A week later, I was still riding the high from my birthday. I felt untouchable. Jay was gone for me, and I was gone for him. Now that it was out in the open I was flying high. I couldn’t contain my smile, and everyone around the office was talking about it. However, I didn’t care, because Jay had all but admitted how much he liked me. Whether or not it was love, was still to be discovered. But I could wait. We had all the time in the world.

That’s when it happened.

And by it, I mean Nessy. The evil wench that effectively shattered the bubble I had been living in. Although, for as much as I hated to admit it, Jay was just as much to blame. If not more.

It was the Thursday after my birthday party, and I was sitting in a leather chair in the lounge that was attached to the kitchen at Rucker Records. Keesha was sitting across from me. We were discussing the shopping trip we had planned for that weekend.

We were able to kick back and relax that afternoon because Jay was in Los Angeles and wasn’t due back for a little while, so we were enjoying the unusual quiet. I had just finished telling her that I needed to get new lingerie at Jay’s request, when Nessy and her friend Dee walked in.

“I swear Jay has a hurricane tongue. He sent me into orbit so many times last night that I feel like I should buy him a present,” I heard Nessy say to her friend.

My body locked, and I felt all the blood drain from my face.

Her friend laughed and waved her hand in front of her face like she was fanning herself. “Tell me more,” she encouraged Nessy to continue.

“When he shoved his big ass dick inside me, I was in heaven. That man sure knows how to use the gifts that God gave him.”

Keesha cleared her throat and looked at me worriedly. For a split second, Nessy acted like she was shocked to see us in the room then I swear horns grew from her head, and her eyes flashed the color red. Such an evil troll.

“You know what I’m talking about, Tori. Don’t you? He really is something isn’t he?” If I thought I was shocked before, it was nothing compared to how I felt after Nessy had the nerve to ask me that.

“How dare you?” Keesha defended me seeing as how I couldn’t seem to make my voice work. I was still too taken aback from her claim that she had sex with Jay last night. The night that he told me he had a business dinner and wasn’t sure how late it was going to go. The very night I went to sleep in his bed disappointed he hadn’t been able to call me beforehand.

“How dare I what?” Nessy returned. “How dare I discuss my sex life? Very easily. It’s a free world.”

“Seriously,” Dee added.

“You know Jay and Tori are living together and you come in here spouting that shit off just to upset her.”

Thank God I had Keesha backing me up.

“Oh, it’s not shit. I promise you I was in his bed last night. The hillside bungalow at Chateau Marmont that he always requests when he’s there. Isn’t that right, Tori?”

“You’re a liar,” I finally croaked out. Everyone knew Jay always stayed in the same bungalow when he was in Los Angeles. It was no secret, so I clung to the hope that she was lying in an effort to come between us.

My protest came out far too weak though. I knew by the look of triumph on her face that she was going to use it to her advantage.

“Am I? Maybe you’re just in denial. He likes this pussy. If he didn’t he wouldn’t come back for seconds and thirds whenever he has it. Although last night I wore him out so good we only went at it once. But it was my name he was saying when he came, sweetheart. Not yours.”

“You are such a bitch, Nessy. You can’t deal with the fact that Tori has him, so you have to go start trouble. It’s pathetic.”

“Maybe so, but it doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t do it for him.” She turned her attention from Keesha back to me. “Look, you tried. I’ll give you that. But Jay is a man with needs that you just can’t satisfy. He and I share a passion that you’ll never understand. You’re better off cutting your losses now. Find someone who you can satisfy and I’ll take care of Jay.”

“Keep your hands off him.” I found my strength when I stood and stalked towards her, but Keesha got between us before I could punch the bitch in the face.

Nessy laughed and crossed her arms. “I’m going to put my hands, my mouth and my pussy on him anytime he asks. And trust me sweetheart, he’ll ask again. He always does.”

“Fuck you!” I screamed and lunged towards her.

Just as I had a grip on the bitch’s hair, I heard Jay roar, “What the fuck is going on in here.”

Nessy and I froze in our attempt to do damage to each other and turned towards him. The fucker didn’t even look like he cared that he was caught. There was no remorse there, just a hardness I wasn’t used to seeing.

“Nessy was just filling Tori in on your extracurricular activities last night,” Keesha answered for us. She shook her head at him. “I have to say I’m disappointed.”

“It’s none of your business,” Jay said coldly to her.

“You’re right.” She looked over at me and gave me a sad smile full of pity. “You going to be okay?”

“Yeah,” I assured her even though I wasn’t entirely sure that was the case. It felt like the walls were closing in around me, and my world was on the verge of collapsing. I needed to get out of there.

Keesha left us, but not before giving Jay another glare. I appreciated her support, yet I didn’t want her to get in trouble because of me.

“Jay, baby,” Nessy started, but he held up his hands to silence her.

“Shut it, bitch. Tori come here.”

“Fuck you,” I spat out at him. I tried to leave the room, but he stopped me by grabbing my arm roughly. “Let me go.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about Jay. Was your cock inside her last night?”

He chose not to answer me, which was answer enough. He had told me before that he would never lie to me. I guess this was his first show at that being a true statement.

“That’s what I thought. And then you have the nerve to try to talk to me about it in front of her. Fuck this. I’m out of here. Don’t bother coming after me.” I pulled my arm from his grasp even though it hurt to do so and hurried upstairs to my office to grab my purse. There was no way in hell I was finishing out my work day. He could fire me if he wanted to.

At least with me gone, he could spend more quality time with that piece of shit trash he seemed to like so much.

I grabbed my purse from the drawer and turned just as the sound of the door shutting echoed through the room. Jay stood in front of it with his arms crossed blocking my exit. I tore my eyes from his bulging biceps and looked at the windows, wondering how far of a drop it would be if I chose to jump.

We stood in silence for several minutes—me staring out the windows and him staring at me.

“We going to talk about this like adults or you going to run?” He finally spoke, and I whipped my head around and narrowed my eyes. How dare he?

“How dare you!” I shouted. “I’m not the one who was fucking someone else last night. Please at least tell me you used a condom seeing as how we haven’t been.”

“Of course I did.”

“Well, that’s something,” I muttered sarcastically. “And it’s all I need to know.”

“Don’t be a bitch, T. It’s doesn’t suit you.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “I bet it doesn’t. You know what else doesn’t suit me? A man who cheats on me. Funny, but I always thought I was worth more than that.”

“Never gave you vows of fidelity.”

“That’s your excuse? That we never talked about it so it doesn’t apply? Pathetic! When you’re with someone, being faithful to them is implied, Jay. Especially when they’re living with you.”

“You can’t try to change me if this is going to work.”

“You are so dense. This isn’t about me trying to change you. This is about me demanding respect. Going around behind my back and getting laid by some whore isn’t respecting me. Especially when she is in a position to rub it in my face. Now all I’ll see whenever I come to work are going to be looks of pity from everyone who knows you’re fucking around on me.”

“So you’re saying I should fuck some nameless, faceless piece so that it can’t be put in your face?”

“Oh my God! Do you hear yourself? It’s like a complete imbecile took your place when you woke up yesterday. Of course not. How would you feel if someone else’s dick was inside me last night?”

“You better not even think about it! I’d kill any fucker who lays a hand on you.” His voice held menace, but rather than intimidate me it only served to piss me off more.

“You are such a hypocrite for that! How is it okay for me to sit back while you dirty your cock in another chick’s pussy, but I can’t get the same courtesy?” I shouted, so beyond done with this conversation.

“Because I don’t share!” He shouted back at me.

“Well, neither do I!” And that was the crux of the problem. I didn’t like sharing him. I didn’t like knowing someone else was getting what was mine. And he was mine damn it. That’s when I knew I needed to make my point. This was his one and only chance to get it.

I walked up to him and grabbed him roughly through his jeans. “This cock is mine. Do you understand that?”

He didn’t answer me, so I continued my rant. “You need to tell that bitch that you’re through with her. That’s the last piece of you she’s ever going to get. If you come to me tonight, that decision better be made. I’m not going to stand back and watch you play games.”

“This isn’t a game. It’s who I am.” He removed my hand from his groin and crossed his arms again.

“Then you better clue into the fact that I won’t sit back and let you humiliate me the way you did today. Put yourself in my shoes. I’ve been walking around here for weeks now on a God damned cloud looking like a complete idiot to everyone who knows you’ve been cheating on me.”

“It was one time. We got drunk after dinner and she showed up at my room. One thing led to another…” I held up my hands to silence him. The last thing I needed was a recap of his excursion on the ride known as Nessy.

“And you decided it was okay to thrust your cock in her. I got it. It doesn’t change anything. I don’t like looking like a fool. This is your one pass. Take it or not. It’s your decision. Like I said, you’ve got until tonight to do what you need to do. I need to be alone right now.”

“You’re coming home tonight? Right?” His eyes searched my face almost desperately, which was in complete contrast to the situation at hand.

“I told you I’ll be there. You better not be if you didn’t get rid of her. I mean it, Jay. This is a deal breaker for me.”

With that, I walked out, got in my car and drove away. I drove as far as I could before I had to stop and get gas. Then I drove some more. After my second full tank, I pulled off to a spot overlooking a range of mountains somewhere in Oklahoma.

I zoned out for a while as the sun began to set. The colors were beautiful, but I barely saw them. All I could think about was the mess I left behind.

Still in shock that he could so easily break my trust, I was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this perfect world I had built around me was crumbling. I would have never thought that I had to spell out to him that I expected his faithfulness. It was ludicrous that he even thought that was an acceptable excuse. Not that any excuse was acceptable really.

As I continued to reflect on my life, a panic seized in my chest. What was I going to do if I went to bed alone tonight?

There was no way I could live with myself if that was how Jay expected our relationship to be. Thanks to Keesha, I knew that he was faithful to previous women. I wasn’t going to sacrifice my pride just to have him by my side. I wasn’t going to be the twit who allowed him to disrespect me.

No. If I went to bed alone tonight, it was going to be the first night of many. It would just be the last time I did it in Jay’s house.

That fear continued to claw at my insides as I thought about going back to a life without Jay. Without Jazzy. Without Rucker Records. For as much as I said I always wanted him in my life, I knew it would destroy me in the end if I kept him there after he didn’t want me. So much had changed between us that it was all or nothing where he was concerned.

Once the sun completely disappeared behind the mountains, I slid off the hood of the car and drove home. To what I wasn’t sure.

* * *

When I pulled up to the house, it was completely dark. A sense of unease settled like a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach at the fact that Jay wasn’t home. It wasn’t like I expected him to be waiting for me per se, but I had at least hoped he’d be there to tell me that he chose me.

I immediately went upstairs and dug through my drawer for a pair of pajama pants and a tank top. After changing, I went into the bathroom and scrubbed my face clean. With freshly brushed teeth, I grabbed my new Kindle from the nightstand and headed to the guestroom that I had slept in before. There was no way I could sleep in his bed if I didn’t know for sure he wanted me there.

After an hour of reading and rereading the same pages over and over again, I gave up on making any progress in my book and turned off the light. I tossed and turned trying to shut my mind off, but nothing helped. Not even the tried and true method of counting sheep could shut my brain off long enough for me to slip into slumber.

I rolled to my side and punched the pillow a few times before resting my head back down. I stared out the windows at the night sky and berated myself for being stupid enough to believe I was good enough for him in the end. We were so different from each other and that wasn’t always a good thing.

Several minutes later, the door creaked open and the bed dipped. I held my breath in anticipation until Jay’s arms went around me and locked my body against his.

“Does this mean?” I asked.

“She’s gone,” was his low reply.

I nodded my head and settled my body into his.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into the night air.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. My throat was clogged too much from the emotions I was experiencing. Happiness that he was here. Sadness that there was ever a chance he might not be. Frustration that I wasn’t enough for him and residual anger for him putting me in this position in the first place.

Eventually, I was able to settle my mind, and I relaxed enough to fall asleep.