Chapter 20
Jonah sounded shocked, but the man hadn’t bolted for the door, hadn’t moved off Zev’s lap, or looked truly horrified. Zev was endlessly relieved, maybe even a little surprised. Sure, Jonah had already called him Pup on a few occasions, including that very morning when his mate had said he worked too hard. But that name slipped out when Jonah’s subconscious was filling in what his conscious mind hadn’t yet processed or accepted. It was never something Jonah had truly recognized, so putting it all out there could have inspired a wave of denial and panic.
“Yeah.” Zev nodded and responded to Jonah’s question. “I’m your Pup.”
Jonah stared at him, not saying anything, mostly just blinking and swallowing. Eventually his mate cleared his throat.
“Let me see.”
Zev scooted off the chair and set Jonah down in it. It didn’t look like the man had the ability to hold himself up on his own. It wasn’t as if Zev hadn’t shifted thousands of times before. Plus, Jonah already knew his wolf. Still, he couldn’t help being a little nervous that Jonah would turn him away when he saw who Zev truly was, when he saw Zev shift.
Well, he didn’t have a choice in the matter. His mate deserved to see his wolf, especially because this was only the beginning of the conversation. Telling Jonah that he himself was also a shifter was sure to be the real mind-bender portion of the day’s programming schedule.
Zev laughed internally. Who could have guessed that the “your boyfriend is a shifter” topic would be the mild portion of their already “are you fucking kidding me” discussion?
“Ready?” he asked, watching Jonah’s face carefully to make sure his mate wasn’t about to pass out.
Jonah nodded.
“’Kay.”
The word was barely out of Zev’s mouth before Jonah was sitting in a chair and looking at a wolf. Or, more precisely, his wolf. He was looking at Pup.
The logical part of Jonah, the one with scientific training, the one that believed in the anatomy and physiology texts he’d read rather than in sci-fi novels—that part of Jonah wanted to leap out of his chair and back away from what he was seeing. But the rest of Jonah, his gut, his heart, the part of his brain that remembered all the times he’d spent with the wolf in front of him, and the man whose place he’d taken—those parts of Jonah wanted to drop to the floor and embrace his Pup.
The internal conflict kept Jonah paralyzed in place. That is, until Pup walked over to him and rested his head on Jonah’s lap. Amber eyes looked up at him with the same loving, devoted gaze that had met him earlier that morning, except this time those eyes were in a different face. Everything that had been holding Jonah back was dismissed with that recognition.
This was his Zev, the man who meant everything to him. Okay, so what he’d just witnessed with his own eyes didn’t make sense, but, hey, neither did physics at the beginning of the semester freshman year, and by the end, Jonah had earned an A. So he’d just need to learn about this in the same way, ask questions, study…whatever there was to study. Jonah was a good student; learning had never been an issue for him. Jonah took in a deep breath. Yes, this was all about learning something new. It’d be fine.
He reached out a trembling hand and stroked the soft fur on the head still resting in his lap. The wolf whimpered and turned into his hand, licking it. Then those familiar eyes looked up into Jonah’s face.
“Zev, I…I…”
Okay, so it’d be fine, but at that moment he felt cold and sweaty, he was having trouble getting air into his lungs despite rapid attempts to suck it in, he was nauseous, and he thought he might faint. Yeah, okay, so maybe he was in shock. Just a little bit.
Jonah dropped to his knees and then laid flat on his back, trying to calm down. He propped his feet up on the chair.
“Blondie?” Zev’s concerned face was right above him, petting his hair. “You’re shaking. Oh, damn. Jonah, do you hear me?”
He hadn’t even seen the wolf turn back into a man. It had happened that seamlessly.
“I… I… I’m fine. Just, um, need to lie down a little. Maybe…” Jonah tried to gather his thoughts. That effort alone was helping. “Just get me a blanket, okay? I’m cold.”
Zev shot out of the room, and before he knew it, Jonah felt a blanket being tucked around him. He looked up and saw that Zev’s gorgeous eyes were wide, his forehead was creased with worry, and his full lips were drawn in tight lines. Jonah tried to exude comfort.
“I’m okay, Pup. Promise. This is just a lot to take in. Give me a minute to adjust.”
All right, time to man up. So his boyfriend could turn into a wolf? Hell, he’d done rounds in the ER of a huge metropolitan city at night. Some of the shit he’d seen there firsthand was way scarier than a furry woodland creature who liked to nuzzle him. That train of thought almost made him laugh out loud.
He might have even managed a smile because he heard Zev let out a relieved sigh and felt the man relax, even though they weren’t touching. How could he feel what was going on in someone else’s body?
Okay, yeah, that was weird. He’d need an explanation. Add it to the ever-fucking-growing list.
“All right. So you can turn into a wolf.”
Jonah’s voice almost sounded steady. He gave himself mental props for that achievement.
“Yeah. Are you still freaking out?” Zev asked.
“Nah. You’re not the first seemingly normal guy I’ve seen turn into a wolf.”
“I’m not?”
Jonah shook his head.
“No. Of course, it usually happens at bars late at night when the guy’s had too much alcohol or controlled substances and he’s making a pathetic last-ditch attempt to get laid. Still, I’ll take your type of wolf over the kind that shows up right around last call anytime.”
Zev’s jaw dropped.
“Are you… Was that a joke, Blondie?”
Jonah nodded with exaggerated slowness.
“Yes, it was a joke. It’s a good thing I’m moving back here, Pup. You’re clearly starved for intelligent company if you can’t even recognize humor when it’s right in front of you. I blame Toby for this. The man still laughs at fart jokes. Those stopped being funny right around the time we got our drivers’ permits. And don’t even get me started on his taste in music. Do you think he’s really a seventy-year-old hearing-impaired woman masquerading as a guy?”
Zev shook his head.
“’Fraid not. I’ve seen Toby in both his forms. There’s no rational explanation for his unfortunate musical proclivities.”
Jonah felt better. The room was no longer spinning, his body no longer shaking, and his friend looked happy. All right, time to sit up and ask some questions.
“Okay, so I gather from what you just said that Toby is a werewolf too?”
Zev cringed.
“Shifter. He’s a shifter. You know, a man that can shift into a wolf.”
“Shifter. Got it. Sorry. I don’t have a handle on the PC terms yet. Help me up, Pup. This floor’s hard and I have questions. Lots of questions.”
Strong arms wrapped around Jonah’s chest, and he was suddenly being carried out of the room.
“Hey, I’m perfectly capable of walking, Prince Charming.”
“Can it, Blondie. You almost passed out in there. I’m not taking any chances. Besides, I like carrying you.”
All right, well, truth be told, Jonah liked it too, so he stopped complaining. Zev walked into the bedroom and gently placed Jonah on the bed. Then the big man got in next to him and pulled the blankets up. They lay on their sides, facing each other, holding hands, and everything felt right. Jonah knew without a doubt that he’d never been happier. Zev leaned over and dropped a chaste kiss on his lips.
“Okay, Blondie, let’s hear the questions. I’ll do my best to answer them.”
Three hours later, with only a short break to chow down on some cereal, the two men were still in bed, with Zev playing teacher. He explained everything he knew about shifters to Jonah—their history, their pack structure, the way their bodies worked. The last one was particularly fascinating to the young doctor, but unfortunately, Zev couldn’t answer most of Jonah’s questions. Hell, he had a hard time understanding the questions and most of the words in them. After Zev promised to introduce Jonah to the pack healer to get the more technical details of how a shifter’s body worked, the man was finally willing to move on.
They were lying in bed, gently petting each other’s bodies, everything close and warm and perfect between them. Zev was still talking, still explaining how things worked, when suddenly, a cold front came off Jonah in waves. Zev stopped talking and blinked in surprise.
“What’s wrong?”
Jonah glared at him.
“You’re asking me what’s wrong?” His voice was loud. Then he looked around the room, not that there was anyone else there, and spoke again. “He’s asking me what’s wrong!”
“Um, Blondie, who’re you talking to? What’s going on?”
Jonah sat up in bed and pulled the blanket around him.
“What’s going on? You’re asking me what’s going on?” The answer was yes, but Zev was afraid to say it. “I’ll tell you what’s going on.” Jonah continued shouting.
Oh, thank goodness.
“I’m apparently the dumbest person on the fucking planet, that’s what’s going on.”
Zev sat up and tried to pull Jonah against his chest but his mate wouldn’t budge.
“Shh, Jonah, calm down. Let’s talk through this, okay? I’ll make it better.”
“You’ll make it better? Right. Is that what you tell your woman too? Or is it women? How many are there, Zev? And did you honestly think I’d be okay with this?”
“What woman, er, or women? Okay with what? Jonah, slow the fuck down or calm the fuck down, or…shit! What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
Jonah took a deep breath and squeezed his hands into tight fists.
“I’m talking about the fact that the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with just told me that he plans to fuck women on the side!”
“What?” Zev was horrified. “I never said that!”
Jonah rolled his eyes.
“Okay, fine. Tie with women. Honestly, Zev, don’t try to tell me there’s a difference, because you know damn well there isn’t. Just because your dick gets longer and thicker doesn’t mean it isn’t inside a vagina. Fucking is fucking!”
“Damn, Jonah, chill out. I didn’t say anything about vaginas. What the hell conversation were you just involved in? Because it sure as shit wasn’t with me.”
Jonah looked as frustrated as Zev felt, but neither of them rose from the bed. Because being apart would have been worse than fighting. Worse than anything.
“You just said that in order for male shifters to stay human, they had to have sex with female shifters. You said that if they didn’t, they’d get sick and their wolf would take over full time. You said they usually start doing it in their late teens and early twenties. That’s what you said. And you’re here, Zev. You’re here and you’re thirty and you’re very clearly human. So that means…”
No longer angry, Zev gentled his voice as he said, “It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”
“So explain it to me, Pup.” Jonah raked his fingers through his hair. “Shit, I’m trying here. I really am.”
“I know you are, Blondie. C’mere, huh? I know you’re pissed, but don’t push me away. C’mere.”
Jonah slowly made his way into Zev’s lap. He put his knees on the outside of Zev’s thighs, straddling his hips, and then collapsed his forehead on Zev’s shoulder.
“The thought of you touching someone else makes me feel sick, Zev. Seriously, it’s like a sharp pain in my chest and my stomach hurts and…”
Zev kissed the top of Jonah’s head.
“I don’t touch other people, Blondie, not like how you think. Do you remember what I said about female shifters? About how they need to tie with a male shifter in order to release their wolf?”
Jonah didn’t respond verbally, he just nodded, not moving his head from Zev’s shoulder.
“And if they don’t tie, then the wolf is trapped, it starts messing with them, makes them lose their minds, makes them sick from the inside. You heard me say that too, right?”
“Yeah, I heard you, Zev. I get it. But they can tie with someone else. It doesn’t have to be with you.”
“That’s right. They can tie with someone else. But you can’t. You can only tie with me, Jonah. Just like I can only tie with you.”
“You know what? I’m tired. My head hurts. You’re gonna have to talk in English, because I don’t understand what you’re getting at.” Jonah growled out the sentences, his frustration clear in his tone.
“Yeah, you do. You’re a doctor, Jonah. How long have you been feeling off, huh? How long has your body been hurting? How long have you had the nightmares? And it’s all gone now, right? It’s all better.”
Jonah pulled his head back and met Zev’s gaze. He nodded slowly.
“Right. It’s better. And when did it get better?” Zev paused to let his words, the meaning of what he was saying, sink in. Then he answered his own question. “It got better last night. When we were together, when our bodies joined. That’s when all the bad feelings went away. I know because the same thing happened to me. When we connected, Jonah, when we finally connected in that way, I finally felt whole. That’s what happens when a shifter ties with his true mate.”
“I don’t…” Jonah shook his head. “I don’t understand. I mean, I know what happened last night and I know it was amazing. And, yeah, I feel better now. But, Zev, it isn’t the same thing as your whole tying thing. You get that, right? Because I’m not a shifter. And, by the way, I’m not a woman, either, but I’m gonna go ahead and let that implication go. Seriously, though, for a gay man you have a lot to learn. Just because a guy likes to bottom doesn’t mean he’s a girl and…”
Zev’s hands landed on Jonah’s cheeks. He sucked in a deep breath, steeling himself for the coming blow. Then he looked straight into his mate’s eyes.
“You’re not a girl. I know that better than anyone, considering my intimate acquaintance with your dick. But, Jonah, don’t freak out now, but…” A deep breath, and then Zev finished speaking in a rush. “You are a shifter.”