Jaysan didn’t stay over again after those first two nights, but he did take advantage of the six or so hours he had with Morris between his alpha arriving home after work and Jaysan’s curfew. Once Aeron—who was clear of his fever, thank goddess—went down for the night, they spent hours naked in bed together. Kissing, licking, sucking, rubbing, they found all kinds of ways to each make the other’s body sing. Morris had even slipped a finger up Jaysan’s ass last night during a blow job, and Jaysan had gone off like a hot spring.

But with the start of the weekend, Jaysan was restless. He had plans to spend half the day with Morris, with Dory babysitting Aeron from noon to eight, so they could do another child-free attempt at dinner. Hopefully, one that didn’t end early with them rescuing a drunk constable from himself. Morris hadn’t admitted to any additional contact with Lars, so they both assumed he was fine and back to work.

Jaysan finger-combed his hair while he paced by the front door. Orrin and Alec had gone out for the day, so no one was there to watch him act like an anxiety ball. He hoped to seduce Morris into trying anal tonight; he really, really wanted his alpha inside him. So much. But Morris never initiated it.

They also had to talk about his heat, which was due in about a week, give or take. Heats occurred every three months, but they didn’t come on an exact, scheduled date—unfortunately. He knew the signs by now, and he also knew he had about twelve hours from onset to full-on, slick-flowing heat.

Nerves over the second date made Jaysan regret all the mayo and mustard he’d put on his lunch sandwich. He was excited to spend the day with his bondmate, but he was determined to have the heat talk first, while in the privacy of the Jensen house. They needed to be on the same page before they progressed further.

The rumble of a car engine in the driveway nearly sent Jaysan out of his shoes with a bizarre combination of joy and nerves. Morris was exactly on time, and Jaysan greeted him at the door with a firm kiss hello. Like the first time, Morris was armed with another bouquet of daisies that Jaysan took great delight in putting into a vase of water. The first bouquet was upstairs in his bedroom, so he put this one on the coffee table in the living room.

“Can I get you a drink?” Jaysan asked. “I wanted to talk a little before we go anywhere. Um, unless you have scheduled plans?”

“Nothing on a firm schedule, no. And water would be nice, thank you.”

“Of course.” Jaysan fetched them both glasses of water, half-tempted to down a shot of Orrin’s favorite whiskey to settle his nerves. They sat close together on the couch, knees touching.

Morris’s expression was gentle and open as he sipped his water. “So what’s up, angel?”

“My heat is coming, probably by the end of next week, and we should talk about what we both want.”

“Agreed. Tell me what you want.”

Jaysan blinked, surprised Morris wanted his thoughts first—but it shouldn’t have surprised him at all, because Morris was simply that thoughtful. Always had been. “I want to mate, obviously. First surge, no condom. Like I said before, if I get pregnant, we’ll deal, and we’ll love that baby. But condoms for the other surges, if that’s okay.”

“Of course, that’s okay.” Morris squeezed his knee, lips parted in a broad smile. “I’d like the same. Things are still too uncertain to purposely bring another life into the world. If I’m being honest, truly honest, I do want to have another baby with you. I’d love to see a child with your smile and tenacity, and maybe my red hair.”

Jaysan laughed. “I’d love that, too, one day. And we’re both young, so we have time to expand our family. Time for a lot of things.”

“Will you want to go through heat here, or at my house? Or I can arrange something else.”

“Your house is fine, but who will watch Aeron? I’d hate to put him off on Kell again.”

Morris glanced around the room. “What about the Jensens? They’re adopting soon, aren’t they? It’ll be good practice.”

Now why didn’t I think of something so obvious.

“They’re perfect,” Jaysan replied. “Maybe you can bring Aeron over tomorrow so he can get to know them better?”

“Absolutely. It’ll be hard being without him, but from everything I’ve been told, taking care of an omega during heat is a full-time job.”

“It definitely is. In between the fucking, there’s a lot of bathing, eating, and sleeping. It takes a lot out of us both.”

Morris’s nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed in a brief flash of temper. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but, um…”

“How did I get through my previous heats?”

He nodded.

“The Jensens knew I’d have trouble accepting an alpha’s help when my first post-birth heat hit, so they located a new, upstart beta service that is medically licensed and supervised by a practicing OB that helps unmated omegas through heats. It’s actually something that was created by a friend of Braun’s, a nurse named Serge. Unmated omegas don’t have a lot of safe, regulated ways to get through heat.”

“What do the betas do?” “Do they have sex with you?” dripped off the end of that question.

“Well, my first heat after, I was too scared to use the service, so I got through it in my room with a dildo and a lot of showers. Before my next heat, though, I met with a rep. They have a list of services you decide upon ahead of time. It’s mostly simple nursing care like making sure I’m fed and washed regularly, but they do have staff willing to, ah, lend a hand.”

Morris growled.

“Not with their dicks,” Jaysan continued, one hand squeezing Morris’s thigh. “Hands only. Betas only. And the supervisor takes a report from both parties afterward, to make sure no boundaries are crossed in a moment of desperation from the omega.”

“Sounds like an, ah, interesting service.” Morris’s tone didn’t care for said service having touched his omega, but Jaysan couldn’t help it now. Past was past.

“Believe it or not, an omega can live without an alpha’s knot, but the knot definitely helps the heat be less insane and painful. Every omega I’ve ever talked to has said that, and after using the hands-on service, I believe them.”

“Betas don’t knot.”

“I know.” Jaysan bit his bottom lip. “But a fist is pretty damned close.”

Morris’s entire body startled, eyes popping wide. “He put…a fist…?”

“Down boy.” He got up and plunked himself onto Morris’s lap so he could wrap his arms around his bondmate’s shoulders. “With all the looseness and slick, it worked and it helped. And I don’t remember much about my first time with an alpha, so I’m counting on you to give me some fantastic memories of our first heat together. Our first time together as lovers, too.”

The words worked; Morris’s entire face softened as every bit of negative emotion bled away, leaving only a tender smile. “I’m honored to give those things to you. I’ll let Ronin know at the start of the new week about me needing time off. And maybe we can go grocery shopping together? We’ll need more than soup and sandwiches. You should be spoiled.”

Heat zinged through Jaysan’s chest, and his spot on Morris’s lap reminded him of how much he wanted to feel his alpha inside him. “We should both be spoiled. A lot.” He ground his ass against Morris’s crotch. “Wanna practice?”

Morris gave a sexy little growl of warning before he pounced, tipping Jaysan onto his back and crushing his smaller body into the couch. Trapped there, with Morris’s scent all around him, Jaysan felt safer and more treasured than any other position or situation ever had. Morris would never use his size against Jaysan, never hurt or take or frighten on purpose. For all Jaysan was helpless, he also held all the power over his alpha.

Groins pressed together, they both grew hard as Morris thrust against him. He didn’t kiss his lips, though, simply nosed around Jaysan’s neck, dropping a kiss or lick here and there. Jaysan had never known a man so intent on sniffing like that, tasting him all over. There was one part of his anatomy Morris had yet to lick, but hopefully soon.

“Let’s go to my room,” Jaysan said. “My bed’s bigger than the couch.”

“I kind of like you right here.” Morris licked another stripe from Jaysan’s collarbone to his ear.

Goose bumps prickled across his shoulders and thighs. “The Jensens won’t be home for hours. We have plenty of time to fool around.” And have sex.

Morris nipped his earlobe before dragging those curious lips to Jaysan’s. The kiss was both sweet and fierce—a heady combination that boiled down to the core of Morris himself. “I do love seeing you naked. I love everything about your body, from your toned biceps to your soft belly.”

“I love seeing you naked, too, with all your glorious red fur.” Jaysan grabbed Morris’s ass and squeezed. “Please.”

“Okay.” Morris helped him stand, then kissed him again. “Lead the way, hot stuff.”

Jaysan tugged him upstairs to his bedroom. It wasn’t much, because it had been a basic guest room before he moved in, and it would be converted into a nursery soon enough. As soon as his door shut, Morris tackled him to the bed, and Jaysan’s world became kissing and groping and getting each other out of their clothes. He loved that after less than a week of being physically intimate, they were already this comfortable.

I know this man, body and soul.

They ended up on their sides facing the middle of the bed, sharing a pillow, each lazily jacking the other’s erection. Sharing easy smiles and the occasional kiss. Simply existing as nature intended them, naked and together, a desperate attraction simmering in the air.

“It’s been less than a month,” Morris said, “but I cannot fathom my life without you in it.”

“Same.” Jaysan dragged his free hand through Morris’s golden-red pelt. “I almost told Kell no when he asked if I wanted to be a governor. I almost didn’t have this. You. Aeron. A real life.”

Morris’s hand halted its strokes. “But it’s really me you want, right? Not just the life I can give you?”

“Of course, I want you, dummy.” He shoved Morris onto his back, then straddled his waist. Morris’s dick poked at his butt and Jaysan slid back a little farther. To really feel it between his cheeks. “I want you for the amazing man you are, for how honest and kind you are to me, for the bond that we share, and the amazing sex we have.”

Jaysan reached behind to clasp Morris’s cock, tap it against his crease. “I’d love to share one more thing with you. Please?”

Morris squeezed his hips. “We don’t have to do that yet. We can wait until heat.”

He worked hard to keep disappointment off his face. “I don’t want our first time with intercourse to be because of pheromone-induced lust, Morris. I want it to be because we both want it. Non-heat sex is just as special.”

Something flickered in Morris’s expression, and it opened a pit of fear in Jaysan’s gut. Did Morris not want him that way because Jaysan had had non-heat sex with men who weren’t his bondmate, or even a potential future mate? Would Morris only want him that way during heat because Jaysan was used up?

He climbed off Morris and scooted to the edge of the bed, embarrassed and ashamed and uncertain why.

“I’m sorry,” Morris said. The bed shift but he didn’t touch Jaysan. “Whatever I said or did, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, I get it.” Jaysan hated the way his voice cracked.

“Well good, then explain it to me because I don’t get it at all. Jaysan?”

He twisted around and nearly clipped Morris in the chest with his elbow. “You don’t want to fuck me outside heat, fine, just be honest about why. I’m a used-up, dirty whore you can’t fuck without the help of pheromones.”

Morris’s mouth dropped open. “That’s how you think I feel about you? Are you crazy?” His eyes went from wide-eyed shock to narrowed suspicion. “After everything we’ve talked about, everything we’ve said to each other, you think I give a damn you aren’t a blushing virgin? I told you past is past, and I mean it. And for the record, baby, you are the only person in this room who has ever called you a whore. I have never once, for even a second, thought of you that way. I swear on Aeron’s life.”

Hot tears burned in Jaysan’s eyes, his shame compounding for having thought the worst of his alpha. “Then why won’t you make love to me?”

That suspicion turned to sadness, and Morris looked near tears himself. “I thought I was making love to you. I didn’t realize it was only making love if we fucked.” He slid off the other end of the bed and reached for his underwear.

“Oh goddess.” Jaysan dropped to his knees on the soft carpet and put his face in his hands as those tears fell. He felt ill and hot and empty, and he’d done it to himself by assuming something about Morris, and he’d hurt the man, that much was clear. He’d hurt someone who’d only ever been amazing to him.

I truly don’t deserve him now.

“Hey, come on.” Morris wrapped himself around Jaysan from behind, and eased him back until they were both sitting, Jaysan in his lap and crying into his neck. “Don’t cry, angel, please.”

“I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.”

Morris kissed the side of his head, warm hands rubbing circles on his arms and back. “I know. We’re such different people, Jaysan, and we’ve led completely different lives. You got knocked down so many times, but you refused to crawl or prostrate yourself to others. You also made questionable choices, but I do. Not. Judge. You. Not for anything you’ve done, because I have no position from which to judge. And I know some of these reactions are because you still haven’t dealt with things in your past. I’ve been there, and I had Morgan and Brody to get me through some bad times. Let me be here for you when you fall down, and let me prop you up when you forget how to stand tall on your own.”

“I want that.” Jaysan choked on a sob. “Want it so bad. I’m sorry I insulted you. We do make love. I just really want you inside me, and you don’t seem to want that, and my mind goes to the easiest way to insult myself.”

“By calling yourself a whore.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you really see yourself that way?”

“I don’t know.” Jaysan wiped his nose on the back of one hand, unable to look his disappointed alpha in the eye. “Goddess, Morris, it’s all so mixed up in my head. I was a whore to Aeron’s sire, I was a whore to the men who gambled on the fight ring. I whored myself out to young alphas for a sexual thrill. I haven’t been anything except a sexual target since I was six years old and that alphahole put his dick in my mouth.

“My parents loved me, but Papa worked so hard to keep us afloat after Dad died, so he didn’t have time to build up my self-esteem, or to convince me I was worth more than my ass and womb. When you say it, when you say you love me and I’m clean, fresh slate, all that stuff, it’s hard to really believe it, because you’re the first alpha in twenty years to tell me that. It’s hard not to assume you only think it because of the mating bond, and I’m sorry I can’t be better. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“I hear you, my omega, and I love you for being so honest with me.” Morris raised Jaysan’s chin so he could kiss his forehead. “You are so strong and you don’t even see it. To have survived everything you’ve endured and to still have so much love for others. You could have hidden away from the world so it couldn’t hurt you again, but you didn’t. You put yourself into the world, you challenged it, and what you see as mistakes I see as turning points. Every action you took brought you to me and Aeron, and I can’t fathom not having you both.

“You are my heart, my life, my mate, Jaysan Rowe. And you don’t see yourself as good enough for me, but maybe I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”

Jaysan squawked. “You are!”

“But I don’t feel it in here sometimes.” Morris put a hand over his own heart. “I worry that a part of my sire is still inside me, especially when I get angry. I don’t ever want to be another alpha who takes from you, who uses you without thought or feeling. I don’t ever want to be another man who causes you pain, physical or emotional. I guess because I’m not doing very well with the emotional stuff, I’m being extra-cautious about the physical.”

Jaysan studied Morris’s red-rimmed eyes and devastated expression, and it all made sense with crashing clarity: Morris hesitated to penetrate him out of fear. Fear of physically hurting him, and why not? The first time they laid eyes on each other, Jaysan was in the hospital with rectal bleeding. No one had hurt him that night, not exactly. He’d wanted it to stretch, to hurt, maybe even to bleed.

But that was a lifetime before what he had with Morris. All Morris wanted was to take care of Jaysan and make him happy. And Jaysan couldn’t stop warping that into something it wasn’t. Couldn’t stop assigning reactions to Morris, who had only ever cared for him, listened to him, and been a good alpha to him.

“You are amazing in everything you do,” Jaysan said. “We’re both on such opposite sides of this. You’re afraid to hurt me physically so you pull back, and I need you to be physical with me to prove I’m good enough. I’m afraid I’m not good enough and pull back emotionally, and you need me to believe in myself and in us so you feel worthy. That about right?”

“Yes.” Morris curled both hands around the back of Jaysan’s neck. “We’re so different, but I think those differences give us strength. You’re stronger than I am in so many ways, and I need to trust you know what you want and what you can handle.”

“You kind of do.” Jaysan grinned and kissed his mouth. “And I need to trust you when you say I get a clean slate and past is past.”

“I wish you would. And I do want you, Jaysan. So much. I just don’t want to be like the others.”

Jaysan tried to pull away, but Morris held him tight. “You are nothing like the others,” Jaysan said when he couldn’t escape. “I won’t apologize for liking sex. Maybe I handled things wrong in the past, but you’re my present and my future, Morris. I want to give my body to you, my partner, my mate.” He leaned in and pitched his voice into the sexiest growl he could manage. “Take me.”

Morris released a long, shuddering breath; the semi beneath Jaysan’s ass slowly hardened again. “Say it again?”

“My partner. My mate.”

“Yes.” With a seductive growl, Morris somehow stood with Jaysan in his arms and deposited them both back on the bed. Jaysan hit with a bounce and a startled laugh, but Morris didn’t give him a chance to get his bearings. He smothered Jaysan to the bed with fierce, claiming kisses, all hesitation gone now.

Oh goddess, yes.

For the first time since they met, Morris was positive he and Jaysan were on the same page, totally honest with each other, and in synch. They’d gotten through to each other, bared their greatest fears, and they’d talked it out. They each had a lot to learn about the other, but the fact that they could seemingly talk about anything, say anything, told Morris they’d make it.

He took his time exploring the body he loved. Jaysan’s smooth, mostly hairless skin, the hardness of his arms versus the softness of his belly. The way his scent subtly changed depending on where Morris licked or sniffed. Goddess, he could worship at the altar of Jaysan’s body for hours, and while he had all day, there were places Morris wanted to go yet.

But they could have this—share this—first.

Morris suckled everywhere along Jaysan’s front, including his knees, but completely bypassed his cock, which got a hiss of frustration from his omega. Jaysan had a gorgeous cock, hard and pink and bent angled to the left. And while Morris did love sucking it, he had a new place to explore tonight. He eased Jaysan onto his stomach, a pillow under his lower belly for leverage and comfort. Once Jaysan’s erection was arranged, Morris asked, “Where’s the slick?”

“Bedside table, top drawer.” Jaysan pointed.

Morris lunged and found the bottle of artificial slick next to an open box of condoms. Proof one of them had experience, while the other had none. Nerves fluttered through his belly. How would he stack up against the others Jaysan had been with? Okay? Fair? Poor?

Get it together, Danvers.

“You can use one, if it makes you feel better,” Jaysan said in a softer, more hesitant tone than he’d ever heard before.

“Do you want me to use one?”

“I mean, my bloodwork from the hospital was clear, and I only did that one blow job, so there’s no risk, but if you’d rather…”

Morris blinked until the words made sense. Then he let out a soft breath and leaned down to kiss Jaysan. “No, angel, I wasn’t thinking about that at all. I let my nerves get the best of me. This is my first time, remember?”

“And my umpteenth?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He kissed Jaysan’s lips, nose, forehead and both cheeks. “Today? In this bed? We’re both doing it for the first time. Clean slate. You and me from now on.”

Jaysan’s soft, bashful smile hit him right in the heart. “You always know exactly what to say. How did you grow up to be so perfect?”

“Morgan.” Instead of grief, Morris felt a flash of pride. His brother had been a wonderful man, and he’d done his best to help Morris grow into an equally good man. An alpha worthy of Jaysan’s love and desire. “I wish you’d been able to meet him. He was the best person I’ve ever known.”

“I think I see the best parts of him in you.”

He kissed Jaysan—his beautiful, broken, strong Jaysan—once more before settling between his spread legs with the slick. Jaysan’s hole barely peeked out from his crease, and while Morris had fingered him once, he’d never really looked. Never admired his future mate’s entrance. Time to fix that. Morris carefully spread those cheeks apart and marveled at the pretty pink pucker now on display for him.

Mine and no one else’s.

Curious and eager to please his future mate, Morris licked from the back of Jaysan’s balls to the small of back, putting a variety of tastes on his tongue. Jaysan gasped, then reached back to hold his own cheeks open. The silent invitation imploded Morris’s mind a little, and he lost himself in licking and sucking on Jaysan’s hole. On driving his omega insane with sensations. Jaysan humped the pillow, while Morris nudged the tip of his tongue inside.

“Goddess, yes,” Jaysan said.

Morris silently cursed the men who’d stolen his voice, because he would have loved to hear Jaysan get really vocal as he lost it. But he contented himself knowing Rajel was in jail, awaiting trial next month. Then he shoved that away and concentrated on the bucking, thrashing body responding to his mouth and touches. Morris loved eating out his mate now; he couldn’t imagine how it would be during heat, with natural slick and heightened arousal.

I can’t wait.

He also loved everything about this, but he had to prep Jaysan. Get him ready so Morris didn’t accidentally hurt him.

“That’s enough,” Jaysan said in a delightfully strangled voice. “Don’t need more prep.”

Morris put his palm flat on the small of Jaysan’s back. “I need the prep, angel. I need to know.”

“Okay.”

He loved Jaysan even more for understanding. The artificial slick was cool and slippery on his fingers. He’d used it before to jerk off, but never for something like this. Never before had he rubbed the pad of his forefinger against his bondmate’s anus, circled it, testing and pressing, before pushing it inside. The tightness shocked him, but Jaysan’s cry of pleasure urged him to sink his finger into that puckered heat to the first knuckle, before pulling it out and pressing in again.

“Oh yes, more,” Jaysan panted. “Please.”

The begging spurred Morris into deepening his penetration, until Jaysan’s body had swallowed his whole finger. Goddess, he was so tight around a single finger. How would Morris fit his entire dick into Jaysan’s body without hurting him? How did betas do this on the regular without hurting each other? They never got the quarterly benefit of heat, looseness, and natural slick.

“Stop overthinking,” Jaysan said, “and do another finger.”

Encouraged by his omega’s words, Morris managed to work a second finger into Jaysan’s body, and Jaysan rewarded him with soft cries of delight. He fucked Jaysan with his fingers, then curled them down, toward that spot he’d heard about. The spot Morgan said lit a man up from the inside. His fingers brushed the spot…

“Fuck!” Jaysan jerked up onto his hands and knees, and he humped against Morris’s hand. “There, fucking there!”

Morris stroked the spot over and over with his fingers, overjoyed at Jaysan’s reaction. He stroked the head of Jaysan’s cock, found his prize and brought that fluid to his mouth. A stronger version of Jaysan’s scent, along with something else more primal. The essence of the man himself. Morris’s own cock was rock hard against his stomach, only a few good tugs from coming himself.

“Need to be inside you,” Morris gasped.

“Hell yes.”

The moment Morris pulled his fingers free, Jaysan flipped onto his back, knees spread wide, offering himself. His chest and face were flushed, and he heaved with each breath, and Morris had never seen anything more beautiful than Jaysan undone. Wanton. Debauched.

Mine.

“All yours,” Jaysan said, tracking his thoughts perfectly. “Only you.”

“And only you.”

Morris smeared more slick on his cock, grateful the cool gel slightly calmed his desperate need to come. Enough that he wouldn’t blast off the instant he was inside his mate. He hitched Jaysan’s ankles up to his shoulders and notched the head of his cock to his slippery hole. Held Jaysan’s dark, shining eyes and Morris penetrated his mate for the first time. Pressure against the head gave way to a fiery squeeze that took his breath away. Jaysan’s eyes went briefly wide, before going half-lidded. Not a single hint of pain or discomfort.

Relieved and horny as hell, Morris fully sheathed himself in his mate before leaning down for a luxurious kiss. He could stay like this forever—except the first time Jaysan’s body tightened around his, a primal part of Morris’s brain took over, and he began to thrust.

Jaysan wanted to sob with joy at finally having Morris inside him, making love to him the way he’d craved for so long. Sex with his bondmate was everything he’d never had before, never known he was missing until now. And the wonderment on Morris’s face as he fucked a man for the first time spoke volumes for his own feelings.

I gave him this. These feelings.

For the first time in years, Jaysan felt his own value. His worthiness to be happy, and to find that happiness with a man as amazing as Morris Danvers.

I do deserve this, and I’ll do anything to protect it.

The actual fucking part of their lovemaking didn’t last nearly as long as Jaysan wanted it to, but he didn’t begrudge Morris his orgasm. Not when that wonderment turned to absolute bliss as Morris pushed deep inside one final time. Marked Jaysan with his seed. Morris lowered Jaysan’s legs to the bed, then collapsed on top of him, his sweaty body smothering Jaysan into the mattress, trapping Jaysan’s erection between them.

Morris stayed buried in his body for several long minutes as he enjoyed the post-orgasm bliss, before gently easing out. Jaysan’s ass ached in the most perfect way, and he said so with kisses. A lot of kisses. Morris reached between them and jerked Jaysan to his own release. He swallowed Jaysan’s broken cry as he came, the powerful orgasm shattering down his spine, leaving Jaysan a panting, boneless mess.

Watching Morris lick Jaysan’s seed from his fingers got a few twitches of interest from his spent dick, but he was down for a little while. Jaysan had never come like that before.

I’ve never made love like this before.

“I love you,” Jaysan said so softly he wasn’t sure Morris heard him.

But Morris’s blazing eyes met his, his pretty mouth twisted up in a wide grin. “I love you, too, angel. Always.”

Always.

Jaysan snuggled deeper into his alpha’s arms. “I like the sound of that.”