CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Ash stood outside the kitchen, lingering in the hallway as he watched Phoebe prepare their dinner. He could hear the television blaring from Reggie's room, and he suspected his aunt was taking her late afternoon nap. He could have made himself known, calling out Phoebe's name or stepping into the brightly lit kitchen. But he didn't. He hung back and grappled with the complicated emotions surging through him.
He wanted her to look up and see him. He wanted the solemn look on her face to dissipate into a smile when she noticed him. He wanted to know that he unnerved her just as much as she unnerved him.
He waited, praying to see happiness blossom on her face. He promised himself if she simply showed that she wanted him, he would walk across the room and gather her into his arms.
When she finally looked up, her eyes were dark and heavy with her thoughts. He stepped into the light and dropped his hands to his sides. His eyes scanned her body, savoring every curve and every hollow.
Phoebe looked towards the microwave and picked up a cloth to wipe her hands. "You're home early."
Ash removed his service cap and placed it on the counter. He unbuttoned his top coat, then shook off the droplets of rain. "I had a dentist appointment, so I took the afternoon off." Folding his coat over his arm, he walked to where she stood and peered over her shoulder. "What are you making?" It was a simple question, and he knew his presence seemed nonthreatening. But his intentions were less innocent. He wanted to be near her. He wanted to feel the heat from her body, to smell her fresh clean scent.
She didn't seem bothered by his nearness as she was focused on her task. She trimmed the fat from a chicken thigh, then cut the meat into narrow strips before dropping it into a bowl. "I'm trying a new recipe. My sister and I loved going to this Creole restaurant back in Indy. She used to order the shrimp etouffee while I always ordered the jambalaya."
He laughed, knowing the recipe called for spicy Andouille sausage which Reggie hated. He slung his coat over one of the bar stools. "I hope you have a backup plan."
Up until this point, she hadn't made direct eye contact with him. Her eyes either focused on the food or glanced at some spot just beyond where he stood.
"I put aside one of the boneless chicken thighs for Reggie. I'm thinking of just grilling it and pairing it with a spinach salad." She pulled the canister of rice forward, opened it, and grabbed the measuring cup from inside. "Maybe she'd like some rice, too."
Phoebe made to turn away, but Ash grabbed onto her arm. She looked down at his hand, then lifted her eyes to meet his. He searched their depths, hoping to see a trace of welcome.
When she only smiled sadly and pulled her arm away, he stepped back. He hardened his features and steeled his emotions. He felt utterly foolish. So totally unlike himself. As she moved away, he tried to analyze why he reacted to her so differently than the women he typically dealt with.
"What do you have in mind for dessert?" he asked, leaning against the counter. Lowering his eyes, he stared intently at his feet. "I see we still don't have cookie dough."
She removed a can of diced tomatoes from the pantry, then walked to where he stood. A grin flashed across her face as she patted his belly. "Reggie thinks you're gaining too much weight."
He sucked in a breath as he felt her hand against his body. He knew the gesture was done dismissively, but it had the effect of pooling blood in his lower extremities. "Well, she's partially right. I did gain five pounds, mostly from stress, I think. But I've already dropped three, and I'm pretty sure I'll drop the rest in no time."
As if sensing his physical reaction, she withdrew her hand. She glanced over her shoulder towards the hallway that led to Reggie's room, then she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. "We should probably talk about last night."
"We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to." He stiffened and pushed away from the counter. Turning to the fridge, he opened a door and grabbed a water bottle from the shelf. He pulled the cap off, then took a sip. "It's no big deal."
"No big deal?" She placed a pan on the stove and turned on the burner. "You seem angry."
"I'm not angry." Yes. He was. But he was also disappointed. "I don't think we should make much more of it than what it was."
She watched him from the corner of her eye as she stirred the chicken in the frying pan. "And what was it?"
He envied her serenity. "Phoebe, we had sex. Nothing more. Nothing less."
She nodded. "Right."
"Right."
"You should know that there won't be any mishaps," she said, lowering her voice, "I'm on the pill."
It was like a kick to his gut. He hadn't thought about protection. Not before, during, or after. "Good looking out."
Phoebe made a fist and struck it against the countertop. The pace of her breathing had quickened, and she glared in his direction. For a few silent seconds, she simply stood there, looking at him. Then she shook her head, and reached over to turn off the burner.
"I've suddenly lost my appetite," she said, backing away from the oven. She turned her back on him, walking to the table where her purse sat. She grabbed it and placed the strap over her arm. She reached inside, pulled out her wallet, and counted her available cash. Satisfied, she turned to walk from the kitchen.
He followed behind her, which only served to hasten her departure. She had her hand on the front door when he called, "What about Reggie's dinner?"
"Fix it yourself." She opened the door just enough to slide through and pulled the door closed behind her. He heard her feet pound the steps seconds before the clunky engine of her car turned on.
"Well you handed that badly."
Ash spun on his heel and found Reggie standing a few feet away. She was leaning against her cane with a cigarette dangling from her mouth.
"New house rule." Ash approached his aunt, grabbed the cigarette from her lips, and snubbed it against his palm. "No more smoking in the house."
"Woo-wee," Reggie said, bobbing her head. "You ain't gotta take it out on me just because you've fucked up."
"I haven't fucked up."
"From where I am standing," she said, pounding her cane against the hardwood floor, "you most certainly have." She grabbed onto his arm and leaned her weight against him. "Help me to the couch."
Ash heard the exhaustion in Reggie's voice, and he reacted immediately. His aunt rarely asked for help, but when she did, it usually meant she was in a truly bad way. He draped his arm around her shoulders and guided her to the couch.
"I'm going to give that physical therapist a call in the morning," he said. "I think it's time she made some home visits."
"I don't need no more therapy. They had me working with a physical therapist at the hospital before they discharged me." Settling on the couch, she brushed his words aside. "You brought in Phoebe to help me, and she does just fine."
He sat down beside her and placed his arm on the back of the couch. He shifted to face her. "I'm sure Phoebe's doing all she can, but she's not a physical therapist."
He lifted his aunt's hand, feeling the faint throb of her pulse. Reggie had always been his rock, even when his parents were alive. His father was too worried about appearances to let him and his sisters run free; their mother had been so consumed with trying to meet her own expectations that she'd frequently ignored her kids. It was Reggie who'd listened to his dreams and fostered his imagination.
It rocked him to his core, seeing how fragile she was. "I want you back to full strength, then we get rid of this thing." He pointed at the cane she clutched between her hands.
A sad smile curved her lips. She placed her hand on his knee and squeezed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but you and I both know that's not gonna happen." She lifted the cane and settled it across her lap. "I'm old, Ashley. I ain't gonna bounce back from this, not like you think. Not like I wish. This is my new normal, and I guess I better just accept it because I could be dead."
"Reg," he murmured. Tears gathered in his eyes as he thought of a world without his Aunt Reggie.
She wiped a tear from his face, then slapped her palm against his cheek. "No tears for me. Like I said, I ain't dead." She pulled her hand away, and nibbled on her bottom lip. "But I've been thinkin' since you ain't been, and I think you should give this marriage thing a real go."
In an instant, the tears dried up. His feelings towards Phoebe were complicated, but he was positive of one thing--whatever they felt for each other was only temporary. It would burn itself out just like every other relationship he'd ever had.
Wouldn't it?
Taking a moment to gather his emotions, Ash glanced over his shoulder and pointed back towards the kitchen. "So you want grilled chicken or would you like some pizza? Because I've been craving pizza."
"Don't you change the subject."
"It's not a subject I want to discuss at the moment." He pushed up from the couch, then extended his hand. When she glared at it, he knelt down, wrapped his arm under hers, and pulled her to her feet. "Pizza or chicken?"
"You know she wants me to eat healthy."
"What's wrong with pizza?" He guided her into the kitchen and helped her take a seat at the table. He then walked to the fridge and opened the freezer drawer. "The crust is made from grains. There's tomatoes. Cheese and meat. If you ask me, it's a total and complete meal."
"Okay." Reggie laughed. "Let's have pizza."
He flashed her a grin as he pulled a pizza from the freezer. "Excellent choice."
"With a nice big glass of whiskey."
"Don't push it, old one."
They exchanged amused glances.
"Ashley," Reggie said, folding her hands in front of her, "people get you wrong. They think you're just pretty with no substance."
He removed the packaging and tossed it into the trash. "But they're wrong."
"Well. No. Not entirely."
"Thanks, Reg."
She cackled. "Hear me out. I'm spittin' wisdom here." She pointed towards her heart. "Your sisters think you're the strong one. When your parents died, they looked up to you, and you bore that responsibility. At times, I felt more like the nanny while I watched you parent them girls. Your friends don't know that about you. They just see your flashiness and think you ain't got no heart. But I know better."
Ash grabbed a couple of waters from the fridge and joined Reggie at the table. He untwisted the cap to her bottle, then slid it across the table. Watching as she sipped at the liquid, he slapped his own bottle between his hands and thought about Reggie's words.
He knew she was winding herself up for some big moral lesson. And he didn't want to deprive her of the pleasure, but he also knew she was dragging this out. "The pizza's only got a few more minutes to cook. Can we cut to the end?"
Her hand dropped to the table and water sputtered from the bottle's opening. "Fine, you little asshat. I think she'll be good for you."
"Really?" He smiled. "Wasn't it just yesterday you were warning me away?"
"That was before you screwed her." She squinted an eye. "Literally and biblically."