Chapter Three
Adam
Adam had left work early, nervous about seeing Jack after three days apart. His friend in the forensics lab, Piper, had thrown him out after Adam’s pacing and fidgeting moved to wondering aloud how the night with Jack would go.
“I love you, Adam, I really do, but if you don’t head home and do something constructive, I’m not going to be responsible for my actions.”
Taking her advice, he’d headed home but still couldn’t sit still. So, with nervous energy coursing through him at seeing Jack again, he figured he could better spend it cleaning his place. He started with his bedroom, changing the sheets and picking up the clothes he’d thrown around. He vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen and the refrigerator, not knowing why he bothered because he never cooked here. After a few hours, he felt as though he accomplished something.
The days he’d been alone, Adam had realized how much he’d missed Jack. Sleeping next to him and waking in Jack’s arms, having dinner together, and a million other things that he’d taken for granted while they were together had him wanting to pick up the phone. He wanted to ask Jack if he could move back, ending the torture of not being with the man he loved.
And at the same time, he had doubts that Jack could really make a go of their relationship. Adam never wanted to out Jack or make him uncomfortable with his identity, because Adam remembered exactly how he struggled to come to terms with the fact that he was attracted to both men and women.
Until he’d met one man.
He was introduced to Jack during their freshman year at the University of Washington. When his ice blue eyes pierced Adam and he gave him an easy-going smile, everything around him stopped. Jack had reached out to shake his hand and the electricity from his touch shot up his arm and buzzed in his chest. Adam caught the scent of sandalwood and citrus as it drifted toward him. He was so affected by meeting Jack, Adam knew then what he understood all these years later. He was and would always be in love with Jack Wright.
At the time they met, Adam thought Jack had felt the same connection. During their handshake, Jack’s beautiful eyes widened and his hand tightened a fraction as he kept Adam’s hand for longer than necessary. Although it was fleeting, Adam would remember that look for the rest of his life.
But Adam had come to learned Jack wasn’t as affected as he was.
Jack had taken advantage of being on his own for the first time by never had the same woman on his arm. Adam had learned to put aside his fleeting desire for Jack and moved on. Despite his attraction to Jack, they had become great friends. By the time Jack admitted his feelings for Adam back in March, Adam hadn’t realized how deeply he’d buried his feelings for his friend and the admission had come as a shock.
Not as much of a shock as when Jack admitted that in a moment of weakness, he’d kissed Caleb. Both Ronan and Caleb had forgiven him and he wanted Adam’s as well. Adam told him that he didn’t care about the past, he wanted Jack’s future. And that future had been perfect for a couple of months until Jack started pulling away from him. Somehow their friendship was discarded as well because Jack stopped talking to him altogether, and that somehow hurt worse.
A knock at the door dispelled Adam’s thoughts and he smoothed down his jeans and dark blue pullover. He pulled the door open to find a nervous Jack on the other side, shifting from one foot to the other. Adam took the time to peruse the sweater that showed off the muscles of his chest and arms and the width of his shoulders, the gray bringing out the blue of his eyes. His gaze strayed down to his jeans that fit him perfectly, leaving Adam speechless.
His Jack was a very handsome man.
Adam reached for Jack’s forearm and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him. He reached for the carryout bag and set it aside before he leaned toward Jack and locked the door, loving the heat radiating from the man.
“I missed you.”
Adam’s breath caught at the sincerity of his words and choked out the same.
“Can I kiss you?”
The timid Jack was someone new to Adam, but without hesitation, Adam nodded. He hadn’t liked the physical separation from Jack, but he missed being able to kiss Jack whenever he wanted. Jack cupped the back of his neck with his hand and barely brushed their lips together.
“I missed this, your touch. More, Jack, please.”
Jack’s tongue swept inside and took control while Adam forgot everything but the feel of Jack’s mouth and taste. Adam reached for Jack’s hips and pulled him closer, getting lost in the taste of Jack and the feel of his hard body pressed from chest to hip.
Too soon, way too soon for Adam, Jack broke off the kiss. He pressed his forehead against Adam’s as they both fought to even out their breathing as they stared into each other’s eyes. When Adam felt steady enough after a few minutes, he asked the question that he almost moaned aloud when he broke the kiss.
“Why did you stop?”
Jack met his gaze and gave him a small smile. “I fucked up my first chance with you. Now that I have a second, I won’t rush you or make the same mistakes I made before.”
Adam brushed his lips against Jack’s, unable to stay away. “Thank you.”
Jack clutched Adam close and Adam didn’t want to let Jack move from his hold.
“I should be thanking you for giving me another chance. My therapist said that I should take our relationship slow, to show you how much you mean to me. I am willing to do anything for you, even keeping my distance and ignoring my body for the time being.” Jack smiled and snagged another kiss before he stepped back, only to be blocked when Adam’s arms wrapped around his back and pressed him close.
Adam found himself speechless. He had known Jack wanted to talk to someone, but he thought it would take awhile for Jack to find someone he could trust. It had only been three days and he’d spoken to someone about their relationship. Adam found he was amazed by the changes in Jack already.
“Ready to eat?”
Jack’s question pulled Adam back from his thoughts and he nodded.
Reluctantly, he released his hold and breathed out as Jack moved to unpack their dinner. Adam hadn’t realized that he held his breath as Jack disappeared into the kitchen to grab them both a beer until he came back into the living room with a concerned look on his face.
“Are you okay?”
Adam rubbed the spot on his chest that squeezed. “I feel as though you’re going to disappear if I let you out of my sight.”
“I won’t. The past three days have been hell, especially the mornings when I woke and you weren’t next to me. I hate what I’ve done to us, but I won’t give up on our relationship. Trust me, the last thing I want is to be apart from you.”
Jack reached for Adam and led him to the couch where they settled down for dinner.
“How did you find a therapist so quickly?”
“I found her online. Dr. Weston has a practice based in New York but spends half her time talking to clients that don’t live in the city and she happened to be free on Saturday after I called you. We’ve talked several times already.”
“And you find her…helpful?” Adam hoped that Jack wouldn’t take his curiosity for more than it was.
“Yeah, I do. Everything that I can’t pin down, from my emotions to why I’m scared to make our relationship public, she listens to me and somehow creates logic from the chaos. I’m starting to understand the relationship I had with my father made me afraid everyone would be exactly like him. He couldn’t love my mom, even though she tried from the minute they met, and he couldn’t love me, although I’m his son. So Dr. Weston thinks I keep people from getting close by fucking up every relationship I’ve ever had so I can protect myself from being left alone.”
A pain pierced his chest at Jack’s words. He lasted months longer than Jack’s other relationships, but it hurt to realize he wasn’t any more special than the others. Adam swallowed the bite he’d taken, not even remembering what they were eating.
“Hey.” Jack squeezed his arm and pulled him closer. “I know that look and whatever you’re thinking, it isn’t true. I want our relationship to work. I want to plan the future with you and love you every day, even when we’re old men. I think I sabotaged my other relationships by not caring one way or the other if they survived past a few weeks. With you, it’s completely different and when I explained that to Dr. Weston, she agreed.”
Adam nodded. “I believe you.”
“Good. Because there’s something else I remembered while talking to her.” Jack flinched.
Adam had a feeling it involved his asshole of a father but waited for Jack to tell him in his own time. They ate silently for a few minutes, Adam tasting the curry chicken for the first time since they started eating. He smiled, knowing that Jack didn’t care for Thai very much but brought it because he knew Adam liked it.
“I was thirteen and a new kid moved a couple doors down from me. Travis. At that time I hadn’t even thought much about girls or boys for that matter, but there was something about Travis that made me happy. Anyway, since we were always together, we were partnered for a science project. Every day after school, we would go back to my house and because we had a cook, she had food waiting for us before we started studying.”
Jack smiled a pained smile.
“One day, we talked about our first kiss and since I hadn’t yet, I tried to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal. Travis said that he’d only kissed two girls and he didn’t like either of the kisses. It surprised me completely when he told me he thought he liked boys. I asked him how he would know, and he said he liked me.”
“And he kissed you?” Adam reached for Jack’s hand.
“Yeah. That was the start of our experimenting. I thought it would be awkward, but it felt natural. One afternoon, the kissing led to more. We stripped and I climbed on top of him. And—”
“Your dad walked in.” Adam sucked in a breath. He’d had the opportunity to meet Jackson Wright once and he and Adam had almost come to blows. He could only imagine what a close-minded asshole like Jackson would think to see his only son with another boy.
Fuck.
Jack nodded, but his eyes were glazed, still stuck in the memories of the past. “I had forgotten that incident completely. Travis had moved soon after because his father was in the military and was transferred overseas. But by that time, I avoided Travis because I was embarrassed by the words my father so eloquently spewed at both of us. I still feel bad, because he thought I was upset at him.”
“What happened to you?” Adam braced himself.
“After he sent Travis home, he proceeded to beat the shit out of me. He made sure not to leave any visible bruises, and when my mom asked me why I cringed when I moved, good old dad said I fell down the stairs. That was the first time I heard the slurs, the first time I understood the hatred someone had for something I couldn’t control. But of course, I’m great at denying the truth to myself and I suppressed it until I couldn’t remember at all. I never looked at another man, until I met you. I was hooked from the moment I touched you.”
Adam felt guilt swamp him. He understood all too well how words could hurt, sometimes more than fists, but Jack had been a kid who had been discovering a large part of who he was. His father had hurt him, in more ways than physical.
Jack linked their fingers together, and Adam shook off his thoughts about finding a way to get back at Jack’s father. He noticed heat banked in Jack’s eyes as he stared at Adam’s lips.
“Dr. Weston let me know my dad was wrong and I could finally admit that I’m gay. But Adam, you are the only man for me.”
Swallowing a hard lump that formed in his throat, Adam brushed a kiss against Jack’s lips, barely a touch. “I know. You’re the only man for me, too.”
Without thinking about his actions, Adam stood and moved toward Jack, swinging his leg over Jack’s lap and straddling his thighs. He slid his fingers through Jack’s hair, savoring the soft strands against his heated fingers, a moment before Adam leaned and gave Jack a scorching kiss. He could feel his cock pulse against the zipper of his jeans and moaned when Jack gripped his hips and squeezed. He didn’t bring Adam closer. Instead, he used Adam’s body as an anchor to hold him close.
He found he couldn’t get enough of Jack’s taste. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss, swallowing Jack’s moan into his mouth. Their tongues dueled, but instead of being intrusive, Adam felt every brush of Jack’s tongue against his as a lick up his spine and straight to his cock.
Gasping for breath, Adam pulled back and leaned his forehead against Jack’s. “You’re…”
“So are you, sweetheart. Once I had your mouth, I could never get enough of it. But we need to take this slow. Are you working on Saturday?” Jack rubbed his hand up and down Adam’s back in a soothing move.
“No, I’m free.”
“Would you like to go dancing with me?”
Adam nodded. He couldn’t admit it aloud, but he would go anywhere if Jack asked him to go.
“Good.”
Feeling brave, Adam asked his question. “Can you spend the night?”
“Yes, I would love to.”
Adam snuggled against Jack’s chest as they relaxed on the couch after dinner. They watched a random movie on TV while Jack held Adam close. They talked more about his conversations with his therapist, and the advice sounded encouraging. Adam respected her for getting Jack to admit to himself he had issues to deal with and confronting them. They talked well into the night and for the first time in a long while, Adam thought they had a shot at making their relationship work.