Chapter Twenty-One

 

 

 

 

 

Kelly

 

 

 

 

 

I was used to sleeping with Nick but I wasn’t a stranger to sleeping alone since he was gone every third night. It felt different that night, though. My subconscious knew that he wasn’t sleeping in his bunk at the comfy station house but that he was probably on the side of a mountain, wide awake as he battled flames.

I tossed and turned for hours before finally giving up and grabbing my pillow. I walked across the apartment and pushed open my sister’s door slowly. It was almost one in the morning and she was asleep when I walked over and touched her shoulder gently.

“Gan.”

She jerked awake and her eyes found mind immediately. “Kel. What’s wrong?”

I shook my head as I hugged my pillow to my chest. “I can’t sleep.”

“Lay down,” she said quietly as she grabbed Simon’s pillow and tucked it behind the one she was already using. “Come on.”

I walked around to Simon’s side of the bed and immediately took the spot next to my sister. She grabbed my hand in hers and offered me a sleepy smile.

“It gets easier, Kelly. I promise.”

“You’re so okay.” I squeezed her hand. “I’m jealous.”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t. Remember the first time he left? You slept in here that night, too, after we’d watched that Justin Timberlake movie.”

“Yeah.” I let out a small laugh. “That makes me feel better.”

“Go to sleep, sweetie. Think happy thoughts.”

I nodded and closed my eyes. My sister’s breathing leveled back out quickly and the soothing sound lulled me to sleep.

I finally heard from Nick on Tuesday morning. It was a short text that said he was okay but those few words made me feel a lot better. I went with Chuck and Adina to the hospital cafeteria and continually declined Adina’s invitations to go out with them for the weekend.

“Your husband isn’t even in town,” she complained with a frown. “And you’re just going to sit at home?”

I nodded and placed a salad on my tray. “My sister and I are occupying each other.”

“Bring her with you.”

“You’ve met my sister,” I replied with a small laugh, walking towards the cashier. “She’s not a huge fan of clubs. I’ll ask but if she doesn’t want to go, then the answer is no.” I grinned at Diana as she rang up Adina’s food first. “How are you?”

Diana returned my smile with her own. “I’m good. Sounds like you ladies have a fun weekend planned. You’re going clubbing? Going to pick up some hot guys?”

“I have a hot guy at home so definitely not on the last part.” I swiped my card when it was my turn and entered my PIN onto the little pad. “That basically sums up Adina’s plans, though.”

“Sounds like fun to me.” Diana handed me my receipt and began to ring up Chuck’s lunch. I left them to flirt and walked to where Adina had claimed a table.

“Ask your sister and if she says no, just keep working on her for the rest of the week.”

I nodded but I probably wasn’t even going to ask Megan. I really didn’t want to go. Besides, I had plans to get all of Nick’s stuff put away so that he could come home to a room that was truly his, too. We’d been referring to it as ‘our room’, ‘our bed’, and ‘our stuff’ but sometimes he still asked for permission for things he should feel comfortable just doing.

My appointment following our lunch break was Zander and I wasn’t looking forward to it like I once had. He was such a sweetheart but I felt like I’d led him on at some point and had no idea how to backtrack from that.

I glanced down at the ring on my hand. I refused to take it off after being called out by Argus on it. I hadn’t been fair to Nick by removing it every day. Taking it off made it seem as though I was ashamed of being his wife and I definitely wasn’t.

I took a deep breath and plastered a smile onto my face as I walked to the reception desk. Zander grinned as soon as he saw me and I unlocked his wheelchair so I could push him towards the bed.

“How are you feeling?” I asked when we came to a stop. I locked his wheels in place and offered him my hand. He moved to his feet with such ease that it amazed me. Using just a cane, he took slow steps to the bed and took a second to get himself into position.

“I’m feeling great. I didn’t use my chair once yesterday.” He closed his eyes as my fingers touched his calves. “I still can’t believe it, you know. It feels like a miracle.”

I nodded and touched his thigh gently. “It’s a miracle that you’ve made happen through hard work.”

“And you,” he said softly as his eyes opened and locked onto mine. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“I just told you what to do, Z. You did the hard work.” I offered him a small smile as I finished his second thigh and moved onto his calf. We didn’t speak again for a moment and I offered him my hand so I could help him sit up.

We spent most of the appointment working on weight machines as I put his muscles through a grueling regime. When I added another ten pounds to the leg press, bringing him to forty pounds, I couldn’t help but grin after his tenth rep.

“That’s enough. You’re going to be so sore tomorrow.”

He let me help him sit up as he nodded. “I hope so. If I’m not sore, it’s not working, right?”

“Exactly.” I glanced at the clock before looking back to his face. “We have about fifteen more minutes. Want to take some steps?”

“Actually, I would love to step to the restroom,” he said sheepishly and I chuckled with a nod.

“Come on.”

I walked next to him as we made the trip down the empty hall to where the men’s rooms were. I stayed outside in the hall as I waited and it took him about five minutes before he reappeared.

“I will never take walking for granted again,” he told me with a serious look on his face. “Being an upright mammal is definitely something we don’t appreciate enough.”

I nodded in agreement without saying anything and we walked back towards the employee entrance to the suite I worked in. We were almost there when Zander grabbed my right hand and pulled me to a stop.

“You’re really great. You know that, right?”

Before I could respond, he’d pressed his lips to mine and I stood in shock for a moment. When I finally realized what was happening, I gently pushed on his shoulder and pulled my face from his.

“Zander. We can’t. I can’t.”

He looked at me with a small smile on his face. “You won’t be my physical therapist forever, Kelly.”

“I know.” I swallowed and shook my head. “I’m married, Zander.”

“What?” His eyes went wide and glanced down at my left hand, taking notice of my ring for the first time. “You’re married?”

I nodded and squeezed his hand before dropping it. “I am. I got married in June. I’m sorry if I led you on or made you… I’m sorry but I love my husband.” I looked into his light brown eyes and thought about Nick’s darker ones as I realized something. “I’m in love with my husband.”

I was in love with Nick. Despite how hard I’d tried not to, I’d fallen in love with him. I almost chuckled at the realization. I couldn’t be that surprised. I hadn’t stood a chance in the first place, especially not when my feelings for him had been so strong since the moment we’d met. Falling for Nick was probably the easiest thing I’d ever done and it scared the shit out of me.

“I understand,” Zander said quietly, bringing me back to the present. “You didn’t lead me on. I thought that I felt something between us but you never encouraged it. You’re a total and true professional, Kelly.”

I smiled and rubbed the back of my neck. “Thank you for that. You’re a great guy and any woman would be lucky to have you.”

We both walked back into the office and I did our end of therapy routine in silence. When Laura walked back to get him, I smiled at her before looking back at Zander.

“We’re good, Z?”

He nodded immediately and grinned. “We’re good, Kelly. Ice and heat, right?”

“You got it. Stretch the muscles a bit, too. If the pain gets too bad, you can take some ibuprofen.” I closed the file. “See you next week?”

“Definitely.”

I said goodbye to them both and immediately went back to my locker. I pulled my phone out and opened the text app. I’d already responded to Nick from the text he'd send earlier but I sent off another one.

 

Me:      I know the sappy role in this relationship is reserved for you but I miss you. So much. Just thought you should know.

 

I stared at the text message for a moment. I was in love with Nick. Did I tell him? What if it scared him? What were my alternatives, though? Just keep pretending for the next six months and hope my feelings lessened or his grew? I had no idea what to do but I didn’t have time right then to dwell.

Once my phone was put away, I went to grab my next appointment and pushed everything out of my mind as much as I could. The rest of the afternoon went without incident and after I’d walked my last appointment to the door, I stuffed my files from the day in my bag without doing chart notes. With my purse and bag in hand, I mumbled goodbye to everyone and walked out to my car. Nick hadn’t text back but I knew it would be awhile before he could.

I drove right to the gym and waved to Florian as I walked in. He grinned and returned the wave before typing into the computer to check me in. After I was dressed in my gym clothes, I locked up my stuff and immediately went upstairs to do some cardio. Nick hated cardio so that was usually my go-to when he wasn’t with me. He’d do it but not for the whole hour unless I made him.

I claimed an empty treadmill and got on once I had my earbuds in. I ran a little less than ten miles before my hour was up and spent ten minutes walking to cool down. When I climbed off the machine, I wiped my face down with the towel and peered over the railing at the open, first floor.

Whenever Nick wasn’t with me, that muscled, creepy man would find a way to work out alongside me. The only time he ever spoke was when he was offering me comments on my physique and I’d stopped even responding. I figured giving him any attention or showing him that he bothered me was what he wanted so I remained quiet. On the days when Nick was working, I’d started wearing a tank top over my sports bra just to feel more covered. I didn’t see him on the floor in that moment but I knew he’d show up. I wasn’t sure what his game was and I really didn’t care.

I grabbed my towel, water, and phone before heading downstairs and I went into one of the empty yoga classrooms to spend some time with the oversized exercise ball. I’d been in there for about fifteen minutes and was in the process of doing some bridges and hip lifts when I heard someone else enter the room. I looked up and smiled at the woman as she went to grab her own exercise ball.

I spent about thirty minutes working on my core before putting my stuff away and heading out to the weight machines. As predicted, he showed up as I was doing some lap pull downs and made a suggestive noise as he adjusted the weights on the cable pull next to me. I didn’t even bother looking his way as I continued pulling the bar down to my chest but he wasn’t deterred.

“The muscles in your back flex in a delicious way when you do that.”

I focused on the music that was coming out of the one earbud I had in and was proud that I didn’t even roll my eyes. When I was done with my reps, I cleaned my machine and grabbed the cable pull opposite of him, putting the machine between us so we couldn’t see each other. He just took the seat on the lap pull, adjusted the weights, and began working out. I could feel his gaze on me the entire time and finally, I snapped.

“Why is it that when my husband is here, you don’t come near me?” I put my hands on my hips as I faced him. “But the minute I’m alone, you turn into a creep?”

He shrugged slightly as he kept pulling the bar down and his lips curled into a smile. “I like admiring you. It’s hard to do when he’s basically draped across you.”

“Find someone else to admire. I don’t appreciate your attention.”

“Sorry you feel that way, sugar,” he replied as his smile widened. “I don’t want to admire anyone else, though.”

I stared at him for a moment, fighting the urge to punch him in the face. Finally, I just shook my head.

“Leave me alone. Don’t make me go to the owners. They’re good friends of mine but I don’t want to have to do that. Just back off.”

I didn’t wait for him to reply as I grabbed my water and walked towards the locker room without looking back. I tucked everything into my locker and sat in the women-only sauna with a couple of other ladies. After about fifteen minutes of chatting, I waved to them both and stepped out to take a shower. I redressed and went out to the front and Nina grinned from the juice bar.

“One green and one strawberry-banana, Kelly?”

“Just the green, please,” I replied as I leaned against the counter. “No Nick tonight.”

Florian walked over and held out a schedule to me. “Can you teach the six o’clock class on Friday?”

“Morning or evening?”

“Morning.” He laughed when I scrunched up my nose. “So, no?”

I let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “I’ll be here. I’ll probably be a huge bitch, but I’ll be here.”

Florian and Nina both laughed and I paid for my smoothie before waving at them both and heading to my car. I pulled out my phone and called Megan to find out our dinner plans. She informed me she already had pasta ready so I headed right for home.

“How was your day?” my sister asked while we were scooping up bowlfuls of the pesto pasta she’d made. I just shrugged and glanced over at her.

“A client kissed me.”

Her eyes went wide and she shook her head. “What?”

“Yeah,” I replied with a nod as we moved to the couch with our food and drinks. “He’s been a client for about six months and we’ve always kind of flirted and today, he kissed me when we were walking down the hall.”

“And?” Megan asked expectantly.

“And, I stopped it immediately and made sure he understood that I was married.”

She let out a small laugh. “You’re like catnip, Kel. It’s always been like that but it’s been out of control this year. I think it’s the confidence you’re wearing.”

“I do feel more confident.” I pushed around my pasta with my fork. “It helps when you go to bed at night with someone who is constantly whispering the most amazing things.”

“Yeah, it does.” A happy smile spread across Megan’s face before she took another bite of her food.

I put my bowl down and turned to face her. “I need to talk to someone about this but in order to talk to you about it, I need to tell you something else.”

“Okay,” she said slowly as she put her own bowl down. “I’m listening.”

I swallowed and shook my head. “I would appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone. Even Simon.” When she just blinked, I kept going. “Nick and I stayed married only so he wouldn’t have to marry Apolla. Not because we were in love.”

Megan stared at me for a moment as confusion seeped onto her face. “You guys… What?”

“It was just kind of a favor I was doing for Nick. We were going to stay married for about nine months, pretend to be in love, and quietly divorce next year.”

“Why?”

I sighed and offered her a small smile. “Because his father agreed to let him out of the marriage arrangement without repercussions if he could see that Nick married for love. Nick has never thought he could be with someone he loved and this arrangement gave him that opportunity in the future.”

“Jesus, Kelly,” she muttered. “So, you’re going to spend almost a year in a fake relationship, get us all used to having Nick in the family, and then you guys are just going to split up? God, you two are great actors. I never would have guessed it was fake.”

“That’s because I messed up,” I admitted quietly and she shook her head.

“What do you mean?”

I swallowed and rubbed my lips together nervously. “I fell in love with him. I tried so hard to keep my feelings out of it but I don’t think I ever stood a chance, honestly. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, Megan. I feel like he’s the other half of me.”

“Does he know?” she asked as she reached out for my hand. I shook my head and let out a long sigh.

“I’ve been denying it for a while. I just came to terms with it today as I pushed Zander away.” I closed my eyes and let my head fall to the back of the couch. “What if I tell him and he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“What other option do you have, Kel? Isn’t it better to know now rather than a year from now when you’re trying to figure out your life after divorce and possibly unexpected heartbreak?”

I didn’t answer her for a moment as I stared at my beautiful sister. Simon was a lucky man.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” she said softly, the smile back on her face. “Not just these past few months, but the expressions have definitely gotten more intense. Nick looks at you like he can’t believe you’re real, like he knows how lucky he is to have you. Like you’re his whole world. I would be willing to bet that he loves you more than you know.”

I smiled at the thought but I quickly pushed it down. “We’ll see.”

After a few minutes of silence, we both continued eating and watched some trashy TV together. When Megan stood to go to bed at ten, she looked at me expectantly and I went with her. She fell asleep quickly but I laid in bed next to her for almost an hour as I stared at the ceiling. I had no idea how to tell him. I was scared shitless but Megan was right.

I really just wanted Nick to come home.