ASHTAR

I wish my wings were not clipped so I could fly.

I've been frustrated with my battle form in the past, but never so deeply as I am right now, as I move over the landscape, my mate jarred with every jostling step, snow blowing into her face and mine. The weather has only gotten worse as the afternoon deepens, and it makes my mood foul. If I could fly, I could soar high above the hills and valleys that cover the rough landscape and see the best place to take my mate. Shelter would be easy to find. As it is, we are confined to the ground and I must plow through the snow, hunting for a safe space to take her.

As it is, I am low on options. And after scaling another round of cliffs only to find more rock below, I am out of patience. I follow scents, instead. I lift my head to the wind, painfully aware of the shivering of my mate huddled against my breast, and follow the scent. It is not a good scent, but it is a strong one. The smell of wet, dirty fur carries on the wind and it will either be one very large, nasty creature, or several small ones. Either way, if it has a home, I mean to take it for my mate.

The scent-trail leads me down into an icy crevasse and to a trail. The trail itself is littered with fecal matter and old urine, and my senses feel assaulted by the stench of whatever it is living here. But down in this icy gorge, the wind is less, and Veronica's shivering decreases.

I'll just have to live with the stink.

A creature appears at the edge of my vision—taller than a human, but thinner. Matted whitish-yellow fur covers it, and it howls at the sight of me, then disappears into a burrow. Aha. I lift my head to scent for other predators, and when I smell none, I gently set my Veronica down on an icy ledge a fair distance from the ground.

"No, wait, Ashtar! Don't leave me here," she pleads, and her terror tears at my chest. Again, I am torn with frustration and indecision. It was my idea to bring her here, but I did not think of how I would care for her. While she slept, I did not need to hunt. While she slept, I did not have to worry about sheltering her because my drakoni form would be everything she needed. But there is no food or water on the cliffs, and I cannot talk to her like this. My wild stabs at mental communication meet with nothing.

She needs a den. I will have to let her have a few moments of terror—though it destroys me inside—so I can find a safe place for her to rest. Then I will figure everything else out.

I nuzzle my frightened mate, trying to reassure her, because I cannot leave her when she trembles like this. Her khui sings a frantic song, and mine rumbles in response, only adding to my anxiety.

"You won't leave me, will you?" she begs, her voice breaking. "You're coming back, right?"

I run my muzzle down her front, trying to reassure her.

To my surprise, she puts out her fists. "Left fist for yes, right fist for no, okay? At least give me that much, if you can understand me."

I nose her left fist.

"Shit." She stares down at her fists. "Your left or mine. Okay, scratch that. Blink once for yes, you're coming back for me. Twice for 'go fuck yourself, Veronica'."

Despite the tension of our situation, a laugh rumbles up in my belly. I blink once, slowly, and then nuzzle her again, because her scent is glorious, and the one coming from the cave is not. Then, I have to leave her behind. This time, when I move away, she doesn't cry out for me to stay. Perhaps she understands that I have no choice, and she knows I'll be back for her.

I approach the source of the scent and am revolted to find a den, all right. It opens up at the base of one of the cliffs, nestled between the rocks and the earth. It is a den, but not what I wanted. This place is caked with droppings and old bits of fur and the carcasses of half-eaten creatures. Blue, glowing khui eyes gaze up at me. It is more of the dirty, furry white things that cower just beyond the opening, having decided that leaving is a bigger threat than staying. They do not know I have fire, then. I breathe a long, flaming rush of it into the entrance of the cave, then step back and wait.

They race past me, screeching, scattering in a rush of stink and more urine. There must be twenty of the creatures that flood out of the burrow, and I head back to make sure that they avoid where my Veronica waits. She clings to the crevasse wall, watching with wide eyes. None pay attention to her, though. They are too busy fleeing for their lives. Good. I wait for all of them to escape out of the canyon, the last of them loping after a big one with a baby on its back. They leave an equally disgusting trail behind them and I flame the entrance again, trying to burn away the stench and chase out any stragglers. When no one else comes out, I dip my head inside and look around.

It's full of feces. Feces, and bones. I pull back, revolted, and give my head a shake of disgust. I can't bring my mate in there. I'm not entirely sure what to do now. This…was not a good plan. I have never had to be on my own like this, though, and I know nothing about this planet. In my world, water comes from a spigot, and food comes from a slavemaster. I don't know how to take care of my mate.

Briefly, I think about chasing down one of the creatures and flaming it so she'll have meat to eat, but the thought turns my stomach. Veronica won't want to eat that. I have eaten terrible slop in my day, and even I would not eat that.

I return to where my mate waits, uncertain what to do. I pull her gently down from the ledge and nuzzle her sweet-smelling hair, filling my senses with her. I hate the feeling that I have failed her. I don't want to take her back, because a misbehaving slave is always punished. If they know how badly I need her, they will try to take her from me to keep me in line.

I can't let that happen.

"Is everything okay?" Veronica asks, tapping at my foreleg with one hand. "Are you all right?"

I set her down on the ground and then shift back to my two-legged form. My eyes sting from the stink of the creatures, and I swipe at them absently. "There is a den," I tell her. "But I do not think you want to go into it."

She wrinkles her delicate nose. "If it's anything like the rest of this valley…"

"Worse," I admit.

"Then no, I don't want to go into it." She rubs her arms absently, glancing around. "Maybe we could stay farther down? It's not so cold now that the wind isn't constantly beating on us."

"If you like." I gesture, indicating she can lead the way.

Veronica picks her way through the narrow gorge, her boots crunching in the fine layer of snow over ice and rock. This place is not much more hospitable than the one we just left, and it stinks and is filthy. Eventually, she turns and bites her lip, glancing at me. Her gaze flicks down to my naked body and her cheeks flush. "Are you cold?"

"Me? No." I shrug. "My people have fire in their souls. The weather does not bother me. What of you?"

"I'm okay," she admits, and then wrinkles her nose again. "This place is kind of gross. What were those things?"

"Nothing smart," I tell her. "Intelligent creatures do not den in their own waste." Of course, I say that, and then I think of some of the slave cages I've lived in during the past. "Not all intelligent creatures," I amend. "But I do not think they were."

"I don't know much about this planet," she admits to me softly, crossing her arms under her breasts. "But I bet the suns are going to go down in another hour or so and we're going to need a fire because it's going to get colder. The weather might not bother you, but I'm not quite used to it."

"A fire," I echo. "That is easy."

"It is?"

I extend a hand and then blow a bit of smoke and just a tiny hint of flame out of my nostrils. Even in my two-legged form, this is as easy as breathing.

"Oh." She blinks. "Wonderful. Now we just need something to burn." Veronica looks at me expectantly.

"I…have nothing." I look around, but there's nothing here except a few scraggly plants that cling between the rocks and wouldn't last longer than a few minutes.

"We'll figure something out," she reassures me, moving closer and patting my arm. "Don't worry about it."

She is trying to reassure me, and her kind heart just makes me feel like a failure as a protector. I am not worthy of her. The feeling of despair only deepens when her stomach growls. "You are hungry," I say flatly.

"And thirsty, but it can wait." She looks around the smelly canyon again. "I would say I could eat a handful of snow, but…not from around here. Also, and this might sound stupid, but I would really like somewhere private to potty." She shifts her weight on one foot, then the other, and then looks at me expectantly.

"Pot-tee?" Even my translator doesn't recognize the word.

Her cheeks turn bright red. "Bathroom? Pee? Uh, void? Make waste? God, this is the unsexiest conversation ever." She puts a hand to her forehead. "Shall I go on?"

"No, I know what you mean." It is yet another thing I didn't think of. Of course she wants privacy…and there is absolutely none to be had.

"So where can I go? Because it's getting urgent."

I look around the smelly, smelly canyon, and then gesture wide, indicating that she can go anywhere. After all, the creatures certainly have.

Veronica's expression grows startled, then a horrified giggle escapes her. She presses her fingers to her lips, but she just keeps laughing. "It's not funny," she says between snickers, and then just keeps laughing harder.

I laugh, too, because our situation is ridiculous. Here we are on an alien planet, trying to find shelter, and all we find are this land's equivalent of shit factories. Here I am, trying to impress my mate, and I just told her to crap in a gorge. "This is a terrible place."

"I hate it here," she admits, laughing so hard that water streams out of her eyes. "I really, really do."

And that makes my laughter stop. Because even though it's cold here and I don't know this place and the locals are pushy…I don't hate it here. I have freedom. I have the entire world to explore if I so choose. I am without collar, without master, and without boundaries.

I love it, and it makes me sad that she does not. "Is it so awful being here with me?"

Her laughter dies away and she slowly shakes her head. "Oh. No, Ashtar. It's not awful being here with you at all." She moves forward and cups my face, then draws me close to her. I'm fascinated by what she's going to do, so I let her pull me down against her, curious. All she does is brush her lips over mine, though.

Huh.

She gives my cheek a pat. "I'm serious about using the bathroom, though. Give me five minutes and then we'll go somewhere else. I don't think I want to stay here."

Me, either. I know I want more brushes of her mouth over mine, though.

I wait at the entrance to the gorge to give my mate some privacy. She returns a few moments later, scrubbing her hands with fresh snow and her cheeks bright pink. "Survival is the most humiliating situation," she tells me. "Swear you won't share this with a soul."

"Share what?"

She puts a finger to the side of her nose and points at me, and I have no idea what she's gesturing about. But her mood is good and we are out of that smelly canyon, so I'm willing to go anywhere with her. "Where now?"

Veronica puts her hands on her hips, scanning the environment. She flicks her gaze over me and my nudity, her cheeks flushing, and then distinctly looks away. "How much do you know about survival?"

"The only survival I know of is not to come in last during the arena games," I admit. "That is as extensive as my knowledge."

"Mmm. Well, let's solve one problem at a time. Shelter is probably the most pressing one." She glances up at me. "How did you keep me warm while I was unconscious?"

"I stayed in battle form and curled around you."

"Battle form? You mean dragon?" When I shrug, she taps a finger on her lips, thinking, and I am reminded of how it felt to have her mouth against mine. "We can do that again if we have to, but let's see if we can find someplace better anyhow. Let's focus on something else, then—either food or water. Humans can live a long time without food but not so long without water." Veronica glances around. "Considering this is an ice planet, I'd say we're okay on water, provided we find a relatively clean spot to grab some snow from. I've always been told not to eat snow, but I'm guessing you can always melt it for me if we find a container of some kind."

I will let her drink from my cupped hands if she must.

She continues to tap on that fascinatingly pink mouth. "So that leaves us with…food. I'm not eating whatever those creatures were." She shudders. "Hungry, but not that hungry."

I say nothing. I don't like that she is hungry at all. I feel like it is my fault, that I am failing her somehow.

My lovely mate tilts her head, studying me. "You're fast on all fours. You could go hunting without me, you know—"

"No." I know my answer before she even finishes her sentence. "Absolutely not."

"You could leave me here—"

"No," I repeat. There are a million things that could go wrong if I left her alone. The creatures could come back. New creatures could come here, drawn by my mate's enticing scent. The blustery storms could get worse. She could fall and hurt herself—and that is more likely than anything. Since I have not given her my fires, we have no mental connection. If I get lost I cannot find her by the touch of her mind.

She is not leaving my sight.

Veronica gives me an exasperated look but doesn't argue. "Okay then. Can you hunt with me in your arms? Like we traveled?"

"Not well," I admit. "Unless we find a slow or lame creature, I won't be able to move quickly enough." Especially because too fast and I could risk dropping her.

"Hmm." Veronica keeps thinking. "It's a shame we can't go fishing."

I pause. She's clever, my mate. Fishing would solve so many problems. I can fish with her safely nearby, and if the water is fresh we can drink it as well. "Why can't we?"

"Because ice?"

I shake my head. "I crossed a wet stream recently. It was warm. Smelled like sulphur."

"A hot spring?" She looks excited. "That could be food and water. We should go for it."

All we can do is try. I nod and shift forms, then gather her in my arms. I send another mental push of thought at her, just because I'm longing to talk mind-to-mind. She rubs her forehead absently but doesn't acknowledge my attempt at communication. It's like I'm almost connecting, but not quite.

But…what if I give her my fires and she still cannot speak to me with minds? What if humans have no such ability? The disappointment would be crushing. Mind-to-mind is the most intimate thing a drakoni can experience, and to not be able to share that with my Veronica would be devastating.

I pull her close to my scales, wondering if I am setting myself up for disappointment.