CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
As Ash watched Phoebe cradle her sister's ugly hat against her chest, his heart shattered into a thousand pieces. She was crying softly, barely making a sound. If it hadn't been for her shifting weight on the mattress, he probably wouldn't have woken up from his sound sleep.
He tossed the covers from his body. She stiffened in reaction, then turned to face him. Half her face was illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the blinds.
He crawled across the bed, eliminating the gulf between them, then he took the ugly knit hat into his fingers and wrestled it from her grasp. "You don't need this."
"It makes me feel better."
Ash placed his hand at the back of her head and pulled her closer, so he could brush his lips across her forehead. Then he shifted away and whisked a falling tear from her cheek. "Really? Because all I see is misery."
He knew she was worried about Jack and their meeting with Olivia. At first, he'd been worried, too, but then he let Reggie's words penetrate his anger, and he finally realized he had nothing to worry about. Not because he thought it would be hard for Jack to prove their contract marriage now that the prenup was gone, but because theirs wasn't a fake marriage. Not anymore.
"Olivia hates me," Phoebe whispered.
He tried not to nod. "She hates everyone."
Phoebe pulled away and stared into his eyes. He hated to see the return of the solemnness. He'd thought he'd banished it a long time ago.
"Jack hates me," she said.
This time, he shook his head. "No. She hates me." And perhaps Jack had good reason to. There were times when he told himself that he was being too hard on her. That he should give her a chance to prove herself. But then he'd remember a time when she did something to hurt him or Reggie, and that brief spark of sympathy would die.
But everyone was capable of change. He understood that now. He'd become a changed man himself, discovering that he actually enjoyed being married. He liked coming home to the same woman--his Phoebe--every day and seeing her dark eyes twinkle with welcome.
"I'm sorry." Ash didn't elaborate on his apology. He wasn't apologizing for dragging Phoebe into this mess. That would be like saying he was sorry to have met her, and he didn't feel that way at all. No, he felt sorry for causing her pain when all he wanted to do was make her laugh and smile.
She looked at him with her bright red nose and blotchy face, and he didn't think he'd seen anyone more beautiful. "You're my wife."
She nodded. "I know."
Ash smiled. "I don't think you understand." He took her chin between his fingers and lifted her face. "You're my wife. Mine." He brushed his lips across hers. "There's nothing Jack can say that'll change that."
"What about the contract?"
He grinned. "It's gone."
"That doesn't worry you?" She cocked her head.
Rolling his eyes, Ash dropped his hand and scooted away from her. He plumped his pillow, before laying back down on his side of the bed. Then he extended his hand and beckoned her to join him. "I'm not worried."
"I am." She remained at the corner for a few moments longer. Then she released a heavy sigh as she shifted onto the bed and crawled to where he rested. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arm around his waist.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "If I go to prison, do you promise to smuggle in some cookies?"
"Jesus," Phoebe said, swatting his chest. "Do you have to joke about everything?"
"There is humor in everything."
The darkness shielded her features, but he knew she glared at him. "No. Really, there isn't."
"I beg to differ."
She was quiet for a moment. "I was serious about a divorce."
"I was serious about saying no."
She shifted her face so that her chin dug into his chest. "There's been a change of plans. I'll continue to care for Reggie and--"
"No," he said. Ash knew she worried about him and his career. But he also knew that they had nothing to fear. Not really. Not anymore. "There won't be a divorce. Not now. Not ever."
She stiffened. "But--"
He was tired of talking. Shifting his weight, he flipped her onto her back. He hovered over her, feeling the tip of his nose caress her cheek. "You and me, we're alike in some ways. We both avoid commitment. I never wanted a long-term relationship."
"I always wanted one," she countered.
"Yet, you told me that I was your first actual relationship." He kissed her chin. "We've both tried to convince ourselves that our career goals meant more to us than love."
She was still for a moment, but then he felt a slight nod.
"I can agree with that."
"And we're both dedicated to our families."
She nodded again. "True."
He lowered his face to place his lips across hers. Her tongue flicked out to graze his bottom lip. For a moment, he felt robbed of breath as he felt her soften beneath him.
"And we never sought real relationships," he said as he tugged her nightgown up her thighs, "because we were waiting for each other."