One

YOU CAN’T START CHAPTER ONE OF YOUR

LIFE IF YOU KEEP RE-READING THE PROLOGUE

ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON ONCE WROTE in the poem In Memoriam A.H.H “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Standing on the second floor of Jacobs’ Ladder, stunned to be face-to-face with a man I once thought I loved, I decided that the line of the poem should be rewritten to say, “’Tis better to never have loved and lost than to live with the regret of your stupidity.”

Since meeting Cali and Poppy, and banding together as Wallflowers, the topic of letting go of past hurts had been in the forefront of my mind. I’d traveled down memory lane this past week, examining my feelings so I could move forward, and what I discovered is, regret for prior behavior clouds the mind until you’re drowning in false memories. That what had once been a clear picture of the events becomes distorted, eroding over time until those memories are a twisted figment of the truth.

And the truth about my past was now glaringly obvious as I stood less than three feet away from Chase Winters, the man I’d stupidly thought I’d loved for the past five years.

Looking at him now, it’s no wonder I’d fooled myself into believing I was in love with him. With dark hair and light blue eyes, Chase had reminded me of one of the white knights I read about in romance novels. The kind who swept the heroine off her feet, saving her from whatever perceived threat she was under. And just like those fictional heroines, I needed rescuing.

Growing up, my life had been less than perfect. My mother had been a straight-A student and a former Miss Georgia State. My father, a former quarterback who got his master’s degree in engineering. They were a golden couple who married and had two golden children. Their life continued to be golden until baby number three came along two years later. I was the odd child out. The one who didn’t make sense in their golden life.

You see, my parents had breezed through school, and I preferred my daydreams to studying the Civil War. My sister was homecoming queen, and I stayed home on Friday nights with my face buried in a book. My brother was a chip off the old block and high school quarterback, and I was, well, invisible for the most part to both my parents.

I also didn’t look like my sister or my mother.

Or my father or brother, for that matter.

They all had dark hair. I had hair the color of wheat; a fact my father didn’t miss and repeatedly joked about until I turned fifteen. Then one day, he stopped joking and moved out.

My mother, it turned out, had cheated on him. That’s why I didn’t look or act like the rest of them. I was, according to my mother, the bastard child of a testosterone-filled gym manager. Overnight, I went from being invisible to forgettable for both my parents, and the cause of their separation to my siblings.

It was the pain from those years of neglect that put me on a collision course with Chase Winters. After years of finding solace from my parents’ divorce between the pages of a book, I began to see myself as a damsel in need of rescuing. I would escape into my head as a shield to block out the pain, praying for a knight of my own to carry me away from the heartache.

That’s where Chase came in.

I met Chase my first year in college. My brother and I had just arrived back in Athens, after a long weekend home, when Chase walked up to my brother’s car.

I was infatuated immediately with his good looks and slow smile; positive he was the man for me. So I proceeded to tie myself into knots for the next two years to no avail, convinced he was the one who would finally rescue me from a lifetime of being invisible.

But I was invisible to him as well.

When he graduated and moved to Atlanta without so much as a backward glance, I tried to move on from my foolish dream, but I’d been infatuated with him for so long, it wasn’t easy. Three years after he graduated, on one of the few times I stopped in to visit my mother, an announcement of his engagement came in the mail.

It hit me harder than I expected.

Even though I’d seen him from time to time with his girlfriend, some foolish part of me had hoped he’d wake up one day and finally see me, and forget about her. But the wedding announcement shattered those dreams into teeny tiny pieces. In a moment of emotional insanity, I’d grabbed a bottle of Jack from my mother’s liquor cabinet and proceeded to drown my sorrows for all the time I’d lost waiting for a man who didn’t care.

Unfortunately for me, and my rotten timing, Chase was in town visiting friends. He chose that exact day to hang out with my brother, who’d yet to move out of my mother’s house. I was muddle-brained and sulking when he showed up, and I proceeded to stalk his movements throughout the house like a trained assassin, convinced if I told him how I felt, it would change everything.

When he excused himself to use the bathroom, I saw my opportunity and barged in on him, throwing myself into his arms, confessing my love like the idiot I was. Fortunately for everyone involved, my brother heard the commotion and stopped me before I made a bigger fool of myself. He told me to pull my head out of my ass, then shoved me into a cold shower—which shocked some much-needed sense into my alcohol-filled brain—then sent me home in a cab with orders to, “Chill the hell out or don’t come back.”

When I awoke the next morning, I was sicker than a dog—not to mention humiliated, angry, and full of regret for being so foolish—and that’s the moment, when the harsh reality of what I’d done kicked in, that I swore off men completely until I got my head screwed on straight. I knew then I needed to rescue myself from my past, not the other way around. And I’d done that, I realized, as the source of my greatest humiliation stood in front of me.

Chase hadn’t changed much in the years since I’d seen him, but that didn’t surprise me. He was good-looking in that boy-next-door sort of way that aged slowly over time, retaining a youthful appearance well into their fifties. What did surprise me, though, was the spark that had always sent my heart racing when he walked into a room was suddenly absent. I felt nothing looking at him. There was no flutter in my stomach, no shallow breaths, no sweaty palms or stuttered words. Nothing. The only thing I felt when I looked at Chase now was embarrassment for my behavior toward him—and a painful, vivid truth. The truth was, I’d never been in love with him in the first place. No, I’d been in love with the idea of being rescued by the white knight. In love with the idea of someone sweeping me off my feet and carrying me away from my family. In love with the idea of love.

I was such an idiot.

Until that moment, my greatest regret had been throwing myself at Chase when he was engaged. But now, face-to-face with the once object of my affection, my greatest regret was for a whole other reason. It was for the time I’d lost fixated on him when I should have been focused on having fun. My yesterdays were behind me and I’d spent them irresponsibly. I should have forgotten about my parents and charted my own course for my life. Instead, I’d watched from the sidelines, licking my wounds, waiting for the day my storybook knight would look my way and see me. Save me.

If I’d spent less time fixated on my parents’ shortcomings, I might have tasted the variety of man-boys at my fingertips rather than focusing on one, and would have learned the difference between infatuation and soul-deep attraction, saving myself years of heartache.

Real attraction, one that melts your bones and leaves you unable to speak, leaves you tossing in your bed with a burning need that can only be tamed by one man, is completely different than a crush.

Looking at Chase, I knew the difference now. I’d experienced that stomach dropping, mind-numbing attraction recently, and the difference was glaringly obvious.

Sneaking a peek at Bo Strawn as Chase went on about how great it was to see me again, I bit my lip to keep from groaning. I’d had a visceral reaction to Bo when he’d yelled at the Wallflowers for butting into Devin’s case, but I’d written it off as nerves. I knew better now. Bo was like no other man I’d met. He was arrogant, bold, in-your-face-dominant, and had a body that made my mouth run dry. He gave the impression of a man who was coiled with power. Power he kept in check. The attraction I felt each time I looked at him was off the charts, and I knew if my twenty-year-old self had seen Bo standing next to Chase, there would have been no contest. Bo would have won hands down.

Where Chase was lean, Bo was broad and muscled. Where Chase was spit-shined and coiffed in his linen pants and sparkling white shirt, Bo was rugged in Wranglers, boots, and a faded T-shirt. Where Chase’s hair was styled, not a strand out of place, Bo’s hair was longer, wilder, sexier. The two men couldn’t be more different. In the best possible ways.

I was attracted to Bo in a way I’d never been to Chase. That much was clear after he threatened to put me over his knee and the thought made my legs go weak with want. And when I’d thought he was going to kiss me, I’d grabbed hold of his arms in welcome anticipation, further solidifying how attracted I was. We were standing on a beach full of police officers and reporters, and they’d all disappeared from view when Bo had leaned in close. I’d wanted him, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Wanted him to claim my mouth with half of Tybee Island watching. But he hadn’t kissed me. He’d only been leaning in to whisper in my ear.

Like Chase, he’d left me standing alone on the beach without so much as a backward glance, verifying what I’d already suspected. The attraction was one-sided. I was invisible to him just like I’d been invisible to Chase.

That hadn’t stopped my growing attraction, though. In the last three days, I’d dreamt about his hot breath on my neck, his hard lines pressed against my body, and his firm hand on my ass, which only fueled more fantasies. Fantasies that included being tied to a bed as his body moved over mine or using my mouth on him as he controlled the rhythm. Fantasies that a Wallflower with no experience shouldn’t be having, and I called myself all kinds of an idiot. Because once again, I wanted a man who couldn’t have cared less about me.

In light of this revelation, I concluded that I had to be fundamentally screwed up by my parents to only fall for men who didn’t want me. Though, in Bo’s case, he didn’t just dislike me. No, he hated me for repeatedly ignoring his orders when Cali was kidnapped, and I had no doubt if he knew I fantasized nightly about him, he would laugh in my face.

Since I was clearly a masochist in disguise, I stole another glance at Bo out of the corner of my eye and caught him looking up at us. If his expression was anything to go by, I’d say he still wanted to throttle me within an inch of my life. Yet, even in the face of his obvious dislike, all I could think about was how handsome his face looked when his brow drew into a hard line across his face. Or that his set jaw, ticking with anger, was sexy as hell.

See? I’m fundamentally screwed in the head.

Who knowingly wants a man who can’t stand the sight of them?

“Sienna?” Chase questioned.

“Hmm?” I answered, distracted.

Bo’s gray eyes had turned into slits as he scowled up at us. Their color reminded me of quicksilver, but they morphed into a raging storm cloud when he was pissed. Unfortunately, I’d seen storm-cloud gray more often than the shimmering silver.

Chase reached out and touched my arm, and I jumped, looking up at him. I regarded him for the first time through the eyes of an adult who had learned her lesson and saw nothing but my brother’s friend.

It was such a relief to finally be free of my infatuation, that the tension I’d been holding on to since he walked up evaporated, and my face softened with the realization that I was truly free of him. Free to move forward and not look back.

“Like I said, I’m in town for a few days, and I’d love to catch up,” Chase went on. “So what do you think? Do you wanna have dinner with me tonight?”

What?

I mean, WHAT?

Am I in The Twilight Zone?

No way was I going to dinner with this guy. For one, I threw myself at him like an idiot when he was engaged. And two, I threw myself at him like an idiot, and it was humiliating!

“Umm,” I answered, then looked at Poppy and lied through my teeth. “Sorry, but Poppy and I have plans.”

“Right,” she answered, not missing a beat, taking my back like any good Wallflower would.

“Then we can catch up tomorrow,” he tried again, and I panicked.

“I, ah . . . I have to go out of town on important publishin’ business. I’m, um, leavin’ in the mornin’.”

That wasn’t exactly a lie. Alexandra was out of town for a whole week, so Poppy and I had scheduled our vacations to coincide with her trip months ago. Neither of us had to report back to work for eight days. We’d planned to go to Atlanta for a week of shopping and nightlife, but with all the excitement surrounding Cali’s kidnapping, we hadn’t left.

He looked between Poppy and me and then smiled knowingly.

That’s right, Chaser, I’m making excuses. Just accept it and move along.

“Sorry to hear that. When I saw you sittin’ here, I’d hoped we could get together and catch up. You know, for old time’s sake.”

A tinge of guilt hit me, since he was obviously trying to mend fences that I’d torn down, and I almost gave in. Then I remembered how humiliated I’d been, and I bit my lip. I’d lost enough time because of this man, and just as my sweet grandmother always said, “Nothin’ good comes from visitin’ past hurts.”

“You know how it is. No rest for the weary. Gotta keep pourin’ out those romance novels for the masses,” I rattled on like a loon.

Please leave before I humiliate myself again!

He smiled and nodded, then pulled out his wallet. “I tell you what. Take my card, that way you can call me if your plans change,” he said, pulling a business card from his wallet. Then he hesitantly leaned in, to my surprise and confusion, and brushed a soft kiss across my cheek, mumbling, “Good seein’ you again. Hope you call so we can catch up,” before turning to head down the stairs.

“Tell me that didn’t just happen?” I whispered to Poppy as I watched Chase leave with two men who were waiting for him by the front door.

“Oh, it happened,” Poppy chuckled next to me. “And considerin’ you threw yourself at him the last time you saw him, it shows he’s a nice guy.”

I started to say, “He must have had one too many drinks during lunch because that’s the only explanation for this Twilight Zone moment,” but Bo Strawn stood from his stool and started to make his way toward the door, glancing up at me with a scowl before he left. He looked pissed like always, and I was tempted to stick out my tongue again to cover my attraction, but my heart flipped instead and plunged into my stomach like a lead ball. He would never see me as anything but an annoyance.

Time to nip this attraction in the bud before I lose any more time to unavailable men.

“It doesn’t make sense,” I answered. “Why would he want to have dinner with me after what happened?”

Poppy looked back at the door and shrugged.

“I think we’ve already established that Wallflowers don’t understand men very well, so I’d only be guessin’.”

I looked at Chase’s card for a moment, then tossed it on the table—done with the man—and grabbed my purse from my chair.

“You know what else Wallflowers don’t know much about until it hits them smack between the eyes?”

“You mean besides men, clothes, and identifyin’ crazed killers you work with day in and day out?”

I nodded firmly. The crazed killer one definitely got past us.

“Yes. Besides those glaringly obvious ones.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. What else are Wallflowers uniquely unqualified to understand?”

“The difference between infatuation and soul-deep, unadulterated attraction,” I replied with authority.

Poppy’s eyes shot to the bar below, then back to mine. “How do you know the difference?” she asked curiously.

“Simple,” I answered. “One makes your heart go pitter-patter.”

“And the other?” she questioned on the heel of my answer.

“Your heart doesn’t go pitter-patter. It stampedes like a wild mustang, never to be tamed.”

Her eyes grew wider at my explanation, and in a hushed voice she asked, “Is that what you felt talking with Chase?”

I smiled again. “Not. Even. Close. I’m free, Poppy. I don’t love him. I never did. I was in love with the idea of love, and it scrambled my brain. I didn’t understand that until today.”

Poppy’s eye began to twinkle with delight. “You know what that means, don’t you?”

“That I’m free?”

“Oh, no. It means you’re next. Cali found Devin; now it’s your turn.”

“Ah, we’re both next,” I explained as I leaned over and grabbed my laptop from the table and shoved it into my bag. “And since I lied about goin’ out of town with Alexandra, it’s time we decided what we’re doin’ next week. Why don’t we go out tonight and practice flirtin’ while we decide if we’re headed to Atlanta or not.”

Poppy slipped her arm into mine, and we headed for the stairs. “I’ll be your wingwoman, but I don’t think I’m ready to try yet.”

I started to argue with her, but Cali emerged from the back with Devin as we hit the first floor. Her hair was tousled, and the glassy look in her eyes said Devin had done more than talk like Cali had said. And from the condition of her clothes, I say he used his hands to get his point across.

“Are you leavin’?” Cali called out.

“We have to get ready for a Wallflowers’ night out,” Poppy answered.

“You’re goin’ out?” she asked with a fair amount of enthusiasm.

“Yep. Sienna had a breakthrough, and we’re gonna celebrate while we plan our vacation.”

Cali looked back at Devin and gave him a pouty lip. He narrowed his eyes for a moment, then pointed at her and growled, “No speed datin’.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, sir,” she replied, saluting him.

His lip twitched, then he grabbed her neck and crushed his mouth over hers. When she melted into him and opened her mouth, Nate threw a towel at them both and grumbled, “My patrons are tryin’ to eat. Take that shit back to my office.”

Poppy snorted at Nate’s reply, then moved behind the bar. She grabbed plastic to-go cups and began filling them with cold drafts of beer. Nate turned to look at her with more than a little bit of surprise and raised a brow. She countered with her own and said, “What? We need refreshments for our night out.”

Nate dropped his head back and bit out, “Christ,” then grabbed Poppy by the arm and led her out from behind the bar. “If the Health Department catches you behind my bar, I’ll get fined,” he grumbled, but I noted he went back to the draft and finished filling our cups, placing them on the bar for us.

We each grabbed one and raised them in salute to Nate before leaving.

Cali blew Devin a kiss before we turned and headed for the door, snorting at the man when he sighed heavily. “Try not to get kidnapped. I’d like one quiet weekend to get settled into my office before you drag me into another mess.”

“He has a selective memory,” Poppy chuckled. “You didn’t drag him into anything.”

“He says if I’d stayed inside like I promised, I wouldn’t have been kidnapped by Gayla,” she explained.

“Of course, he does,” I scoffed. “He clearly forgot who brought Gayla to your doorstep in the first place.”

“Right? So, what was your breakthrough?” Cali asked as we hit the sidewalk on River Street.

I looked at her and grinned. “You missed it while you were tangling tongues with Devin.”

“Missed what?”

“My past settin’ me free.”

 

 

Bo pushed through the crowded sidewalk, his attention zeroed in on the back of a man he didn’t know but instinctively hated. He told himself to get in his truck, to let it be and leave, but he’d ignored his better judgment and kept following the man and his friends as they wandered River Street in historic Savannah, Georgia. There was something about the guy that bugged him, something that put his protective instincts on high alert. Something other than the fact Sienna seemed affected by him, and he was determined to find out.

Her reaction to the man, who his friends called Chase, unsettled him for reasons he wanted to ignore. But the memory of her expression, as it softened in response to whatever Chase had said, rattled him in a territorial way. He didn’t want to want her, but that didn’t negate the fact that he did, and seeing her brown eyes turn from shocked to relaxed, then wistful as the man spoke burned a hole in his gut and had him reacting irrationally.

His jaw ticked at the memory, and he kept moving, staying a safe enough distance behind them so he could observe the man without being detected. He’d hoped they would make their way to a vehicle so he could grab a tag number; he preferred investigating someone in the anonymity of his office as opposed to tailing at close range. He had no choice, though. If the guy was bad news, he needed to know in order to protect Sienna. At least that’s what he told himself as he stopped to watch the three men cast their eyes on a woman as she strutted past, whistling while gesturing vulgarly behind her back.

Definitely an asshole who needs to steer clear of Sienna.

The fact that her intoxicating scent followed him into his dreams each night or that her soulful eyes called out to him in the early morning hours as he wrapped his hand around his cock to ease the ache she’d caused had nothing to do with his suspicion. No, it was the smug look on the man’s face as he descended the stairs that had him on alert. He reeked of player. The type of man an innocent Wallflower should steer clear of.

Bo inched closer to Chase and his friends, the need to expose him as an asshole directing his actions. When the group stopped at a souvenir store and went inside, Bo started to follow, but he paused when he caught sight of his reflection in a mirror. The image reflected back at him was wired, on edge, and it stopped him in his tracks.

What the fuck am I doing?

“Losin’ your fuckin’ mind,” he answered.

Staring at his mirrored image, he recognized the expression. He’d seen it before on his own father’s face. Knew then it was time to throw in the towel before he got sucked in deeper, but Chase moved into his line of sight before he could leave, so he watched him a moment longer.

That’s when he noticed the wedding ring.

He saw blinding red then, and all thoughts of abandoning his pursuit for the truth flew out the window. He’d seen the lust in the man’s eyes when he’d looked at Sienna, and knowing he had a wife sitting at home ignited his anger further.

Moving to the side, Bo leaned against the doorjamb and waited. He’d finish what he started. He’d find out who this guy was and warn him off Sienna, then he could forget about the Wallflower once and for all.

While Bo waited, Chase bought a woman’s T-shirt, explaining to the cashier it was for his wife, and Bo’s teeth ground together. As the group exited the shop, one of his friends finally asked the question that Bo needed answered: who was this guy to Sienna?

“So the blonde at the bar? You never explained about her.”

“Nothin’ to explain. She’s a hot piece of ass who was hung up on me in college. She threw herself at me when she found out I was gettin’ married, so I figured I’d throw her a bone. I played the nice guy angle, and she fell for it hook, line, and sinker.”

“So you’re hookin’ up with her later?”

Chase shrugged arrogantly. “The way she wanted me,” he chuckled, “I figure she’ll call any minute, then I’ll wine and dine her until the alcohol sets the fuckin’ mood.”

An overabundance of testosterone can send rational men into fits of rage. Bo had more testosterone than the average male, and he kept a close check on his temper because of it. Then there were times like these when rational thought fell by the wayside and his natural instincts kicked in.

In one fluid motion, Bo pushed off the doorjamb, grabbed Chase by his pristine white shirt, and shoved him into the wall, bearing his teeth as he growled, “Stay the fuck away from Sienna.”

The crowd around them stopped and stared, and the once loud sidewalk hushed as they waited to see what would happen. Bo didn’t care. His focus was on the asshole in front of him.

“You want to fuck around on your wife, that’s your business. It’s an asshole move that doesn’t surprise me in the least, but you’re not draggin’ Sienna down with you. Stay the fuck away from her.”

“Get off me, man,” Chase barked, pushing against Bo’s chest.

“I see you’re not listenin’ to me,” Bo bit back. “The correct response is, ‘I’ll forget Sienna existed.’”

“And I’ll repeat, get the fuck off of me,” Chase bit back, trying to wrench Bo’s arm from his neck. When that didn’t work, he tried to shove Bo in the chest to move him back. It was like trying to move an angry mountain. Chase tried once more as Bo held him easily in place. When Bo didn’t budge, Chase finally threw his hands in the air and surrendered like Bo knew he would. Cowards backed down easily, while men stood their ground and fought for what was right. Chase was no man. “Fine. I’ll forget she existed. She’s not worth this much trouble anyway.”

A gasping, “Oh. My. God,” caught Bo’s attention, and he turned his head. Sienna was to his left with Calla and Poppy, her mouth opened in surprise, her eyes glued to the man pinned to the wall. “Chase?” she asked, the tone of her voice pained.

Bo stepped back and dropped his arm, keeping his attention on Sienna as he addressed Chase. “Tell her how you planned to get her drunk, then take advantage of her.”

“Jesus Christ,” Chase sighed, straightening his shirt. “I’m a fuckin’ married man, not a rapist. I was just tryin’ to make her feel better after what happened.”

“I don’t need to feel better, you ass,” Sienna snapped. “I’m fine!”

“Yeah? That’s not what your brother said. Seems you haven’t been able to move on since I got married. I was tryin’ to be nice, explain it was time for you to get on with your life, and this is the thanks I get?” Chase spit out, jerking his head toward Bo.

The crowd around them chuckled, and Sienna spun on her heel, her face growing scarlet in response. Then she spun back on Bo and leveled him with a look that would bring most men to their knees.

“Why are you doin’ this?” she whispered, panic written clearly across her face. “Is this payback?”

Bo blinked, then cocked his head in confusion. “Payback?”

“Of course, it is,” she murmured, scanning the crowd, looking like a fox trapped in a hole with no way to escape. “I get it. You hate me for not listenin’ and humiliatin’ you in front of that officer,” she continued, “but I think you’ve more than paid me back, and then some.”

“You think I planned this?” Bo growled, stepping in closer so the gathering crowd couldn’t overhear. “I don’t play games.”

“Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. I really don’t care at this point. You’ve made it clear how you feel, so do me a favor, just stay the hell away from me!”

For five days, this woman had been inside his head, creeping in when he least expected it, an unwelcome visitor in his nightly dreams. He knew when he met her she spelled trouble for him, that she would make his head explode, and he was right.

Leaning down until he was nose-to-nose with her, Bo growled low, “Sweetheart, it would be my fuckin’ pleasure to never lay eyes on you again. In fact, it’s all I’ve been able to think about for the past five days.”

Calla and Poppy gasped at his reply, but Sienna jerked infinitesimally, like she’d been struck by an imaginary fist, and her eyes welled with tears as she stared back at him. Seeing her pained expression, Bo regretted his words immediately, but he ignored the guilt and pushed past her, heading for his truck.

This was what he’d wanted since he laid eyes on her, to be free of the attraction. To be free of a woman who reminded him of his mother. A mother who left him for her own selfish purpose and destroyed his father in the process.

As a teen, he’d watched his father drink himself to death because he couldn’t get over the loss of Bo’s mother. A woman who was headstrong, who bucked the rules like Sienna did, who left his father high and dry for some asshole who got her hooked on drugs. Bo had lived through the aftermath her bad decisions had caused, and wanted no part of it in his life again. He wanted stability, order, a life where the only surprises were in the cases he investigated, not in his personal life. And a woman like Sienna would turn that on end. At least that’s what he told himself every time he looked at her.

Pushing through the crowd, he made it five steps and then stopped, unable to walk away after the damage he’d caused. Growling, “Fuck,” he dropped his head back then took a deep breath to calm down before he apologized. When he turned to make his peace with the woman, Sienna had already disappeared into the crowd. He searched the street, but couldn’t find her or the other Wallflowers. Turning back to the souvenir shop in case she’d ducked inside, Bo found Chase in the same spot wiping beer from his face.

Sienna must have gotten in the final word and used a beer as an exclamation point.

Needing an outlet for his frustration, Bo decided Chase was as good a target as any, so he grabbed him by the collar again and threw a right hook into his jaw. When he hit the ground, Bo leaned over him, got right in his face, and hissed, “You go near her again, and I’ll bury you. You hear me? Stay the fuck away from Sienna.”

Chase grabbed his jaw, throwing his other hand up to block any additional punches that might come his way, asking what Bo himself wanted to know. “Jesus, man. What the fuck? Who is Sienna to you?”

Bo’s answer . . . “My worst nightmare. A woman I can’t have.”

 

 

Sweetheart, it would be my fuckin’ pleasure to never lay eyes on you again. In fact, it’s all I’ve been able to think about for the past five days.

Bo’s voice. Those words. They kept repeating in a loop.

Since the moment he’d laid eyes on me, he hadn’t wanted a thing to do with me. I was that unappealing to him, and that knowledge stung.

I looked over my shoulder at Cali and Poppy. They were huddled together in deep conversation. Conversation that no doubt was centered on Bo, Chase, and myself.

After the scene on the sidewalk, I’d wanted to be alone to lick my wounds, but the girls wouldn’t allow me to. They’d followed me to my car and jumped in when I unlocked the doors, but kept quiet, both watching me carefully. Needing space, I’d pulled into the first bar I came across for a much-needed drink, hoping the alcohol would block out the last thirty minutes. Or more to the point, block out the past ten years.

I didn’t want to discuss Bo with them. It would require admitting I’d fantasized about him. Admitting that Bo never wanting to lay eyes on me hurt more than it should. As for Chase? I didn’t want to discuss him either. I’d lost enough time on him.

Lesson learned. He’s a big ole jackass who doesn’t deserve a minute more of my time.

Racking pool balls together, I centered them on the pool table like I’d seen on TV.

“Are we playin’ or what?”

Cali popped her head up and nodded.

“Stripes or solids?” I asked.

“Do you know how to play pool?”

“No. You?”

She shrugged. “I’ve played once. I think it’s easier if you turn the stick around and use the larger end.”

I looked down at the pool cue. “That’s brilliant. You can’t miss usin’ the wider end.”

“If we divide the balls into threes, all of us can play. You take numbers one through five. I’ll take numbers six through ten, and Poppy can play eleven through fifteen.”

Poppy jumped up from her barstool carrying a shot and grabbed a cue. “We’ll play for shots. Every time you miss, you have to take a drink.”

“Poppy, none of us have played. We’ll need a cab to take us home after one game,” I stated.

“Exactly,” Cali said, carrying a shot glass and grabbing a cue of her own. “What better way to forget about asshole men?”

“I’m over it,” I lied, lining up the cue ball. “I’d already discovered I wasn’t in love with Chase before he showed his true colors, so there’s nothin’ to get over.”

“And Bo?” Poppy asked.

Ignoring her question, I leaned over and pulled the cue stick back and whacked the cue ball hard enough to send all the balls crashing in every direction. None of them dropped into a pocket, though.

A shot glass landed in front of me. It was filled with green liquid, and I followed the line of the arm up to meet Cali’s stern face. “And Bo?” she repeated for Poppy.

I shrugged. “Definitely an asshole. What’s there to say?”

Cali looked at Poppy then back at me. “We thought we saw a look.”

“A look?”

“Yeah, a look. When he said it was all he’d been thinkin’ about for the past five days, there was a look on your face that said it hurt more than it should.”

I pfft’d. “You’re seein’ things.”

She crossed her arms and raised a brow. “You forget what I just went through with Devin. You can’t lie to me and get away with it.”

“You’re comparin’ what you and Devin have with Bo and me?”

“No. I’m comparin’ your reaction to one I’ve had recently. I’m not a ninny, Sienna. You reacted to his declaration like you’d been slapped in the face. Now spill, what’s runnin’ through that mind of yours?”

I looked at Poppy and sighed. In that moment, I understood Cali’s reactions that last week. And just like her, I would have killed for a Wallflower divorce rather than confess.

“Bo’s who you meant when you talked about the difference between infatuation and soul-deep, unadulterated attraction, isn’t he?” Poppy asked.

Damn, but these women are perceptive.

Now what?

Wallflowers don’t lie to each other. That’s what.

I grabbed the shot to stall them and threw it back.

I should have learned from the toast we made the other night that it was a bad idea to just toss a drink back. This one burned worse.

“What,” I gasped, “was that?”

“Absinthe” Poppy beamed.

It took about two seconds for the liquor to make its way to my cerebral cortex, relaxing me immediately. “Doesn’t this cause hallucinations?” I asked, feeling better by the second.

Poppy put another shot in front of me and said, “Let’s find out.”

I looked at the emerald-green color of the liquid. If it took away my memories of the past five years, I was game.

Grabbing the shot glass, I threw it back and noted the second shot was easier to handle, then closed my eyes. A warmth coiled around my limbs, relaxing me, and even though I felt light-headed instantly, I also felt clear-headed, like I could answer the question to the meaning of life.

“Well?” Cali asked. “You’re supposed to filter it with water and sugar, but my granddaddy prefers it neat. He sips it, though.”

I ran my hands through my hair and smiled. It felt like a thousand fingers were massaging my scalp. “This stuff is great,” I said then moved to a barstool and sat down, closing my eyes so I could enjoy the high. “Can I have more?”

“Will you answer our questions about Bo?”

“He makes my heart race, my legs weak, and my breath leave my lungs.”

Huh? That was easier than I thought.

“He does?” Cali gasped.

“I want him to tie me to a bed and do naughty things to me.”

Silence.

I opened my eyes to find two sets staring back at me with varying degrees of shock.

“That’s right,” I giggled. “I want him to—”

Poppy threw her hand over my mouth. “Big biker guys in here. No more talk about bein’ tied up, capiche?”

I nodded, and she stepped back. “Gotcha. I don’t want any ole man to tie me up. Just Bo.”

“Are you sure he hates you?” Cali asked. “He did go after Chase. Maybe that means somethin’.”

I tried to stand but sank back on the stool. They should really bottle this stuff for daily consumption. There’d be no need for antidepressants.

“I’m sure,” I answered, smiling back at them.

“I think we gave her too much,” Poppy said.

Cali pulled out her phone and began typing. “It says here that Absinthe should be sipped. It’s the third strongest liquor produced and was illegal in the US until 2007 because of its effects.”

“What effects? I feel great. I feel like I could fly,” I laughed, throwing my arms wide like a bird.

“We need food. Greasy food,” Cali stated. “I’ll pay the tab then get the car. You bring her out back.”

“What? No. You’ll kill this feelin’.”

I felt like I could take on the world and win. In fact, Bo who? Who needs a man when there’s magical green fairy liquid to take away all your problems?

“Up,” Cali said, grabbing my arm. “It’s gonna take two of us to get her out.”

Poppy moved to the other side, and they started walking me toward the back door.

“Can we stop on the way home for more magical green fairy potion?”

“Suuuure,” Cali answered, so I kissed her on the cheek. She was the bestest Wallflower ever.

“I need to use the facilities before we leave,” I announced, pulling away from Poppy and Cali. “Are the bathrooms down this hall?”

There were three doors in the darkened hallway, so I reached for the first doorknob and turned it. It was a supply closet.

“I think the bathrooms are the other way,” Cali said as I opened the second door.

This wasn’t a bathroom either. It was an office. And there were two scary biker dudes having a conversation. Cali and Poppy appeared over my shoulder, and one of the biker dudes stood and glared at us. I mumbled, “Whoops, my bad,” and shut the door before they could bellow to get out of their meeting.

“This way,” Poppy chuckled, grabbing my arm to lead me to the ladies’ room, where I relieved myself and splashed cold water onto my face.

Looking at my reflection, I turned my head from side to side. For a moment, I wondered if I looked like my father. I’d never met the man. I wasn’t even sure he knew I was his daughter. We never discussed him. It was the family secret that we all ignored. All I knew about the man was that he worked in a gym, and it was a short-lived affair that my mother regrets. Regrets most likely because she ended up with me.

“You know, I wouldn’t want me either,” I told my reflection.

“What are you talkin’ about?” Poppy asked as she washed her hands.

“My eyes are plain old brown, and my lips are too large. I wish I had dark hair like my brother and sister.”

“What’s she goin’ on about?” Cali said.

“Somethin’ about her lips bein’ too large and wanting dark hair.”

“Women pay good money to have lips like yours,” Cali said.

“Then why does every man I like find me repulsive?”

“Sounds like the fairy potion is wearin’ off,” Poppy mumbled.

“Time for a fill-up,” Cali said and grabbed my arm.

They hauled me back to the bar and ordered another shot of Absinthe. I threw it back like my life depended on it, and waited for the calming effects to lull me back into not caring about anything but world peace.

“Better?” Poppy asked.

Tiny pricks of delight swirled through my brain, and I smiled. “I’m so buying stock in this stuff.”

“Let’s hit the road,” Cali said. “We can pick up greasy burgers and take them back to the courtyard.”

“Barkeep, I need my tab,” I shouted.

The man turned, grabbed the tab hanging from the back wall, and looked at me. “You Calla Armstrong?”

I snatched the slip of paper from the man and scribbled Cali’s name at the bottom. “I am,” I replied, “But I prefer bein’ called Cali.”

Cali snorted and grabbed my arm. “Come on, Cali,” she chuckled.

I slid off the barstool and kept on going. The sweet effects of the Absinthe had settled in my legs, turning them into JELL-O in heels. Poppy and Cali grabbed me under the arms, giggling as they led me back down the long narrow hallway toward the back alley.

My phone began to ring in my pocket, so I halted and pulled it out. The screen said David Calling.

“It’s my brother,” I explained, swiping ‘Answer.’ David never called me unless it was important.

“David?”

“You threw beer all over Chase?”

I bugged my eyes out at the girls.

“He wanted to get me drunk and have his way with me. It seemed like an appropriate response,” I giggled.

Silence ensued.

“David?”

“That’s not the way he told it. Who’s the guy who punched him?”

“Bo punched him?”

Poppy and Cali gasped.

“Just stay away from my friends. I’m tired of cleanin’ up after your messes,” he growled, then the line went dead.

A lump caught in my throat. David tolerated being around me, but I knew he blamed me for our father leaving.

“Shit,” Poppy exclaimed and turned back toward the bar. “I think she needs another round.”

I pulled my arms free and headed back the way we’d come. “I’m fine. I’m used to it,” I lied.

The girls followed me out the exit as I stumbled toward my car. Unable to drive, I climbed in and sprawled across the back seat. I loved my car. I loved my car’s back seat. I loved the ceiling of my car. It was very gray. Like a storm cloud. Like Bo’s eyes.

“Bo has great eyes,” I called out as the car rocked forward then stopped sharply. “And lips that would feel amazin’ working their way down my body.”

Neither replied.

“Are you guys still here?”

I sat up and looked at both women. They were staring straight ahead with their hands in the air.

“What are you doin’?” I asked. Leaning forward to look out the front window, I caught sight of what held their attention. “Do we know him?”

Standing in front of my car was a grumpy-looking guy pointing a gun.

“I thought Devin told you not to get kidnapped again?” I reminded Cali.

“It must be a robbery,” Poppy whispered. “Sit back and do as he says.”

Grumpy Gus—who was sporting an MC cut and wearing sunglasses and a bandana to disguise his identity—moved toward the driver’s side, so I rolled down my window to negotiate with the man. “We don’t have any money.”

“Out of the car,” Grumpy Gus growled, and I could have sworn he was looking at me.

“Don’t you mean her?” I asked for clarification, pointing at Cali. I don’t know why he’d want me. Cali was the one with a bazillion dollars.

“Out,” he bit out again.

And ruin this lovely high? I don’t think so.

“NO!”

The man jerked his head to the side in confusion. “No?”

“That’s right. I don’t feel like comin’ with you. You’ll ruin my magical green fairy high, and after the day I’ve had, you don’t want to ruin my high.”

“Jesus,” Poppy grumbled. “Man with gun, Sienna. Try not to piss him off before Devin’s sixth sense kicks in, and he comes to the rescue.”

“Does he have a sixth sense?” I asked Cali.

“I’m thinkin’ he does,” she replied, then whispered, “hold on, I’ll make a break for it when I get my chance.”

“No more talkin’,” the man shouted, pointing his gun at me. “Out of the car.”

“Why?” I asked, because it was a logical question.

“Because I said so.”

“That’s not good enough,” I retorted. “I do not go home with strange men.”

The man looked confused, and, I’ll admit, a wee bit pissed off by my answer.

Maybe this is his first robbery?

Tired of waiting for me to comply, the man lowered his gun and approached my door. Cali, who clearly thought she was Jeff Gordon, punched the accelerator as he approached, the tires screeching for all they were worth as we shot out of the alley. When she hit the main road, she took a quick right then another, and for some reason doubled back the way we came behind the bar.

“What are you doing?” Poppy shouted.

“He ran to his truck. He thinks I’ll keep going. If we double back, he won’t expect that and we’ll lose him.”

“Devin’s rubbing off on you,” I sighed, falling back against the seat, my magical green buzz temporarily deflated due to an overabundance of adrenaline. “He’ll never let you go out with us again when he finds out we were almost robbed.”

Cali creeped around the back of the building just in time to see the taillights of his truck as it peeled out of the parking lot at a high rate of speed. We turned in our seats and looked out the back window, holding our breath until we saw the truck speed down the street in the direction he thought we went.

“Genius,” I said. “You can keep Devin.”

“Devin didn’t teach me that,” she answered.

“Book?” Poppy asked.

She nodded. “Linda Howard, I think.”

“Blair Mallory?”

She shrugged. “Not sure, but Blair would have thought of it if she didn’t.”

“You know Bo reminds me a lot of Wyatt in To Die For,” Poppy added. “Maybe we should call him and report the incident?” Her eyes lit up at the thought of Bo coming to the rescue, and my stomach dropped, the buzz I’d been riding lessening more in the face of seeing Bo Strawn again.

“NO!” Cali and I both cried out.

Poppy looked between us with wide eyes.

“Sienna’s right,” Cali rushed out. “Devin would lock me up and throw away the key. It was just a random guy hopin’ to cash in on three women out alone. Let’s just keep this between the three of us.”

I nodded emphatically in agreement. “What she said. The last thing I need is Bo Strawn yellin’ at me again. I’d need a whole bottle of magical green fairy potion to survive that.”

“You sure?” Poppy asked. “He could impound your car as evidence, forcing you to deal with the rude detective like in To Die For.”

“You’re missin’ an element to that plot,” I pointed out.

“What’s that?”

“A dead body.”

“Oh. Right,” she mumbled, her nose scrunching at the thought. “But what if he’s your Wyatt like Devin is Cali’s Devil?”

“Bo Strawn is more likely my Voldemort,” I snorted, “not my knight in shining armor. Besides, if I had to pick a fictional character to sweep me off my feet, I’d choose Iain Maitland from The Secret by Julie Garwood.”

“Nice,” Cali sighed. “Nothin’ like a Highland warrior to get your juices flowin’.”

Poppy cocked her head in introspection. “Bo’s a little like Iain as well.”

“He can’t be both Wyatt and Iain.”

“Uh, yeah, he can. He’s got the whole broodin’ cop thing down like Wyatt, but protective instincts like Iain. Why else did he confront Chase?”

“To humiliate me,” I threw out. “He was gettin’ back at me for not pullin’ over.”

Cali groaned. “You don’t really believe that, do you? Devin respects Bo. He wouldn’t be friends with him if he was anything but a stand-up guy.”

She had a point. A point I couldn’t argue at that moment due to my muddled brain.

“Then why did he go after Chase?”

“I know,” Poppy interjected, “why don’t we call him and tell him you were almost kidnapped at gunpoint and find out?”

“NO!” Cali and I shouted again.

“Just a thought,” Poppy grumbled.

“Let it go, Poppy. Bo and me, it’s never gonna happen.”

The adrenaline that had surged during our adventure leaked from my body and the green fairy potion took over again. I wanted to lie down in a cool field somewhere and stare at billowy clouds as I pondered my life.

I settled for the back seat of my car.

“We should get goin’,” I yawned. “I doubt he’ll find us now.”

Turning so I could lie down, I glanced out the back window and gasped. Before I could cry out, “Go. Go. Go,” the sound of metal meeting metal exploded around me as Grumpy Gus crashed into the back of my car.