I wake up alone. That seems kind of anti-climatic, and even though I should be grateful, I find I’m disappointed. Which is crazy…. really it is.

I sit up and I moan. Everything hurts. I’m sore from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Then there’s the guilt. I was too out of it to process it last night, but this morning it’s front and center.

I killed my father.

I killed my father for a man I’m not sure I even like most of the time.

I killed my father.

What kind of person does that make me? My father was slime, there’s not any love inside of me for him, that’s true. But isn’t this proof that his blood flows through my veins? I have to be just as horrible as he was to kill him like I did. In my head, I can still hear the sickening sound of hitting him. A dull thud that could be heard even over the revving of the engine. I did it on impulse, without thinking. I just wanted to save… Marcum.

I didn’t want Desi or Harley to hurt. I didn’t want his other kids, who I am just starting to get to know, to hurt. And… if I’m honest with myself… I didn’t want Marcum hurt. He’s an ass. We fight more than I’ve ever fought with anyone. But I’m not scared of him. In fact, when he’s near… I feel more alive. I like him… I might even care for him. I have to wonder if he care for me. The change seems so sudden. And, do I have any right to be thinking about being with him, when whatever I do will be built over the blood on my hands?

I slowly get out of bed. I need a shower. Maybe that will make me feel better. It has to help the soreness. I go to the attached bathroom. It’s tiny, a small shower and toilet with the sink out in the bedroom, but it’s more than I ever had. That’s when I admit that I’m comfortable here. Most of the time I’m even happy.

All the reasons why I was running away are still there. They’re just smaller than the need I have to get to know Marcum better… to maybe do more than just kiss him.

Getting undressed is a slow, painful adventure and by the time I get under the spray of the hot water—I’m more than thankful. Marcum wasn’t kidding. I look like one giant black and blue bruise. In hindsight, I probably could have slowed down as I approached the tree. I’m pretty sure I was in pure panic mode.

I close my eyes and get lost in the water. The heat feels amazing. I move my hands over my body, carefully, letting the soap wash away some of my worries. I need to go see Desi and Harley. I miss them and I’m hoping I can get through to Harley a little more. I want to see more of Marcum too. I wonder if he will be around, or if he’ll be gone. He seems to disappear often. Then there’s the fact his ex is back. I don’t know what that means. He didn’t seem concerned with her last night, but there has to be feelings there and she was really pretty…

“Look what I have here.”

“Marcum!” I gasp when he pulls the shower curtain back and is looking at me. I do my best to cover my most female areas with my hands—caught completely off guard.

“I missed you, Toi,” he growls. His voice is so dark and graveled that it instantly sends chills through me.

“Close the curtain,” I try to order, reaching to turn the water off and twisting to the side so he doesn’t see so much of my body.

“Not on your fucking life, Dragonfly. Now turn around here, I want to see you,” he demands, and to make sure I do exactly that, he gets ahold of my arm and pulls me around to face him. I don’t even get the water turned off, he moves that quick. I try to bring my arm back to shield my body, but wrestling with Marcum is useless. “You’re beautiful, Toi.”

“I don’t think … You shouldn’t be here,” I tell him, having to take a break, for both my voice to work and my thoughts to settle.

“I shouldn’t have left this morning. The shower in this damn room is too small. I’ll fix that soon.”

I have no idea what that means, but I don’t bother asking him. I have bigger concerns. The hot water already has my body flushed a pale pink, but the way he looks at me only makes the color increase. Shock rolls through me as Marcum drops to his knees, his hands on my hips.

“Put your hands against the shower wall, Toi.”

“Marcum…”

“Do it,” he commands in such a way I find myself obeying at once, leaving my body open to him. I’m thankful I’m in the shower because my knees went weak at the way he ordered me and I’m so wet, I have to fight not to touch myself in front of him.

“Good girl.” His hand moves over my breasts, his fingers teasing them. I lose my breath as I look down and see his face. His eyes are centered on my body—on the way his hands move across my body. I’ve never felt beautiful before, but in that moment I definitely do. “You’ve got a beautiful pussy, Dragonfly,” he praises, as his fingers run against the trimmed hair that I keep there. I feel goosebumps move over my body and I don’t speak—I’m having enough trouble breathing. You can hear my deep breaths in the room overtop of the sound of the shower. “I’ll have to shave you here, so you’ll always be bare to me.”

Those words change those goosebumps into full-on body shivers as I imagine him doing such an intimate thing to me… to my body. He sounds like he owns my body now and I find I don’t want to argue. If he has me under some kind of spell, I hope I don’t wake up from it.

“You’ll get wet,” I tell him, as the spray of the shower runs down on his long hair and beard. He looks up and I know he probably couldn’t have heard my words.

He surprises me though. His face softens in its desire, and with the water glistening on it like that—it takes my breath away. I’ve always been attracted to older men. There’s something about the way they carry themselves, and the miles they’ve traveled that shows up on their bodies and in the fine lines of their face. It’s attractive. I’ve never let myself step over the line with one—my father would have made my life hell. I can’t stop myself from reaching down and touching Marcum’s face now. He’s really beautiful, right down to his untamed beard and the wild look in his deep brown eyes. I clench my fingers carefully into his beard, liking the way the coarse hair feels between them.

“Like the way you’re wet?” he grins, and his grin is positively sinful. It takes me a moment to understand what he’s saying. I’m thankful my body is already flushed, or he would see embarrassment on my face. I’ve never been around anyone who just speaks so… directly. “Spread your legs out for me a little more, baby,” he tells me, and he applies pressure to the inside of my thighs to ensure I do. He didn’t need to worry. I want to know what it feels like to have his mouth on me. I’ve never had a man go down on me before. I carefully slide my legs farther apart, bracing my ass against the shower wall. “I like the way you mind me, Toi. It makes me want to reward you,” he tells me, and I gasp my reply, my body thrusting toward him as he slides his fingers between the lips of my pussy. “You like that, don’t you, Dragonfly—so hungry for more.”

“Yes,” I murmur as his fingers graze against my clit.

“Do you want more?”

“Please,” I ask, as I feel one of his fingers push inside of me. “More…”

“You might be in trouble, Toi,” he growls, pushing two fingers deep inside of me now and stretching me.

“Why?” I gasp, trying to hold him inside of me.

“Because I like it when you say please,” he responds, and I’m really too far gone to know what that means—to understand what he’s saying. I don’t care as long as he doesn’t stop. I’m desperate enough that I give him what he wants.

“Please, Marcum. Give me more, please.”