinch at her truth, simply kept staring at her like it didn’t change a thing about how he thought of her or saw her in his eyes. “If you understand what it means to be that woman, and you can handle it, then I’ll never say a word against your choices and wishes. It is your life—live it how you want to, Cara. Live the way that makes you happy with the person who makes you happy. But the very second you find yourself in too deep, and you want to get out, you know where to find me. Okay?”
“Now beginning regular boarding for flight …”
Cara stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder.
Tommas stood with her. “Okay, Cara? Say the word, that’s all you have to do.”
She smiled, or as much as she could manage. “I won’t need to after today, but thank you.”
“That’s easy to say now, sure.”
“Tommas—”
“Okay, Cara?”
Her brother’s expression hadn’t changed from the moment he’d started talking. Never once had judgement shone in his eyes. He hadn’t shamed her for the things that she had overlooked, or the mess she now found herself in. No, he only cared for her, and her happiness.
Wasn’t that what family was supposed to do?
She forgot what that felt like, to be looked out for, and cared about, by someone who shared her last name and blood.
“Cara?” Tommas pressed again.
“Yeah, Tommas. Okay.”
He nodded, and then waved a hand toward the gate where other passengers had started lining up to hand over their boarding passes. “Have a good flight, Cara. Call me when you get home and have a minute.”
“All right. Thank you, Tommy.”
Tommas shrugged. “It’s what big brothers do, right? Or, what we’re supposed to do.”
Yeah, it was.
She had forgotten that little fact.
Customs was not half as bad coming back through Toronto International Airport as they had been when Cara entered through them in Chicago. The customs officer gave her passport a glance, barely opened her carry-on and purse up fully, and sent her on with a smile.
That was one damn thing to be grateful for.
While the flight from Chicago to Toronto wasn’t a long one, her emotional turbulence meant that Cara wasn’t in a particularly good place. She was exhausted—mentally, and physically. The only thing she wanted to do was get home to her apartment, give her brother the call she promised him, and then lie in her bed for several hours.
She needed sleep.
Cara pushed through customs, and headed toward arrivals where her luggage would be waiting, and a line of taxis outside the exit doors. She had stepped off the escalator when she spotted the guy standing at the very front of a large group of waiting people.
Several held signs with last names scrawled on them, waiting to pick up someone from their arriving flights.
Not this man.
Chris didn’t need to.
Wearing all black, his hair smoothed back, and a flat smile plastered on his face, Cara let out a sigh at the sight of Chris.
She had wanted to go home. She’d hoped for a little bit of time before she would need to have an actual face-to-face meeting with Gian. Some breathing room to get her thoughts and feelings in order, so that when she did see him, her raging emotional vomit didn’t spill all the way out, making a mess of everything it could reach. Surely, she wasn’t asking for a lot.
Apparently, Gian was not going to give Cara that option. Well, he would have nobody to blame but himself when he faced her anger. He could have given her a day or two—anything—to let his lies sink in.
“Miss Rossi?” Chris asked as he came to stand in front of Cara.
She looked him over. “Gian sent you, Chris?”
“Sì, miss.”
“I suppose if I said that I didn’t want to go see Gian, it won’t make much of a difference, huh?”
He smirked a bit. “I’m to deliver you to his penthouse, nowhere else. I only follow orders. It would be best if you didn’t make a scene. Either way, the penthouse is it.”
“Wonderful.” Cara crossed her arms.
“I will take you home once you’re done with the boss.”
The boss.
Cara didn’t miss the man’s choice of words, in regards to Gian. Was that what had happened while she was gone? Was that what he had sent her away for, so that he could take over the new boss’s seat, and get his revenge for his grandfather at the same time?
She wasn’t stupid, of course, and she knew how volatile and dangerous things had started to become before Gian sent her away. Incidents that had come far too close to Cara and Gian. Still, he never talked details. He was always careful, in that sense, and only gave her the barest bones of information. Just enough to tide her over.
For good reason, her mind taunted, you’re not his wife.
Nothing Gian ever told Cara would be safe.
Not in court.
Goomahs didn’t get that sort of closeness with their men.
Whores got nothing.
It only pissed her off even more. Cara had thought she knew everything about Gian that was important, things a man who loved her should tell her. Even a man like him, involved in things that put a constant target on his back.
She thought he cared enough.
He clearly hadn’t cared at all.
“Your brother called ahead of time and let the boss know what time your flight would be arriving this afternoon.”
Cara wanted to be angry at Tommas over that fact, but she couldn’t summon up the emotion. All of her anger was being saved for the one person who deserved it the most, and she knew Tommas had only been doing what was expected of him, as he’d allowed Cara to return to Toronto before Gian gave the okay.
“Am I at least allowed to grab some food on the way?”
“The boss has a lunch waiting, if you’re hungry,” Chris said.
Cara scowled, and walked on past the guy. “Lunch he can choke on.”
“You’ll be heading up alone from here,” her escort said as Cara stepped into the elevator. “The boss said it would be better if no one interrupted you two for the next little while.”
Cara turned to face Chris who was holding the elevator door back from closing.
“If I wasn’t so pissed off, I would thank you, but …” She let her unspoken words hang in the air, unsaid. “You know how it goes.”
The man nodded once. “Given the circumstances, I understand.”
Cara frowned, her embarrassment rising. “Do you know the circumstances?”
“I’ve known since the day he married his wife. I was invited by his grandfather to attend, since I had kept an eye on Gian for a great many years before that day. I have been around for more things that I care to mention at this moment, and you happened to be one of them.”
Ouch.
Just another name to add to her list of people who’d known, while she hadn’t.
“You must have thought I was foolish, then.”
Chris’s expression gave nothing away. “I think you were happy, and you made him happy. So, what business is it of mine, to tell my boss that he shouldn’t be happy, when I’ve watched him simply exist for too long?”
“That’s quite a black and white way of looking at it.”
“Maybe so.”
“Except I have the feeling that neither of us are happy now,” Cara said, “and that’s his fault, too.”
Chris nodded again, stepped back, and let the elevator door close.
Cara grew silent as the elevator began to move upward, and she eyed the security camera in the upper left corner of the tin box, pointed right at her. She wondered if Gian was watching, knowing that the elevator was solely used for entrance and exit from his penthouse, and none of the other suites in the building. Someone had to be watching that camera.
She shot it the middle finger for good measure.
Just in case.
Childish, maybe.
Who cared?
As the elevator came to a slow stop at the top, Cara was surprised to find her inner turmoil had almost calmed completely. She didn’t know what to expect from herself—more nerves, perhaps, but definitely well-deserved anger.
None of those feelings came immediately as the door opened.
White walls, a vaulted ceiling, and the huge brass and crystal chandelier caught her eye first. She stared upward, soaking in the familiarity of the penthouse, and remembering how the first time she had seen it, it had damn near taken her breath away. She almost wished that Gian had given her the decency of choosing somewhere else to have this fucking meeting. He had to know how the penthouse would affect her, how the memories would sting her.
Cara shook the heavy sensation off her shoulders, and walked further into the penthouse, down the entryway, and toward the main floor of the place. She didn’t have to be told to know that’s where Gian would be waiting for her. Not close to the elevator, where she could make a quick exit if she needed to, but deeper into the penthouse, where he might have a chance to convince her to stay.
She had news for him.
Cara wouldn’t be staying.
Ever.
Gian stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring out over the busy city streets as Cara entered the dining room. As Chris had said there would be, a lunch spread was waiting on the large table. It looked as though it hadn’t been touched. Cara didn’t make a move to go near the food, or Gian as he finally looked over his shoulder to acknowledge her presence.
A wariness settled in his eyes as he looked her over, and his usual grin—that sexy, confident smirk that was always in place—had vanished. He seemed older standing there staring at her, like the weight of the world had come along and sat itself down on his shoulders for the moment. His hair, the longer strands at the top, were messier than normal. A clear sign he had been running his fingers through the dark strands, speaking of his hidden stresses.
“Cara,” he murmured.
She still didn’t move.
Not when he spoke, or when he turned completely to face her, and certainly not when her heart ached to go to him.
She didn’t realize how hard this was going to be.
Not being angry, or even knowing what she had to do, but actually doing it. Saying this would be final—the end of them, whatever they were. That was the hard part.
“I’m sorry,” Gian said.
“I wish that made a difference, Gian.”
“I know that I should have told you, dolcezza, there’s no reason why I didn’t, except that I was being selfish.”
“You’re right, you should have told me, and you are selfish.” Cara shifted from one foot to the other, restlessness settling into her heart. “Aren’t you going to ask how I found out?”
“It doesn’t matter, really. You know, and that’s the important part.”
She was going to tell him anyway.
“Pictures,” Cara said quietly, “of your wedding. She looked beautiful, like a proper bride should.”
“Can I explain a few things about Elena and the marriage? Her and I, we’re not together in that sort of way. We haven’t been for years, we don’t even speak on a regular basis. Just let me—”
Cara shook her head, cutting him off with a quick, “No.”
“Cara, please.” He took one step forward, and Cara moved one step back accordingly. “You might understand—or shit, maybe not, but I need you to know why and how this happened, please.”
“No, Gian. I don’t care, because you didn’t care enough to tell me the truth from the start. You’ve lied to me. Maybe not in your words, but in your omissions, and the things you kept from me. You didn’t let me have a choice, you made them for me. You made me look stupid—like your foolish little whore, constantly running back to your bed whenever you snapped your fingers.”
He flinched. “That’s not what I meant to do, amore.”
“You didn’t have to mean to, your actions did it for you!”
“I’m sorry, Cara.”
“Sorry won’t fix this, Gian. It’s not a fucking time machine.”
“I know, I just—” His words cut off as he looked away, his strong jaw working as he chewed over his next words. “I want to explain, but it won’t help, will it?”
“No.”
Honesty was the best policy.
He should have followed that rule, too.
Gian rubbed a hand over his lower jaw, bringing Cara’s attention to the glint of jewelry on his ring finger. Never had she seen him wear the wedding band before, and in that moment, it felt like nothing more than a slap to her face.
He caught her stare, and dropped his hand when he realized that’s where she was looking.
“I have to wear it, given how things have changed, for appearances and—”
“Stop,” Cara whispered. “You don’t have to explain. It’s a little late for that, anyway, and I’m not in any position to need an explanation. Not like your wife would need one, you know?”
Pain colored Gian’s brown gaze, darkening them briefly.
“That was low,” he said.
Cara shrugged. “Sometimes, the truth hurts, Gian. Seems I’m not the only one who needed to learn that lesson, lately.”
With that statement, Cara turned on her heel and headed back to the elevator, determined to let those words be her final goodbye. It had said much more than she could. It wasn’t a proper goodbye, but it would have to do.
“Cara, wait.”
His footsteps echoed behind her, but she kept walking.
The elevator came into view fast, but not fast enough.
Gian grabbed her arm, spinning her back around to face him. “Wait, I said.”
Cara glared right back at him, letting her anger swell for the first time since she had entered the penthouse. “Don’t manhandle me, Gian. You don’t get to order me around, not now.”
“Let me speak for five minutes. Let me explain, and then you can do whatever the fuck you want to do.”
“What is there to explain?”
“I—”
“Are you married?” she asked.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Are. You. Married.”
“Yes,” he admitted.
“For three years.”
“And a couple of months.”
Cara took a deep breath. “Did you lie to me about it?”
“In a sense, yes, by omission.”
“Then nothing else matters.”
“It might, if you would let me explain, Cara.”
She doubted it.
“Let me go, Gian, I don’t belong here. You have a woman who can stand at your side, be in your bed, and whatever else you want, but I’m not her. I am not your wife. And I won’t pretend to be, when you want something different for the evening. I won’t be a goomah for a made man, and I certainly won’t be your whore.”
Gian released his hold on her arm, but it took a few passing seconds. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“You should have known it would. All lies unravel, eventually, no matter how good you are at telling them. And you’re so good, aren’t you? You made sure no one said a single word to me, but they all knew, didn’t they?”
“It wasn’t like that. They had no reason to speak up, and maybe some even thought you knew. Shit, at first, I thought you might have known.”
“Why would I have known, Gian? I knew barely anything about you!”
“I know.” Gian raised his hands high and wide, as if to offer nothing but air. “I do love you, Cara. You know that’s true. You have to know that’s true.”
“Do I? I don’t think I know anything about you at all.”
Cara blinked, and the tears she had been holding back made lines down her cheeks. She didn’t make a move to wipe the wetness away, instead, letting Gian see them, so he knew. She needed him to understand how much he hurt her.
It couldn’t be fixed.
He’d done this.
“I’ve not been in a romantic relationship with my wife from damn near the day we married, though you might not believe it, and I certainly wasn’t with her when I was with you. For what it’s worth, I have only loved you, ever,” Gian said.
“It’s not worth very much now.”
More tears fell, but she didn’t make a sound.
Gian didn’t try to stop Cara as she took those last few steps toward the elevator. She wished that she could say it was only relief in her heart as she did what she knew was right.
It still hurt like hell. Her heart shattered when she stepped inside. She broke apart as the doors closed.
That was her goodbye.
Gian deserved to see every fucking second of it.
He was the entire reason why.
Every single reason.