Flames leapt toward the darkening sky. The bonfire cracked and sparked. Twilight clung to the heavens like a fiery blanket of red woven with purples and blues, the sun dipping out of sight at the sharp, silver edge of the ocean. Waves subdued and quieted. Like they gave way to the peace of the night.
Eyes dropping closed, I breathed it in and let the sensation wrap me whole. Take me under. My spirit trembled and thrashed. Like this moment was shared with him. Like that connection hadn’t been forever severed.
All because of me.
I could almost hear his laughter riding on the waves.
It’d been different than mine.
Lighter. Kinder. Innocent.
Good.
My chest squeezed and that vacant space moaned in agony.
I’m so fucking sorry, Julian. So sorry.
My phone buzzing in my pocket pulled me out of my trance. Suddenly I noticed the carefree voices surrounding me as I came back to the here and now.
Next to me, Damian sat on a piece of whitewashed driftwood, laughing with Deak as they tossed back beers.
My phone buzzed again.
Then again.
Sighing, I dug it out.
Guess I already knew who it would be. For years, he’d given me space. Time to grow and figure out shit for myself. Seemed his patience was wearing thin.
Hesitantly, I thumbed into the waiting messages.
Know you’re not a little kid anymore. Shit…I haven’t seen you in three years. I probably wouldn’t even recognize you. But I know you, Austin.
And I know you’re out there beating yourself up, holding yourself responsible when the fault is mine. It’s always been mine. Have you figured that out yet? Because I need you to.
This is important to me, Austin. Come home. Back to L.A. Where you belong.
But that’s what my older brother could never understand.
It was my fault.
Baz hadn’t snuffed out his last breath.
That unbearable weight came crashing down. The weight I’d so foolishly thought putting space between the guys, my brother, and me would somehow erase.
Like the distance could fill the chasm.
But I should have known that abyss was bottomless.
I wavered on what to say. Because I wanted to give a solid answer. To stop being a pussy and own up.
As usual, I took the coward’s way out. I tapped out a reply.
Trying to figure stuff out. I am, Baz. I promise, I am.
Funny, because things seemed more complicated now than they’d ever been.
I went to slip my phone back in my pocket, when it buzzed again.
I figured it was my brother with a response.
But no.
My heart skidded.
Nerves pricked at my flesh.
Ash.
Sunder’s bassist.
Edie’s older brother.
Guilt tried to weigh me down.
Always did when I thought of him.
Knowing the secrets I’d kept.
The fact I was responsible for Edie taking off the way she had.
Lying through my damned teeth when he’d demanded information, the guy quick to the hunch that I’d been involved more than I’d let on.
Did he know she was here? Did he wonder and worry? Toss and turn at night, not knowing if she was okay?
Band’s suffering, man. Your brother needs you. Think it’s about time you return the favor, don’t you?
Blinding guilt.
I sucked in a breath.
“Who’s that?” Damian asked.
“No one,” I said, quick to stuff the phone in my pocket. It was best for now not to go down that road with Ash. I wasn’t sure how to deal with him right now.
Not with Edie here, invading every thought in my mind.
For a fleeting second Damian frowned, before he shrugged, dropped the issue, and gave in to the light mood drifting in the cool air.
“So how’s it feel to be climbing that hill? Gonna be hitting the top pretty damned soon.” Damian smirked, taunting Deak from across the fire.
Rubbing it in just a little bit deeper.
Like the dude turning twenty-seven today made him old.
“Aye, mate,” Deak said with the thick Australian accent he never could shake, which apparently was nothing less than bait. Anywhere we went, the second he opened his mouth, women flocked.
The brunette hanging on his side who he’d met five minutes before seemed proof enough.
He shoved the shaggy locks of his sandy-blond hair he wore to his shoulders behind his ears. The guy was surfer through and through, his body lean from the time spent in the waves, skin dark from the sun. He wore a short-sleeved button-up shirt, board shorts, and bare feet.
Deak smirked at Damian from over the top of his beer. “You should know better than that by now. This boy here just gets better ‘n’ better and the ladies love him more and more. Some things just get better with age.”
I sat on another large piece of driftwood that had been hauled up to this section of the secluded beach that few houses overlooked, including Deak’s. The brunette’s friend had taken a spot next to me.
She slanted me a timid smile.
A month ago, I’d have been game.
But not now.
Not with Edie.
Even if I couldn’t have her, that devotion ran deep.
I was getting ready to figure out a way to blow the girl off when I froze.
Tension surged.
Swift and thick and suffocating.
Like a direct kick to the gut.
A gust of wind whipped through.
Stoking the flames. Heat pulsed. Fire against my skin.
I pulled in a deep breath in an attempt to steady myself. Seeking control when she’d always made me want to lose it.
Slowly, I turned to look over my shoulder, already knowing who I’d find.
“Ah…you made it, mate.” Deak’s voice barely penetrated in my periphery.
“Yeah, man. You should’ve known I wouldn’t miss it.”
Deak’s friend Clay kicked up sand, quick to make his way toward us, grinning like a fool who had no idea he was ushering in my complete and utter demise.
He hooked his thumb to the side. “Figured I’d grab some more friends to come out and play. It is your birthday, after all.”
Striding along right beside Clay was the girl I’d learned was Blaire.
The asshole’s sister.
And the asshole was trailing right behind the two of them.
But it was the one at his side who locked the breath in my too-tight lungs.
All that hair flew around her like white flames.
Light. Light. Light.
Did she know?
Did she have the first clue what she did to me?
How she rushed in like swelling waves. Sucking me under. Dragging me to the darkest depths that were lit up with her presence.
Like rays of sunlight that pierced the abyss.
Where she comforted and crucified.
The girl was my own perfect torment.
Shadows danced and played across her face that was both slender and soft. High, defined cheekbones tapered down, giving way to her sweet, pouty mouth.
That sweet, sweet mouth I wanted nothing more than to devour.
My dick twitched and my hands fisted.
Every rational part of me flailed around to find some sort of restraint when every other part just wanted to go for her.
To drive my hands into lush, soft hair.
Kiss her mad.
Take back what always should have been mine.
Fuck. She made me insane. Crazy with lust and delirious with devotion.
So damned beautiful.
But what cut me all up inside was the bottled terror she tried to contain in her expression.
Like maybe she’d forced herself to come along to celebrate Deak’s birthday, doing her best to convince herself she had nothing and everything to prove.
A million different emotions glinted in her eyes. Old, old wounds ripped open and raw, and soft, soft affection she’d give anything not to feel.
Like shards of broken glass lighting up in the flames of the fire.
Diamonds.
Transparent.
Through them? I swore I could see directly into her soul.
It seemed that hungry gaze had no place else to settle because she couldn’t look away.
Just like me.
Because God. This girl was the only thing I could see.
Jed set his hand on the small of her back.
Possessively.
Aggression curled through my body. It took about all I had to coerce myself to sit still. To not fly to my feet and stalk across the space so I could rip it from her body. All those irrational, foolish places were demanding to be heard.
Maybe it was wrong. But I couldn’t help the flicker of satisfaction I felt in the fact she cringed away.
It was barely noticeable.
But believe me.
I fucking noticed.
I was betting Jed noticed, too.
Jealousy was an ugly, nasty beast.
And that monster was rising up, gripping my insides. Spurring me forward.
My knee bounced like a motherfucker as they approached. Jed shook Deak’s hand and wished him a happy birthday.
Clay and Blaire both did the same.
Then Edie stepped forward and embraced Deak, her voice both the worst and the best thing I’d ever heard. It was a soft melody that touched me in all the places that it both soothed and hurt for her to touch. That voice so kind. Gentle and good.
It prodded and nudged at all the places that’d gone dim when she’d walked out of my life.
The places only she had lit.
It was kind of sick how bad I wanted that voice whispering in my ear.
How bad I wanted it screaming my name.
Damian nudged me, gave me a knowing eye, a silent warning as he passed me a fresh beer.
Keep your cool.
I twisted the cap and took a deep pull. Cold liquid sloshed down my throat and pooled in my gut, a clashing contradiction to the fire burning inside.
Just as hot as the fire that licked and danced and sparked in front of us.
Edie sat down as far away as she could. Directly on the opposite side of the roaring flames.
Did she really think she could hide?
I studied her through them. The way they glowed and flickered against her snowy flesh.
Hell.
That’s exactly where I had to be.
Not being able to touch her.
The forced silence.
Knowing she hated me and had every right to.
Knowing she wanted me just the same.
It was fucking excruciating.
As if she were my long lost friend, Blaire plopped down beside me, on the opposite side of the blonde chick who I’d never gotten around to catching her name.
Blaire’s smile flashed bright. Her brown eyes danced as she looked me up and down.
No doubt, she had gotten some kind of dish on Edie’s and my past and was ready to dig in.
I would have thought she’d hate me for it, too, especially considering she was Jed’s sister.
“So you must be the infamous Austin Stone.”
Leaning my forearms on my knees, I clasped my hands and dipped my head, inclining it her direction. “Infamous, huh?”
“I might have heard a few stories about you.”
“All bad, I presume.”
Her head cocked in question. Like she was seeking an answer in my expression. “I’m not so sure about that.”
Conspiratorially, she leaned in with a whisper. “I have to say, it’s very nice to meet you. Any friend of Deak’s is a friend of mine. He’s kinda great, right?”
Confusion left me on a shot of puzzled laughter. This girl was kind of crazy. Because she was clearly not really talking about Deak, and I was honestly kind of surprised she didn’t give me a wayward wink.
I shook my head, doing my best to play along. “Our boy here is pretty nice to have around. You know…offering up his house that overlooks the ocean and all.”
“Only in Santa Cruz,” she said. “You must be happy you came.” Sarcasm widened her eyes. “It’s just full of all kinds of great surprises, right?”
I chuckled. “Tons of surprises. Really unexpected, amazing surprises.”
My attention darted to Edie, then right back to her friend, letting free a telling smile.
Making my intentions clear.
I had every intention of taking back my girl.
I sucked in a breath when that intensity suddenly surged.
The feeling welled firm.
Alive.
It ricocheted between us. A no holds barred ping pong match.
Volleying that need back and forth.
Determined to fight it.
Desperate to cave to it.
Drawn and repelled.
And I was totally giving into the drawn side.
Canting my head, my attention latched right back onto Edie.
Just as quick as I’d looked, she dropped her potent gaze, quickly lumbered onto unsteady feet. Like she was weighed down.
Her words were a mumble under her breath, uttered to Deak like they were some kind of dark, dirty secret.
“I need to use the restroom.”
Running.
Because that’s what my girl did.
Deak pointed toward our house tucked on top of the hill where it was situated right behind me. “It’s all yours, gorgeous. Back door is unlocked. Make yourself at home,” he told her.
Home.
The word struck me.
That’s precisely the way she’d felt.
Like home.
Looking up at her from where he sat, Jed touched her forearm. “Do you want me to come with you?”
She shook her head. Almost emphatic. “No, I’m fine. I’ll be right back.”
She wove around the fire. I knew with every single step she took she was battling not to meet my gaze.
I felt it.
The turmoil.
The push and the pull.
Drawn and repelled.
Both of us so damned scared of what we might fall into.
It’d always been this way.
I couldn’t find it in myself to care how blatantly obvious it was to everyone that I was staring as she went. Didn’t even try to hide the way I turned to look behind me, eyes intent on that sweet body that slugged through the sand, while every inch of mine hardened and coiled with need. My muscles flexed and twitched, like they already knew we were giving into what I was craving and were urging me along, my gaze hungry as it trailed her hitting the worn path that led to the back of the house.
Fuck.
I wanted to touch.
To taste every inch. To explore every curve. To dip into the ecstasy I knew without a shadow of a doubt lurked beneath distrust and fear.
She wore dark skinny jeans that came to her ankles, accentuating long, defined legs, hugging the flare of her hips and ass, a flowy white shirt that was meant to be modest yet still clung to those perfect round tits.
There’d always been something about her that seemed both stoically elegant and impenetrably vulnerable.
A fragile fortress.
But it was greater now.
Age had shaved off some of her vulnerability.
Exposing an underlying strength invisible before.
Like she couldn’t help herself, she looked back.
Back at me.
Into me.
It felt like with just that look she could reach in and touch all the places that had only ever belonged to her.
Hers.
I’d been hers for so fucking long.
Did she get it yet? Did she know she was always going to belong to me?
And I was damned sure going to use everything in my power to make her remember it.
Rapidly she blinked, the girl doing her best to block me out. She fumbled over an exposed root. Shocked out of her trance, she quickly jerked away and moved faster. She fled up the hill.
She slid open the patio door, her body just a silhouette in the distance before it shut behind her.
Chatter rose up around the bonfire. Voices lifted and totally at ease. Celebrating Deak’s day.
An upheaval rose around me. Strong and fierce and unrelenting.
A building storm.
Minutes moved like a punishment.
Jed met my eye. His chin lifted. Challenging. Brimming with a warning.
Fuck it.
I was on my feet.
Going after what I never should have let go in the first place.
I moved through the darkness.
Called toward the light.
One target on my mind.
One outcome in my heart.
I had no idea if Jed would follow me or not.
If he was wise?
He would.
Or maybe he’d already accepted this inevitability.
I hiked up the worn path and stepped into the quiet of the house. A bright light glowed in the kitchen, making the rest of the house appear dark and dim. Turning to the right, I edged down the dusky hall that led to the bedrooms, passed by mine that sat on the right as I headed for my destination.
On the left side was the guest bathroom. The door was closed. A thin wedge of light bled out from the bottom.
My heart beat out of control. A million miles ahead. Desperate for a chance to make it right.
To take away the pain I’d so carelessly inflicted.
To go back to the way it’d been.
When it’d been so easy yet so fucking complicated.
Both of us had been broken.
Pieces scattered.
But it was our shaky bond that had somehow held those pieces together.
I paced the hall outside the door.
Waiting.
Metal screeched as the lock turned.
That was right about the time my heart caught in my throat.
The memory of just how fucking hung-up I’d been on this girl.
A love-sick kid with butterflies in his stomach and hope in his heart for the first time in his life since the day he’d destroyed it.
Seventeen.
By then, I’d already racked up a whole lifetime of mistakes. All the while being painfully aware I still had the rest of my life to live through the guilt of them.
Yet somehow…somehow Edie had managed to ease them.
Just the same way as she’d let me ease hers.
The door slowly opened. A yelp flew from her when she found me there in the shadows. She reared back in surprise. Just as quick, she tried to duck out and away.
Escape.
Too scared to face what was right in front of us.
“Edie, wait.” My voice was raw. Low and desperate.
She choked on a strangled sound, hesitating for a flash, before she surged forward.
I reached out and grabbed her by the wrist.
With just that touch, fire spread up my arm, jolting me all the way through.
God damn.
I’d almost forgotten. Had almost forgotten she had the power to make me feel this way. Like when we connected, those dead parts of my spirit sparked to life.
She gasped and fumbled to a stop. Her body was still turned the opposite direction, her head angled toward the ground. Her back lifted and expanded with each heaved breath.
No question, she wasn’t immune.
“Wait,” I said again, this time softer.
I gave a gentle squeeze to her wrist.
Wait.
I could feel her surrender. Her tense body gave, and relief came bounding in when she warily turned to look at me. As she did, our hands slipped together for the briefest second, that connection lost when she took a staggered step back.
She stood there.
So clearly confused.
Torn.
A hundred different emotions played out on her unforgettable face like the raging wind.
Whipping and lashing and inciting.
I wanted to reach out and calm it.
“Wait,” I whispered again. I ducked down to bring us level. Coming closer. Because there wasn’t anything on earth that could keep me away.
Her eyes pinched closed, her voice a rasp. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” I asked, edging even closer, backing her toward the wall. Leaning in, I let myself get lost in the suggestion of sun and warmth. In orange and light and something so fucking sweet and intoxicating I wanted to bury my nose in her hair.
In her skin.
To fall in and disappear.
Forever.
Tears pooled in her eyes. She blinked them open. “Don’t do this.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The words came out a rough murmur.
She managed a scoff and a slight shake of her head. “Yes, you do. You’ve always known the way you affect me. The control you have. Don’t play games with me, Austin.”
“Seems to me, that’s the only thing we’ve ever done. You’re the one who ran, Edie, and you took what was left of my heart with you when you did.”
“Don’t say that.”
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.
That had been like our fucking mantra.
Don’t get too close.
Don’t say it out loud.
Don’t touch.
“You did this.” Her whispered accusation hung between us, a violent shot to the simmering air.
Guilt climbed my throat, tongue going dry. “You didn’t stay long enough to let me say I was sorry.”
She turned her face away, chin trembling, before she seemed to gather strength, the courage to look back at me. “You know it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. I had to go. You knew I couldn’t stay. Not when he knew.”
Anger pulsed, and I gritted my teeth, forcing down my rage for that bastard.
Focused on what mattered and not what I couldn’t control.
Her.
I edged closer and she inched back. She plastered herself up against the wall like she were hoping it might open up and swallow her whole.
My fingertips grazed her cheek, so soft, my body a wisp from hers. Sweet tension throbbed in the air, so dense I swore it slowed our movements. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. A disorder of emotions spun around us. “But you did.” Pain echoed through her watery confession. “You hurt me so much.”
“Edie.”
Regret.
Longing.
Sorrow.
They twisted through her name like the whirlwind she incited.
She shook her head. “Why are you here, Austin? In my town. Have you been looking for me?” Dismay laced the last.
I almost wished I could say yes.
Pretty damned sure that would be the correct answer.
God knew my heart had been.
I cleared my throat. “No, Edie. I left L.A. three years ago. I’ve been traveling up and down the coast since.”
Guarded, her gaze wandered, taking me in. Searching. It took me only a second to realize what she was searching for. Like she was doing her best to see beneath my skin to what was polluting my veins. To discover my demons.
It wasn’t a subject I liked returning to.
But it was a part of me.
Who I was.
A piece I was always going to battle.
The words were tight. “I’ve been clean for more than three years, Edie.”
Emotion raced across her features. Quick surprise and sweeping relief.
And then I saw it. Glimpsed the flickers of young love this gorgeous girl had once felt for me.
Her tongue darted out and swiped along her plush bottom lip.
Fuck.
I wanted to kiss her.
“I worried about you so much.” Her words were wispy and hushed. Like the admission was her greatest secret. Her biggest pitfall.
Need clawed at my senses. I was fighting desperately not to reach out and take her. Struggling not to give in and tug her body against mine.
To wrap her up and take her whole.
She released a throaty sigh, breath basking me in warmth.
In unrelenting light.
My voice came gruff, and I got closer, my mouth a breath from hers. “I worried about you, too. Too much. Every day. Every night. I missed you so fucking bad it nearly killed me, wondering what happened to you. Where you went. If you were okay.”
Sorrow creased the corners of her eyes.
We swam in it. Black, dangerous waters lapped at our chins. Threatening to pull us under. Her light battled against my dark. That dark, dark storm that was gaining speed.
She seemed to shake herself from its grips, both relieved and pained to redirect our conversation. Her voice took on a new edge of desperation. “Do you…do you talk to my brother?”
On a heavy sigh, I gave a reluctant nod.
Shit. Did she think this topic would be any easier?
“Yeah.”
“How is he?”
“I think he’s good, Edie. But honestly? I don’t really know. Told you I left home three years ago. Only keep up through texts and letters, mostly with my brother. But I do know so much has changed. Things with the band have gotten…crazy big.”
Her nod was sad. “He has to hate me.”
My brow pinched, words nothing less than a growl. “He doesn’t hate you, Edie. How can you say that?”
A bitter sound seeped from that pretty mouth, the sound such a contradiction to the softness of her face. “How could he not? I just…left.”
This time I did grab her, both hands on her face, forcing her to look at me.
Her heat was nothing less than a shock directly to my heart.
Energy and light.
I wheezed.
Her expression froze in surprise.
I forced the words through gritted teeth. “No one hated you, Edie. Sure. He was fuckin’ terrified when you took off, not knowing what went down.”
“Did you—”
“Tell him?” I shook my head, exasperated. Trying not to be offended. It wasn’t like I didn’t deserve her distrust. “Of course I didn’t tell him, Edie. Pretended like I didn’t know a thing when he demanded answers. Clearly he knew something bad happened for you to run like that, but he didn’t blame you.”
Maybe Ash didn’t know it, but it was me who was to blame.
Her mom, too, for acting like she understood when she didn’t have a fucking clue.
But the real blame?
That trophy went to Paul.
Motherfucking bastard.
Anger flashed.
Should’ve just ended him.
Sacrificed it all to wipe that stain from Edie.
To finally cleanse her of the lingering fear.
Now the only thing I could do was hope the asshole was still rotting in prison like the scum he was.
Her mouth quivered at the corner. “I hate that I left him with so many questions. I can’t even imagine what he thinks.”
She laughed, but it was in her own disbelief. “I wrote him one letter. Gave him a bunch of flimsy excuses for leaving without a trace, told him I was out finding myself.”
“Did you, Edie? Find yourself?”
She sucked in a breath, mouth parted as she stared at me through the haze, that sweet, good honesty seeping free. “I just got more lost.”
This. Girl.
I wanted to crawl inside her safety. Fill her up with mine.
Silence stretched between us, the stillness riddled with everything left unsaid.
With everything left undone.
Energy lifted and swelled. Trembled through the chaotic air. Tugging and pulling and pushing at us from all sides.
Consuming.
That connection I’d only ever felt with her.
Fear snaked across her features. I was sure it was then she realized nothing had changed.
We were still bound.
Tied in an inexplicable way.
“You ran.” It was a gruff murmur, my fingertips moving to flutter along the sharp angle of her jaw.
Because God. I just needed to touch.
Her brow pulled with uncertainty, words soft and sad. “It sounds to me like you’ve been running, too.”
“Yeah. I’ve been running.” I squeezed her a little harder. “And I don’t believe for a minute it’s a coincidence I found you, either.”
She winced. “You know it’s too late for us.”
I closed in. Refusing to give up. Edged up against my girl until she was caged, her sweet, sweet body plastered to the wall while I was dying to plaster myself against her.
To draw a full breath into my water-logged lungs. A full breath I hadn’t had since she’d disappeared from my life.
A breath full of something good. Something pure.
And this time I’d do my damned best not to dirty it.
Pressing both hands above her head, I fenced her in. Just needing to know if I had a fight worth fighting for. Because I wasn’t about to harm this girl any more than I already had. Wouldn’t ruin what she’d found if what she’d found had put a smile on her face and ease in her heart.
“You love him?”
Confusion lined her face, and she squinted up at me.
I jerked my head in the direction of the door.
My meaning dawned on her expression. The shake of her head was quick.
“Jed? We’re just friends,” she said.
“Doesn’t look that way to me.”
So maybe it came across sounding all pissy and surly.
Couldn’t help it. Possessiveness expanded against my ribs, making them feel like they might bust open wide. Pressing with the crazy need to claim her.
“You don’t have the right to demand answers from me, Austin.”
The hall felt so damned small. Like the walls and ceiling were closing in.
And Edie and I?
We were just getting closer and closer and closer.
No matter how damned hard she tried to push me away.
It was acute.
Something fierce and alive.
Something that compelled and urged and impelled.
“You’re right, Edie. I fucking don’t. But I need to know…need to know what he means to you.”
Hesitation slowed her, before she averted her telling gaze. “We’re friends, Austin. Nothing more.”
Urges slammed my senses. An assault of frantic darts that pierced me everywhere, each pumping me full of need and overwhelming desire.
My mouth watered. My tongue darted out to swipe against my bottom lip.
I wanted to kiss her.
Claim her.
But somehow I understood now was not the time to push. Those boundaries had never been higher, the walls she hid behind built with the bricks of my betrayal.
Could I ever be good enough?
Brave enough?
Wise enough to stand for this girl?
I wanted to be. I wanted to be so damned badly I could taste it.
I wanted nothing more than to be the man I’d walked out of my brother’s house to become.
I’d told him someday I wanted a girl to look at me the way Shea looked at him.
But I hadn’t been talking about just any girl.
I’d been talking about this girl.
Could I be that man?
A spiral of doubt wound through me, and a thick knot of uncertainty grew at the base of my throat.
The truth of it was, I didn’t know.
Swallowing hard, I came to the decision.
To settle.
Just like I’d always done before.
Just like I’d always do.
Because any part of Edie Evans was better than none.
“I could use a friend,” I said.
Both of us knew that wasn’t close to what I really meant.
Not close to what either of us wanted.
But Edie and I were old pros at taking what we could get.
Crinkles dented her brow, her voice rough. “It looks to me like you have plenty of them. The blonde hanging all over you down by the fire was especially cute.”
Jealousy.
It was there.
Blatant and bold.
And I fucking liked it, fed off it, and there wasn’t anything in the world I could do to stop myself. My finger was suddenly twirling through a lock of soft waves that framed her stunning face, those silky threads inciting a war of lust and greed and an age-old devotion inside of me.
“I always did like blondes,” I murmured low.
“Austin…” she warned.
She didn’t need to say it.
I already heard.
Don’t.
“Friends,” I reiterated, forcing myself to keep it cool. To give her time when I wanted to demand she give me all of hers.
Blinking, she swallowed hard. “How do you always manage to do this to me?”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”
“Because you are.”
Her eyes darted down the hall, like she didn’t trust herself to be standing there with me.
My mouth pressed against the top of her head, and I fucking begged as I breathed the words into her hair. “Don’t run, Edie. You’ve always been my best friend. Time and distance hasn’t changed that. Nothing ever will.”
Her reluctance swirled between us, her hesitation palpable, her breaths a pant. Filling up the air and space and my heart. She pressed her mouth to it, to the thunder and the roar ricocheting in my chest. Her words were a mumble of hope and dread. “How could you ever expect me to trust you again?”
I enclosed her in my arms. Rocking her slow. Comforting her.
It felt so natural.
So goddamned right.
Like holding her was what I’d been created to do. “I don’t, Edie. I don’t. But I’m asking you to try.”
“I don’t know if anything’s changed, Austin. If I’m any different than that girl in the dark room.”
She said it like a pleading warning.
But that girl in the room was the one I’d fallen in love with.
“I know you, Edie. Think I’ve figured that out by now. You don’t scare me.”
That was an outright lie.
This girl terrified me.
The things she made me want.
Who she made me want to be.
The fear of losing it all again if I fucked it up the way I always did.
We stayed like that for the longest time. Swaying soft and slow.
Took about all I had not to protest when she finally untangled herself from my hold. “I need to get back outside.”
For now, I knew I had to let her go. “Okay.”
Slowly, she moved down the hall. Fingertips just grazed the wall as she passed, as if they kept her on her wavering feet.
“Edie,” I called.
She paused at the end, shifted to look at me with that gaze from over her shoulder.
“I’ll wait. I’ve been waiting for you forever,” I told her.
Aqua eyes stared back at me. The depth of them was staggering.
Swimming in sadness.
Brimming in hope.
She smiled. Slow and cautious. Then she turned and slipped out the door.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I lifted my face to the low ceiling, like maybe in the rutted, pitted surface I could find the cool that remained just out of reach. Grappling for the patience that felt fleeting and fake.
But I’d told her the truth.
I’d wait.
For however long it took.
I headed back down the hall toward the kitchen, dug into the fridge, and pulled out a beer. I wasn’t sure I could handle any more of the cozy little party taking place on the beach.
Wasn’t sure I could keep my head from spinning or my heart from hammering with the possibilities I couldn’t help but hope for.
I spun back around and sucked in a surprised breath, caught off guard by the shadow of a lone figure standing in the middle of the darkened living room. The air gushed out when I realized it was Deak, staring back.
I raked a flustered hand through my hair. “Shit. Dude. You scared the hell out of me.”
“Yeah? Better me than Jed.”
I both scoffed and sighed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what that’s supposed to mean. You’re new around here, and Jed’s been around for a long, long time. He’s good people, and from what I’ve gathered, she’s a real good girl. Sweet. Neither of them need someone like you swooping in here and mucking up their lives. Seen you in action, mate. She deserves better than that.”
“We’re just friends, man.”
Motherfucking lie.
But what the hell else was I going to say? That I’d already grilled Edie and she promised me there was nothing going on there?
Snorting, he lifted a knowing brow. “I might be getting old, but I’m far from blind.”
I pushed out a breath, glanced at the floor, gathering up the courage to look back at him. “There’s a lot of history there you don’t know about, Deak. And you’re right. She’s a good girl. And I have no intention of hurting her.”
Not ever again.
But what I did intend was to win her back.
Mine.