“Damn girl, you look hawwtt!” Dyan’s voice went up a notch, the shrill slightly hidden by her enthusiasm. “If I was a guy, I’d totally do you.”
My face broke into a smile. I needed all the confidence I could save up for tonight.
It wasn’t every day that I was invited to an ultra-glamorous event where the country’s most powerful women were in attendance.
Denton had been a great friend. He’d offered to cover the cost for my whole outfit, including the beauty treatments and preparation that Dyan had subjected me to. I’d politely declined because it wouldn’t be right. Although it was costing me an arm and a leg and a half, I wanted to look presentable for my own sake and not at Denton’s cost.
And, I didn’t think Webb would be pleased at the fact that Denton would be spending money on me.
Webb hadn’t said much, but his demeanor had changed since we came back from D.C.
He often joined me for breakfast and actually engaged in small talk. When before he would sit at the table and I just felt alone. Now he’d chat about the news, and sometimes he’d even surprise me with tidbits about Hollywood stars. Some were gross – like a famous singer who didn’t wash her hands after a number two – that was disgusting. Some were quite interesting – how a popular actress was in the military and became a box-office queen after leaving the service.
Then there were the small light touches. When before he avoided proximity to me, now he stayed as close to me as possible, especially when were alone at his place. One night, I’d invited him to watch a movie with me, and I was ready for him to say “no” as he usually did. Imagine my surprise when he sat on the couch beside me and asked me to pick the movie. I chose Fast and Furious 6. He’d raised his brow and asked, “Because of Paul Walker or Vin Diesel?”
I smirked and responded, “Nope. Jason Statham and Luke Evans.” He’d nodded his head and didn’t say anything. In the middle of watching it, he’d said, “You like older guys then?”
I paused the movie and laughed so hard that my belly ached.
When I’d finally stopped, his questioning eyes were on me.
“I don’t have a thing for older guys,” I said, in between giggling fits. “I think they’re hot because of their accents and they’re pretty to look at.”
I started to push the play button when he asked, “Would you go out with an older guy?”
My face heated up because after showing him many times that I was interested and him basically ignoring me or not reciprocating my intentions, I’d given up. The only response I could say back was, “Why?”
“I’m asking, Athena,” was his answer.
“If you’re asking if I’d go out with any older guy, I’d say no.” I was raised by a man who upheld honesty to the highest level. At times, it hurt to be honest. But I’d rather live with the hurt than stay alive with a lie. “But if you’re the one asking me, I wouldn’t even think twice about it. My answer would be yes.”
He looked away for a minute and the next minute, he inched closer to me. Without saying another word, he put his arm around my shoulders and we finished the movie like that. Our bodies flush against each other, his hand caressing my hair gently time and time again, and after the movie ended, he’d lain my head against the white cushy pillow and that was the first time I’d fallen asleep with a man. The next morning, I’d woken up in my bed and all I could think about was how nice it felt to see the other side of Webb. The side that he was slowly showing me.
So…
While tonight I was Denton’s date, I really wanted to look good for Webb.
While I’d be in Denton’s arms, I’d be thinking about the man who would be in the shadows. The man who could make my heart beat faster and my breath slower.
I glanced at my reflection in our dorm’s full length mirror.
The navy mixed media midi dress’ ponte bodice featured with a lamé, chevron eyelash fringed skirt was a pricey buy. But the way the thin sleeveless straps highlighted the square caftan neckline was so worth it.
The A-line silhouette made me feel like a princess.
The high-low hem and the hidden back zipper made me feel like a woman.
Tonight I wanted to feel like the woman that I was.
I’d applied the finishing touches to my face, applying the deep eggplant eye shadow to the top and bottom lines of my eyelashes to create a smoky, contrasting shade to the green in my eyes. The deep purple eyeliner capped off the sultry, sexy effect I was going for. I’d learned the basics of makeup from YouTube beauty tutorials. It was one of the benefits of being in the hospital day in and day out, I had an unlimited amount of time doing nothing online and if there was one thing I’d perfected, it was to create a different version of myself by applying makeup.
“Girl, you’re smoking,” Dyan said, she’d been on her phone while I was fixing my face. She could be a ninja. There were a few instances when I’d be busy studying and all of a sudden she’d break me out of my reverie and it would completely stump me because I forgot she was there in the first place.
“Thank you my friend.” I was happy with how the dress turned out. My savings wasn’t, but life was only lived once and this was my biggest splurge of the year. “What time is it anyways?”
“Ten til eight.”
In five minutes, Denton would be knocking so I herded Dyan to the living room.
I hadn’t been sleeping at our dorm since Webb had determined it was safer for me to be at his place. In the beginning it was hard keeping secrets from my friends. A few weeks into my living arrangement with Webb, I’d talked to him about it and although he wasn’t amenable at first, he did say that it was better for them to know than not to know. I told them the smallest of details, that my dad was working on a super-secret project and there were people who wanted to use me to get to him. Mario had thought it was the coolest, Dyan was excited that she knew a VIP, and Denton was the one who took it the best way possible. I guessed it was because he was used to that type of environment since his mom was a governor.
“Dy, do you think I should go for the black or the gold?” I asked, my hands pointing to the only two evening sandals I owned.
She eyed my dress for a second, “Gold. It gives your outfit the extra oomph.”
The 3-inch dusty glitter fabric sandal with a crisscross vamp design was a graduation gift from my mother. She believed that shoes were as precious as handbags. I often felt that I was a huge disappointment to her when it came to shopping. I was her only daughter, but I had very little tolerance for department stores or boutique stores. I loved shopping but not necessarily in person. I felt that I could use my time wisely by having things delivered at my door.
I slid into my shoes and picked the small black leather clutch bag from the couch.
Two knocks on the door signaled the arrival of Denton.
Dyan rushed to the door before I could. In my presently incapacitated state, three inches can do that to a girl, she’d win the running-to-the-door contest hands down.
“Dayyyuumm, you clean up nice, big boy.” Her excited chatter had me in stitches. Denton was used to her jokes, but he wasn’t quite used to compliments coming from Dyan. I was pretty sure his face was going to turn red in a matter of seconds.
I had to get down a small set of stairs so I definitely needed Denton’s help to get to his car without planting my face on the ground, so I called out, “Hey buddy, can you help a girl out? I’m not sure I can go down the stairs without your assistance.”
My eyes fell to my shoes and yep, I’d definitely be needing to be carried out by the end of the night. I loved the style of these Jimmy Choos (and I’d never be able to own any if they weren’t a gift), but I could already feel the tension on my heels even if I’d only been standing for a few minutes. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to last the –
Holy hell and high waters.
“You need help?” The gruffness of his voice caused a delicious tingle through my spine.
Throat, swallow air.
Vocal cords, damnit, do something.
Mouth, say something.
I’d seen him in his gym attire, in his jeans, and his everyday clothes.
But nothing, nada, niente (as my favorite Italian nurse used to say), zilch, could prepare me for this.
The light blue dress shirt under his black suit accentuated the deep blue of his eyes while the satin shawl collar and the single button front showcased the abundance of his hardened chest.
Webb might have been a soldier, but he could’ve graced Hugo Boss’ billboards anytime.
The man made the suit delectable.
“Ahem, when you two decide to stop eye-loving each other, I’m over here by the couch, watching you beautiful people check each other out,” Dyan said, while fake-coughing. “Oh and by the way, the other lover boy is downstairs, he just texted, he’ll be up here in three, two…”
“One.” Denton appeared on the doorway. Like Webb, he was dressed to the nines. But unlike Webb, him wearing a suit didn’t affect me in the same way.
Denton looked handsome in his three-piece Navy suit. He’d asked what color I was wearing and when I told him navy, he made sure that he was going to be coordinated with my outfit.
“Hey man.” Denton acknowledged Webb, but his green eyes were lasered to me.
Webb tilted his head, “Hey.”
In the movies, when guys fight over the girl, it’s cinematic glory.
In real life, not so much.
People often pitied the guy whose heart the girl had broken. But what about the girl? Did anyone feel bad for her? I’m not saying I’m breaking Denton’s heart. He knew what the score was when he asked me to be his date for tonight. It was only for tonight.
But the look on Webb’s face was painful for me to watch.
In mere minutes, I’d seen his features go from awed to pissed off.
The pissed off vibe wasn’t obvious to Dyan and Denton, but to me, it was plain as day.
“You look beautiful, A,” Denton said, his eyes reflected admiration. “I feel like I should’ve brought a corsage.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, “We’re not going to prom.”
“If I knew you back then, I would’ve invited you.” He held out his hand and I placed mine in his. “Twice over.”
“Lucky me.” I volleyed back, “Should we get going?”
Dyan stood from her sitting position on the couch and gave me side hug. “Have fun, girlfriend.”
“I will.”
To Denton, she said, “Take care of our friend. Show her a good time even when you’re around the bourgeoisie.”
Denton couldn’t keep a straight face, “For someone who cheats in Sociology, you sure know how to pronounce French words.”
“Shut up. It was one time. I didn’t cheat. I copied answers to a homework assignment.” Her tiny figure went up in arms and it made me chuckle. From the periphery, I saw Webb checking his phone.
“Alright let’s get this party started,” Denton announced as he led me to the door.
I couldn’t get out without saying a word to Webb so I stopped when I passed by him. “Hold on.”
Denton nodded and walked to the doorway.
“You look very handsome tonight,” I whispered as I pretended to adjust a non-existent crease on his suit.
The pain in his eyes was replaced with tenderness. I wasn’t one of those girls who reveled in the attention of two men especially since I knew who I wanted to be with. Sure I was flattered that Denton liked me, but I’d made it clear that I wasn’t keen on returning his attention.
If it wasn’t clear to Denton, I was making it crystal right now.
My heels offered me the height that I wanted, I didn’t even need to tip toe as high as I normally would.
I reached my right hand to his face, the light stubble prickly against my skin, and softly, my lips touched his cheek.
He was my shadow.
But I wanted him to know that I didn’t intend to keep my feelings for him hidden in obscurity.
“Keep your phone with you at all times,” was all he said.
I motioned my understanding with a nod and walked over to Denton who was keeping himself preoccupied with his phone.
Denton led us to his car and after he closed the passenger door, I felt my phone vibrate in my purse.
I took it out and saw that Webb had sent me a text message.
Save me a dance tonight, gorgeous.
I replied, Will do.
When I was a child, I used to dream about Disneyland. The place where happiness lived.
I imagined that I’d live with Goofy, Pluto, and Pals in Mickey’s Toon Town and have a blast with Minnie Mouse at Minnie’s House.
Those images got me through the loneliest of times that crept in even when my parents tried to shield me from being alone. I wasn’t ever scared of being alone, but there were times that I felt that yearning to be outside the hospital walls – where I could play like a normal child would, out in the sun, and vacation at Disney parks.
My mom had everything arranged for our trip, we were going to have a grand time at the House of Mouse. I had a Minnie suitcase packed with all the Disney outfits I’d collected throughout the years. I was counting down the days, six sleeps, five, four.
It’s hard to forget the day my young mind’s dreams were crushed.
I still remembered it as if it happened yesterday, and I would always think that my dad’s eyes told me everything.
He’d sat down with Mom in the kitchen while I watched and flipped the channels between Disney Jr. and Nick Jr.
Then when both of them came to me, with dad’s eyes reflecting the storm clouds brewing in the skies, I knew that our Disneyland trip was canceled. I just didn’t know that it was going to be canceled for almost a decade.
My illness had made me weak, my immune system more fragile than talc, so flying and being exposed to large crowds were big no-no’s. The thing about having to fight a disease at a young age was that my spirit was at its most resilient; I could undergo tests and surgeries as if they were routines of my life. I didn’t know what I missed out on because I had no idea on what was out there beyond the memories of my childhood.
My memories were now flooded with Disneyland because as soon as I saw the majestic lights and beautiful landscaping, the place reminded me so much of my feelings when I had crossed over the ticket line at the Happiest Place on Earth.
I’d never heard of the Neuehouse until now.
As I step outside of Denton’s car, I took a second to inhale the scent of the nighttime California air. When you had a majority of your life spent in sterile, tightly controlled environments, everything outside of it smelled like freedom.
Denton’s hand appeared on my right, offering me a pillar of support, and I didn’t hesitate to grab a hold of him lest I fall face flat on the concrete.
“You look amazing, A,” he said as he handed the valet his keys. “Thanks for being my date.”
I smiled at him, in another timeline I would return the adoration reflected in his gaze, but not in this one, not when Webb was all I could think of. “You look great too, amigo. I can’t wait to see the rest of this place.”
He clasped a hand in mine and proceeded to lead the way.
“Wow,” I said, standing by the entrance to the building. A red carpet was spread out on the side of the building where reporters and guests were mingling about. We were literally a few feet away from a bevy of beautiful entertainers who were busy being interviewed on camera and I couldn’t help but be star struck. I recognized a few of them because their faces were plastered on billboards, magazines, web, and TV.
Denton’s head turned towards the red carpet, “Not bad for a Saturday night.”
I nudged his side with my elbow, “Not bad? That’s Selena and Demi and…Katy.”
He shook his shoulders, “Yeah yeah. They’re cool and all, but I got a beauty right here in my arms and they got nothing on you.”
In another life. “Denton…”
“What? I’m telling the truth.” He escorted me inside the building, his steps sure and the way he moved told me that he had been there a time or two. I was remiss to think that he was a regular college kid when he was anything but. He came from a political dynasty and his basketball glory was just a dent in his profile. “If you don’t believe me, ask the guy who would follow you to the pits of Hell without looking back. Not that I wouldn’t, but I know my place, A.”
I moved my hand, lowering it to his wrist, “You’re a good friend, Denton.”
His green eyes wavered for a second, “Sometimes I wish I was someone else.”
“Why?” My question, a disbelief. “You have everything – money, looks, popularity. Half of our school’s male population would kill to be in your shoes. No, I digress, half of the country’s population would die to have a life like yours.”
He pressed his hand to mine, “I shouldn’t have wasted so much time, I should’ve upped my game when it came to you. Now I can’t get it back and hell, what I’d give for a girl to look at me the way you look at him.”
My breath caught while Denton’s head tilted to the left and without question, I knew that Webb was there. Or somewhere in the vicinity.
“Am I that obvious?” There was no reason for me to hide that I liked Webb. I couldn’t lie to save my face and I often wore my heart on my sleeve, so it didn’t surprise me that even Denton noticed.
We were at the lounge where servers dressed in bows and ties, carrying champagne flutes, and hors d’oeuvres walked around. I reached for a spanakopita and he grabbed a champagne.
He sat on the light beige comfy couch and I followed suit.
“A, I’d be blind not to see the way you check him out when he’s standing in front of you or he’s looking away.” The smirk on his face told me that even though he liked me, he was also a dear friend. The chatter in the room had become loud enough that I had to sit closer to him to listen to what he was saying. “And I really should charge you because I’m channeling my Dear Amy chakras here, but if he hasn’t told you that he feels the same way about you, then he’s an idiot.”
I munched on the Greek appetizer and my taste buds burst alive with the yummy combination of phyllo, spinach, and ricotta. “Hmmm…”
It was a bit amusing that Denton was giving me fresh advice on my love life when Webb had been upset that Denton had asked me to be his date. Life was really weird sometimes.
“Don’t tell him though – ”
“Tell him what? That you’re Dear Amy?”
He dabbed a small square napkin on the side of my cheek, “You missed some dough. And no. Don’t tell him I called him an idiot, I’d really hate it if he put me to sleep again.”
It felt so long ago, the night I first met Webb, when he’d put Denton to sleep.
It’d only been months, but now that I knew Webb, I couldn’t imagine a time when I didn’t. Not when he occupied my thoughts, my dreams, and my reality.
I laughed and took the napkin from him, proceeding to lightly wipe my mouth, peeking at the watch on his hand, I said, “At least I have time to check my face before I meet your mom. I don’t want to meet your mother with spinach in my teeth.”
Denton’s eyes hit the entrance and he stood up, “Too late, girlfriend. Too late. Mamma mia is here.”
“It’s not easy to stand here on this stage, accepting this esteemed award,” Governor Shayla Holmes’ voice echoed among the powerhouse of women and men listening to her humble speech. “My staff has made it possible for me to be in five places at once.”
The audience laughed and I caught the pride in Denton’s face.
He loved his mom and it wasn’t hard to miss the motherly look on his mom’s face when she caught a glimpse of her son.
Meeting Governor Shayla Holmes was nerve-wracking for sure.
Thank goodness I didn’t have spinach in my teeth as Denton had devilishly joked about or I would have died on the spot.
Unlike her basketball giant offspring, Governor Holmes was a petite lady with a massive presence. Among the field of celebrities, the shine in her star was clearly identifiable.
She had welcomed me with a hug and when Denton had walked away to grab his mom a drink, she’d said, “It’s nice to meet my son’s girlfriend.”
I was about to correct her, but Denton did it for me. “She’s my dear friend, mom.”
“Dear friend, girlfriend. What difference does it make? I’m just happy that you’re keeping my son in check. My schedule’s overflowing these days and I hate to admit it, but I wished I had more time to watch him play and do college mom-son things with him.” Shayla’s brown eyes misted so quickly that you’d miss it if you weren’t looking closely, but her voice held a slight edge when she spoke again, “It’s great to be in my position, but with this position comes a great deal of sacrifice from my family.”
“Mom…” Denton shifted on his feet, men weren’t comfortable with talking about their feelings. Especially when it came to their moms and when they were surrounded by hundreds of people who ran in their social circle. “I’m just happy we got to attend this event with you. You deserve all the awards.”
There wasn’t a place for me to disagree. “Because of you, millions of children are able to keep their health insurance. Lunches are covered by the State and you are truly the voice of our people.”
Shayla was wearing light makeup that complimented her tanned skin, but her face still blushed under the compliment; she was a genuinely good person and it was truly a blessing that she was our governor. Women like her made women like me aspire to become great.
People recognized her as they often stopped by our table to chat and in those few minutes, I learned so much about her as a person – that she made you feel as if she had all the time in the world to listen to you and as intelligent as she was, she was also filled with charm. The charm that she definitely passed on to her son.
“Are you having fun, girlfriend?” His voice was mocking, but his eyes were clearly joking.
“I am.” I truly was. “Your mom’s great.”
“She is.” He nodded his head and cut the steak on his plate with a knife. “Just wait until she takes the floor later. She’ll bring the crowd to their feet.”
He wasn’t being a braggart, that much I knew. He was speaking the plain truth.
I sipped on the wine by my side and thought about how much I was enjoying the evening. Denton was a great date. Very attentive, we didn’t run out of things to talk about, and polite. He was a dreamboat and a lucky lady would be able to snap him up one day.
I looked down to my phone and saw another text from Webb. Throughout the night, he was sending me emoji’s, flowers, faces with kisses, and funny ones in the shapes of ghosts. He was letting me know that even though Denton was right beside me, he was also there with me. He might be in the shadows, but he wanted to be center stage in my mind, and I texted him back because as much as I was enjoying myself, I couldn’t wait to be in his arms.
“On behalf of the people of this great state, my staff, my friends, and my family,” Governor Holmes was in the final stretch of her speech, “I would like to extend my deep gratitude to everyone who helped me achieve this award. To my sons who aren’t here tonight because of some lame reason,” the audience laughed, “And to my one son who’s here tonight,” her hands pointed to our table and the crowds craned their necks to check out the governor’s son.
Denton’s spine stiffened as his mom called his name. He was used to being a star, but probably not of this magnitude. He waved to his mom as his neck turned red under the spotlight which had somehow landed on him.
“I want you to know how proud I am of you. That I may not be able to attend all your basketball games, to which I’ve heard from Sports World, you’re pretty good at.” A chorus of laughter met her statement. “I’d like to share this award with you and your father in heaven. Without you, I wouldn’t have the grit to fight for everyone else’s children because you are the reason I want to make this world a better place to live in.” The small crack in her voice was a window to her heart as a mother, something that the public didn’t quite see that often and it was enough to have the crowd sniffling, “So, thank you. And one day, when you’re playing for Golden State or the Lakers, I refuse to accept you play for another team,” the crowd cheered, “please don’t forget to hand me your championship ring. Thank you everyone, thank you.”
With those words, Denton stood on his feet and whistled, I stood on my heels and tried to whistle and as I looked around the wide expanse of the room, where the famous faces of entertainment, fashion, politics and art came together to celebrate the year’s greatest achievements, I couldn’t help but notice that none of the guests were sitting, they were all clapping and on their feet.