Chapter 23
Daisy
He kissed my forehead. My forehead!
I wondered if Big John realized that big, tough, outlaw bikers didn’t do something as tender and sweet. Long after he’d left, I could still feel the pleasant tingle of where his lips had touched my flesh. When I got to the bathroom I cringed, looking at my ruined face. Crying definitely left behind unflattering results, but I had to admit that I felt better. The fact that Big John had just held me and let me fall apart meant a lot to me. His big, powerful arms and his warm body had been a calming balm to my frayed nerves.
Who had shot at us? And in broad daylight? Even if I did live in the country off a quiet road with no one close by. Paul crossed my mind, but I dismissed the thought. Paul had too much to lose by doing something so rash and stupid, and he was not a stupid man. Granted, he hated to lose, and the end of our marriage had been a huge failure to him. He liked total control in all aspects of his life. But trying to kill me? I couldn’t wrap my head around that. No, it had to have been someone else.
I carefully stripped, rolling my clothes up into a ball to take them outside and shake them out later. Then I went to the bathroom and carefully combed my hair to rid it of any remaining glass. Only a few shards fell into the sink. I gave my head a vigorous shake, and fluffed my hair until I was satisfied that I’d gotten it all out. I got a quick, hot shower, conscious that Big John was waiting for me in the other room. I’d almost expected to see him in the shower before I finished, and I was a little disappointed when he didn’t show.
I understood why he hadn’t when I entered my bedroom and heard the muted sound of voices coming from the living room. Apparently, the brothers he’d been expecting had shown up. I quickly slipped into long, stretch-like pants and an overlarge cashmere sweater that hugged my body. I slipped on my pink, furry slippers and grabbed a hair clip on my way out the door.
“No sign of it, brother,” I heard as I was walking down the hallway. “A few of us took off right after you called, divided up and went down several side roads and met at the intersection. They could have gone anywhere, and you know some of those side roads don’t connect.”
“How many people around these parts drive a fucking Cadillac?” I heard Big John swear impatiently. “That’s twice I’ve seen it in this area, and now we know why.”
“We’ll get Fox on it,” someone else said. “You didn’t get a look at the plate?”
The silence following that question was telling, and I could just imagine Big John’s look. I wondered what he was going to say.
“I was a little busy, brother,” he finally said. His gaze shot to me when I entered the room. My arms were up as I clipped up my hair. His eyes filled with smoky heat, dropping down my body and back up again, leaving behind a pleasant tingle. At that point I was certain that everyone in the room knew what he’d been busy doing.
“Hi,” I said to his brothers, Rock and BK. The three of them were standing in the area between the entrance door and the kitchen. “Would anyone like coffee?”
“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Rock replied, giving me a smile. “It’s colder than hell out there on our bikes.”
Big John came to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Babe, Charlie made an interesting comment back at Willy’s about your ex , indicating that he was one of the men we’d killed. Want to explain?”
My eyes rounded. “You think Paul did this?”
I could see that he was struggling to remain patient. “Babe, what did Charlie mean?”
I’d known that he would eventually ask. I glanced at Rock and BK, who both stood by quietly, waiting for me to respond. “The restraining order I had on Paul expired, so I went in yesterday to file another one. She was there, and we just kind of became instant friends.” She laughed softly. “Considering the circumstances, when she saw me at the diner she thought that he might be involved.”
His brows drew together in a fierce frown. “Why would she think that?”
“Paul contacted me−”
“And you didn’t think it was important to tell me?” His brows drew together in a frown.
“He only called me the other night, and I did the first thing I could to protect myself against him the very next day. Paul’s always respected the law. I knew once he was served with a new order that that would be the end of him bothering me.” He released a deep breath, his expression taut. “Let me make coffee.”
He let me go, but I could tell that he wanted to say more. The men began talking, lowering their voices so that I couldn’t hear what they were saying. By the time I’d poured them each a cup of coffee, they’d moved to the living room and had sat down. They weren’t sitting back relaxed, but on the edge of the furniture, hands on or dangling between their knees, conversing in low voices. They glanced up when I entered the room.
“Thanks,” BK said, reaching for one of the cups I’d set down on the coffee table.
“Sweetheart.” Rock’s gaze drew my eyes to his as I sat down next to Big John on the sofa. “Tell us what your ex said when he called.” It wasn’t a question. The demanding quality to his tone set me back a little, until I reminded myself of who I was dealing with. Being assertive and bossy seemed to be a trait with the men of Phantom Riders. I also realized that they were just trying to get to the bottom of who’d shot at Big John and me. “Did he threaten you?”
“Yes.” I could feel Big John stiffen next to me.
“In what way?” he barked.
“His usual way. He refuses to accept that we’re divorced.”
“The words, Daisy,” Rock insisted, pulling my gaze to his. “What did he say exactly?”
I thought back to the last nasty conversation I’d had with Paul. He’s spewed the usual crap, hoping to control me or force me back to him in fear. It wasn’t unusual for him to threaten me with bodily harm, but I remembered his chilling words. I felt the blood drain from my face, and I was suddenly cold inside.
It had to be a coincidence.
“Babe?”
I wet my lips. “He said he’d kill us both if he caught me with another man.”
“You can’t stay here,” he snarled in a hard, unyielding tone.
“But−”
His gaze snapped to Rock. “I want protection on her,” he said, ignoring me.
“But−”
“You know the rules of the club, brother,” Rock fired right back, and I could swear that he looked smug about it. “You claiming her?”
“But-what−?” Claiming me! That seemed a little drastic.
There was a minute when all was silent, and it was clear that Big John was struggling with his answer. I had to admit that his hesitation hurt. A lot. Just when I’d thought that we were heading towards something more than casual fuck buddies, he was hesitating.
“Yes!” he snapped back between his teeth, and he looked anything but happy about it. “If it means keeping her safe.”
Only if it meant keeping me safe? Nice. I tried to hide the hurt his words had caused, but I’d never been very good at that. Before I could curb my tongue, I snapped, “Don’t do me any favors, you . . .you . . .” I shouted over them, finally getting their attention. I couldn’t even think of the word I wanted to use. In the meantime, Big John’s brows came together in a frown when he realized how I’d perceived his reluctance to claim me, which I knew was a big deal. “We don’t even know if Paul is behind this, so don’t worry about claiming me. Maybe it was someone who’s pissed off at Phantom Riders.”
“We’re gonna look at that, too,” BK remarked, sitting back with his mug.
“That wouldn’t matter anyway.” As angry as I was, I met Big John’s serious eyes. “The fact that someone took a shot at both of us means you’ll need protection until we get to the bottom of it.
“But why?”
“If they’re after you, that’s a no brainer. But if they’re after me, just being associated with me, with Phantom Riders, can put you in a dangerous situation. They might go after you to get to me.”
I swung my gaze to Rock. He nodded silently, backing up Big John’s comment. “I promised myself when I finally broke away from Paul that I’d never let him hurt me again, and I’m not going to let him chase me from what I’ve built here. It’s not just my home, I have a business to run. When I went to town to file a restraining order I also stopped in at King’s Security and ordered a security system for here. They’re going to be out Monday to install it.” Suddenly everyone was grinning at me. “What’s so funny?”
“So, you’re the job we have tomorrow,” BK explained, thumbing his chest. “I’m King’s Security.”
I returned his smile. “Then I expect a top-notch job,” I teased. It did make me feel better knowing that one of the Phantom Riders, and someone that I knew personally, was installing the system.
“That’s good, babe. I’m fucking proud that you’re being proactive. But I’d feel better if you stayed at the club for a few days. If I had a home, I’d bring you there.”
He didn’t have a home? For some reason, I found that fact sad. It was sad that he lived in a room at their clubhouse. Though it wasn’t a bad room, and he had his own bathroom, it still wasn’t home. But I was still mad at him, and I remained stubbornly silent.
“Let’s compromise,” he began, gaining my attention again. Compromise? I raised a brow, but decided to listen to what he had in mind. “At least spend your nights there so I’ll know that you’re safe.”
“Wow. Big John compromising. This is big, sweetheart.” Rock got to his feet, shooting me a wink as he went into the kitchen. I watched him refill his mug.
I appreciated his willingness to compromise, but I wasn’t sure that this was the solution. Besides, since when did I have to compromise? When had I given Big John the power to make my decisions for me? What could he really do if I refused and stayed here? I thought about his hesitation to claim me. I knew what that meant, but he would do it if it assured my safety. And I wasn’t going to let that happen. If he claimed me it would be for the right reasons or not at al l, and not just to get around some club rule.
“If I spend my nights there you won’t have to claim me, right?” My only thought had been to give Big John an easy out, but his expression suddenly turned stony.
“If that’s what you want.” His tone was cutting.
What did the man expect? I gave BK and Rock a quick glance, but their expressions were closed to me. Fine, I thought. I wasn’t going to try and figure these men out. My cell rang and I got up to answer it, glad to leave the moody men to themselves. I snatched it up and looked down at the screen. It was Jasmine.
“Good morning,” I said, checking the clock first to make sure that it was still morning.
“Hey, girlfriend,” she said in a groggy voice.
“Did you just get up?” I laughed.
“Yeah,” I heard a rustle of movement and then, “Stop that!” Her remark was followed up with the sound of a slap.
I rolled my eyes. “I take it that you’re not alone.”
Laughter rolled over the phone. “Got my big, strong, biker man here with me,” she confessed. “Stop it!” Another slap.
“Look, why don’t you call me back when you can talk?”
“I can talk now. Ohhh!”
“Jasmine!” I raised my voice.
“I’m sorry, honey. I’m calling to see if you want to spend the day with us over in Skowhegan.”
“Us?”
“Some of the old ladies are going, too. We’re going to do lunch, hair, nails, waxing. Hey, maybe you can get a bikini wax now that you have a man.”
“You’re terrible,” I scolded, laughing. “Maybe my man doesn’t want a clean-shaven pussy.” I had forgotten all about the men sitting in the living room behind me until it grew quiet and I looked over my shoulder to see six pairs of intense eyes on me. I felt a flush spread across my body and spun around with embarrassment, walking further away.
“Honey, take my word for it, men like it clean down there.”
“Well, you would know.”
“Ouch!” Jasmine feigned hurt. “That was a low blow, get it? Low blow?”
Her silly laughter was contagious. “What are you on?” I couldn’t help asking. I knew on occasion that she smoked pot.
I heard her gasp. “Why, nothing! You wound me with your accusations. So, do you want to go with us?”
I thought about what my day had been like so far--the trouble at the diner, and then being shot at. I would have liked to spend the day with Big John, getting to know him better, but the way things were going I suddenly wanted to get away from everything. I needed a spa day to help unwind, and I enjoyed being around the women in the club.
“I’ll go. Are you going to come by and pick me up?”
“Yeah, be there in about thirty minutes.”
I hung up and swung around, slamming into Big John. “Oh!” My hands automatically went to his chest.
“Going somewhere, babe?” His tone was as hard as his expression.
My gaze fell to his sensual mouth, trying not to think about how good it had felt on mine when he was giving me one of his hot, toe-curling kisses. Had he been listening in? “I’ve been invited to a spa day with some of your women,” I explained.
“Old ladies,” he clarified. “My women would be the club sweetbutts.”
I pressed my mouth, hating him at that instant for reminding me why those women were there, knowing that he’d probably slept with every single one of them. Not “slept,” fucked their brains out was more likely. “Is going to the spa allowed?” I couldn’t help asking, slapping my hands on my hips.
He gave me a nod. “Yeah, they won’t be going alone.”
“What do you mean?”
“When the old ladies get together for a girls’ night out or something they don’t go anywhere without a club escort. It’s for their protection, as much as for keeping them out of trouble. There’ll be a couple of prospects on them at all times.”
“Really? Don’t they get tired of being followed around?”
He shrugged. “The prospects keep their distance. The women don’t even notice them.”
I was sure that I’d notice if someone was following me around and watching me all the time. “So, if I’m with them then I’m protected too?” He nodded. I smiled. “See? That won’t cost you anything, either.”
God, why had it hurt so much when he’d hesitated from saying that he would claim me? I didn’t want to be claimed, did I? And now I was making the situation worse by being a bitch, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. I wanted him to see how it felt to be rejected, because that’s how I’d felt. It felt like I was good enough to fuck, but not have as a girlfriend.
“Thank fuck for that,” he snarled, turning away.
Ouch.
Rock and BK got to their feet and came to the kitchen with their cups. “We’ll be leaving. Make sure you don’t wander away from the group when you’re in Skowhegan. The prospects are there to protect the old ladies.”
“Yes, I get it, and I’m not one.” Big John snorted, but said nothing.
“In the meantime, we’ll try to find out what’s going on,” Rock continued. “If anything happens, or you think of anything else that we should know, get in touch right away. Be smart about this, sweetheart.”
I gave him a nod, knowing that he was right. I didn’t even want to think that Paul could be in the area, considering what he was capable of and the threats he’d yelled over the phone. I knew they weren’t idle threats. And if it had been him who’d shot at us? Then he’d acquired a gun sometime after I’d run away, because he hadn’t had one before that.
“And King’s will be out in the morning to install your security system.”
“Thank you.”
When they were gone and the door was closed, Big John and I made eye contact. The air between us felt awkward. “I’m not leaving you alone,” he said roughly.
“Jasmine will be here in less than half an hour,” I explained, crossing my arms. “I’m sure I’ll be okay−”
“Then I’ll stay until she shows up,” he insisted in a firm, no-nonsense tone. The look in his eyes said that I shouldn’t fight him on it. “And just for the record--” I waited, all but holding my breath, “I’ve already claimed you in my mind. But claiming you before the club, making it public, scares the fuck out of me.”
I wasn’t expecting this. Big John--afraid? I couldn’t fathom it. He was the scariest, toughest man I knew, all growly and bad ass. Other men in his MC were bigger, like Hawk, that man was a freaking giant, Rock, too, but what made Big John so menacing was the look in his dark eyes. They were bottomless pits filled with darkness and loss. There was a wealth of anguish there, too, the kind that revealed that he had convinced himself that he was a bad man. An undeserving man.
As we stared at each other, I felt myself wavering. The truth was, I really did like Big John, a lot, and I wanted something more with him.
“Why does it scare you so much?”
“Because once a brother claims a woman it changes everything, and when I claim you, there’s no going back.” His expression was fierce. “Ever.”
Big John’s words chilled me and thrilled me at the same time, and that was crazy. I knew what he was saying. Part of me even understood and agreed with it, but it was what he wasn’t saying that frightened me more. I was suddenly glad that I’d be spending the afternoon with the wives of the club, because I had a lot of questions for them. I needed to know exactly what it meant to be an old lady.
And how much of my soul I’d have to give up to make it work.