ASHTAR

I travel along the trails in my battle form until the suns are close to setting over the ridge of the mountains. My Veronica is happy tucked into my claws and against my breast, and occasionally asks questions that I can answer with a snort of fire for yes, silence for no. It's not much conversation on my end, but it's enjoyable.

She asks if I have ever been on a winter planet before.

Silence. No.

She asks if I knew any humans prior to meeting me. Or any females.

Silence to both.

She asks if I will miss being in the arena.

I think for a minute and give a small snort of fire. Even though it was a very different life and I did not expect to live long, I was good at what I did. I enjoyed fighting and the roars of the crowds. I enjoyed the rush that comes after a fierce battle and the stands are slamming with feet and fists as they shout your name. Will I miss that? I think so. This is a much quieter life.

But it does not mean I would not give it up a thousand times to have my Veronica.

Of course, we have no mental link and she does not understand that this is a question that cannot truly be answered with yes or no. It has layers of complexity. How can I explain with a quick spout of fire that I will miss the physicality and the rush of battle, but not the trappings that come with it? I will not miss eating dry protein supplements because my master has decided that I must be put on an optimal diet. I will not miss being traded from slaver to slaver, my muscles felt and prodded and the endless medical tests to ensure that I am in peak fighting readiness. I will not miss the loneliness. I will not miss the slave collars.

I will not miss any of those things, but I will miss the arena.

Once I tell her this, she grows sad, misunderstanding. I pause and nose her again until she forces a smile to her lips. "Think you'll be happy here with me anyhow?"

I lift my head and blow a huge rush of fire into the air to show her just how happy. She looks surprised and then her cheeks go pink with pleasure. She swats lightly at the claw resting against her belly. "Showoff." But she is pleased.

After that, the questions are easier to answer. Have I killed three men in the arena?

Easy. Yes.

Ten?

Yes.

A hundred?

I think for a moment, then cautiously blow another yes of fire into the air. I have had masters that made me fight several times a day for months on end. I have participated in battle orgies where dozens and dozens enter the arena and only a handful are left standing. I do not remember their faces, but I know there have been too many to count.

After this, the questions change to something else. She tilts her head back and looks up at me. "When we have our baby, would you prefer it be a boy?"

I stop entirely. My tail flicks back and forth, pushing snow across the path behind us. I am stunned.

A baby. Young. Veronica and I will make young. Together.

I knew that resonance was for a biological reason, but this is the first time I have put together the realization that I will be a father soon. Or perhaps this is the first time it has really, truly hit me. A kit, as the sa-khui say. I think, picturing a little human girl with my horns and her mother's eager clumsiness. I imagine a son with golden scales like me and her soft hair. My chest aches with want.

I want them both. Now that I am going to be selfish and picture myself in the future with a family, I want both of them—boy and girl. Two of each, perhaps, if we are thinking grandly. I like that idea.

So I hold her a little closer and let a small bit of flame out.

"A boy, hm? So not a girl?"

I flame again, frustrated at my inability to respond sufficiently. She really is terrible at coming up with the right questions. I make a mental note to tell her just how I feel when I shift back. When I claim her body and fill her with my seed…and she takes my fires. Then our mental bond will be there and this terrible guessing game will not be necessary.

I only hope she's not angry when she finds out what taking my fires truly means.

I spot the cave Bek told me about just up ahead and head toward it with both eagerness and trepidation. I think of the mental bond even as I gently set my mate on the ground and poke my head into the cave to look for inhabitants, as Bek has warned me of. That sometimes snowcats or metlaks make them their homes and it can be dangerous to walk in unprepared. But this cave is empty, and once I pull my head out, I shift back to two-legged form. I sling the pack over my shoulder and take my mate's hand.

"Tired?" I ask her as we head into the cave.

"No, I'm fine." She smiles at me and stifles a yawn.

She is tired. I frown to myself, wondering if we should put this off until she feels better. "Sit," I tell her as I put the pack at the entrance to the cave and pat the surface. She sits atop it and I move inside, remembering the instructions of the others. Through scent, I find the basket of dung chips from the grass eaters and pile a few into the firepit, then blow flame on them. Easy enough. I check through the rest of the cave, just in case, but it is not an extremely deep cave like Willa and Gren's home. This one is little more than a recess tucked between thick rock, and barely has enough room for the rolls of furs neatly stacked along the back wall.

I turn back to Veronica, but she's picking up the pack and dragging it inside. "Let me do that," I tell her, taking it from her hands.

"Oh come on. All I did was sit all day in your claws. I'm not that tired."

"You have pushed yourself hard recently. I would not push you more." I pull one of the stuffed leather stools in the cave—there are two of them—by the firepit and point. "I will make you tea."

She rolls her eyes at me but does as she's told.

I help her pull off all her extra layers and then pour her a cup of the leaf-water tea. As she sips it, I move about the cave, making everything ready for my mate. I unroll the thick furs—all of them—and create her a fine, deep nest of warmth in the back of the cave. I find the dried meat and make her a meal. I pull the cave screen over the mouth of the cave itself so we can be alone together. I set my weapons by the door in case she needs defending.

And then…there is nothing else to be done. My khui throbs in my chest, an urgent reminder of why we came out here. I study my mate's face as she gives me a bright, eager smile. She pats the stool next to her, indicating that she wants me to sit down.

If I sit too close, though…I will not be able to resist her or the call of my khui. And while she might be strong enough to mate right now, I'm not entirely certain she's strong enough to take my fires. I have no idea how that will affect a human.

"Drink your tea," I tell her. "Then you should rest. Sleep."

Veronica makes a face at me. "I thought we came here for privacy. For, you know, other things." And her cheeks pink up.

"We will," I promise her. "But not yet. You need your strength."

"If you're super concerned about my strength, I'm happy to lie back and let you do all the heavy lifting," she tells me, playfully toying with a lock of her hair.

Was ever a male tortured so sweetly? "Soon," I say abruptly. And it will be soon. Perhaps not soon enough for my tastes, but Veronica is worth waiting for. I will not put her at risk.

She looks unhappy at my decision, sighing heavily and drinking her tea in silence. I keep myself busy, working on arranging items in the cave, then I decide I will make my Veronica a spear for herself. It doesn't have to be done tonight, of course, but if I keep my focus on other things, perhaps my khui will listen. So I carve some of the heavy lengths of bone down as the others showed me and work on creating spearheads.

After a while, Veronica sighs again, then moves toward the bed. "I guess I'll go to sleep."

I nod, unable to look at her. Now that we are alone together, my need is that much greater…and that much more difficult to ignore.

She gets into the bed and gazes at me for a long time before eventually turning over and going to sleep. I hate that I have ignored her like this, but I have no choice.

She needs her rest. She does not need a ravenous beast rutting upon her, not when she is so fragile. And at this point, I would indeed be a ravenous beast. My khui is sapping all the reason from my mind.