Chapter Two
Jack
Jack’s brows drew down when he heard the front door close and turned to peek out of the kitchen door, wondering who would be visiting him and Adam so early. He’d barely gotten home himself, and Jack wanted to cook Adam breakfast as one of the many ways to apologize for their first night out together going horribly because of him.
A group of contributors had cornered him and wanted to talk about funding a new children’s cancer wing that had been a dream for several years. Not wanting to miss the opportunity, Jack had invited them to his office and they worked out the details into the early morning hours, finally coming to an agreement.
Expecting to see Adam walking into the kitchen, his eyes widened as his assistant appeared in the same dress from the night before.
“Where’s Adam?” Jack demanded.
“The one with the dark brown hair and chocolate eyes?”
Jack nodded.
“He picked up a suitcase and left after he told me where you were.”
Everything inside Jack froze at her words.
Adam left.
Adam left him.
Jack knew he pushed Adam away the last few weeks, not even wanting to acknowledge to himself that he’d been waiting for the exact same thing, but it stunned him all the same. He had no idea why he’d gone but cringed as he thought about the last twenty-four hours.
They planned on arriving together at the charity event, but Jack had a meeting that had run late and he had to call Adam and ask if he could meet him there. When Jack arrived, he allowed himself to be pulled into one conversation after another with people he didn’t even know, and he never stopped to talk to Adam.
Although they were separated by the entire ballroom, he’d known where Adam was every moment of the night. His body seemed to sense his movements, and more times than not, his eyes were drawn to Adam in a suit that fit him like a glove and made him the most handsome man in the room.
But each time he wanted to break away and pull Adam onto the dance floor, something inside him froze. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to Adam, from kissing him the way he wanted. The people he’d spoken to didn’t truly know him, and he couldn’t have cared less who they were, but Jack allowed his fear to control his actions. Adam was the one who meant everything to him, and yet he’d acted like a bastard and ignored him.
“Are you going to pull your head out of your ass sometime tonight?” Ronan growled the question at him, and even the underlying threat hadn’t worked with Jack.
Adam had left the party without having Jack acknowledge him or their relationship.
Why would he stick around, you arrogant prick?
He didn’t know how to fix this monumental fuck-up and in the back of his mind, he wondered if he even could.
His assistant cleared her throat bringing him back to the present. That was when he noticed his jacket draped over her shoulders and the cufflinks in her outstretched hand.
“Fuck.”
Adam had opened the door to this image and must’ve thought Jack had been with her the night before. And his early morning arrival could only emphasize Adam’s suspicions. But Jack remembered she said he grabbed his suitcase. So he’d already planned to leave.
“Can I be blunt, boss?”
Jack nodded.
“Adam looked devastated when he opened the door and I asked for you. It’s the same look you have on your face now. If you love him, truly love him, you will make an effort to get him back. I remember him from last night. He sat in the corner and nursed a drink the whole time while his eyes never left you. You ignored him, which is pretty shitty if you ask me.”
She glared at him and he nodded his agreement.
“You have to win him back. And I don’t mean with expensive gifts.”
“No gifts?”
“You could send him every flower or box of chocolate in the city, but it would never prove that you’re serious about getting him back.”
“What do I do?”
She shook her head. “Something big, something that takes some thought and it has to be about him, not you.”
She gave him back his things and with a shake of her head, headed out of the house.
“Something big…something…”
Christmas was almost here. He abandoned his coffee and walked toward his home office. He dropped down behind his desk and reached for a pen and a piece of paper. Jack jotted down some ideas on how he could show Adam how much he loved him.
Not ignoring him would be a start.
But before he could put his ideas into motion, he would have to see if Adam would to talk to him first. He reached for his cell phone and typed out the text without thinking about the phrasing.
I would never cheat on you. I am an insensitive asshole, a million times over, but I would never cheat on you.
Jack held his breath and realized how tight his chest had become as he waited for Adam’s response.
Who was she?
Jack blew out the breath he’d been holding and sent thanks every deity above. Can I call and explain?
…Yes.
Not waiting another moment, Jack hit the speed dial on his cell and held his breath until Adam picked up.
“That was Melanie. She is my assistant. She’s married to Eddie, my VP of Operations and they are very much in love and have been since high school.”
“Why didn’t you come home until this morning?”
Jack heard the hurt he caused Adam in the tightness of his voice and the sharp breathing coming through the line. Adam truly thought Jack a horrible human being but was still willing to talk to him despite that.
“Mike, Ross, and Garen were finally ready to fund the cancer wing at the hospital and I pulled them into my office after you left and I negotiated with them until they agreed. I had to call Melanie in from the party to type up the contract and get everyone to sign it. By that time, I was ready to go home to see you and explain how sorry I was for being a gargantuan dick and rushed past Melanie, who was still in the office filing the contract, and I left without an explanation. That’s probably why she came over.”
A silence grew between them and Jack felt the need to fill it. “Although I have acted in every way counterintuitive to my next words, I do love you and I know that you are the only one for me.”
“Why?”
Jack understood immediately. Why had he been pulling away? Why had he acted the way he had to the one man he would love for the rest of his life? Jack swallowed hard.
“You’ve always been the man I wished I could be. I’ve known since the moment I met you I was gay, but I could never admit it to myself, much less you. So I denied it for years and keep denying until it’s the only truth I know. But everything changed when you returned my feelings and I have wanted to go public since the moment we got together, but something always stops me and I have no idea what.”
Jack wondered what Adam was thinking, but he unloaded a lot and Adam and he needed time to process.
“You know your father was a small-minded bastard who’s never cared about anyone but himself, right Jack?”
“Yeah, I know.” His voice was gruffer than he realized.
“And you’re nothing like him.”
Jack grew silent as he thought about his father. The man hated everyone, mostly his son because he’d refused to be part of the company that destroyed people’s lives. His father loved that he could put people out of business and didn’t care about who he affected.
Jack was nothing like him.
He created his own company to save those who had great ideas but needed help with the business side of things. And he would like to think that he’s not a disgusting human being like his father.
“You’re right. I haven’t cared to see him in years and I couldn’t care less what the bastard thinks of me. And I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt you. That was never my intention.”
Jack paused before he asked the question that could break him.
“Do you…truly want out of our relationship?”
He could hear Adam breathing on the other line and held his own as he waited for Adam to answer. Jack understood entirely in that moment what he’d put Adam through over the past few months, probably the last few years. He would completely understand if Adam didn’t want to continue being hurt. Jack’s own feelings aside, he would accept Adam’s decision because if he felt he couldn’t continue with Jack, Jack would let him go and wish him all the happiness in the world. Or he hoped he would.
“No, but it hurts to be ignored.”
Jack breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to change or he would lose Adam.
“I’m going to make it up to you. I want to prove to you that I can change and by Christmas if you don’t believe that…then I’ll let you go.”
“Is that what you want?”
“No. I can’t imagine loving anyone but you. And while we’re apart, I’m going find a therapist to work on my issues. There’s something holding me back from exactly who I want to be and be with, and I need help to find out what that is.”
There was a choked sound on the other line before Adam grew silent.
“I know I’m fucked up and the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you, but that’s exactly what I did. I can’t get past my own mind, so I need some help. This time, I won’t take you for granted.”
“Are you afraid to admit your sexuality?”
“I suppose I am. Adam, although it looked as though I slept with a lot of women, there has only been a few. Mainly it was camouflage. But I felt like I found myself the first time I kissed you. I knew then I was gay and that you are the only man I will ever want.”
Adam sighed. “You’re being surprisingly open about this.”
“The moment I heard the door shut and I realized you left… It was the worst moment of my life. I could take seeing my father every day and listen to his bullshit, but I never want to feel what I felt when you left. And knowing that I drove you to it makes it worse. So much worse.”
Jack took a deep breath and continued. “I just hope you’ll take me back if I prove to you that I can change.”
Holding his breath, he waited for Adam’s answer. Everything lost meaning the moment Adam walked out the door and Jack needed confirmation that he had a chance.
“Yes.”
Jack breathed out and closed his eyes as the fist squeezing his heart for most of the morning, released its painful hold.
“I know your busy Monday and Tuesday nights, but I wondered if I could bring you dinner on Wednesday after work and we could talk?”
Adam answered immediately. “I would like that.”
Jack mentally arranged his to-do list and realized that Wednesday was three long days away. “I’ll miss you.”
“We could always call and text. I won’t be too busy for you.”
“Thanks for talking to me, even though I’m not sure I deserved it. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll miss you, too. Talk to you soon, Jack.”
“I love you, Adam. And I’m sorry.”
“I know, Jack.”
Soon, they disconnected and Jack felt empty. The quiet of the house felt oppressive. At this time on their typical Saturday, Jack would wake with Adam in his arms. He loved how peacefully Adam slept, usually with his head cradled on Jack’s shoulder and his leg thrown over one of his, as Jack listened to his breathing and felt the heat from his skin against his own.
They would wake, usually when Jack kissed Adam until he blinked his eyes open and smiled at him. Adam would return the kiss before he would drag Jack down to the kitchen for a pot of coffee and they would work together to make breakfast.
Those quiet moments, when it was just the two of them, was what Jack missed the most as he sat in his quiet office, contemplating the number of ways he’d fucked up. Tired of hurting Adam, he gritted his teeth and started.
He opened his laptop and spent the next hour searching for a therapist that would fit him and who he could feel comfortable with talking about his past. After searching, he came back to an online site that he found promising. He scheduled a video call and although he was hesitant to open up to a stranger, he knew that something had to change. And he didn’t want to hurt Adam any longer.
With his mind made up, he started the video call.